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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think SIL is being awkward about this?

412 replies

emptybaskets · 27/11/2020 16:20

Generally we have always got on fine but I have found her to be awkward/unreasonable if things don’t go her way or if we don’t/can’t fit in with her schedule.

It was my nieces birthday on Tuesday and I’ve been trying to drop off her presents since with no luck. The reason being is because I work full time (very long hours and a 3hr commute all round). I don’t normally get home until around 7:30. On Tuesday they were understandably busy, Wednesday they were going out for a meal and leaving the house at 6pm, Thursday my eldest niece had dance activities and they wouldn’t be home until after 9pm, which would mean I’d have to come back out of the house and drive to them.

I suggested tonight as I knew they didn’t have any plans and asked if I could call in on my way home from work for 10 mins at around 7:30 to drop off presents and see niece open them. SIL said no because she goes to bed at 8 and asked if I could come tomorrow or Sunday instead. I’m on a training course all day tomorrow and Sunday I have plans with my own family. I’ve ended up sending a message saying “will drop presents off @ 7:30 and leave them by the door”, she responded with “okay thanks I’ll video niece opening them and send it to you”

AIBU to think she’s being extremely awkward, unreasonable, ungrateful and just a bit nasty actually? If she is going to let her open them tonight when I’ve dropped them off (30 mins before bedtime so plenty of time and can tell her she can play with them in the morning, she’s generally a good girl so will understand), then why can’t she let me come in for 10 minutes and watch her open them? I can’t imagine doing this myself if someone had gone to the effort to buy my children presents and drop them off, I would at least invite them in for a quick chat.

(Side note - I leave the house most days at 6:30 so can’t go there on my way to work just incase someone suggests). I do think because she only works part time she doesn't always understand that I can't just drop everything to work around her schedule.

OP posts:
ForTheLoveOfCatFood · 27/11/2020 16:30

Her message sounds fine? I can understand not wanting a visitor with presents just before bedtime. And you’ve agreed a time to drop them off it’s a non issue

Ffsffsffsffsffs · 27/11/2020 16:32

If you're in England it's lockdown, so wanting to go in even for 10mins is a big no. Yabu.

emptybaskets · 27/11/2020 16:34

My point is that she is going to let her open them anyway and probably let her play with them for a few minutes before bedtime, so why can't she let me come in and watch her open them?

I went to a lot of effort to choose things I thought she would really like so it would be nice to watch her open them. Maybe I am being unreasonable but I just feel slightly disappointed and feel that she is being awkward.

We are in Wales

OP posts:
IMNOTSHOUTING · 27/11/2020 16:36

I don't think she's being particularly unreasonable. Aren't we meant to be in lockdown anyway? Even if you live somewhere not in lockdown it just sounds like they're busy and don't want someone turning up with presents right before bedtime. It's only been a few days since her birthday anyway.

DaphneFanshaw · 27/11/2020 16:36

It could be that she’s being awkward, or maybe her dd is overtired and they all need a rest and a good nights sleep.
It depends on how old she is but a bedtime routine at a young age can be hectic, especially if there are other dc to look after. She possibly just doesn’t need an extra person there to add excitement to the mix.

PurpleDaisies · 27/11/2020 16:36

My point is that she is going to let her open them anyway and probably let her play with them for a few minutes before bedtime, so why can't she let me come in and watch her open them?

Did you miss there’s a lockdown?

YakkityYakYakYak · 27/11/2020 16:36

I think she’s being a bit awkward not to let you in for 10 mins since you can’t really do any other time, but I can see why she doesn’t want people coming in and over exciting the children at bedtime. And her message doesn’t necessarily say she’s going to give her the gift tonight, might be intending to film her opening it tomorrow.

Takethewinefromtheswine · 27/11/2020 16:37

Why do you need to watch her open them?
I dont think she is BU, you gave her a 10 minute window which didnt work for her and she gave you a weekend which doesn't work for you. I really wouldn't try to be pissed off about this, it's not really a big deal.

emptybaskets · 27/11/2020 16:37

It would be nice to actually see her since I didn't get to on her birthday instead of watching her in a video.

OP posts:
whensmynexthol1day · 27/11/2020 16:37

Maybe the video will happen tomorrow? She hasn't specified tonight?
I think it's nice that she's offered to video it to be honest.
I wouldn't want people round half an hour before a kids bedtime so I think that's fair enough

maddy68 · 27/11/2020 16:37

Honestly I don't think she's being unreasonable at all. She's not saying she doesn't want to see you but not just before bedtime when she will get excited and not want to go to bed.
The other days you mentioned they were busy. Perfectly reasonable

emptybaskets · 27/11/2020 16:37

We are in Wales, different rules apply here

OP posts:
Meepmeeep · 27/11/2020 16:38

@Ffsffsffsffsffs

If you're in England it's lockdown, so wanting to go in even for 10mins is a big no. Yabu.
They were out for a meal and older niece had dance activities - what part of that makes you think they’re in England? Or did you just want to jump in as the COVID police?
MaskingForIt · 27/11/2020 16:39

@PurpleDaisies

My point is that she is going to let her open them anyway and probably let her play with them for a few minutes before bedtime, so why can't she let me come in and watch her open them?

Did you miss there’s a lockdown?

Not in Wales there isn’t.
Meepmeeep · 27/11/2020 16:39

@PurpleDaisies

My point is that she is going to let her open them anyway and probably let her play with them for a few minutes before bedtime, so why can't she let me come in and watch her open them?

Did you miss there’s a lockdown?

Did you miss she’s not in England?
emptybaskets · 27/11/2020 16:39

@Takethewinefromtheswine, I didn't give her a 10 minute window. I've been trying all week to drop the presents off but they've had plans every night, hence why I thought tonight would be a good day to do it since they didn't have any plans.

OP posts:
emptybaskets · 27/11/2020 16:40

@DaphneFanshaw you're probably right. Thanks!

OP posts:
Grooticle · 27/11/2020 16:41

I don’t take from her message that she’s letting your niece open them tonight - it just says she’ll video her opening them. That could be on the weekend. I don’t really see a problem here.

Purplecatshopaholic · 27/11/2020 16:41

I think she’s being totally reasonable actually. I wouldn’t want someone popping round just before bed time either. And it’s nice of her to offer to record her opening them for you too.

PurpleDaisies · 27/11/2020 16:41

Are you part of an extended household with them? Since you hardly see them by the sounds of it it really isn’t worth their while.

It’s hard to believe what you’re proposing is within the Welsh rules.

emptybaskets · 27/11/2020 16:43

I really don't want to get on the topic of covid tbh, that's not why I posted this thread. My question was is SIL being unreasonable.

She had a party for my niece on Monday with all her friends so I highly doubt she is that concerned about covid herself.

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 27/11/2020 16:43

So you’re not part of an extended household then?

willowmelangell · 27/11/2020 16:44

The video is a nice idea. You can play it on her 21stGrin
I wouldn't want someone in at bedtime routine.
It is a compromise.

unmarkedbythat · 27/11/2020 16:45

No, I think you're being the unreasonable one. She hasn't asked you to drop everything to fit round her schedule, she has offered dates and times that don't suit you and you have offered dates and times that don't suit her. She's going to video your niece opening them and send it to you which is a nice thing to do.

Elfieishere · 27/11/2020 16:46

She never said she was going to do the video tonight though ?

She could do it tomorrow.

Why is she nasty just because you want to come at nearly bed timeConfused
You could do it on the weekend but you have plans, the same as they had plans in the week.

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