To think SIL is being awkward about this?

[emptybaskets]

Generally we have always got on fine but I have found her to be awkward/unreasonable if things don’t go her way or if we don’t/can’t fit in with her schedule.

It was my nieces birthday on Tuesday and I’ve been trying to drop off her presents since with no luck. The reason being is because I work full time (very long hours and a 3hr commute all round). I don’t normally get home until around 7:30. On Tuesday they were understandably busy, Wednesday they were going out for a meal and leaving the house at 6pm, Thursday my eldest niece had dance activities and they wouldn’t be home until after 9pm, which would mean I’d have to come back out of the house and drive to them.

I suggested tonight as I knew they didn’t have any plans and asked if I could call in on my way home from work for 10 mins at around 7:30 to drop off presents and see niece open them. SIL said no because she goes to bed at 8 and asked if I could come tomorrow or Sunday instead. I’m on a training course all day tomorrow and Sunday I have plans with my own family. I’ve ended up sending a message saying “will drop presents off @ 7:30 and leave them by the door”, she responded with “okay thanks I’ll video niece opening them and send it to you”

AIBU to think she’s being extremely awkward, unreasonable, ungrateful and just a bit nasty actually? If she is going to let her open them tonight when I’ve dropped them off (30 mins before bedtime so plenty of time and can tell her she can play with them in the morning, she’s generally a good girl so will understand), then why can’t she let me come in for 10 minutes and watch her open them? I can’t imagine doing this myself if someone had gone to the effort to buy my children presents and drop them off, I would at least invite them in for a quick chat.

(Side note - I leave the house most days at 6:30 so can’t go there on my way to work just incase someone suggests). I do think because she only works part time she doesn't always understand that I can't just drop everything to work around her schedule.

I hate this whole we must must must just watch them open presents. It’s a gift you give to them for their joy not yours. Sounds like a busy family who don’t want a bedtime routine interrupted on one of the rare normal time nights. Their reasons for not seeing you before now or tonight are just as valid as your reason if not being able to do any other time too.

Just because they are home doesn’t mean are available. Bit like people who work from home they may be there he’ll they may even have a day off but that doesn’t mean they are available.

Yes, I missed that it was Wales.

The Wales rules still only allow for two households to form one extended household (with exceptions for caring etc). If you’re not part of an extended household, you can’t meet indoors. It really doesn’t sound like this is the position the op is in.

OP IS IN WALES

That feels better .

OP I don't think either of you are being unreasonable.

She sounds perfectly reasonable to be honest.
You're overthinking it .

I'm in Wales but I don't go into other people's houses.

Yeah she might not necessarily mean give the present and video her opening it there and then, she might do it in the morning. Even if she does let DD open it in the evening before bed it’s a bit different having someone visiting before bedtime, she will be even more excitable with you there right before bedtime.

SIL is being totally reasonable I think. I'd have just dropped off present whenever was convenient for you - offering to video opening it is a nice touch that I'm not sure I'd even have thought to offer to be honest.

I've never liked people visiting just before bedtime as it usually causes over excitement at a time when DD is meant to be winding down for bed, but I would never actually say no.

I don’t think she’s being unreasonable to be fair - I’m sorry it’s upset you OP - but videoing the opening is a bit OTT in my view so I think she’s trying to keep you happy

It's the classic situation of both households being very busy.
It's a compromise.

If she's had excited children every night this week, and is looking forward to a nice calm quiet bedtime, then I totally see her point.

Do you have children, OP? It really does impact how much flexibility you have.

It's OK for dn to be out til 9 pm when it suits but not to receive gifts from you at 7.30? But crappy that mind..

It all sounds fine to me. You surely don't need to see your niece opening her gifts and at least she will have them.

Your work hours aren't your SIL's problem - presumably she didn't ask you to go to all this trouble. Maybe next time just pop something in the post? I think I was a bit like this when my nieces were young. Amazon all the way now! I understand where she is coming from re the bedtime too.

You are being precious. Why can't you just go at the weekend, then you can see her for a while?

@emptybaskets

We are in Wales, different rules apply here

And you still can’t go into other houses.

gov.wales/coronavirus

Covid aside YABU.

I think it's nice that she is recording it for you

@emptybaskets

We are in Wales, different rules apply here

Does Covid not operate in Wales. You may have other rules but the risks are there. I don’t blame her for not wanting people in the house.

Just before bed time is never good, and it won't be just 10 min, and you might be late... Before you know it DNiece is over the top over excited, won't go to bed, full on tantrum.

So I'd give her the benefit of the doubt and let it slide. Unless she has form for being really inflexible of course...

1. Why didn't your DH do it?

1. Why wasn't it done before her birthday. Surely gifts are dropped off beforehand so they open them on the actual day?

@emptybaskets

I really don't want to get on the topic of covid tbh, that's not why I posted this thread. My question was is SIL being unreasonable.

She had a party for my niece on Monday with all her friends so I highly doubt she is that concerned about covid herself.

Yeah she’s definitely targetting you. In your position I would have never given her the power over you - would just have dropped it on her doorstep on that first day.

To be honest, I would have dropped them off BEFORE her birthday, and if no one was home left them in a safe place or called on my way home and knocked and dropped then if the time was inconvenient.

My Gosh, I think covid has made so many people bored and become crazy bitchy to strangers online.

OP I can see why you feel the way you do, hopefully SIL didn’t mean any harm and is just busy and didn’t think.

@JaniceSopranoJr
I’m sure covid rules don’t ban someone watch a kid open presents through a window!!

For you all know OP OH could be deceased, ill, hospitalised or divorced! Or even a female!

You sound as awkward as each other, tbh.

I don't think I've said anywhere that my work hours are my SIL's problem, but it does explain why I can't just drop things off during the day, as I have to work. She only works two days a week so has a lot more "free time" than me (I'm not saying looking after children isn't hard work before anyone jumps on my back!)

As I said before, I've been trying all week to drop the presents off but they've had plans every single night. Yes, she's given me the weekend but I have a training course tomorrow (which is hardly plans in my eyes, it's something that I have to do) and Sunday is my only day off this week, which is family time.

Maybe "watch" was the wrong word to use. I just meant it would be nice to see her, since I didn't get to on her actual birthday. I just can't imagine being sat in my living room knowing someone had just come to the door, dropped presents off and I'd not even opened the door to say hello. I just find that strange but maybe that's me.

Going forward I think I will just put some money in a card next year and pop it through the letterbox. Saves any hassle trying to work around each other's schedules and prevents any disappointment.