To make DS eat xmas dinner?

[Brmmbrmmm]

My DS is a fussy eater, he will eat a roast dinner once a week at home but it is very limited, meat, mash and 1 veg.
We have xmas dinner at a family members house each year and he always complains he doesnt want it and eats very little, I have never forced him but I always encourage him to eat it as it's one of the most healthiest meals I can actually get him to eat and I've always thought along the lines if I tell him he doesnt have to eat xmas dinner he will start refusing the normal roasts I do etc.

But I've thought to myself at the end of the day xmas food is one of the things you look forward to most on the day isn't it? IABU for wanting him to eat something he doesnt massively enjoy surely. I should let him choose what he wants to eat for one day?

What do others do if they have similar children? Everyone else in my household loves a roast and he doesn't complain when its just a normal roast!

So when does this need to indulge run out then?

He’s 13 now, what about next year? Or in three years time when he’s sitting GCSEs? When he’s eighteen? Should alternative arrangements always be made for him just in case it makes food a big issue for him?

There comes a point when what’s offer is what’s on offer, and you either put up or shut up. And at thirteen he is definitely old enough to know that.

@AlternativePerspective

So when does this need to indulge run out then?

He’s 13 now, what about next year? Or in three years time when he’s sitting GCSEs? When he’s eighteen? Should alternative arrangements always be made for him just in case it makes food a big issue for him?

There comes a point when what’s offer is what’s on offer, and you either put up or shut up. And at thirteen he is definitely old enough to know that.

Well if the relative wants to indulge him for the rest of their life, that's their choice. He clearly knows when he can get away with it and when he can't. It doesn't mean he'll walk into the work canteen at 18 and cry and stamp his feet because there's no mash It means he knows Aunt Jean is happy to spoil him a bit.

Yes op should make sure he's not rude or cheeky

Maybe just let it go for once. Maybe is is used to have being catered always and tries it again. Maybe he really doesn't like most components and feels pressured to eat because x amount of eyes are looking at him.

DD is 13 as well and yesterday's dinner (roast potatoes, carrots and pork filet) was 2 small roasties (basically one potato), 2 pieces of carrots and one pork filet slice. Hm, she just wasn't hungry and it is not her favourite meal. I let it go.

He won't starve on Christmas Day eating only bits at lunch. Tell him he can eat what he wants from the food offered.

'Are you plating or can he serve himself? I personally hate having food plated for me, the pressure to eat is then even higher as I always got disapproving looks when I left too much (according to the host) on my plate because I didn't like it or it was too much.

i always stayed at home when my son was young, i always thought it was unfair to give him new toys then say we had to go out to another family members house to have dinner, it did upset some of my family, i always did a buffet on christmas day then he could eat what he wanted, why not let your son eat what he wants on christmas day.

At 13, I think he is old enough to be polite and ask for a smaller portion and eat what he can or just say no thank you (using the "I'm sorry but I'm not really hungry" excuse). Well old enough to not make a fuss. (I'm assuming no additional needs etc).

At 13 he is old enough to understand that he needs to be polite and considerate to your relatives/his hosts. He is also old enough to eat something beforehand or plan to have a big dinner of nibbles he likes afterwards.

So I wouldn't be forcing him to eat or holding back presents, but neither would I take an extra meal just for him. Because it's not generally polite to take your own food and refuse to eat your host's food when someone is going to the trouble of hosting you. He's not going to starve if he misses one meal and he's old enough to behave himself even if he does get hungry.

You let him eat what he wants from the choice available, surely. It's clearly unreasonable to try to insist someone eats something they genuinely dislike but Christmas meals usually contain several things people think are OK. If he maxes out on pudding or sweets on one day because he hasn't eaten much of the main meal it's not the end of the world.

If he doesn't like the traditional xmas dinner, I would at least make sure there is something there that he likes. My son is an extremely picky eater and a vegetarian. I'll make sure there is enough on the table that he can enjoy the meal too.

At 13 he surely can eat just a small helping, no need to pander to him... no one is going to starve between breakfast and evening meal just because they don't eat much lunch .

I would just tell the relative he doesn’t like turkey and maybe see if she cook up a small chicken for him (you could pay for it?)

@Brmmbrmmm

And I do agree with the mash on a roast isn't standard 🤣🤣 he doesn't like roasties so I've had to adapt and always do mash when I make a roast.

We have always done mash with roast dinners..didn't know that was unusual. Xmas dinner theres a choice of mash or roasties, or both!

He's 13 Far too old to moan when he presumably knows how long it takes to cook and clear up after a meal.

It's fine not to eat much (Xmas day excitement is a good excuse) but he's far too old to be rude and complain. I'd be furious if my kids did that at 13 and didn't politely have a plate and make excuses about not being hungry.

I think it’s perfectly fine to tell him that this is the meal on offer, and that he is welcome to pick what parts of that meal he would want to eat, that whining about it isn’t ok, and that if he eats nothing then there won’t be anything else on offer. And that would include pudding and chocolate.

This is always my approach.

Our DS has always been a fussy eater and never has had a Christmas dinner (apart from when he was a toddler), and never eats roast meals, and we have never forced him. MIL makes him a large Cornish pasty with a sprig of holly.

@Moistmolly

We gave our fussy eater dd the option. Either eat the healthy meal we cook or leave it and go hungry that evening and have the meal reheated for breakfast.

After kicking up a fuss about how we were going to be reported for making her eat healthy food and and missing a meal, she's tried the food, discovered that she now likes a lot of the stuff we can cook and is happy to try new things.

Please don't do this.

I was a fussy eater as a young child, particularly as a preschooler and my parents did this to me. I can actually remember it, and I am 54 now. I remember the dread that I felt at each meal because I knew I would face a hard time about not wanting to eat stuff that they wanted me to eat.

To be fair to my parents, they were acting in desperation because I would rarely eat much, but when my mother looks back now she sees this as something she wishes she had never done. It turned mealtimes into a battleground and achieved nothing. I didn't start eating properly for some years, until I knew the pressure was off.

I had one fussy eater amongst my own three children. It was DD2. I found that the best thing really was to ignore her fussing and let her eat what she would of each meal.

Just let your DS eat what he wants to eat, then let him leave the table. It will be much more relaxed for everyone. Don't overload his plate either. If he is still hungry he can ask for a bit more. Perhaps just let him serve himself if that is going to be possible, or let him see you serving him (just stuff he wants).

Don't make a huge issue out of it. It really is no big deal.

Should have said, it took almost until I was in my teens before my parents let me be at mealtimes.

They didn't pander to me, they didn't make separate meals. They just stopped the power play and that was what really worked.

A 13 year old can serve themselves what they want, and should be more than capable of understanding that this is what is on offer, and that critiquing it is very rude.

13 !
Right as a 13 year old he can eat the parts of the meal he likes and politely decline the parts he doesn't .
No way would I be offering an alternative, particularly as he does like elements of the Christmas dinner anyway.
I'd expect good manners at that age , he's old enough to understand gratitude .
So he can eat the bits he likes and then enjoy the snacks etc for the rest of the day.

I really wouldn't worry about it. He'll eat the bits he likes and be grand! No point forcing him at all.

Dont ever force a child to eat food they dont like or want. That way lies a difficult path for everyone.

I used to hate toasts when I was child - like really hate them to the point I’d cry! I hated Christmas dinner. One year I had raw vegetables- just jet him have what he wants - don’t stress yourself or him out - you’ll ruin a nice day.
I now eat pretty much everything - I just didn’t like roasted red meat!! Still don’t! Love Christmas dinner now! (You’d never have thought that when I was a child!) tastebuds change!

You shouldn’t make him eat it at all. I wouldn’t make him an alternative meal, but I’d let him pick at what he wants to eat from the table. It might be a big deal to you having Christmas dinner but I remember as a child always finding it very stressful and feeling almost embarrassed at all the fuss.

If he had been under 5 I’d have said let him eat whatever but 13 is quite ridiculous

If he knows what the meal is, ask him what he will eat and have him served that. He can choose to eat what he will, but he CANNOT complain about it - that is rude and inconsiderate for the host who only wants to make everyone happy.

No way would I indulge this (and I have a similar aged child with similar issues re food). Over rule the relative offering other dishes, "No, X will have a small portion of turkey, mash and carrots". Give him what he should eat from you usual roasts, don't make a scene if he doesn't eat it, he's not going to starve. Certainly dont allow him to complain the food is yucky, smelly or whatever. He needs to learn how to get through a meal as a life skill.

@moistmolly the treatment you describe is the main reason I developed, almost died because of and still struggle with to this day, an eating disorder. Why would you do that to a child? I doubt you would force a meal an adult doesnt like on them - children are allowed to not like certain foods too! Children are allowed opinions and bodily autonomy. Jesus christ.