To think SIL is being awkward about this?

[emptybaskets]

Generally we have always got on fine but I have found her to be awkward/unreasonable if things don’t go her way or if we don’t/can’t fit in with her schedule.

It was my nieces birthday on Tuesday and I’ve been trying to drop off her presents since with no luck. The reason being is because I work full time (very long hours and a 3hr commute all round). I don’t normally get home until around 7:30. On Tuesday they were understandably busy, Wednesday they were going out for a meal and leaving the house at 6pm, Thursday my eldest niece had dance activities and they wouldn’t be home until after 9pm, which would mean I’d have to come back out of the house and drive to them.

I suggested tonight as I knew they didn’t have any plans and asked if I could call in on my way home from work for 10 mins at around 7:30 to drop off presents and see niece open them. SIL said no because she goes to bed at 8 and asked if I could come tomorrow or Sunday instead. I’m on a training course all day tomorrow and Sunday I have plans with my own family. I’ve ended up sending a message saying “will drop presents off @ 7:30 and leave them by the door”, she responded with “okay thanks I’ll video niece opening them and send it to you”

AIBU to think she’s being extremely awkward, unreasonable, ungrateful and just a bit nasty actually? If she is going to let her open them tonight when I’ve dropped them off (30 mins before bedtime so plenty of time and can tell her she can play with them in the morning, she’s generally a good girl so will understand), then why can’t she let me come in for 10 minutes and watch her open them? I can’t imagine doing this myself if someone had gone to the effort to buy my children presents and drop them off, I would at least invite them in for a quick chat.

(Side note - I leave the house most days at 6:30 so can’t go there on my way to work just incase someone suggests). I do think because she only works part time she doesn't always understand that I can't just drop everything to work around her schedule.

@Legseleven1990 I'm not sure what your point is? Where I'm from it's pretty standard that people drop off a present either the day before or on the actual persons birthday with possibly Christmas being an exception, just because we like to relax on Christmas Eve and not rush around dropping off presents the night before the big day. As I said, I did try to drop the gift off before her birthday but they were unavailable then to.

Also, I disagree with the posters saying I should have ordered and delivered her gift a week/two weeks before. In some cases people might not have the money to do that and might have to wait until payday. It's not always as simple as buying the gift weeks beforehand, sorry.

My point is you only tried one day before, when you knew they were busy, completely ignoring that there was a whole weekend there but you didn't want to compromise on that time. You're insisting on it being an evening because it suits you, despite the fact you know they don't suit your SIL. You're giving off that she won't compromise on evenings, when you equally won't compromise on weekends. Either both of you are being awkward, or neither of you are - you're both just busy.

@Legseleven1990 I think if someone has gone to the effort to buy your child a present and drop it off the least you can do is just open the door to them and say thank you, especially if you're sat in the living room anyway. Just basic manners in my eyes, but I appreciate everyone is brought up differently.

You are being ridiculous about the need to watch her opening them. You work long hours fine so drop them when convenient and leave somewhere. Your insistence on them being available is OTT. You don't give a child a gift so that they are grateful, you do it to give pleasure to child.

@cansu I've already explained there is no safe place for gifts/items to be left as they live in a block of flats, therefor they needed to be in to take it from me and since they were in the house anyway and didn't have any plans that evening why wouldn't you invite the person in for 10 minutes. That's how I see it.

I think she was precious in regards to nieces bedtime last night. She was happy for niece to stay up late every single night that week, except for the evening that I asked to come on. I don't think I will change my mind about this, she was ungrateful and I won't put in so much effort next year.

She may not be opening them that night though? Maybe bedtime routine is underway at 7.30 if 8pm so she will wait til the next day? Her response sounds reasonable and this is what i would take it to mean.

Honestly kids get loads of gifts in their birthday. While I love that their family loves my DC I really don't mind if they give them gifts or not. If the giving of gifts came with a huge guilt trip that we had to cancel plans so you could watch them open the gifts I'd much rather you simply didn't bother. Gifts don't have to be given within a day if their birthday. Especially if both families are busy.

@TheNinny she did let her open them last night, 20 minutes after I left (10 minutes before bedtime) as she sent me the video.

If you tell me not to come to your house because you're busy, and I come anyway, I'm the one being rude. I was brought up to respect people and their boundaries.

@IMNOTSHOUTING I've already said a few times that I'd used the wrong choice of words when I said "watch her". I just meant it would have been nice to wish her a happy birthday and give her a cuddle, since they were in the house anyway. There has been plenty of times when I've had to post presents to other family members children because we don't live close to each other and I've not seen them open them. It's really not a big deal. My issue was the fact I felt she was being awkward/nasty/rude by not even opening the door and saying hello, when she was sat in the living room anyway.

We (my mother and I) have always tried to be supportive and help in any way that we can with the girls since her and my brothers split and it was just a kick in the teeth last night when she acted that way.

@Legseleven1990 okay, so when should I have gone then?

You should give gifts because you care about the person receiving them. Her birthday isn’t about you.
Either you don’t care about her enough to bother sending gifts in future.
Or post a parcel and let her enjoy her birthday.
Your choice.

Do you not understand that your offering 5 times, all at the same evening time, are of no use to your Niece it her bedtime.

As PP said, would your niece not then want you to stay once she saw you ??? Then making it not a 5 minute visit right before her bectime?

@Legseleven1990 do you think it's convenient for me when people turn up without a warning to drop off presents for my children? Not always, but I welcome them in and say thank you as I'm not an ungrateful brat.

OP I'm not sure why you started this thread. There are a few people who agree with you but the majority of people think you are being unreasonable and a little inflexible and rigid. But you have dismissed everyone's view which does not fit with your idea that your SIL should compromise and not you. What were you hoping to get from this if you don't want to consider any other point of view?

When you start a thread asking "AIBU?" and the majority of posters say "yes, YABU" it's slightly pointless to continue digging your heels in and shouting "I'm not BU".

You asked for opinions and most don't agree that she was being "awkward/nasty/rude" by doing what she did. Your determination to paint her as some terrible person makes me think perhaps you really have it in for her. And that's fine; it's alright to dislike people. Just own it.

@Bourbonbiccy JESUS CHRIST! please read the bloody thread before commenting! It had nothing to do with bedtime. They were out every single night until gone 9pm. It was only Friday night that she was concerned about bedtime, funnily enough the day that I'd asked to come! Maybe she should move somewhere that has a bloody safe place so that people can just drop/send presents in future without all the hassle! There, problem solved.

[quote emptybaskets]@Legseleven1990 okay, so when should I have gone then? [/quote]
Either the weekend before or after when you know it suits your SIL better (or work out another time that works for you BOTH if you really are unable to be flexible with your weekends), or just graciously accept that life is super busy for all of us and unfortunately your schedules just clashed this time, and that's just how life goes sometimes as disappointing as it is.

@FudgeBrownie2019 because the posters are wrong, not to mention extremely stupid because they can't even read a thread properly 😂

I take it most of you are ungrateful brats to!

Your talk about 'basic manners' also really rankles as for many here you are not showing 'basic manners'. I'm not sure how all the judging is helping really. It's really clear that you dislike your SIL intensely. What perhaps you have to decide is whether your niece should be penalised for having a mother who does not play by your rules - as if you don't put any effort in next year I think it is your niece who might care and not your SIL.

OP it's not the posters who are coming across as brats......

@Lightsontbut yes and what a shame that would be for my niece, ultimately it is her mother who chooses to be difficult though and hopefully niece will see that when she's older.

Gosh I must be such a terrible human being, going to the effort to buy a child a present (and no I don't expect anything in return), trying to drop it off countless times. What a nasty piece of work I am.

SIL said no because she goes to bed at 8 and asked if I could come tomorrow or Sunday instead

Your own words state it did infact have something to do with her bedtime in respect of what her mother wanted ??!! So there is no need to Jesus Christ at me as I have read the whole thread

Would your niece wanted you to stay longer than 5 mins if she seen you at the house ?