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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To take DD home from playground because she wouldn't do her coat up

476 replies

Toomuchtooyoung01 · 27/11/2020 13:39

DD 3.5yrs refusing to let me do her coat up as she wanted to show everyone in the playground her new dress. (Several people had commented on it on our way in).
After several times telling her that I needed to do her coat up and explaining why (because its cold) and her refusing, I said we were going home (again, explained lots of times we would go home if she wouldnt do her coat up).
DD hysterically crying all the way back to the car and back home.
Am I out of order for taking her home?

OP posts:
Pumperthepumper · 28/11/2020 15:57

[quote Wheresmykimchi]@Pumperthepumper , I disagree with flaviaritt on pretty much everything she posts but given that she thinks masks are child abuse , I doubt she smacks her child.

@flaviaritt, you are being provocative by refusing to answer though.[/quote]
Loads of people don’t think smacking is abuse. I was on a thread with that poster a while ago though where they said sexist and racist statements were fine depending on the context they were used though, so I suspect that poster is talking bollocks again anyway.

flaviaritt · 28/11/2020 15:58

Wheresmykimchi

Thanks. I am not answering Pumper because of her horrible posts. I am not trying to provoke her. She’s there already.

Pumperthepumper · 28/11/2020 15:58

@flaviaritt

Wheresmykimchi

Thanks. I am not answering Pumper because of her horrible posts. I am not trying to provoke her. She’s there already.

Or because you’re too much of a coward. Which you have form for on here.
Feministicon · 28/11/2020 17:05

Leave it babe, it’s not wurf it 😂

10CharityCards · 28/11/2020 20:46

Like most people have said, it's not a battle I would have picked but once you've given the consequence, you do have to follow through.

Also, there is a certain value for her in learning that sometimes you just have to do as you're told by your mum even if you don't understand why it's important (there will be lots of times as she's growing up when she doesn't agree with something you ask her to do, but you are actually right, it is actually important and you will have to pull rank, so no bad thing for her to learn the lesson now!)

In any case, if this is the worst thing you ever do as a parent I expect you'll be in line for some sort of award, so chin up WinkGrin.

Wheresmykimchi · 28/11/2020 21:37

@flaviaritt

Wheresmykimchi

Thanks. I am not answering Pumper because of her horrible posts. I am not trying to provoke her. She’s there already.

It is provocative to tell her you take a certain approach and then refuse to tell her what , though.
Wheresmykimchi · 28/11/2020 21:50

@flaviaritt

There is a huge difference between allowing a child to choose do up their coat(perfectly safe and age appropriate) and allowing a 2 year old to run ahead near roads(not safe or age appropriate).

Right. But once that ship has sailed, you need your child to stop when you say stop. No?

Yes....

However, you also need your child to understand the difference between what you want and need.

If you don't differentiate the two, your child will not understand danger.

The example here is perfect. OP has made an absolute scene about the child not doing up her jacket to the point the child will think it's the worst thing ever but not understand why.

The more you shout and bawl at a child the less they listen. If you go on like that all the time they won't hear the difference between stop that ( because you have decided their jacket needs done up) and actual danger.

jessstan1 · 28/11/2020 22:28

I would have been delighted if my mum had threatened to take me home for not doing up my coat. I'd have insisted on never doing up my coat :-)!

Op, I don't blame you one bit for being a little cross with your daughter but, honestly, keeping her off school for that reason is a bit much; you must see that. Who benefited from it and what on earth did the school say? I'm also interested in how long she would have been outside before going in to school.

She will always remember the incident.

Wheresmykimchi has posted very sensibly above.

LivingMyBestLifeNOT · 28/11/2020 22:52

I am an early years practitoner.
She wants to show her dress off to her friends so the option is she has to do her coat up beforehand and go into preschool.
I am sure she would tell you if she was cold....

It is difficult though because I took my 5 yr old to the yard earlier and didnt think it was that cold but forgot a hat for her and she was saying she was cold

bombaychef · 28/11/2020 23:49

Her body her decision

bombaychef · 28/11/2020 23:51

She was proud of her dress. Why ruin that? My kids rarely wear coats and have always refused

midnightstar66 · 29/11/2020 07:38

At DS's school there are children arriving looking like they are on one of those Lapland holidays. People seem to have a real thing for bundling kids up in huge amounts of clothing. DS prefers to just have his T shirt on top and will only put his coat on if he's exceptionally cold.

Haha same, scarves, hats, gloves. It's barely been below double figures here, the dc strip it all off, usually down to their t shirts then the parents complain when bits get lost. Coats and clothing are a great way to teach self regulation and natural consequences and save the battles for the stuff that matters. They. Dc might actually be more likely to listen when it is important rather than the belief that they should blindly follow any whim and demand without reason - at 3.5 they shouldn't already be able to understand why they must wear a seatbelt even though it might be a bit uncomfortable or why they must not run out in the road but they won't understand whey they must wear a coat even through they are too hot as it's nonsense. The parent will be explaining they will be cold if they take it off when usually that isn't the case so rightly they will not understand this causing doubt in what they are being told.

LoveMyKidsAndCats · 29/11/2020 12:30

Mine are big now but have always hated coats. Don't get me started on gloves and hats. If they are cold it's their fault I gave them the option.

Bellbell1199 · 29/11/2020 12:36

Pick your battles...
Unless it was minus 10, no harm!

Once saw a mum last month not letting her 6/7 year old take her shoes off at the sand Park.
Where's the harm , they'll soon warm up
Let kids be kids!

Wheresmykimchi · 29/11/2020 22:52

@bombaychef

Her body her decision
Grin I don't agree with the OPs actions but this is ridiculous.

Most toddlers would run about in public naked and wee on the floor if we went by your logic.

bombaychef · 02/12/2020 23:22

No they wouldn't at 3.5. But they know what they want. They need to learn control and consequences. If I don't wear a coat, I'll be cold.

MushMonster · 02/12/2020 23:42

Depending on the temperature outside, and whether she is the type to get a sorethroat or so on.
It is a difficult battle indeed, but mine is never cold, like ever. She got a chest infection last year for refusing to wear a coat, but I am not sure she has learnt yet. Most children can tell when they are cold, but I really think mine is missing that function. She wears tshirts and shorts in winter (in the house) while I am in jumpers and warm trousers and putting the heating on. She wears shirt/ blazer/ skirt/ thin tights at the moment outside, around 10 degrees, when she is walking to school. I keep telling her the time for jumper and coat is getting closer. And she keeps telling me she is not cold. But under 10C I put my feet down about the coat.

Tinselandbaubauls · 02/12/2020 23:59

You weren’t unreasonable to follow through but wtf?!

SmellyBumMum · 03/12/2020 00:09

Flippin heck! My son refuses to wear a coat, never mind zip it up!! ConfusedGrin

blackkitty1234 · 03/12/2020 00:49

I don't think you were unreasonable. The coat thing is not a big deal, but the fact that she is refusing to do as she's told was the real problem here. Children should do as they are told. End of. She didn't do as she was told, you gave her a warning then proceeded to follow through. A good example of parenting imo.

jessstan1 · 04/12/2020 13:47

To take the child home and miss a day of school because of it, blackkitty? I understand the op wanting the child's coat done up if it was particularly cold but the consequences were a bit extreme.

123becauseicouldntthinkofone · 04/12/2020 14:28

@WitchFindersAreEverywhere

You gave her a choice, hopefully calmly and clearly. You gave her a reason for you wanting her to do up her coat. You followed through.

What do you think will happen next time you want her to do something she doesn’t want to, and you go through the same steps?

Sounds like reasonable parenting to me.

This
blackkitty1234 · 04/12/2020 15:09

@jessstan1

To take the child home and miss a day of school because of it, blackkitty? I understand the op wanting the child's coat done up if it was particularly cold but the consequences were a bit extreme.
Where does it say she missed a day of school?
gamerchick · 04/12/2020 15:50

Yanno the kids probably forgot about it by now?! Grin

jessstan1 · 04/12/2020 16:10

blackkitty, the op said:
"DD hysterically crying all the way back to the car and back home.
Am I out of order for taking her home?"

I suppose she could have taken her back again when she'd calmed down.