To think SIL is being awkward about this?

[emptybaskets]

Generally we have always got on fine but I have found her to be awkward/unreasonable if things don’t go her way or if we don’t/can’t fit in with her schedule.

It was my nieces birthday on Tuesday and I’ve been trying to drop off her presents since with no luck. The reason being is because I work full time (very long hours and a 3hr commute all round). I don’t normally get home until around 7:30. On Tuesday they were understandably busy, Wednesday they were going out for a meal and leaving the house at 6pm, Thursday my eldest niece had dance activities and they wouldn’t be home until after 9pm, which would mean I’d have to come back out of the house and drive to them.

I suggested tonight as I knew they didn’t have any plans and asked if I could call in on my way home from work for 10 mins at around 7:30 to drop off presents and see niece open them. SIL said no because she goes to bed at 8 and asked if I could come tomorrow or Sunday instead. I’m on a training course all day tomorrow and Sunday I have plans with my own family. I’ve ended up sending a message saying “will drop presents off @ 7:30 and leave them by the door”, she responded with “okay thanks I’ll video niece opening them and send it to you”

AIBU to think she’s being extremely awkward, unreasonable, ungrateful and just a bit nasty actually? If she is going to let her open them tonight when I’ve dropped them off (30 mins before bedtime so plenty of time and can tell her she can play with them in the morning, she’s generally a good girl so will understand), then why can’t she let me come in for 10 minutes and watch her open them? I can’t imagine doing this myself if someone had gone to the effort to buy my children presents and drop them off, I would at least invite them in for a quick chat.

(Side note - I leave the house most days at 6:30 so can’t go there on my way to work just incase someone suggests). I do think because she only works part time she doesn't always understand that I can't just drop everything to work around her schedule.

@Lightsontbut please do explain, how was I being rigid and inflexible? I get 1 day off a week, she gets 5. It's completely different.

@Bourbonbiccy yes on Friday, but not the rest of the week. Don't you think it's a bit strange that she didn't a flying hoot about my niece going to bed on time all week, but supposedly on Friday it was extremely important! Honestly

I don't think anyone has said that OP. You can carry on believing it's all your SIL if you want OP, but you may also like to consider that the majority here don't agree with you so there is no guarantee your niece will see it your way when she is older.

You do sound fairly nasty TBH.
Buy a present and post it.
Or don’t.

Would your niece have wanted you to stay longer than 5 mins had she seen you ?

OP, I understand you texted your SIL when you left the presents at the door to let her know they were there. I do wonder if she would have accepted you leaving the presents, knocking on the door, then quickly running away!

@Wolfiefan there is no safe place to post it to. I have said that many many times. Things get pinched there all the time when they are left outside.

You asked her if it was convenient, she said no and offered an alternative that you were unwilling to be flexible with. You turned up anyway knowing it didn't suit her, OFFERED to leave the present at the door, she accepted and sent you a message and a video to thank you. You are now throwing a tantrum because she didn't drop everything for you (much in the same way you won't drop your Sunday plans for her). The only brat I can see in this situation is you.

And yes, I do accommodate people who call unanounced at inconvenient times, but I do think they're rude and inconsiderate. But you went one step further and deliberately went when you had been specifically made aware it didn't suit.

I'm not engaging with you any further - you're not going to see past your own selfishness and entitlement and won't acknowledge your own hypocrisy and self-importance. Enjoy your evening.

@Fluffyhairforever I had already said earlier on in the day that I would leave them outside and text her when I had and her response was "okay I'll send a video". At no point did she say "don't be daft, come in for 5 minutes if tonight is the only time you can come"!

@emptybaskets - Maybe she just doesn’t want you in her home and is making an excuse so that she doesn’t sound rude?

I would not want my ex SIL in my home. I know things she has said about me, I know she believes things about me that are not true and I’m not comfortable around her. I’d make small talk in front of the DC to be polite , but having her in my house would be a step to far.

Perhaps she’d just rather keep your family at a distance now. Cant you drop the presents off when your DM has the girls instead ?

Don't you think it's a bit strange that she didn't a flying hoot about my niece going to bed on time all week, but supposedly on Friday it was extremely important! Honestly

No I don't, I think the parent of the child who looks after her 24/7 knows if after a busy birthday week she would be tired and need her bedtime routine resumed.

Sorry did you say if your niece would have wanted you to stay longer had she seen you or are you just ignoring that question ?

At no point did she say "don't be daft, come in for 5 minutes if tonight is the only time you can come"

And at no point did you say "don't be daft, I'll come on Sunday when it's actually convenient for you if that's the only time you can do".

I'm going to take a leaf out of @Legseleven1990's book now and disengage as it's clear that you just wanted an echo chamber rather than actual opinions.

Hi op I see it from your point of view too. I went back work recently you only have set windows of time to do things. If the times did not suit her you can only do so much really. Hard to suit all timetables with families

[quote emptybaskets]@Legseleven1990 I couldn't care less what your opinion is. I can imagine you and my SIL would get on fab, both ungrateful spoilt brats and I'm sure your children will grow up the same way to. Disgraceful to treat someone that way when they have gone to the effort to buy your child a present and attempted to drop it off 6 days in a row. I couldn't have been more flexible if I had tried. She gets 5 days off a week to be with her children and get all her shit done as where I get 1 and I should give that up to apparently. She was sat on her arse in the living room doing sweet FA and couldn't even be arsed to open the door and say thank you, I think that speaks volumes.

Have a fab evening to! [/quote]

@emptybaskets

Gosh I must be such a terrible human being, going to the effort to buy a child a present (and no I don't expect anything in return), trying to drop it off countless times. What a nasty piece of work I am.

This made me proper LOL

*'I expect nothing in return'
*
I couldn't disagree more.

Honestly, you sound terribly entitled and selfish.
Perhaps your SIL wanted a firm bedtime on Friday BECAUSE she'd been out every night that week and knew she'd be tired and it would affect their weekend. I see nothing wrong at all in her response but to punish the child next year because your SIL wouldn't either cancel planned activities to see you, or let you disrupt bedtime (but offered you other times) is just plain nasty.

@Bourbonbiccy she's generally a very good girl and I'm a 100% certain she would have understood if I had said I needed to go home to see my own family. I have done it plenty of times in the past where I've popped in for 10 minutes when I've been passing and there have been no issues. She still opened the presents 10 minutes before her bedtime and went to bed (at the normal time) without any fuss.

Does that answer your question?

@Lightsontbut but I couldn't come on Sunday, that was my point. Another poster who misses the entire point of the thread. Yikes

Good night!

I appreciate that @Mary46 , I really do. I honestly think it's hard for people who work part time to understand this. They have all the time in the world to drop off presents etc, we don't have that luxury.

YANBU OP. Your SIL was being awkward. It was nice of you to go out of your way to drop off the present, and very rude of SIL not to let you in for ten minutes when you were actually outside her door! Bedtime has apparently been pretty flexible all week, so I don’t understand why it’s suddenly a big deal on a Friday night.

@Lightsontbut but I couldn't come on Sunday, that was my point. Another poster who misses the entire point of the thread. Yikes

I did read the thread and this is what you said "I'm on a training course all day tomorrow and Sunday is my only day off to spend time with my own children, clean/tidy the house, sort out homework etc. Hard enough as it is without having to drag the kids out to drop presents off. I have a feeling she would probably find another excuse as to why we can't come in on Sunday to"

@SelfMadeFantasist many thanks. I think most of the posters are deliberately ignoring this fact, to try and prove their point.

@Lightsontbut yes, and? As I said, I couldn't come on Sunday, my only day off. She's had 5 and I only asked for 10 minutes of her time and she chose to be awkward. Completely different circumstances right there. I tried to come 6 days in a row, should I have just given up my only day off to?

Some proper snowflakes on this website.

Your post was deleted. That means it broke the rules of acceptable conduct. People can report what they like but MN won't do anything about it unless it was inappropriate. Hence clearly your post was. Why are you insulting people about this?