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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To take DD home from playground because she wouldn't do her coat up

476 replies

Toomuchtooyoung01 · 27/11/2020 13:39

DD 3.5yrs refusing to let me do her coat up as she wanted to show everyone in the playground her new dress. (Several people had commented on it on our way in).
After several times telling her that I needed to do her coat up and explaining why (because its cold) and her refusing, I said we were going home (again, explained lots of times we would go home if she wouldnt do her coat up).
DD hysterically crying all the way back to the car and back home.
Am I out of order for taking her home?

OP posts:
Tiredmum100 · 27/11/2020 14:36

OP, I wouldn't worry about it. What's done is done. Yes some people may not have done it but don't be hard on yourself. It's difficult when dc have been hard work and you have a baby and sleepless nights thrown into the mix. My dc are nearly 9 and 7 now. I look back at lots of things and wish I had or hadn't done X, Y and Z. You really do live and learn. Next time you probably will let the coat issue go, but if it's a different problem maybe she will listen to you and knows you will follow through on your threat. My dc are on a computer ban after school today due to hitting and fighting each other on the way to school, I know that's not going to go down well this afternoon....

BreakfastOfWaffles · 27/11/2020 14:37

My eldest hardly wore a coat at all until he was about 5! He never wanted to and never complained of being cold so I left him to it. I don't think it matters.

IggyAce · 27/11/2020 14:38

Total overreaction, majority of kids don’t feel the cold like adults. I say this with experience of trying to get kids to wear coats in the playground in the middle of winter.

HOkieCOkie · 27/11/2020 14:39

Don’t beat yourself up you followed through on a threat and that’s the important part.

justicedanceson · 27/11/2020 14:40

I have a rule about coats which is that they must bring them but whether they wear them is their choice. Usually mine refuse to believe me that is cold but then come and put them on 4 minutes later. I’ve stopped bagged and just let them be cold and realise they should actually put it on and maybe mummy was right after all Hmm

My advice would be to pick your battles.

PickAChew · 27/11/2020 14:40

It was all of 5 degrees when I went out, this morning, and I didn't do my coat up. You were being bloody silly.

justicedanceson · 27/11/2020 14:40

Nagging not bagged Blush

Fuckitsstillraining · 27/11/2020 14:41

Most probably, sore throats are normally caused by a virus.

lazylinguist · 27/11/2020 14:42

No she wasn't being ridiculous! It's not just about the coat. It's about listening to her parents.

Yes, but absolutely insisting on trivial things that don't need to be insisted on potentially weakens the importance of the things that do need to be insisted on. Pick your battles, because most children have a limited tolerance for endless, patently nit-picky, unnecessary rules.

HOkieCOkie · 27/11/2020 14:42

The message is clear you’ve asked her to do something and she hasn’t listened. Well done for following through. Maybe next time you ask her to do something she’ll listen xx very well done.

MessAllOver · 27/11/2020 14:43

Don't feel awful btw. We all give poor ultimatums at times. Last week, DS was messing about and refusing to put his boots and coat on for the playground so I threatened to go without him and leave him at home. I ended up walking out the front door and locking it, then skulking in the bushes peering through the sitting-room window to keep an eye on him. Took him around 8 minutes to come and look for me... not my finest parenting hour Blush!

Blossomhill4 · 27/11/2020 14:43

I think @WitchFindersAreEverywhere has a point. Although it doesn’t sound like her DD has being terribly unruly she wanted to show her dress off so I probably would have let her have her 5mins of glory.... unless her DD was without a coat for an hour then Yes we would have gone home.

MiriamMargo · 27/11/2020 14:43

She clearly wasnt cold, the temps in the UK are not going to do her any harm, yes you were unreasonable

Sweettea1 · 27/11/2020 14:44

The main thing is you followed through with what you said next time you go the park she will let you zip her coat up this is a life long lesson an your child knows you mean what you say. I personally wouldn't mind if coat was zipped or not tho.

TheOrigRights · 27/11/2020 14:44

@BarbaraofSeville

But if the OP is in the UK, it's not particularly cold today.

There's no harm that can come from being in a playground for an hour or two with an unzipped coat on a day like today, so there was no reason to force the DD to have her coat zipped up. She would have said if she was cold.

It's not like they live in Alaska and risks hypothermia if she's not appropriately dressed in winter is it?

It's very cold here today (Essex). Even my hard core 11 yo DS wore a coat this morning. Obv I don't know if he did it up!
myhobbyisouting · 27/11/2020 14:45

Ah well, it's done now.

Just let her crack on coat wise. I don't feel the cold and never fasten my coats up. DS2 is the same. DS1 however is always freezing

sashh · 27/11/2020 14:47

My non coat zipping 3yo is 15 now - still laughs at how cold I am whilst she’s still in light clothing.

Lol

The battles I have had with my mum when I was little. She was forever wrapping me up and I was forever undoing my coat.

Today I wore socks, but it's still not cold enough for me to have a coat on.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 27/11/2020 14:50

I think YANBU. My two are 10 and 12 and still do my head in not being dressed for the weather. My DS wears shorts all year round....

BarbaraofSeville · 27/11/2020 14:51

It's very cold here today (Essex)

We clearly have a different idea about 'cold'. My BBC weather app tells me that the temperature is similar across England today. I went out for a walk at lunchtime and I had my coat open and was even thinking about taking it off because I was too warm and I did take my gloves off.

In any case, it's well above freezing, so my point stands that there's no risk of harm to a child in the playground from a flapping coat today, in the UK.

BarbaraofSeville · 27/11/2020 14:54

@GhoulWithADragonTattoo

I think YANBU. My two are 10 and 12 and still do my head in not being dressed for the weather. My DS wears shorts all year round....
He'll probably do that for the rest of his life, his idea of 'being dressed for the weather' clearly differs from yours.

My nearly 50 YO DP wears knee length shorts 10 months of the year, unless he's going out in the evening, because that's how he's comfortable. MIL says she gave up trying to make him wear trousers as a child, because he was never cold so didn't see the need to.

vanillandhoney · 27/11/2020 14:54

It's very cold here today (Essex). Even my hard core 11 yo DS wore a coat this morning. Obv I don't know if he did it up!

Ah come on, it's Essex, not Siberia! I was out early in Cumbria and I wasn't even wearing a coat. Just leggings and a hoody.

Connieston · 27/11/2020 14:55

Children run hot, at least they do in my experience - absolutely make sure they have coats and hats and gloves in bad weather, especially if you are wearing them yourself but if she peels it off she's obviously not cold enough. It sounds like she had a reason, wanting to show off her dress not just being defiant for the hell of it. My son starts the day in his school jumper and every day without fail it's been peeled off and shoved in his bag!

WhatWouldYouDoWhatWouldJesusDo · 27/11/2020 14:55

Aww, you meanie.

It isn't that cold, plus presumably your dd will be running around so.wont feel the chill as such.

We can't control everything and things like refusing to wear a coat so maybe feeling cold etc play a crucial part in children being able to make the right choices and decisions independently.

ArabellaScott · 27/11/2020 14:59

Ach, OP, honestly, we all make mistakes some of us almost constantly. It's no big deal in the scheme of things.

If you'd liek to make it up to her, though:

www.ahaparenting.com/parenting-tools/connection/building-relationship

Mycircusmymonkey · 27/11/2020 15:00

Totally pointless battle of wills. Doesn’t make much sense either. Pretty dress at the park in the middle of winter Is ok but an unzipped coat is not 🙄

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