To cancel our date because of his hair?

[Datedrama]

Please tell me if I'm an awful person, because I certainly feel like one tonight.

I have been talking to a man who I met on OLD around 3 weeks ago. He is lovely, kind, funny and a really interesting person to talk to and we get on very well. We text a bit during the day but always have a chat on the phone in the evening. I was instantly attracted to him after seeing his photos online, he told me they were recent ones.

Anyway, we got chatting tonight and he mentioned that his hair had grown a lot recently and he decided to send me a pic. I feel absolutely horrible for saying this, but it looks awful (to me) and I don't find him attractive one bit I don't like long hair on men anyway. I'm not sure whether I should cancel our date tomorrow or still go ahead with it and see how I feel afterwards? Or would it be better to let him down before we actually meet?

I know I sound extremely shallow, but in my defence he did tell me that his pics (with short hair) were recent ones! It's a shame because I think he has a fab personality but surely attraction is important to?

Thoughts?

The OP has been asked a few times where she is, but hasn't said. Given that the vast majority of posters are UK based it isn't unreasonable to assume that she is as well.

I say go. When I first met my DH he had a goatee. Not my thing at all but everything else about him was perfect. Anyway, a few years later he randomly asked me if I liked it and I was honest and said "not really but I'm used to it now" and he was horrified I hadn't told him but I didn't want him to change who he was either. Anyway, he promptly went and clean shaved and he loves it - not to mention that it took years off him and he was quietly delighted when everyone was telling him so! Anyway, I've detracted - the point is, go. It's one night. If there's a proper spark you'll see past the hair (I sympathise as I don't find long hair on males attractive either) and good blokes are hard to find. Agree with @Ilovesugar that if you mention you find him much more attractive with short hair then he'll be at a barber as soon as lockdown is over

@MerchantOfVenom

Mumsnet is used by people outside the UK.

Life is completely normal (except for closed borders) where I am.

Or even by people outside of England. In Scotland you can meet in a café.

@Ginfordinner

The OP has been asked a few times where she is, but hasn't said. Given that the vast majority of posters are UK based it isn't unreasonable to assume that she is as well.

Well, she’s clearly somewhere where she can go on a date, so ...

A lot of men have no idea what looks good on them. They choose bad colours, bad beard and hairstyles. But they usually will take advice.

Did you go on the date @Datedrama ?

Even if the op is in England you can still meet up outdoors and go for a walk.
Op, you've got to go and give him a chance. He might be lovely.

When the whole corona thing is over, I won´t be missing the corona police on MN...

Enjoy your date, OP. Even if he isn´t right for a relationship, it is good to meet an interesting new person!

You've nothing to lose by going on one date. My husband was not my usual type at all (we "met" on Pocado) but we hit it off straight away and he was much more attractive in person because of his personality. We've been together 13 years and have 4 children 😀

Hey @Datedrama, have you an update since the postponement yesterday? We need to know what the hair is really like and if you can overlook it?!

How did it go OP?

Update OP!!!!

If you have other options coming out of your ears, don’t bother!
If you like him, go along. The hair probably won’t stay long forever. If this continues into a long term thing, he will care what you think and hopefully cut it! If he doesn’t and you really can’t stand it, cross that bridge when you come to it.

How shallow

How the hell is it shallow? I'm suppose if you were doing online dating you'd meet every single guy on there just to avoid being shallow would you?

I’ve no idea how it’s shallow either. It seems some folks think everyone is owed a date, whether you fancy them or not.

A woman can reject a man for any reason. She owes him nothing. And vice versa.

Some folks really need to get that into their heads.

How the hell is it shallow? I'm suppose if you were doing online dating you'd meet every single guy on there just to avoid being shallow would you?

It’s shallow because the o/p was attracted to him with short hair, but not with longer hair, despite getting to know him and thinking they had a connection...

She is of course allowed to make that decision, but it’s such a superficial thing to bin off a potential relationship for.

If i cut my hair 3 or 4 dates in and got dumped for it, I’d consider it a lucky escape..

@Datedrama

Please tell me if I'm an awful person, because I certainly feel like one tonight.

I have been talking to a man who I met on OLD around 3 weeks ago. He is lovely, kind, funny and a really interesting person to talk to and we get on very well. We text a bit during the day but always have a chat on the phone in the evening. I was instantly attracted to him after seeing his photos online, he told me they were recent ones.

Anyway, we got chatting tonight and he mentioned that his hair had grown a lot recently and he decided to send me a pic. I feel absolutely horrible for saying this, but it looks awful (to me) and I don't find him attractive one bit I don't like long hair on men anyway. I'm not sure whether I should cancel our date tomorrow or still go ahead with it and see how I feel afterwards? Or would it be better to let him down before we actually meet?

I know I sound extremely shallow, but in my defence he did tell me that his pics (with short hair) were recent ones! It's a shame because I think he has a fab personality but surely attraction is important to?

Thoughts?

Your awful but you are entitled to like what you like. I hope you went on the date & didn’t dismiss the guy because of his hair. He can cut his hair but it won’t change who he is as a pardon. A good man, that you like, is hard to find. Just let him know you prefer him with short hair.

Oh I want yo know if she went and how it turned out👩‍❤️‍👨

You are not shallow. You can't help who you feel attracted to. Could you meet up and try to get past his hair? I would go on.the date and if there is no chemistry, don't go on a second.

I also recently met a guy online. When we started talking he had a beard, in his pics. When we actually met, he had shaved the whole lot off and looked completely different. I was in two minds. He said he’d shaved it as his small daughter didn’t like it. I kind of understood this and thought I’d just see how it went. We’ve been “a thing” for a little while now and whilst I prefer the beard and he mostly keeps it, just trims and tidies, he does occasionally lose it altogether. I won’t lie, it does change how attracted to him I am, temporarily, but ultimately what I like is him, his personality and humour and I look past it... and, when he does grow it back it’s like falling for him all over again! I’d say try to look beyond it and see how it goes. You might grow to like it.

@Ginfordinner

Where are you that you can go on a date?

do we have to do this on every thread?

Was going to ask the same 😆

I have a thing for long hair mainly due to native American Indian fetish. Can't help it, look I'm getting warm just typing it, haha🤣

do we have to do this on every thread?

Yes because
a) I'm nosy
b) I'm jelaous because we have been in tier 3, lockdown and then going back to tier 3

Although I realise it is for the greater good, so I will suck it up.