Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To make DS eat xmas dinner?

298 replies

Brmmbrmmm · 27/11/2020 10:40

My DS is a fussy eater, he will eat a roast dinner once a week at home but it is very limited, meat, mash and 1 veg.
We have xmas dinner at a family members house each year and he always complains he doesnt want it and eats very little, I have never forced him but I always encourage him to eat it as it's one of the most healthiest meals I can actually get him to eat and I've always thought along the lines if I tell him he doesnt have to eat xmas dinner he will start refusing the normal roasts I do etc.

But I've thought to myself at the end of the day xmas food is one of the things you look forward to most on the day isn't it? IABU for wanting him to eat something he doesnt massively enjoy surely. I should let him choose what he wants to eat for one day?

What do others do if they have similar children? Everyone else in my household loves a roast and he doesn't complain when its just a normal roast!

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 27/11/2020 11:21

I think the issue here if you're eating at someone else's is os you can't really ask them to make a totally seperate meal.

Would they be ok with you taking something along you could reheat there?

Also, assuming he's NT, it would depend on age. Of a 17 can eat it happily at home, he can manage here. If they're 5 of have more sympathy.

Is the person a good cook? Is your child comfortable there? Could the eating be a manifestation of some other issue?

AnotherNameForChristmas · 27/11/2020 11:27

If a roast once a week is the healthiest thing they eat perhaps look at what you're buying and feeding him?

When it comes to food avoidance (different from fussy eaters) in children, it doesn't mater what you buy and what you put in front of them, if they don't want to to eat it, they won't eat it. The difference here is that the OPs child WILL happily eat the food at home, but not at the family members home.

Annasgirl · 27/11/2020 11:29

My MIL destroyed our Christmases by forcing DS to eat as a young child - we don't see them now at Christmas (DC are older and there are too many of us) and thankfully we no longer believe in forcing DS to eat the food. Try cleaning up vomit on your table on Christmas Day and see if it makes for a jolly afternoon for all (it doesn't).

But on a more serious note, please do not do this to your DS - it will destroy his memories of Christmas. Many many children have sensory eating disorders and it is not something they want or choose.

PrayingandHoping · 27/11/2020 11:31

So the issue isn't the roast dinner it's that it's not one that you've cooked...? If you had cooked it he would eat it.

How old is he? Can u discuss with what it is about a roast dinner not cooked by you that he doesn't want?

Zilla1 · 27/11/2020 11:32

'xmas food is one of the things you look forward to most on the day isn't it?' - it might be one of the things you look forward to but evidently not everyone does.

Zilla1 · 27/11/2020 11:33

As PrayingandHoping suggests, why not discuss with him before and ask him what would feel different about the meal if the contents are the same as what he eats weekly?

Good luck.

SleepingStandingUp · 27/11/2020 11:33

@Zilla1

'xmas food is one of the things you look forward to most on the day isn't it?' - it might be one of the things you look forward to but evidently not everyone does.
DS would rate it lowly. He's 5. He'll have pigs in blankets, sweetcorn, peas, maybe some little potato waffles and cheese and tap water
MaryShelley1818 · 27/11/2020 11:34

It's Christmas day - everyone should enjoy it and just be happy (too many people never get the chance).
Last year DS (turned 2 in December) had Turkey dinosaurs and Christmas Tree shaped potato. DH had bacon and black pudding stotties. They were allowed to choose their favourite thing. At Boxing Day we go to my sister's and have a traditional roast with all the trimmings and both eat it happily.

But Christmas Day I'm just happy we're together and happy.

HoofWankingSpangleCunt · 27/11/2020 11:34

Echoing a pp, have you asked him why he makes a distinction between a roast and Christmas dinner? Is it definitely the food or anxiety about eating someone else's food or with other people ?

I genuinely don't understand people who won't cater to 'fussiness' at Christmas. Obviously within reason, no piss takers like the niece who decides Christmas dinner is a great time to try being vegan.
With general fussiness tho, it's Christmas. Why shouldn't everyone have something they like? I'm repulsed by sprouts but nobody would try to make an adult eat something they didn't like in the same way children are sometimes forced to. If there is a greater workload because of modifications or substitutions then just plan it properly, prepare ahead or streamline your existing menu.
Dinner isn't the focus of Christmas day for the majority of kids, they're often clueless as to how much work it is but they're kids. Making a big deal of why a child must eat something won't end well .why create conflict for the short time you're round the table?

If your child thinks mash, tinned carrots and gravy is the most festive meal ever then why not accommodate it?

It's harder if you're guests elsewhere but not insurmountable.

NoSquirrels · 27/11/2020 11:34

He’s old enough to be told that it’s very rude to complain about a mean made by a host, and that as it is only one meal, and he can have food he prefers the rest of Christmas, he should just eat what he would like (turkey, mash, veg) and not comment on any of the other bits other than not thank you’ (which the adults should accept without comment).

BashfulClam · 27/11/2020 11:38

@Moistmolly

We gave our fussy eater dd the option. Either eat the healthy meal we cook or leave it and go hungry that evening and have the meal reheated for breakfast.

After kicking up a fuss about how we were going to be reported for making her eat healthy food and and missing a meal, she's tried the food, discovered that she now likes a lot of the stuff we can cook and is happy to try new things.

Ha ha my mil tried that on DH, he went without food for 3 days before she caved. Even now if there is nothing he likes (he has a limited repertoire) he just goes hungry, the longest I’ve seen him go is 48 hours because there was nothing to suit his fussiness.
Nottherealslimshady · 27/11/2020 11:40

Of course you would be unreasonable to force him to eat something he doesn't want and that you know he doesn't like just because you like it. It's not the law to want Christmas dinner.

MereDintofPandiculation · 27/11/2020 11:42

Most people eat more than they normally would at Christmas dinner. So I don't think one can regard it as a meal which has a nutritional purpose, it's a celebratory meal, for people to come together and enjoy eating together. So we've always made sure everyone has something in both courses that they think is special.

Our DC wouldn't eat sprouts, stuffing, bread sauce, but pigged out on turkey, pigs in blankets, parsnips in bacon, yorkshire puddings, roast potatoes with a few token carrots. Then DC1 would eat Christmas pudding and DC 2 would declare himself too full to eat anything else while helping himself to bowls of custard. Meanwhile DF eats a sparrow's helping of the first course and three helpings of pudding.

Nottherealslimshady · 27/11/2020 11:46

@Moistmolly

We gave our fussy eater dd the option. Either eat the healthy meal we cook or leave it and go hungry that evening and have the meal reheated for breakfast.

After kicking up a fuss about how we were going to be reported for making her eat healthy food and and missing a meal, she's tried the food, discovered that she now likes a lot of the stuff we can cook and is happy to try new things.

That's just cruel. People are allowed to not like food . I wouldn't serve DH a stir fry he didn't like for his breakfast. Why do it to a child who already has less say and control over what they get served. Just abuse of power. You could have achieved the same outcome by serving new food alongside food she likes and letting her try stuff in her own time.
LindaEllen · 27/11/2020 11:46

Just let him have the bits of the dinner he likes. Make it like a roast dinner would be at home. I see no benefit of making a child eat something they don't want on Christmas Day. Any other day you can encourage them, but for goodness sake, none of you need that stress on Christmas Day.

nanbread · 27/11/2020 11:48

Six words I love: "you don't have to eat it".

I'd talk to him beforehand and say this, but also caveat with asking him not to complain in front of your family member who has prepared it if he's old enough to understand that. And I would let him serve himself or choose what elements go on his plate.

I really doubt he'll go hungry on Christmas day with chocs etc. Make sure he has a breakfast he'll eat.

nanbread · 27/11/2020 11:49

We gave our fussy eater dd the option. Either eat the healthy meal we cook or leave it and go hungry that evening and have the meal reheated for breakfast.

Why would you choose to treat another human like this I don't know

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 27/11/2020 11:51

How is he normally about eating in other people's houses? Because this is more likely to be social anxiety 'I know I don't really like this meal, but everyone is droning on and on about it, so if I say I don't like it then maybe I can get down from the table' than the meal itself IYSWIM?

Depending on age, I would strike a deal: have what you want on the plate and eat what you want, we won't comment on it, but you must not moan about it or call attention to it.

Mind you, that's assuming you're going to be with other people this year. If not, the problem may not arise.

My DS is abnormally fussy but we keep it very laid back - chicken and croquettes for him. Putting the ketchup in a wee bowl is the only concession he'll make that it's Christmas food and that's fine.

MrsToothyBitch · 27/11/2020 11:51

I'd just let him eat the bits of a roast he's normally happy with and encourage him to try other things if he thinks he'd like to. Don't make a big deal of it. Adult fussy eater here.

I personally find some of the hallmarks of Christmas dinner pretty revolting and much prefer a normal roast- as long as it is cooked by my mother. I find eating other people's attempts at a roast dinner to be an endurance, the only redemption being if they let you fill your own plate to avoid the worst of it. The thing I remember most about Christmas at my aunts as a kid was hating the food tbh.

Porcupineinwaiting · 27/11/2020 11:52

I'd cook the meal I wanted to cook and let him eat the bits he wants to eat. I wouldnt offer an alternative as from what you've said he will eat some bits of it and I wouldn't want to encourage him to narrow his food choices even further.

No one really gets their favourite food for Xmas dinner do they? They get Xmas dinner. I mean, I think it's nice but I'd rather have crispy chilli beef and I'm sure dc2 would rather have pizza . We just have them some other time instead.

HuntedForest · 27/11/2020 11:57

How old is he? Old enough to know making a fuss is being rude?

I imagine he doesn't like it because it's cooked differently to how you cook it. Texture, salt etc. I let mine refuse to eat food, but only after they have tasted it. They're not allowed to refuse right from the start. Take some vaguely healthy snacks with you and make sure he has a decent breakfast.

PullTheBricksDown · 27/11/2020 12:00

Depending on age, I would strike a deal: have what you want on the plate and eat what you want, we won't comment on it, but you must not moan about it or call attention to it.

This. It's the being rude and ungrateful at someone else's house that I would be unhappy about, not what he ate on Christmas Day.

Jaybin · 27/11/2020 12:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

knittingaddict · 27/11/2020 12:04

@Moistmolly

We gave our fussy eater dd the option. Either eat the healthy meal we cook or leave it and go hungry that evening and have the meal reheated for breakfast.

After kicking up a fuss about how we were going to be reported for making her eat healthy food and and missing a meal, she's tried the food, discovered that she now likes a lot of the stuff we can cook and is happy to try new things.

Please nobody do what is suggested here. It was just as likely to go the other way and give your child long term food issues and make meal times a battle ground. Even children should have some autonomy in their lives, as long as it's not dangerous.

I bet you think that if all parents were like you there would be no "fussy" children. We tried not giving our daughter what she would eat and not allowing substitutes and it certainly didn't make her eat food she didn't like. She would have gone to bed hungry and not caved an inch. The one time she was made to eat she vomited and now won't eat anything with minced meat, despite eating everything else now, including mussels. We caused that with our bad parenting choices on one occasion.

I've gone along with the term fussy child on here because it's used so often and we know what it means, but it is commonly about children with sensory issues, amongst other things. It's not as simple as a wilful child, which many seem to think.

TheStripes · 27/11/2020 12:04

But I've thought to myself at the end of the day xmas food is one of the things you look forward to most on the day isn't it? IABU for wanting him to eat something he doesnt massively enjoy surely. I should let him choose what he wants to eat for one day?

Clearly you are projecting here as it’s something you look forward to and you think is normal. Your DS doesn’t so why spoil his Christmas? Just serve up to him whatever the meal is and leave him to it. If he eats it, he eats it; if he doesn’t, he doesn’t. Get rid of all the stress and attempt to control.