To make DS eat xmas dinner?

[Brmmbrmmm]

My DS is a fussy eater, he will eat a roast dinner once a week at home but it is very limited, meat, mash and 1 veg.
We have xmas dinner at a family members house each year and he always complains he doesnt want it and eats very little, I have never forced him but I always encourage him to eat it as it's one of the most healthiest meals I can actually get him to eat and I've always thought along the lines if I tell him he doesnt have to eat xmas dinner he will start refusing the normal roasts I do etc.

But I've thought to myself at the end of the day xmas food is one of the things you look forward to most on the day isn't it? IABU for wanting him to eat something he doesnt massively enjoy surely. I should let him choose what he wants to eat for one day?

What do others do if they have similar children? Everyone else in my household loves a roast and he doesn't complain when its just a normal roast!

It's not a wartime, a child won't starve from skipping a meal. And PLEASE don't turn food into torture especially on Xmas.

@LittleBearPad

I tend to notice that on fussy threads the dc never demand salad its always highly processed foods.

Very true.

I think often it is because mainly with fussy kids it’s a texture thing. Dry bland food is often less challenging. So my real fussy one stopped eating anything wet, soggy/soft or juicy/crunchy at 2yo. He eats homemade burgers in a dry bun, homemade pizza with my secret veg sauce and very well done cheese and salami, peperami, dry whole meal wraps, bacon panini, hula hoops, breadsticks and some biscuits. The only wildcards in his choice which he seems to like are humous, Wagamama’s noodles and grilled chicken and pork gyoza drenched in amai sauce. Has to be Wagamama’s tho. Ds2 eats extremely well done dry hash browns, sausages, burgers, certain oven chips, baby corn, cucumber, breadsticks, some biscuits, plain crisp and Wagamama’s cha Han (with the chicken picked out). Dd is better tho.

I knew someone whose child only ate fruit or veg and it was much worse because they just couldn’t get the calories in him to grow or have energy. My boys have to take vitamins and laxatives but they gets the required energy from their food to grow - even if they doesn’t get the nutrients to be healthy.

Mine hate "messy" foods, that includes salads, especially sauces. BUT they are pretty happy with a vegetable or fruit in it's natural state. Boiled/steamed veg are a no no.

Mine are the same. I remember feeling similar the smell of sprouts made me want nearly vomit now I love them.

Off topic for those with fussy texture eaters I've been using nutrigen vitamin sprinkles they're genuinely tasteless and virtually invisible DS appetite has grown on them.

I know for a fact that when my DS is old enough to choose what he wants to eat all the time that there is no way he will choose fruit/veg in his diet. At the moment i am lucky to get it into him with his limited evening meals and lunchbox when he is at school

You may be surprised op. My daughter went from eating no vegetables at all until she was about 17 to loving sprouts and eating just about anything you gave her, including fruit and vegetables. She only ate chicken and suddenly all meats were ok. Into her teens her only main meal foods were chicken, chips,(not all chips), roast potatoes and yorkshire puddings. By her late teens there was almost nothing that she wouldn't eat, apart from the one thing we "forced" her to eat one time as a toddler. She still won't eat that.

I think their taste buds change and they become more adventurous when with their peers. It doesn't work for everyone, but there is hope. My one piece of advice is not to make food and mealtimes a battleground.

You need to get him out of that fussy eating but Christmas Day is not the day to do it.

With my son as with some of the previous posters. We simply implemented a rule of "eat it or don't eat it, but there's nothing else". We had about a week of tears abs priests but stuck to our guns and a week later he was eating most things. He also has SEN so if it was possible for him no reason it shouldn't work with an NT child.

You just need to be clear ahead of time what the new rule will be and stuck to it even if there is crying and shouting. And stay calm.

Also do try to cajole and persuade at any point. You do not make a big deal of it.

If they don't want to eat fine. Remind once there is nothing else and let them leave the table. No fighting or arguing with children over good. Not good for them or you.

Then DO NOT give anything else. If you give in they will think you don't mean the new rule and you'll get nowhere.

Do not do this on Christmas Day though. If you have time to get it done beforehand great. If not leave until new year and let him eat whatever he wants Christmas Day. It's supposed to be a fun day when all the normal rules go out the window.

Btw you don't say how old your son is. Mine was 6/7 when I did this with him.

It was fantastic. He basically went from a v restrictive diet which was unhealthy for him to a very varied diet when he ate almost everything so a much healthier diet. It also allowed us to work out what foods he REALLY didn't like (eg mushrooms) so we could avoid cooking those for him.

With my son as with some of the previous posters. We simply implemented a rule of "eat it or don't eat it, but there's nothing else".

So during that week did he eat anything or did he starve? My daughter would have starved. Don't think we didn't try something similar. Don't think other parents on here haven't either.

@knittingaddict yes my son would
Of starved as well , some childrens issues are more than just fussiness
We took my son to a therapist even for food phobia and we tried every way first , starving , forcing , rewards etc you name it we tried it. Yes for some its just being fussy and a short sharp approach my work but for others its more and my sil and mil always made comments about my son and how little he ate / fussy he was because her child ate everything . They hated doing him a separate meal and always done begrudgingly and i always offered to bring it or say just give hime a sandwich. it was us doing something wrong despite ds2 eating well with same rules and upbringing as far as they were concerned.
The only thing i insisted with ds is if turning down food offered he was polite said no thank you , didn't pull a face etc

OP I feel your pain but the reality is, christmas is for kids and if he is going to be forced to eat it then he will not be happy. I have the same issue with mine day in day out and the past three christmasses his 'special' dinner is birds eye crispy chicken with corn on the cob, raw carrots, raw peppers and sugarsnap peas. He refuses point blank to put any sort of potato in his mouth which, given we are Irish is almost illegal, will not put ham nor turkey near himself let alone inside his mouth and as for gravy - may as well be making him have petrol. He will however eat stuffing which baffles me as the taste would be strong so its not a taste thing (he loves chilli heatwave doritos so not a heat thing either) just he is a pain in the fecking arse with food. I am hopeful that one day he will grow out of it but we are on his 11 year now and still he will not budge. No meat, no dairy, no cooked veg except the corn (cob only, not tinned) and not one sandwich with anything bar jam has he ever eaten in his life. Everything else is plain - plain pasta/rice, will not eat chips unless they are mcdonalds funnily enough and will actually eat a hotdog - im talking a frankfurter in a bun that you microwave rather than any kind of decent sausage. I crack up here at least 5 days a week but at christmas I just cannot be dealing with the argument. My son would literally rather starve to death on the floor in front of me than eat a proper cooked meal. Great with fruit and raw veg thankfully but that is it.

@pickledpenguin see I wish I could make compromises like that, my DS loves birds eye crispy chicken so I would happily let him have that if he would eat it with the potato and veg on xmas day for example.
But he will only eat the veg as part of a roast dinner and he covers it in so much gravy that he cant even taste it I'm sure.
If I serve the broccoli in any other meal he wouldn't touch it.

My DS isn't underweight either, in fact he is probably verging just into overweight territory (not that I highlight this to him, he is of a bigger build and has always been bigger/taller than others his age) but since starting secondary school and having access to a corner shop along the way he eats far too many treats which also adds to my reasoning of trying to get him to eat as many healthy meals as I can before I lose all control on what he decides to eat!

Could your relative serve everyone else's meals first, then let DS serve up his own so that he gets on his plate what he wants?

I wouldnt force a child to eat something they're really adimant not to (not a temper tantrum but something they steadfast refuse - I had intolerances, children cant express themselves well and as a young child I was force fed food that made me sick dispite telling people I couldnt eat it)

I would however expect him to pick and eat something on offer, xmas dinner has loads of options and you cant have issues with ALL of it... dispite my intolerances I loved xmas dinner I just couldnt have things like pigs in blankets but a plate full of mash and parsnips and carrots etc... was great

I do love the idea of everyone serving themselves, relative doesnt do this and it would make life easier as she constantly has to ask or remember who likes what but I get the feeling my DS would use the opportunity to be in control and refuse to put much of anything on his plate and especially wouldn't choose to put veg on it.

Every year he does eat a little of his usual meat, mash and broccoli but there is moaning prior and then bargaining throughout eating it like saying I'm done after each bite etc.
But at home I give it to him and yes he might might make a sarcastic comment such as oh great my favourite but he will eat it without any further comments.

"Every year he does eat a little of his usual meat, mash and broccoli but there is moaning prior and then bargaining throughout eating it like saying I'm done after each bite etc.
But at home I give it to him and yes he might might make a sarcastic comment such as oh great my favourite but he will eat it without any further comments."

Don't make eye contact with him, he's 13, not 3. Just let him take control of his own eating at the Christmas meal. Don't comment.
And come the new year I'd make a decision to not mollycoddle his eating habits. The fact you say you are bargaining with him just adds to his drama and attention seeking.
He's going to be joining the big world soon enough, going out with friends for meals etc, maybe meeting a girl/boyfriend. No one wants a fussy minimalist eater....there's been enough threads on MN over the years talking about how it's a dealbreaker.

I knew from a young age that no matter what, I ate what I was given when a guest at someone's house and if I even thought about complaining I would be sorry. That's just rude.

I also know someone who as a teen her hair fell out because she was a very fussy eater and her diet consisted essentially of only chicken and mash potato.

Children don't like veg, it's a fact of life. But they have to eat it. Eventually their tastes will change and they'll like veg, or be grown up enough to understand they need the nutrients they provide even if they're not the tastiest. Until that point you have to find some way of making them eat it.

@buckingmad

"Children don't like veg, it's a fact of life. But they have to eat it. Eventually their tastes will change and they'll like veg, or be grown up enough to understand they need the nutrients they provide even if they're not the tastiest. Until that point you have to find some way of making them eat it"

My children all loved vegetables always, still do. Of course some children like veg. Have you heard of vegetarians and vegans?

@mandarinpink I’ve always loved veg as did my siblings but on the whole a stereotype of children is not liking veg, or pretending not to like it cause they’d rather something sweeter/unhealthier instead. Rather than saying to the op that their child was the odd one out in not liking veg I just implied that lots of parents have to convince their children to eat veg, just get on with it. I didn’t say every single child on this planet hates veg. Pull yourself together 😂

Must admit I don’t know many vegetarian/vegan children but yes I am aware of their existence. Sorry if my lack of vegetarian/vegan awareness offended you.

I do wonder whether all of us - children and adults alike - are just too removed from the sources of our food in so-called developed countries. The children I worked with in the South Pacific carried water to their homes daily from the age of 4 or 5, weeded the family vegetable 'garden', fed the family pig and chickens, gathered fuel for the cooking fire and most got their first little knife at about three, and learned to make and tend a fire safely, gut a fish etc soon after. There was no shortage of food but there was little variety and virtually no alternatives. No mother was going to cook separate meals for individuals in those circumstances - it wouldn't occur to her.

I saw no fussy eaters, no obese or stick-thin children. When there was a bake sale, it was a bonanza for the children just having a bit of cake with sugar and dried fruit in it. Bread and cakes were pretty stodgy things cooked in camp ovens on a fire. No dialling for a pizza or popping to a burger joint there, but fresh fruit practically throws itself into your hands off the tree - with a little help from a long stick!

I never saw leftovers or heard "Yuk!".

Would you try to force-feed an adult guest? Would you insist they eat something they told you they don't like?
And please stop this nonsense about wartime or third world countries. It's really unhelpful.

He's old enough to be told VERY FIRMLY to mind his manners & that he can eat/not eat what he wants from what's served up to him, but his relative will NOT be making anything else, so just get on with it. & NO ONE will comment. Then tell everyone else that it's NOT to be pointed out/discussed.

My DS has prawn cocktail crisps for a starter while we have actual prawn cocktail 😂

@CatsArePeopleToo

Would you try to force-feed an adult guest? Would you insist they eat something they told you they don't like? And please stop this nonsense about wartime or third world countries. It's really unhelpful.

No, I’d expect them to be polite and get on with it. If there’s stuff they really hate to quietly leave it but the stuff that’s not their favourite I’d expect them to eat it without moaning or bargaining.