Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Pissed off at being volunteered

199 replies

goodwillcunting · 27/11/2020 15:51

NC as this has just happened so very outing but I'm so fucked off I don't even care.

I was going to post in craft section but I genuinely can't tell if IAB(totally)U and thought it would be helpful to get non crafters views too.

I crochet for relaxation. I enjoy it, I don't sell anything but I do gift it sometimes if someone specifically asks for something but I tend to prefer just to suit myself. I was showing a friend a little project I was doing for my house last week and she's just informed me she's 'sold' a few for charity. I couldn't hide my WTF response but have ended up agreeing to do the ones she's committed to but no more.

yanbu that is some cheeky fuckery

Yabu It wont take that long and it is for charity

I feel so pissed off but at her reaction I'm not sure if I need to stop being a grinch

OP posts:
autumnboys · 27/11/2020 17:24

Hope that she accepts it with a good will. Grin Unbelievably cheeky of her!

SlopesOff · 27/11/2020 17:28

She doesn't value what you do, or your friendship.
People mostly don't realise how much work goes into hand made items but then they do it is really great.

I make various things, and am happy to give them as gifts, if I choose to. Because I give some away (and sell a few when I need some space/money) a person I live with will often say '*** would like that' expecting me to just hand it over and it really annoys me. I haven't been volunteered for anything recently though.

SlopesOff · 27/11/2020 17:29

when

LadyOfTheImprovisedBath · 27/11/2020 17:29

YANBU

Bet she hasn't thought about time and materials costs.

DH has several craft hobbies - he tend to be more generous with 3D printing I think becuase he's not sat there making it as much as his other crafts though designing or finishing and painting can take some time and resources -but even with basic prints the costs in 3D filaments not to mention hours and hours of electric do mount up and often get over looked even by DH.

VetiverAndLavender · 27/11/2020 17:30

That was awful of her! Not only should she have asked first, but she should also have offered to cover the cost of materials. After all, you'd already have been donating your time and expertise, and since this would be benefitting her as well as the charity, the least she could have done was pay for the yarn.

So often, people who don't craft have no concept of how much time goes into it, not to mention that it's your hobby, and mass producing things changes it into work.

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 27/11/2020 17:30

I'd smile sweetly and say you'd be delighted to spend x hours, what 50 hours of your time crafting for her charity donation, as long as, in exchange she agrees to the same time investment of tutoring to random people you select... (please some very stroppy teenagers).

If you're feeling particularly evil... As its soooo late notice... You want reciprocal tutoring at 2 x time investment Grin

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 27/11/2020 17:33

I’m glad you have texted her, @goodwillcunting - I knit, crochet and embroidery, and I would be furious if someone volunteered me to make something! And she was doubly cheeky because she wasn’t even offering to pay for the yarn.

People really don’t understand the time and effort that goes into something home made.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 27/11/2020 17:34

I beg you not to complete the work for her. You would be reinforcing her bizarre behaviour. How will she learn not to be a weirdo?

Puzzledandpissedoff · 27/11/2020 17:34

This is cheek fuckery from the school too. What happens if the teachers don't meet the target? Stern talking to? Pay docked? Enforced giving? Absolutely ridiculous

Also completely agree with this
You'd think staff have problems enough without becoming someone else's fundraiser, but hey - who cares as long as there's yet another thing that can be foisted onto them? Hmm

AcornAutumn · 27/11/2020 17:39

@DelphineWalsh

You don't have to do it.
This
HerselfIndoors · 27/11/2020 17:43

the teachers each have a target this year for the charity so this will go towards her tally.

That's terrible - and having some pretty shitty results too! You must meet your charity target so why not treat a friend appallingly to make sure you do?

I'm so glad you said no because CFs who pull stunts like this need to find out the hard way that it's not OK. And not rely on "it's for charity" to make people grit their teeth and get on with it.

I sew stuff (clothes, homewares, toys etc) for myself/the kids and sometimes to give to people, and I've had people say "ooh you should sell those!" Yes if I want to charge £100 per item for the time they take and spend my life having to do it, instead of enjoying it. It's not a small thing she's tried to railroad you into.

If there's fallout I'd tell her the truth - you agreed because you were wrongfooted and felt bad, but actually on reflection it's not on.

Badgerstmary · 27/11/2020 17:44

Well done for standing up for yourself. You are definitely not being unreasonable, she is a cf.

Grooticle · 27/11/2020 17:45

A school mum acquaintance (this was before we started home educating) signed me up to make cupcakes for the pta to sell - without discussing it with me first. I only found out when PTA lady asked me if I could make some gluten free ones as well. When questioned, the school mum explained that she knew I liked to watch Great British bake off so thought it would be fun for me. PTA lady was very cross when told I’d never agreed and wouldn’t be doing it, and school mum acquaintance ended up buying Tesco’s cupcakes to fill that stall.

There really are some odd people out there.

GailsPlait · 27/11/2020 17:50

@Grooticle

A school mum acquaintance (this was before we started home educating) signed me up to make cupcakes for the pta to sell - without discussing it with me first. I only found out when PTA lady asked me if I could make some gluten free ones as well. When questioned, the school mum explained that she knew I liked to watch Great British bake off so thought it would be fun for me. PTA lady was very cross when told I’d never agreed and wouldn’t be doing it, and school mum acquaintance ended up buying Tesco’s cupcakes to fill that stall.

There really are some odd people out there.

Lucky she remembered you watch bake off and not dexter...
ancientgran · 27/11/2020 17:53

People don't realise the time commitment or the cost of yarn. I'm in the middle of something I've been working on for 10 days but I want to make it for someone I love because they saw mine and liked it. No way would I want to make lots of them or buy the wool.

I do mine in part as physio for my arthritic wrist, it works brilliantly, so I do make things for people but it is my choice. You aren't being unreasonable.

reiki21 · 27/11/2020 17:56

I'd tell her to make her own. You could reinforce that by making a couple and handing them in to the school (put a wee label in saying 'handmade by you'.) That should put her gas at a peep. I really hate it when people take credit for other peoples efforts. Possibly you can tell ? lol :) I wish you luck.

ZenNudist · 27/11/2020 18:01

Just say no. I'm not sure why this is even an issue. Did you want to donate lots of your time plus costs to this charity thats great. Otherwise dont do it!

YoniAndGuy · 27/11/2020 18:03

Ooooh that it SUPER cheeky - and I'm so glad you didn't let it go. I'd be so angry at the sheer arrogance shown towards me. Like she gets to say how you use your time. It shows what she thinks of you, so you knock that RIGHT on the head.

Strangedayindeed · 27/11/2020 18:05

Don’t do it and just make a donation yourself to the charity, not through CF friend so she doesn’t get benefits of the donation but the charity still gets a £5 or whatever. Not that you need to do this at all, but you said it’s close to your heart so if you were feeling guilty it may stop that.

Original poster
goodwillcunting · 27/11/2020 18:05

@Grooticle sorry that made me laugh, volunteered you because you enjoyed watching bake off?! Good grief.

Well I've had a response. Very light and airy , said that's a pity they'll be disappointed but they'll understand it's a busy time.

I'm still a bit annoyed that she doesn't 'get it' but will bite my tongue until I speak to her instead of text.

Thanks again everyone

OP posts:
Clymene · 27/11/2020 18:06

OMG I can't believe she's done this. She's renting you out like you're her crochet monkey.

Bleugh

justconcedealready · 27/11/2020 18:07

I suspect she 'gets it' but is pretending not to to save face.

San141 · 27/11/2020 18:13

My mum also uses crochet as a hobby that she can do, with one arm. Its also something she uses to combat boredom/depression. She will make multiple things...but that's her choice, just like it's yours!
My mum will say no, but she is a very headstrong person!! I would hate that someone was abusing her time and hobby to better themselves, I've it is a charity close to you/mums heart I would do it....but independently donate instead of going through the 'friend' good luck

2beesornot2beesthatisthehoney · 27/11/2020 18:13

@goodwillcunting
I have signed up to ravelry with the username notsogoodwill
Make sure you find the group called "Selfish Knitters" you will feel so much better ! They crochet too.

Remember this - "knitting/ crocheting/ insert craft here is like sex, if I love you enough , then it's free..... but no money in the world can buy me.

SewingBeeAddict · 27/11/2020 18:16

[quote goodwillcunting]@Grooticle sorry that made me laugh, volunteered you because you enjoyed watching bake off?! Good grief.

Well I've had a response. Very light and airy , said that's a pity they'll be disappointed but they'll understand it's a busy time.

I'm still a bit annoyed that she doesn't 'get it' but will bite my tongue until I speak to her instead of text.

Thanks again everyone [/quote]
I would reply with.
Ok please dont volunteer me for things like this again.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.