To cancel our date because of his hair?

[Datedrama]

Please tell me if I'm an awful person, because I certainly feel like one tonight.

I have been talking to a man who I met on OLD around 3 weeks ago. He is lovely, kind, funny and a really interesting person to talk to and we get on very well. We text a bit during the day but always have a chat on the phone in the evening. I was instantly attracted to him after seeing his photos online, he told me they were recent ones.

Anyway, we got chatting tonight and he mentioned that his hair had grown a lot recently and he decided to send me a pic. I feel absolutely horrible for saying this, but it looks awful (to me) and I don't find him attractive one bit I don't like long hair on men anyway. I'm not sure whether I should cancel our date tomorrow or still go ahead with it and see how I feel afterwards? Or would it be better to let him down before we actually meet?

I know I sound extremely shallow, but in my defence he did tell me that his pics (with short hair) were recent ones! It's a shame because I think he has a fab personality but surely attraction is important to?

Thoughts?

It's like getting the 'ick' though isn't it? And early dating can be very tenuous - chemistry can easily be thrown off by often the smallest of things. I wouldn't go for dinner on first dates for years because I'd always worry that poor table manners early on could put me off. So I'd rather wait until things were a bit more solid before we went for dinner etc. It's bonkers I know but sometimes the 'ick' catches you unawares

Of course you are not shallow.You are entitled to be fussy.Some women will have anything in trousers,you are obviously not one good for you.

Its my experience though most older women look after themselves and usually dress well and take care of their appearance many men dont.Ive give up completely now at my age most men are gross and seem way older than i.and quite a few are very right wing,something im certainly not .Quite a lot of Brexiters in 60 plus age group.

@bluebluezoo

How the hell is it shallow? I'm suppose if you were doing online dating you'd meet every single guy on there just to avoid being shallow would you?

It’s shallow because the o/p was attracted to him with short hair, but not with longer hair, despite getting to know him and thinking they had a connection...

She is of course allowed to make that decision, but it’s such a superficial thing to bin off a potential relationship for.

If i cut my hair 3 or 4 dates in and got dumped for it, I’d consider it a lucky escape..

They've never met!

Go
You like him. I continued dating a guy I didn't find attractive as we got on so well. I adore him now and he's the best thing that ever happened to me.
Give him a chance. When you meet him he may look better, may be just a bad photo. But be honest about how you preferred his short hair look if that's how you feel after meeting him

To me voice, accent, looks, clothes and habits are central to the attraction.
I would not date someone over 5-10, bald, tatts, piercings, hairy chested, bearded, bad teeth who didn't speak decent English. No football tops or trainers either (unless running or gym use) or neck chains...and that's just for starters. No smokers or pill poppers (meds) either.
Looks do play a part in attraction, no question about it.
If I were you OP, I'd go on the date but bring the subject of his hair into the conversation. Say that you found his (short hair) photo more attractive than the present length of hair.
Make no mistake, I bet most bfs would say something frankly if their gfs cut off their long locks and had a Judi Dench.

Keep getting to know him and over time you can persuade him to get it cut

I've done exactly that same thing.

You should definitely cancel the date... Because he deserves better

I almost didn't go on a date with my now-husband because he was bald and I am superficial. After a while I forgot he was bald!

They've never met!

I know can’t believe the poster is writing about some connection with some random she’s never even met,, 😂

You can date whoever you want to for whatever reasons. It’s your life and your choices. My friends who are endlessly single and dying to meet someone always end things for reasons like this. If you’re not prepared to even meet him when you’ve enjoyed his personality it sounds like you might have some issues around commitment.

You're not remotely shallow; if you're not attracted to him it won't work.

Why not go on the date and find a way to put it into the conversation that you prefer him with short hair and see what happens because if he really likes you he will cut it.

If not, at least you've actually met and can say he's a lovely guy but no spark on your part. No harm done.

Don't discount him for his hair lenght. I am sure if he fancies you he will run to the barbers as soon as you tell him you prefer him with shorter hair. When they reopen that is

Please tell me if I'm an awful person, because I certainly feel like one tonight

If it is still helpful after 48 hours then you are very, very bad.

HTH

@FelicisNox Why not go on the date and find a way to put it into the conversation that you prefer him with short hair and see what happens because if he really likes you he will cut it.

Omg do some women actually think like this? So superficial, shallow and entitled it’s embarrassing

If you don't want to date him because of hairstyle then don't date him.

However, if any people on here would be offended if their fella's thought the same about your latest haircut and thought along the same lines what would you think of them?

Only you know the answer to that one.

How did it go, @Datedrama?

Go on the date and if you like him ask if he will cut his hair

Meet him, if you’ve been getting on well online it would be a shame not to meet because of his hair. Personality should be more important, if you do get on no doubt he’d reconsider his hairstyle to please you but don’t discuss at the first meet wait a while. Gradually you can mould him into your perfect man. Also acknowledge there may be something he doesn’t like about how you look, how would you feel if he told you first date? No one’s perfect

He is lucky his hair still grows, he can at least have it cut if he wants and he wasn't wearing a wig. Would you have liked it better if he said he had suddenly gone bald.

@LoisLane66

To me voice, accent, looks, clothes and habits are central to the attraction. I would not date someone over 5-10, bald, tatts, piercings, hairy chested, bearded, bad teeth who didn't speak decent English. No football tops or trainers either (unless running or gym use) or neck chains...and that's just for starters. No smokers or pill poppers (meds) either. Looks do play a part in attraction, no question about it. If I were you OP, I'd go on the date but bring the subject of his hair into the conversation. Say that you found his (short hair) photo more attractive than the present length of hair. Make no mistake, I bet most bfs would say something frankly if their gfs cut off their long locks and had a Judi Dench.

What do you think makes you so very special?🤣

I would not date someone over 5-10,

Are you sure you haven’t got that the wrong way round? Most women will be keen on a man being reasonably tall.

I would not date someone over 5-10,

Age? Height? Sleepy, Bashful, Doc?

i met my dh online no pictures we met up fell in love and that was that

his hair was dark grey then i loved it-i think is a bit shallow yes if you really get on and have a spark that hair could stop you being with a lovely man

lois lane you know superman doesnt really exist