To take DD home from playground because she wouldn't do her coat up

[Toomuchtooyoung01]

DD 3.5yrs refusing to let me do her coat up as she wanted to show everyone in the playground her new dress. (Several people had commented on it on our way in).
After several times telling her that I needed to do her coat up and explaining why (because its cold) and her refusing, I said we were going home (again, explained lots of times we would go home if she wouldnt do her coat up).
DD hysterically crying all the way back to the car and back home.
Am I out of order for taking her home?

The cold won’t make her unwell, and if she was really cold she would have fastened it anyway.
It’s a shame your daughters fun was ruined because you didn’t want to be judged by others.

In kindness, yes I think it was an over reaction. Pick your battles I say.

Having said that it is a long time since I had a toddler but I do know you have to follow through once you warn them of a consequence.

Is she not able to tell you when she is cold?

My goodness of course you are. How ridiculous.

You gave her a choice, hopefully calmly and clearly.
You gave her a reason for you wanting her to do up her coat.
You followed through.

What do you think will happen next time you want her to do something she doesn’t want to, and you go through the same steps?

Sounds like reasonable parenting to me.

Especially unreasonable if you were going to be going home in the car. A long cold walk home may have been different but she would warm up in the car afterwards.

Whilst I think that once you have said it, you needed to follow though or she won’t believe you next time... I’m not sure it’s a battle I would have chosen in the first place.

Unless she has an underlying health condition most kids are plenty warm enough running around the playground, and mine certainly don’t even keep their coat on for more than 5 mins!

It’s done now, so have a cuddle with her and move on it will soon be forgotten

I'd have probably just let her get on with it, just pick my battles.

I have a 4 year old coat refuser.

Several people had commented on it on our way in).

Several people commented on your child's dress on the way in to a play park though? Seriously? Several people?

Agree if you'd threatened to go home you had to follow through. I'd just not have threatened that in the first place

Children often don’t feel the cold as much as adults do. My Gdcs often don’t want coats on at all when playing out, even when it’s cold enough for me and dd to definitely feel the need.

I’d have left it - presumably if she’d felt cold enough she’d have given in.

Bit much I think. If they get cold they learn to wear a coat properly. That's a natural consequence that enables learning, you don't have to invent punishments when the lesson would occur anyway. Just creates a head ache for both of you. Chill out. Excuse the pun.

What on earth..

Well, you had to follow through. But I don’t think it’s a threat I would’ve made in the first place.

If she was cold she would let you.
Don't forget that while you're standing watching she'll be running around playing which will keep her warm. Well she would have been if you didn't choose this particular issue to put your foot down so unnecessarily. Bring her back out and met her show off her dress if she wants to.

I wouldn’t have done this for not doing her coat up no.

But I have and would do again for other behaviour, my DC is at the age of constantly running away from me. I’ve lost them in the park a couple of times recently (only for a moment or two). So I’m working on them understanding the repercussions of running away.

I do think, if she were cold she’d have said? Maybe she just wasn’t cold at that moment? She might have put it on eventually.

My two kids are like walking radiators, I don’t think they ever get cold!

I agree, unless it's -5 outside, coats are a pick your battles type thing. At three, they know that coat zipped up equals warm and can let you know if they are uncomfortably cold. Also, children don't seem to feel the cold like adults do, especially when they are running around lots.

YANBU. Point of principle as the person in charge!
Lose the small battles and she will decide she's the boss.

Honestly, I say pick your battles wisely. In this instance I would have explained DD would get cold with the coat not zipped and left it at that. Natural consequence of not doing coat up = she gets cold and learns listening to mum is a good idea! No drama, no tantrums, no stressed mum.

You had to follow through, but coats etc should generally be a 'natural consequences' thing. Tell them what the consequence will be 'to be cold' and then leave them to it.

I think you have hopefully learned not to make threats you don't really want to follow through.

Its not a battle I would have picked but you said it so you stuck with it. To be honest I don't think it matters that she wouldn't have frozen to death, children should know that sometimes you just have to do what your parents say.

Unless a genuine health reason layers / coats is not something I argue about with my kids. If they are cold they can act accordingly (or ask for help). I take layers with me and it means I don’t have to endlessly go on about it - I save that for tooth brushing, hand washing and going to sleep.

I like to think it helps with bodily autonomy too - I know that sounds wanky.

I would say it depended on current situation. For example ds2 was remarkably stubborn and would go through a phase of constant boundary pushing (and I do mean constant I swear I could put cake in front of him and he would suddenly insist he hated it ). During these periods boundaries were enforced without exception , if he was told to do something for consistency it needed to be followed through. However this would be a period of a couple of weeks. Things would settle and it would be a pick your battles issue.

So depending on whether it's a current run of boundary testing , in which case fair enough. If it was a one off then perhaps you should have picked your battle and in general its not a hill I'd die on. They will figure it out when they get a bit cold.

My little one is the exact same. I just pick and choose my battles and would let her get on with it but admire your strong parenting as im a walkover! Although i dont feel she is ever 'bad' that i need to be anything otherwise!