To think SIL is being awkward about this?

[emptybaskets]

Generally we have always got on fine but I have found her to be awkward/unreasonable if things don’t go her way or if we don’t/can’t fit in with her schedule.

It was my nieces birthday on Tuesday and I’ve been trying to drop off her presents since with no luck. The reason being is because I work full time (very long hours and a 3hr commute all round). I don’t normally get home until around 7:30. On Tuesday they were understandably busy, Wednesday they were going out for a meal and leaving the house at 6pm, Thursday my eldest niece had dance activities and they wouldn’t be home until after 9pm, which would mean I’d have to come back out of the house and drive to them.

I suggested tonight as I knew they didn’t have any plans and asked if I could call in on my way home from work for 10 mins at around 7:30 to drop off presents and see niece open them. SIL said no because she goes to bed at 8 and asked if I could come tomorrow or Sunday instead. I’m on a training course all day tomorrow and Sunday I have plans with my own family. I’ve ended up sending a message saying “will drop presents off @ 7:30 and leave them by the door”, she responded with “okay thanks I’ll video niece opening them and send it to you”

AIBU to think she’s being extremely awkward, unreasonable, ungrateful and just a bit nasty actually? If she is going to let her open them tonight when I’ve dropped them off (30 mins before bedtime so plenty of time and can tell her she can play with them in the morning, she’s generally a good girl so will understand), then why can’t she let me come in for 10 minutes and watch her open them? I can’t imagine doing this myself if someone had gone to the effort to buy my children presents and drop them off, I would at least invite them in for a quick chat.

(Side note - I leave the house most days at 6:30 so can’t go there on my way to work just incase someone suggests). I do think because she only works part time she doesn't always understand that I can't just drop everything to work around her schedule.

@CeeceeBloomingdale I am hearing her but I think you've missed the part where I said she was out having a meal on Tuesday and Wednesday night and Thursday they were out until after 9pm (not concerned about bedtime then) doing activities. It's only tonight that she's been concerned about the bedtime routine.

It’s not a question of one of you being wrong or right or awkward just different patterns.

She is busy in evenings and suggested the weekend.

You are busy at the weekend and suggested evenings.

Neither of you can do the other and therefore it is not possible.

When originally she said Friday was ok did she realise that it would be half seven?

She may be being unreasonable but getting huffy that you are not there to see her opening the presents is a bit childish to be honest.

Six of one, half a dozen of the other

unfortunately I don't have the luxury of being able to pop over during the day as I'm in work, I have mentioned that many times.

She not asking you to, she's saying Saturday or Sunday is best, dont be dramatic, you don't have to drop everything.
You don't want to prioritise your time for her on Sunday, which is fine, the SIL isn't expecting anything of you just giving you an option of an opportunity should you wish to utilise it.

and thought tonight would be good because she didn't have any plans
Yes she did have plans, it's her daughters bedtime routine.

And if you were only popping in for 10 mins and not expecting to see your niece or her open the present, why would she disrupt her bedtime routine for you ?

[quote emptybaskets]@tigger001 I've given her a choice of 5 evenings.... which I have stated many times. She's asked me to come round on my 1 day off! I don't think that's a compromise personally. [/quote]
Your posts are hilarious OP. The sheer lack of self awareness is very amusing. "How very dare my SIL ask me to come and drop off a present for my DN on my day off!!1! The absolute bloody cheek of it, down with this sort of thing" come now, you must see that what's good for the goose is good for the gander. You have requirements and so does your SIL's family. It isn't brain surgery. You just work it out between the two of you and assume the best on both sides.

If your intention is to remain close to your DN throughout her life, may I point out that your stropping about her mum not accommodating your schedule as it relates to dropping off DN present, is not going to get you any closer to that goal. You just come across as awkward and dramatic, and no-one wants to spend time with people who are like that.

I really hope this is a reverse!

SO BORED WITH COVID POLICE ON EVERY EFFING THREAD! Bore off!

So you’re busy and don’t have much time to see her but you’re annoyed at her also being busy and not having time to see you. If you’re both busy people, it sounds like you just need to plan things a bit further in advance.

@tigger001 I don't think I'm being dramatic at all. I guess I could say the same about her not letting me come in for 10 minutes because she thinks it would disrupt her daughters bedtime routine, even though she's let her stay up late every single night this week anyway. And I said I wanted to pop in for 10 minutes to see my niece why would I come in otherwise?

No you're being weird. You both have plans and are trying to work around them.

You can't get there until 7.30 well her kids bedtime is 8 and they have activities on an evening.

You can't just say 'she works part time' and assume that she has nothing else of importance to be doing.

@BrummyMum1

So you’re busy and don’t have much time to see her but you’re annoyed at her also being busy and not having time to see you. If you’re both busy people, it sounds like you just need to plan things a bit further in advance.

Nobody is that busy that they cant open the door, say thank you for the gifts and take them. OP is the one putting herself out after a long day at work to go round there.

@WellQualifiedToRepresentTheLBC as I've said many times I've given her a choice of 5 evenings which she's said no to. She's given me a 1 day window which just so happens to be my only day off.

Will be dropping present off in a few minutes anyway.

@CorianderQueen No where have I said that she doesn't have other things to do and that looking after children isn't hard work but she's given me a 1 day window, which just so happens to be my only day off this week. I think she is just being awkward for the sake of it but I guess I'm the only one who thinks that.

So you’re busy and don’t have much time to see her but you’re annoyed at her also being busy and not having time to see you. If you’re both busy people, it sounds like you just need to plan things a bit further in advance.

This is how I feel about it. I’m not sure why you’re so insistent that SIL is purposely trying to be awkward to you, they’ve clearly had a very busy week and offered for you to visit over the weekend, they’re hardly shunning you 🤷‍♀️

Just dropped present off.
Will look forward to the video at some point.

Thanks everyone

[quote emptybaskets]@WellQualifiedToRepresentTheLBC as I've said many times I've given her a choice of 5 evenings which she's said no to. She's given me a 1 day window which just so happens to be my only day off.

Will be dropping present off in a few minutes anyway. [/quote]
? Nothing in this post contradicts anything I said?

She has requirements, you have requirements, and putting those together means your window is Sunday. That isn't an insult to you. It's just the way schedules work.

Is there something else going on in your life that's causing you to generally feel quite sensitive at the moment? Because getting the huff over the fact that other people have plans is really not logical, I suspect you are generally quite stressed at the minute hence you blowing this out of proportion.

@WellQualifiedToRepresentTheLBC not stressed at all. I just think she is being awkward for the sake of it. I don't see the "bedtime routine" as plans personally. If the shoe were on the other foot, I would have invited her in and let her see my kids. No big deal, we all deal with things differently which is fine.

I'd be annoyed too, and that's not how we treat each other in our family. And actually, my SIL turned up uninvited on my 6 year old's birthday at normal bedtime this year. As it was a Friday and her birthday she was still up, came down and opened her present so her auntie could see (from the doorway as we are in England!). Never occurred to me to be remotely annoyed or not call my daughter to say hello and thank you! I think it's rude.

I think it's best if I just put some money in a card next year and pop it through the letter box. Just saves any hassle or disappointment

You’re being churlish now! You’re the one who’s disappointed, and it’s not your birthday.

Maybe the busy week has meant that an early bedtime is especially needed tonight.

So you do want to see your niece, to turn up with a present, just before her bedtime when the mother has asked you not to and you think she is being awkward, this would not be the beneficial time for your niece, you sound selfish to me and this is about you wanting to see your niece, so you want to disrupt her bedtime get her all excited and then leave after 10 mins while mum has the got to try to put her to bed ?

Respect her space, she doesn't want you there at that time. Prioritise your niece her or don't, the SIL isn't expecting anything of you, she is giving you a convenient time, if you don't want to use that, leave it at the door and watch the video, but it is definitely not her being awkward IMO

[quote emptybaskets]@WellQualifiedToRepresentTheLBC not stressed at all. I just think she is being awkward for the sake of it. I don't see the "bedtime routine" as plans personally. If the shoe were on the other foot, I would have invited her in and let her see my kids. No big deal, we all deal with things differently which is fine. [/quote]
OK, so she isn't allowed to have preferences, you absolutely are, and if she does have preferences, you will chuck your toys out of the pram and strop about how you'll just put money in a card next time...

Cool... you sound ace...

@MadameButterface I'm not sure what you mean. Why does that make me "childish"?. It's been pointed out many times on this thread that our schedules clash and because I can't leave presents outside (no safe place) when their not in it just makes sense to give money instead in future!

She offered you to come at the weekend! It’s not her fault you’re busy on saturday

Wait you posted at 19:14 that you were dropping it off in a few minutes then posted at 19:17 that it was done. Are you posting and driving or what?

@WellQualifiedToRepresentTheLBC I haven't spat my dummy out at all. As I said it's been pointed out many times that our schedules clash and because I can't leave presents outside as there is no safe place, it just makes sense to give cash in future.