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Original poster

Would you be offended if your spouse did this?

613 replies

PiecesOfPie · 30/11/2020 12:28

I am an only child, my parents have quite a large estate which is in trust. I am the sole beneficiary of this (with them life time beneficiaries). The amount would be quite substantial.

My husband and I share one DC, he has 2 with his ex partner.

I have not yet discussed the situation with a solicitor but I want to broach the subject with DH and then get legal advice for when this happens. As far as I am aware, there are times when inheritance can be viewed as a marital asset in the case of separation?

I'd like to see a solicitor about essentially ring fencing this so that it can be left solely in my will to our 1 DC only. Essentially, I don't want any of the funds going to my husband and then onto my step children if we were to ever divorce.

Would you be insulted if your spouse suggested this to you? Yes it would mean that our DC would have the chance to inherit a lot more than my SC but it would be from me (my parents really), not their dad.

I must admit I'm not hugely clued up on all the rules and law surrounding this sort of thing and to clarify I have not yet sought any legal advice so this is entirely hypothetical right now.

OP posts:
flaviaritt · 01/12/2020 16:09

You have said it though. You know it, we all know it. It's glaringly obvious

Nope. Haven’t said and don’t think it.

flaviaritt · 01/12/2020 16:12

Yes, you can "help" what you think. Apply some analytical thought processes using the information countless people have given you and think differently.

I have applied them and I have reached a conclusion like everyone else. It doesn’t match yours. 🤷🏻‍♀️

VanGoghsDog · 01/12/2020 16:12

@flaviaritt

How do you know she wasn't? She may have been willing but the child didn't want that.

It doesn’t stop her offering it, does it? She’s the adult. That is what I am saying. Even if the commitment seems unequal, even if there are issues and what seem to you to be inconsistencies, as the adult, the person with the choice of whether or not to create this situation, you should be the one prepared to give more. You shouldn’t be saying, “But they didn’t want that so...” Be the grown up.

This just nonsense from someone who has zero idea how the real world works.

Also, you said they should want to. I said maybe they did want to. You then came in with the idea that they should more than want to, they should impose this on a child.

It's idiotic.

flaviaritt · 01/12/2020 16:13

Which is fine, but you keep saying everyone else is just plain wrong for living different lives than you do.

Not everyone else at all. Some people agree with me. And if I think something is wrong, I think it. Can’t help it.

VanGoghsDog · 01/12/2020 16:14

@flaviaritt

Yes, you can "help" what you think. Apply some analytical thought processes using the information countless people have given you and think differently.

I have applied them and I have reached a conclusion like everyone else. It doesn’t match yours. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I didn't say it did. I said you can help what you think after you clearly said you can't help what you think.

I'm coming to the conclusion that you actually can't think at all.

LoveandHateWhatABeautifulComb · 01/12/2020 16:16

flav, you haven't said what you would do or just your opinion, you have repeatedly said that OTHERS have obligations to do things as you think they should.
You have said that people who have different family setups are categorically wrong. It's incredibly arrogant, judgemental and rude of you...as well as demonstrably factually wrong.

Youseethethingis · 01/12/2020 16:17

You have said that people who have different family setups are categorically wrong. It's incredibly arrogant, judgemental and rude of you...as well as demonstrably factually wrong.
Thank you! 👏🏻

flaviaritt · 01/12/2020 16:19

This just nonsense from someone who has zero idea how the real world works.

I’m a 40 year old woman with a pretty decent idea of the ‘real world’, thanks. Hmm

CorianderBlues · 01/12/2020 16:19

Your husband is cheating on you.

Ringfence that shit. In fact spend it now so he doesn't even have it to look forward to.

Youseethethingis · 01/12/2020 16:19

All evidence to the contrary 😒

flaviaritt · 01/12/2020 16:20

You have said that people who have different family setups are categorically wrong. It's incredibly arrogant, judgemental and rude of you...as well as demonstrably factually wrong.

I have said I think so. You might not like that, but I do think it. Sorry it offends you that some people think some things that affect kids aren’t okay.

flaviaritt · 01/12/2020 16:20

Youseethethingis

No evidence to the contrary at all. I have a different opinion to you, like yours is different to mine. That’s all.

flaviaritt · 01/12/2020 16:22

I said you can help what you think after you clearly said you can't help what you think.

No, I can’t help it. I process the available information and reach a conclusion based on a set of values that I do not control; I just have them. Give me more information, perhaps I will be able to refine my opinion. I doubt I will change it.

LoveandHateWhatABeautifulComb · 01/12/2020 16:22

I have said I think so. You might not like that, but I do think it. Sorry it offends you that some people think some things that affect kids aren’t okay.

You can think what you like, but you're an arrogant fool if you think your way is the only right way.
You think step parents have to be parents to their step kids...what when neither side want that to be the case? Your way still best is it?

flaviaritt · 01/12/2020 16:25

You can think what you like, but you're an arrogant fool if you think your way is the only right way.

But (if I am reading this correctly) you think I am wrong and it would be actually wrong for the OP to do what I think she should do, so you think your way is the right way. No?

LucozadeHasToBeOriginal · 01/12/2020 16:25

@CorianderBlues

Your husband is cheating on you.

Ringfence that shit. In fact spend it now so he doesn't even have it to look forward to.

Where has it been said OPs husband is cheating?
VanGoghsDog · 01/12/2020 16:28

@flaviaritt

This just nonsense from someone who has zero idea how the real world works.

I’m a 40 year old woman with a pretty decent idea of the ‘real world’, thanks. Hmm

Well, you would think that, wouldn't you?
flaviaritt · 01/12/2020 16:29

Well, you would think that, wouldn't you?

Well, yeah. Unless you think I lived in Farthing Wood for 40 years. Sure. Confused

VanGoghsDog · 01/12/2020 16:31

@flaviaritt

Well, you would think that, wouldn't you?

Well, yeah. Unless you think I lived in Farthing Wood for 40 years. Sure. Confused

You clearly have no idea how the real world works with regard to step families.

I have been in two step families. Many people here have experience of step families. But, hey, you know best, you 40 year old woman who knows everything about the world but with no experience of step families.

Youseethethingis · 01/12/2020 16:35

No evidence to the contrary at all. I have a different opinion to you, like yours is different to mine. That’s all.
Like you, I am very capable of imagining a scenario where what you propose would be exactly the right thing to do by everyone involved.
Unlike you, I seem to be able to imagine many scenarios where what you propose would be very unfair and uncalled for.
I don’t think one is right and one wrong. I think everyone must decide based on their own families and the individual people within them what is right for them.
This is where we differ. The world is not black and white. At 40 you should be able to grasp this.

flaviaritt · 01/12/2020 16:36

You clearly have no idea how the real world works with regard to step families.

Ha! You have no idea of my experience in step families.

flaviaritt · 01/12/2020 16:37

Youseethethingis

And yet, still, there are things you believe are right and things you believe are wrong. Like me. You just don’t like it when what I think is wrong is what you think is fine.

LivingDeadGirlUK · 01/12/2020 16:45

My partner and I have discussed this, not married yet but will be soon. I own the house outright and want it to go to our son in the event of my death, with my partner being able to live there until he dies. My partner is totally fine with this, my other assets (I do have savings at the moment but you never know what the future holds) would go to my partner, I would probably split my jewelry between my step daughters and my niece.

LucozadeHasToBeOriginal · 01/12/2020 16:49

One thing that seems strange to me is how its apparently okay for someone to leave property that they had before the marriage to their own child and not step children, but yet not when it's your parents wealth that you also 'had' before marriage. As OP talks about a trust and estate, this may well be property we are talking about not just cash. So why would it be okay for OP to leave her house before marriage to her kids but not to leave her parents house to her kids which also pre existed marriage?

Youseethethingis · 01/12/2020 16:53

And yet, still, there are things you believe are right and things you believe are wrong. Like me. You just don’t like it when what I think is wrong is what you think is fine.
No, I just don’t like that you are spouting all sorts of simple ideas over an area of family life which is actually very complex. I don’t like when people can’t respect other people’s positions and how they may differ from your own. It’s not a great character trait.