To think husband breaking things isn’t normal?

[Sammy187]

Me and my husband have been together 7 years and during that time he’s broken multiple items in our house in anger. He once kicked our kitchen bin so hard it had a massive dent in it, made a hole in the downstairs toilet door by throwing a hammer at it because he couldn’t fix whatever he was fixing. Smashed up his laptop when the keys were sticking. Smashed the car radio when it wasn’t working.
Broken multiple mugs. Made holes in the wall.
I have a six month old girl and a 4year old boy. When my little girl was about a month old we had a very minor trivial argument, before I went up for a bath for some peace and locked the door. He was so annoyed I’d locked the door and didn’t want to talk that he repeatedly threw something at the door which now has 3 holes in.
Lately it’s Xbox. If he loses he throws things. He recently broke a mug when me and the kids were out (he didn’t hide the evidence) which turned into a massive argument and I told him it is the LAST time I put up with it.
Then yesterday while I was having a rare lie in (up breastfeeding all night) and he was supposed to be caring for the children he decided to play his Xbox. Lost and threw a mug at the door leaving a big chip in the door frame and bits of broken mug all over the hallway and stairs. I only found out when I was tidying up and he denied it and told me it fell on the kitchen floor. Only admitted it once I showed him the evidence (even found a pic with the door in it from the day before minus a chip. Full detective mode!). He’d made a half arsed effort to clean it making a hazard for my little boy to walk on!! Which really pushed me over the edge

I’ve threatened to leave before, and it’s always been a massive emotional declaration of I’ll never do it again. And here we are. Anger has NEVER been aimed at me or the children so I’ve always brushed it off, but I don’t want them growing up thinking this is ok. They rarely witness it but it’s only a matter of time. My 4 year old already throws things when he’s angry and I’m very passionate about making sure I tell him that is NOT what we do.

Do I try and get him to take anger management? Is it going to get worse? Do other people have husbands who do this?

Sorry for the essay 😫

No it’s not normal. In fact it’s abusive.

Yes other people do have husbands who are causing serious emotional and physiological harm to their families. Some people manage to find the strength to walk away. Others don’t. I hope you can.

Psychological harm that should read.

Completely not normal, and I’m sorry but your children will definitely be picking up on it (esp if your son is already mimicking the behaviour).

If it was a new trait I’d say ask him to go to anger management counselling but seeing how long it’s been going on and he’s broken countless promises it will stop, then I think you need to make plans to leave.

I imagine it will certainly escalate at some point. How long until one of the kids get in the way by accident?

Sorry you’re going through this but it will be damaging the children growing up around this.

It’s abnormal. He needs anger management. Tell him to get help this week or leave

My exh smashed up our home. I left when ds was 6. He still has anger management therapy from what he witnessed.
He is 28..
Yabu to accept this for your life and that of your dc...

I went up for a bath for some peace and locked the door. He was so annoyed I’d locked the door and didn’t want to talk that he repeatedly threw something at the door which now has 3 holes in.

You say it's never been aimed at you, but this ^ isn't normal
It's only a matter of time before it escalates. Sorry you have to put up with this behaviour.

It’s not an anger management problem it’s an immature year having a toddler tantrum problem.
I could have no respect for this at all. He sounds Pathetic!

Twat not year!

You leave. ASAP. He doesn't want to change, he hasn't tried to change. He endangered your children. Plan it carefully (abuse can step up a gear when you attempt to leave) contact womans aid in the morning, keep documents somewhere safe. Be open to family that you left because the violence had started endangering the kids. Read why does he do that. Yes if you stay it will probably get worse.

If someone is angry with you and smashes an object to express it, the implication is that they would like to smash you but are restraining themself.

Do you want your children to get this message from him? Put it to him that this is how they may feel, as I think some men think it's ok to damage objects as long as they are not hitting a person and might not realise or admit to themselves that others (especially women and kids) will feel physically threatened.

and if he won't stop maybe you need to leave.

is he taking drugs, steroids ?
either way, don't stay.

He needs anger management or if not you need to leave. X

It's not at all normal.

He needs to leave for the safety of yourself and the kids.

The fact he's taking his anger out on objects doesn't make it ok.

What if someone gets in the way of what he's throwing? What if someone is hurt because of the damage (broken shards, or hand trapped in a hole in the door etc)?

Your children cannot be allowed to grow up thinking this is a normal way to deal with frustration/anger.

There might be a possibility of reconciliation in the future if he gets anger management therapy and its successful - but until that point he should not be living with you.

The brutal truth is that he can control his anger but chooses not to in the home. I'll bet he doesn't go around smashing things up at work does he.....

What do you think will happen when theres nothing available but you and your kids to smash up and break? Leave him and make sure you keep all the evidence of his violence.

People can get frustrated and take it out on an item, but that is things like chucking the saucepan in the sink because something has burnt or heavily pushing something away that just won't mend, but flinging mugs, throwing hammers, breaking doors is not acceptable at all.

What if he throws something just as one of the DC walks past? Have you got RL support? Can you go anywhere even in the very short term?

Breaking possessions in anger is classed as domestic violence. It’s not normal. Does he break things at work? No. These are the type of men who shake their babies and murder them.

You had a lie in. He smashed things. Cleaned up in a way that made it obvious he had done it and was potentially harmful to the children.

That was very much directed at you. Can't you see it?

Why did you keep having kids with this man?

For God's sake OP, just bloody leave him. I cannot believe you are raising kids in that. Grow a backbone and leave.

YABU to threaten leaving and not actually doing so. Leave now. He doesn’t even bother to clean up so that your children don’t accidentally get hurt - it’s like he’s booby trapping the house for them

He did direct his anger towards you though when he was throwing things at the bathroom door when you were on the other side of it. That's very threatening behaviour.

Your children will be very affected by witnessing all this.

It is domestic abuse, the implication he makes is that he’s restraining himself by breaking objects but really he is demonstrating control.

Does he break stranger’s belongings when out of the home? If he doesn’t then he knows exactly what he is doing.

This is absolutely not normal! I'd be horrified if my DH did anything like this. I grew up with a Dad who had anger issues and it was terrifying as a child to see that anger and it was often directed at us children.
You can't let you DC grow up around this abusive behaviour, you all deserve so much better

Sorry but this is really scary. It's not ok, it's violent and very dangerous. Very sound advice above about contacting Women's Aid and prepare carefully to leave. You have to protect your children.
Good luck

This is horrendous. Smashing in the door while your in the bath, truly disgusting.
Like another poster said, im sure he controls his anger in public, in work , in a pub full of men ? But he is happy to expose his children to it and let them live in a toxic household. You must leave him. Nobody deserves to live with this behaviour and atmosphere in their home