To make DS eat xmas dinner?

[Brmmbrmmm]

My DS is a fussy eater, he will eat a roast dinner once a week at home but it is very limited, meat, mash and 1 veg.
We have xmas dinner at a family members house each year and he always complains he doesnt want it and eats very little, I have never forced him but I always encourage him to eat it as it's one of the most healthiest meals I can actually get him to eat and I've always thought along the lines if I tell him he doesnt have to eat xmas dinner he will start refusing the normal roasts I do etc.

But I've thought to myself at the end of the day xmas food is one of the things you look forward to most on the day isn't it? IABU for wanting him to eat something he doesnt massively enjoy surely. I should let him choose what he wants to eat for one day?

What do others do if they have similar children? Everyone else in my household loves a roast and he doesn't complain when its just a normal roast!

@Saz12 he will only eat pigs in blankets with the bacon taken off 🤣 and doesnt like cranberry or stuffing lol. He's not right haha.

Christmas dinner is a feast with lots of options in our house - there will be something for everybody to eat, no matter how fussy they are.

But that’s the point isn’t it - there isn’t always things at other people’s houses that everybody likes. Unless you served pizza, pitta bread and humous, noodles, bacon rolls or burgers there would not be anything my ds1 would eat. The person cooking knows what people will eat/enjoy and then prepares accordingly. My children would definitely be unhappy if presented with a load of food they didn’t like. As would I.

People are missing the point that this teenager DOES eat roast dinner though. May not be his number 1 choice of food but he eats it when his mum cooks it

His relative though is a pleaser and he knows that he can play her into cooking something he likes moooorrreee. When he will eat what she is cooking fine. He wouldn't starve.

He's not being fair on the relative and really could and should be spoken to about this.

@LittleBearPad yes because my mum wants them to be happy and eat what they like - because she cares about her guests being happy, like most people do. She asked me to bring something and as she’s the host I think it would be rude to say no mum, while you are cooking an elaborate meal I’d like you to knock up some egg fried rice, gyoza and endemame beans. She’ll also roast some chicken legs and pigs in blankets for the kids and buy in french bread and humous.

I’m not sure why that’s contradictory to my point a host wants their guests to be happy.

It’s Christmas, you don’t have to make him extra or different, just let him eat what he wants.

But day old takeaway? It’s pretty depressing.

What on earth is wrong with a reheated meal? I’ll not have left it on the table overnight and give it to them cold? We often order double of what they like from Wagamama’s and serve it another day. It’s one of the very few meals they enjoy. They will be delighted on Christmas Day to have that and not be expected to choke down food they dislike.

Well we’ll just have to disagree about the merits of reheated Wagamama’s takeaway (which is nowhere near as nice as it is fresh in the restaurants).

I would let him eat what he wants of what is available for Christmas Dinner. I wouldn't be making him something different. My DD is incredibly fussy and just eats mashed potatoes when we have roast dinners but I put a little bit of everything on her plate so she can try it if she wants.

We just choose a meal we all like. One year it was pasta and tomato sauce!

@LittleBearPad

Well we’ll just have to disagree about the merits of reheated Wagamama’s takeaway (which is nowhere near as nice as it is fresh in the restaurants).

Of course not. But my children still love it and it’s them that’s eating it. Which is my point. Christmas Day at someone’s house is not the time for being miserable and eating something you don’t like. Usually it’s a day for eating your favourite food and just being happy.

Let him eat just the turkey, potato and one veg as he would at home. That's quite good, some young children won't even do that!

I don't believe in forcing kids to eat what they don't like (used to get that at school in my day, yeuch), they gradually come to eat more things as they get older. The op hasn't suggested forcing by the way, I realise that and am glad.

Whereas I think it’s a day of people sharing food together. Not everyone eating different stuff

But if everyone likes different things then what do you do? It’s not really sharing if some people are getting their favourite and others are eating something they barely tolerate.

I love Christmas dinner and enjoy making it for other people; I get that it is annoying when you have made a big effort to cook it then fussy people would make me cross. However if someone were to ‘make’ me eat it I think my appetite would vanish!

I think I would put everything on the table and let people help themselves, that way there is no pressure. (Unless someone takes more roast potatoes than they should, but that’s another issue!).

@MrsKoala

But if everyone likes different things then what do you do? It’s not really sharing if some people are getting their favourite and others are eating something they barely tolerate.

MrsKoala Do your DC have SEN? Apologies if thats intrusive but its fairly unusual for anyone to feel miserable or barely tolerate any perfectly usual foods like potatoes, veg, sausages etc If so then I understand but for anyone else Wagama leftovers arent going to be whipped out at the drop of a hat when they get older. My DH was a very fussy eater-ate 3 meals on rotation. He was actually highly anxious and it was a way to control this and his dm He eats virtually everything now.

think I would put everything on the table and let people help themselves, that way there is no pressure. (Unless someone takes more roast potatoes than they should, but that’s another issue!)
Totally agree
I would always have plenty of sides that are fairly plain such as rolls, bread sticks, salad ( no dressing)
Fastest way to ruin an appetite is to force people to eat.

If I actually asked him what he wanted to eat on the day it would definitely be either a choice between chicken nuggets or pizza, he wouldn't just chose a different variation of roast he would want a whole different meal.

I like the idea of putting things out for people to serve themselves, unfortunately relative doesnt do things this way but it could be suggested then maybe even if he only chooses the same 3 things he will eat he might feel like he has a choice in how much he puts on the plate etc and that might stop the moaning.

If I had to cook something extra for my son, I wouldn't have done it. But he really wanted Dominos pizza for Christmas dinner, and so I used to order it on Christmas Eve and serve it to him on Christmas Day.

No problem.

He gradually morphed to eating it for Christmas breakfast and eating 'regular' Christmas dinner.

The advice I'd always give with food is make as little a deal of it as possible. Definitely don't make it a power struggle.

When I was growing up one of my friends Mum asked each of the kids what they wanted for dinner and the kids all chose things like fishfingers, spaghetti hoops and waffles. She bought herself something like a steak. She said it was the only meal a year that when she put it down everyone was beaming and excited to eat, they all collectively said mmmm and enjoyed every bite. At the time I thought it odd (as a non fussy only child), but now I have 3 fussy buggers of my own I can totally see where she was coming from. I like the idea of their being one day when you don’t stress about what people are eating or hear moaning. Like if we go on an AI holiday and I just let the kids eat dry bread and bacon for a week because as well as a holiday for me its a holiday for them too.

@SewingBeeAddict my children have no dx of sen but have been seen by paediatricians and dieticians because of their sensory issues and extremely self restricted diets. However I do know lots of kids who don’t eat potatoes, or veg, or roast meat. So while I understand a roast is often a favourite of some kids, I do think it can be controversial for others.

Everyone should have a Christmas dinner that they enjoy. So serve him chicken nuggets and mash and don't worry about veggies - it's one day. It's Christmas Day. Let him look forward to dinner, too.

Deal with his entitled attitude on the other 364 days a year!

I like the idea of their being one day when you don’t stress about what people are eating or hear moaning

I think this is the crux of it though.
The more you stress the worse it gets.
I chucked a variety of things on the table with zero expectations.
No one ever commented on what they were eating.
Any rudeness or moaning was shut down immediately.
DH DM mentioned what he ate at every meal.
It was truly awful, she did it to me.
Once

If he's refusing at someone else's house but doesn't at home, I'd consider it being an attention thing or he's uncomfortable there rather than not liking the food.

I chucked a variety of things on the table with zero expectations.

But I assume those were things you knew people liked?