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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think SIL is being awkward about this?

412 replies

emptybaskets · 27/11/2020 16:20

Generally we have always got on fine but I have found her to be awkward/unreasonable if things don’t go her way or if we don’t/can’t fit in with her schedule.

It was my nieces birthday on Tuesday and I’ve been trying to drop off her presents since with no luck. The reason being is because I work full time (very long hours and a 3hr commute all round). I don’t normally get home until around 7:30. On Tuesday they were understandably busy, Wednesday they were going out for a meal and leaving the house at 6pm, Thursday my eldest niece had dance activities and they wouldn’t be home until after 9pm, which would mean I’d have to come back out of the house and drive to them.

I suggested tonight as I knew they didn’t have any plans and asked if I could call in on my way home from work for 10 mins at around 7:30 to drop off presents and see niece open them. SIL said no because she goes to bed at 8 and asked if I could come tomorrow or Sunday instead. I’m on a training course all day tomorrow and Sunday I have plans with my own family. I’ve ended up sending a message saying “will drop presents off @ 7:30 and leave them by the door”, she responded with “okay thanks I’ll video niece opening them and send it to you”

AIBU to think she’s being extremely awkward, unreasonable, ungrateful and just a bit nasty actually? If she is going to let her open them tonight when I’ve dropped them off (30 mins before bedtime so plenty of time and can tell her she can play with them in the morning, she’s generally a good girl so will understand), then why can’t she let me come in for 10 minutes and watch her open them? I can’t imagine doing this myself if someone had gone to the effort to buy my children presents and drop them off, I would at least invite them in for a quick chat.

(Side note - I leave the house most days at 6:30 so can’t go there on my way to work just incase someone suggests). I do think because she only works part time she doesn't always understand that I can't just drop everything to work around her schedule.

OP posts:
emptybaskets · 28/11/2020 20:58

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Lightsontbut · 28/11/2020 20:59

yes, and? As I said, I couldn't come on Sunday, my only day off.

No, that's not what you said here. You said she's not let you come on Sunday suggesting that you could offer that. There is nothing about an 'only day off' which makes that impossible. It's fine by me if you don't go on a Sunday I'm just pointing out that using that as evidence of my not having read the thread is wrong.

emptybaskets · 28/11/2020 21:00

I honestly have no idea why this thread is still continuing, niece was given presents yesterday and was happy. I'm entitled to think SIL was being awkward and rude, and I still do. Job done!

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emptybaskets · 28/11/2020 21:01

@Lightsontbut my point was that even if I had been able to go on Sunday and told her that, I'm pretty sure she would have made another excuse up then to. Why are you twisting my words?

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Fluffyhairforever · 28/11/2020 21:01

Op, I think you were being kind going there after work, schlepping there on the train then another bus home.

timeforanewstart · 28/11/2020 21:01

The thread will continue as still up and showing

Bourbonbiccy · 28/11/2020 21:03

@Bourbonbiccy she's generally a very good girl and I'm a 100% certain she would have understood if I had said I needed to go home to see my own family. I have done it plenty of times in the past where I've popped in for 10 minutes when I've been passing and there have been no issues. She still opened the presents 10 minutes before her bedtime and went to bed (at the normal time) without any fuss.

She very well may be a very good girl, but after a busy birthday week she probably just wanted no added stress, opening a present is different to seeing a person, well if they like that person it is, but your niece sounds indifferent to seeing you

So the nieces mother allows and accommodates you to pop in on other occasions later on, but on this is just simply wasn't convenient, she's hardly awkward, you should jump through hoops to see your niece if your brother isn't involved with her , not keep asking to visit the same bloody inconvenient time 5 times.

You do sound incredibly rude and full of your own self importance without being self aware of how your actions and attitudes effect others.

The SIL is not your SIL if she is no longer with your brother. And after this
She was sat on her arse in the living room doing sweet FA and couldn't even be arsed to open the door and say thank you

I hope she keeps the niece to only seeing you infrequently. You sound vile about the person who is raising the niece you claim to love so much.

Why can't you give the present when she's at your brothers or mums, I did miss the answer to that.

Bourbonbiccy · 28/11/2020 21:04

Sorry 1st paragraph should have been as it was @emptybaskets response to me HmmHmm

emptybaskets · 28/11/2020 21:04

Thank you @Fluffyhairforever

Thanks @timeforanewstart . I meant I'm not sure why other posters are continuing to argue with me, when it is clearly over and already forgotten about. If I choose to send a card and cash next year (still a gift and means niece can choose something herself, most kids like this don't they?) then why does that make me such a horrible person? That's not me being spiteful and nasty, if I was going to be that way I wouldn't give anything at all!

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EmeraldShamrock · 28/11/2020 21:05

I'm entitled to think SIL was being awkward and rude, and I still do. Job done
If she is estranged from your Dbro she really isn't your SIL.
I can see why she may not be accommodating, do you have a close relationship with her during normal times.

Bourbonbiccy · 28/11/2020 21:06

I honestly have no idea why this thread is still continuing, niece was given presents yesterday and was happy. I'm entitled to think SIL was being awkward and rude, and I still do. Job done!

People just get frustrated when completely selfish people can't see the error of their ways despite the vast majority of people telling them so.

emptybaskets · 28/11/2020 21:06

@Bourbonbiccy why have you just assumed that my brother has nothing to do with his kids? Where did I say that?

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emptybaskets · 28/11/2020 21:07

@EmeraldShamrock they were married, it's just easier to say. What should I call her? Is it really that important?

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emptybaskets · 28/11/2020 21:09

@EmeraldShamrock yes we have been close in the past, even after they split. As I said, we (my mother and I) have never been involved in their problems and have always just tried to be supportive for the sake of my nieces more than anything. We are a close knit family normally but their split has made things awkward so to speak.

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Mary46 · 28/11/2020 21:09

You did your best its hard with only set times off to do things.

LaraLuce · 28/11/2020 21:10

It just sounds like both families were really busy this week and it was difficult to arrange a mutually convenient time. I don't think either of you were unreasonable there.

You've mentioned several times how your SIL works part time, which seems to be totally irrelevant as you were trying to fix a time for the evening or weekend. Do you think your anger is more to do with resenting the fact that she works part time outside the home?

Bourbonbiccy · 28/11/2020 21:14

why have you just assumed that my brother has nothing to do with his kids? Where did I say that?

So why is he not facilitating the meeting then rather than you harassing the mother ?

emptybaskets · 28/11/2020 21:15

@Bourbonbiccy harassing 😂 oh that's brilliant.

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emptybaskets · 28/11/2020 21:16

@Bourbonbiccy only on Mumsnet would someone be accused of harassment for trying to drop a present off. Fab

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ValidUser · 28/11/2020 21:17

I'd love to see the responses here if your SIL was posting saying she only wanted you to come on the one day you had off to be with your own children.

Bourbonbiccy · 28/11/2020 21:17

harassing 😂 oh that's brilliant.

sorry I will rephrase, so why has your brother not facilitated this rather then the requests being sent to the mother?

Bellsandwhistle · 28/11/2020 21:18

Omg op listen to the people giving you opinions on the thread you asked for opinions on!!! She may have been a bit unreasonable saying only Sunday but you are being pig headed not going on Sunday. You could easily go with your kids on a nice family visit and not make a drama out of this.

emptybaskets · 28/11/2020 21:18

@LaraLuce no, I think it's great that she is able to spend so much time with her children whilst they are young. She use to work full time but now she is a single parent she has other choices and that's good for her. I will forever feel guilty that I can't do that for my children but I have to work full time through no fault of my own, it just is what it is.

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emptybaskets · 28/11/2020 21:19

Thank you @ValidUser, my point exactly. This fact is being ignored completely.

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EmeraldShamrock · 28/11/2020 21:20

It is nice you're making the effort to keep up contact with Dniece.

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