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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think SIL is being awkward about this?

412 replies

emptybaskets · 27/11/2020 16:20

Generally we have always got on fine but I have found her to be awkward/unreasonable if things don’t go her way or if we don’t/can’t fit in with her schedule.

It was my nieces birthday on Tuesday and I’ve been trying to drop off her presents since with no luck. The reason being is because I work full time (very long hours and a 3hr commute all round). I don’t normally get home until around 7:30. On Tuesday they were understandably busy, Wednesday they were going out for a meal and leaving the house at 6pm, Thursday my eldest niece had dance activities and they wouldn’t be home until after 9pm, which would mean I’d have to come back out of the house and drive to them.

I suggested tonight as I knew they didn’t have any plans and asked if I could call in on my way home from work for 10 mins at around 7:30 to drop off presents and see niece open them. SIL said no because she goes to bed at 8 and asked if I could come tomorrow or Sunday instead. I’m on a training course all day tomorrow and Sunday I have plans with my own family. I’ve ended up sending a message saying “will drop presents off @ 7:30 and leave them by the door”, she responded with “okay thanks I’ll video niece opening them and send it to you”

AIBU to think she’s being extremely awkward, unreasonable, ungrateful and just a bit nasty actually? If she is going to let her open them tonight when I’ve dropped them off (30 mins before bedtime so plenty of time and can tell her she can play with them in the morning, she’s generally a good girl so will understand), then why can’t she let me come in for 10 minutes and watch her open them? I can’t imagine doing this myself if someone had gone to the effort to buy my children presents and drop them off, I would at least invite them in for a quick chat.

(Side note - I leave the house most days at 6:30 so can’t go there on my way to work just incase someone suggests). I do think because she only works part time she doesn't always understand that I can't just drop everything to work around her schedule.

OP posts:
emptybaskets · 27/11/2020 17:57

@AnneLovesGilbert it really would be 10 minutes. I've been working all day and I'm shattered. I also need to get home to my own family and see my little ones.

OP posts:
wewillmeetagain · 27/11/2020 17:57

OP I think she's bloody rude and I wouldn't bother dropping them off!

emptybaskets · 27/11/2020 17:59

@wewillmeetagain If I'm being honest I was very tempted to do this, BUT... it would only hurt my niece which isn't fair. I absolutely adore her and want her to have the presents.

I will drop them off, forget about it and just make sure I don't go to so much effort next year.

OP posts:
RealBecca · 27/11/2020 18:01

"I think it's best if I just put some money in a card next year and pop it through the letter box. Just saves any hassle or disappointment."

Oh for goodness sake. Yes, it probably is of you're going to make such a fuss about it.

RealBecca · 27/11/2020 18:02

"I will drop them off, forget about it and just make sure I don't go to so much effort next year."

Once more, for goodness sake.

emptybaskets · 27/11/2020 18:03

There is no need to be so rude @RealBecca. I'm just responding to the other posters.

OP posts:
Thesheerrelief · 27/11/2020 18:03

I wouldn't welcome anyone 30 mins before bed. The excitement of a visitor and presents could turn bedtime into a prolonged nightmare.

IMNOTSHOUTING · 27/11/2020 18:03

I honestly can't believe you've managed to get so het up about it after only a few days. It sounds like you're both busy so she might not get her pressies in the few days after her birthday, or she opens them without you there. Surely that's fine.

SnuggyBuggy · 27/11/2020 18:07

If you are so pressed for time I'd be tempted just to post them or maybe it would be easier for them to drop by yours to pick them up. This system obviously isn't working for you.

EwwSprouts · 27/11/2020 18:08

You're in Wales. I think the SIL is being awkward. You've bought her child a present and offered different times. You have work reasons for not being able to get there earlier. Some compromise is needed and 30 mins before bedtime for just 10 minutes could surely be accommodated. The child can always be bathed & in pyjamas already.

PurpleDaisies · 27/11/2020 18:09

You're in Wales

Yes, but it still doesn’t sound like the op I’d allowed in by the current covid rules there.

emptybaskets · 27/11/2020 18:10

That's what I thought @EwwSprouts but clearly not. I have offered a choice of 5 evenings which she's said no to (fair enough she's had plans each night but she's given a 1 day window which is my only day off this week). I honestly would have only stayed for 10 minutes and her bedtime would have gone unaffected, I'm 100% certain. Never mind

OP posts:
emptybaskets · 27/11/2020 18:11

I will just look forward to the video.

OP posts:
Elfieishere · 27/11/2020 18:13

I gave her a choice of 5 evenings which she has said no to, she's given me 1 day (my only day off) so I personally don't see that as a compromise

You gave her a choice of 5 evenings and 4 of them she was busy and on the last one you want to come late.

You hardly put any effort in by sending a couple messages trying to arrange it.

confusednotcom · 27/11/2020 18:13

Why not just say you'd love to see your niece open the gifts you bought her so find a day that works next week? And/or go round on Sunday - you can incorporate your family into your family day? I'm sure your SIL has her reasons for not wanting you to come in 1/2 hour before bedtime, I wouldn't have wanted the excitement at that time of night - "here's a lovely present, but you can't play with it till tomorrow"!

butterpuffed · 27/11/2020 18:13

I can see that it's annoying for you OP. I don't really think your SIL is deliberately being unreasonable either , the unreasonable ones are the many posters who have been piling in on you.

doctorhamster · 27/11/2020 18:15

Maybe she doesn't want you in her house because of COVID op. It's not allowed is it unless you're in a bubble.

emptybaskets · 27/11/2020 18:18

@Elfieishere hardly late, 7:30 and it's a Friday. I'd only be there for 10 minutes. Their up anyway sitting in the living room.

OP posts:
emptybaskets · 27/11/2020 18:18

I doubt it's anything to do with covid @doctorhamster . She had a birthday party on Monday with all her friends.

OP posts:
EarringsandLipstick · 27/11/2020 18:19

God I can't believe these posts!

@emptybaskets I'm 100% on your side.

SIL is being rude, and yes, a bit nasty! You are going to the effort of dropping presents on your way home after a long day, and week, in work. As you say, I couldn't imagine expecting any relative of mine to drop presents as I sat in the house, and not even inviting them in for a few minutes! It's awful.

I think you've been very kind and gone to a lot of effort.

I hope you get to have a nice day with your own family on Sunday Flowers

EarringsandLipstick · 27/11/2020 18:21

@Elfieishere

I gave her a choice of 5 evenings which she has said no to, she's given me 1 day (my only day off) so I personally don't see that as a compromise

You gave her a choice of 5 evenings and 4 of them she was busy and on the last one you want to come late.

You hardly put any effort in by sending a couple messages trying to arrange it.

@Elfieishere you don't think this represents effort on the part of OP? Really?

She has been generous to buy presents for DN. She texts, multiple times, to see what time would suit. No days do, apparently, and the one day they are around, it's 'too close to bedtime'. FGS.

She wants to come at 7.30, for 10 minutes, to drop off presents. How is that late? When they've been out late on other nights?

BloggersBlog · 27/11/2020 18:24

She sounds like she is being awkward for the sake of it. And rude. Even just opening the door to take them would show manners

StarFriend · 27/11/2020 18:27

I'm with you OP. It's one evening, so what if routine goes out of the window while dn opens her presents.

I would never let someone drive to mine with presents and not invite them in.

Lightsontbut · 27/11/2020 18:28

I think you are being unreasonable TBH. She does not feel comfortable disrupting bed time and whilst that not be how you see it and how some other parents see it, you're not entitled to make her change how she does things. We don't know what's going on for her and she may be stressed and not feel able to take on anything else. 10 minutes in the house may not seem much for you but could have knock-on ramifications for the kids and her. She may feel she needs to tidy to have you in for 10 minutes as well. If it's the biggest deal for you to see you niece open the presents then you have to accept that you may have to give her the presents a little later than her BD. That in itself is no big deal unless you chose to make it one.

Dishwashersaurous · 27/11/2020 18:29

I don’t understand why you won’t pop round as a family at the weekend

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