To make DS eat xmas dinner?

[Brmmbrmmm]

My DS is a fussy eater, he will eat a roast dinner once a week at home but it is very limited, meat, mash and 1 veg.
We have xmas dinner at a family members house each year and he always complains he doesnt want it and eats very little, I have never forced him but I always encourage him to eat it as it's one of the most healthiest meals I can actually get him to eat and I've always thought along the lines if I tell him he doesnt have to eat xmas dinner he will start refusing the normal roasts I do etc.

But I've thought to myself at the end of the day xmas food is one of the things you look forward to most on the day isn't it? IABU for wanting him to eat something he doesnt massively enjoy surely. I should let him choose what he wants to eat for one day?

What do others do if they have similar children? Everyone else in my household loves a roast and he doesn't complain when its just a normal roast!

Chances are he’s eaten too much chocolate by lunchtime anyway

Which just happens and is not preventable in any way. Right.

Your children do though? Chicken legs and pigs in blankets??
Fine they would have that , some bread etc and then have pudding

dd eats the chicken and ds2 the pigs n blankets - neither of them eat bread. Ds1 only eats dry bread out of that. Not a great meal really and none of those things would be included in a Christmas dinner at my parents house usually.

Also pudding would only be strawberry cornetto. Again not a usual Christmas desert at my parents house. So it isn’t a case of doing a normal meal laying it out and letting them pick from it - it is all specifically cooked/bought for only them.

My DS is the same. I’ll dish him a plate up. He’ll probably lick a potato and have one carrot before announcing “I’m full”. I’m not going to get into a battle on Christmas Day. There will be plenty of food knocking around if he’s hungry later in the day.

I remember one year when I ate a whole box of chocolate cream-filled squirrels before lunch... and couldn’t eat it. Some years later I was trying to mask a cider-fuelled hangover... and couldn’t eat anything.

It’s Christmas Day and you have Christmas Dinner (with vegetarian/vegan stuff if required). This pandering to people and allowing, nay, encouraging them to put everyone out is not in the spirit of Christmas. It’s teaching them that they are special and that life is all about them. I think most people would be severely unimpressed with parents enabling rude behaviour, rather than just eating a bit politely and then filling up with a couple of selection boxes.

Our youngest now 23 has never eaten a Christmas dinner !!! For years we had to buy a subway ham roll on Christmas Eve and ask them not to put it together . He was happy so we were too . The last few years he’s had crisps sausage rolls pepperami ect . Let your son eat what he likes

I think most people would be severely unimpressed with parents enabling rude behaviour, rather than just eating a bit politely and then filling up with a couple of selection boxes
I completely agree with this. This is such a first world problem. Many children, both in the UK and in other countries, simply don't have enough to eat.
Children who do have enough should be able to eat without complaining that they don't like this, that or the other. If they really insist that they don't want to eat, just leave it, but make sure that nothing else is available until the next meal. I suspect there would be a lot less fussiness then.

• I think most people would be severely unimpressed with parents enabling rude behaviour, rather than just eating a bit politely and then filling up with a couple of selection boxes I completely agree with this. This is such a first world problem. Many children, both in the UK and in other countries, simply don't have enough to eat. Children who do have enough should be able to eat without complaining that they don't like this, that or the other. If they really insist that they don't want to eat, just leave it, but make sure that nothing else is available until the next meal. I suspect there would be a lot less fussiness then.*

So guilt your child because other children are less fortunate? I rather a child eat what they’d like on a holiday than sitting there not eating to make a point.

My youngest eats whatever you put in front of him whereas my 5 yo asd will only eat Yorkshire pudding if that. We give him something else so he can eat with us which matters a lot more than what he’s eating for 20 minutes.

@theThreeofWeevils

Chances are he’s eaten too much chocolate by lunchtime anyway

Which just happens and is not preventable in any way. Right.

Entirely preventable but the question is why would you prevent it on Christmas Day unless they’re a type one diabetic?

My mother in law used to believe the children didn’t eat sprouts because of chocolate. Entirely possible, of course but more likely their immature tastebuds.

Yes, who on earth polices chocolate consumption on Christmas Day?

Reminds me when dh invited work colleague and wife and dcs for Sunday lunch. Later in the afternoon I provided tea and cakes/biscuits, and the wife went bananas and picked up the plate and bore it out to the kitchen, saying the dcs would spoil their evening meal . Ok, so they would have a roast dinner and another dinner that day, but who is rude enough to take a plate of cakes off a host’s table because their little darlings mustn’t spoil their appetites?

Some people really don’t get the “When in Rome...” rule.

So guilt your child because other children are less fortunate? I rather a child eat what they’d like on a holiday than sitting there not eating to make a point

Where did pp say they would guilt their child?
Nope
Just not put up with poor behaviour and complaining about food.
Its called manners which sadly so many people have been dragged up without.

Where did pp say they would guilt their child?

Telling a child they should eat something they don’t like and not complain because other children around the world don’t have food, doesn’t sound wrong to you? Plus, I was referring to one poster’s comment that said this.

Manners go both ways. Why force someone to eat something you know they don’t like? Why should one person be unsatisfied while everyone is happy when they don’t need to be? Are you really that concerned on what others are eating instead of the time spent?

Pp didnt say she would guilt her child just that it is morally poor to whinge and whine when others have no food.
I read it that the pp was firm in setting these behavioural standards in general not shaming/ guilting their child at the Christmas table .
Most whiny children are doing it for attention and because their parents tolerate it -I dont.
Its appalling manners to sit there picking holes in food others have provided for you.
If you dont like it , then politely decline the sprouts or whatever you dont like.
Thats what my children were taught, not omg they must have something else immediately.
I take virtually no interest in what others eat, there is never an issue.
Strange that !

I disliked turkey as a young child and would always be disappointed when Xmas dinner was placed in front of me and I would realise it was that turkey stuff that I didn't like. But never mind, I loved Xmas pud and there was loads of chocolate afterwards

Its appalling manners to sit there picking holes in food others have provided for you.
If you dont like it , then politely decline the sprouts or whatever you dont like.

I agree with this, however if you know your child doesn’t like anything provided beforehand, wouldn’t you simply talk to the host and inform them of this and personally provide something that your child would eat instead vs having them eat something you know they don’t like.

@phoenixrosehere

*Its appalling manners to sit there picking holes in food others have provided for you. If you dont like it , then politely decline the sprouts or whatever you dont like.*

I agree with this, however if you know your child doesn’t like anything provided beforehand, wouldn’t you simply talk to the host and inform them of this and personally provide something that your child would eat instead vs having them eat something you know they don’t like.

Its the " anything" that I dont get SN/ allergies aside of course .

That at a Christmas meal of the following, children would be whining about it instead of being told to choose a few things .
Theres usually a big choice in our house

Turkey/ Chicken/ Beef/ ham/ veggie option
Pigs in blankets/ veggie sausages
Roast potatoes/ mash
Roast parsnips
Sweet potato mash/ swede and carrot mash
Cauliflower cheese
Yorkshires
Sprouts
Carrots
Peas
Green beans
Gravy/ bread sauce/ cranberry sauce.
Have I missed anything?
Is it a junk food thing?
I tend to notice that on fussy threads the dc never demand salad its always highly processed foods.

If I spend hours cooking Christmas dinner and DS refuses to eat any I would just want to tip it over his head

But of course I won't

Because I love him

And it's Christmas

So he can eat what he wants without me controlling it

I tend to notice that on fussy threads the dc never demand salad its always highly processed foods.

Very true.

I wouldn't expect mine to eat things they don't normally eat just cause its Xmas.

@LittleBearPad

I tend to notice that on fussy threads the dc never demand salad its always highly processed foods.

Very true.

Not true. My grandson is the fussy eater now and he will eat carrots, broccoli and fruit, but hates chips and roast potatoes, amongst other unhealthy foods.

@LittleBearPad

I tend to notice that on fussy threads the dc never demand salad its always highly processed foods.

Very true.

My “fussy” DC wouldn’t eat (aka couldn’t have but that didn’t stop BIL and SIL calling said child fussy) most processed foods.

I have very fussy ds now 17 , real food issues though , so xmas day he just helps himself to what he wants normally 1 piece turkey and a yorkshire pudding ( my mum does couple aunt bessies for him )
Then he has cheese and crackers when we have dessert
We always just let him have what he wants as its easier all around , but as he eats a slice turkey he will eat that anywhere
Could you maybe chat to ds first and find out why he doesn't like this on xmas day but will eat normally ? Maybe its because he feels he may be asked to try other foods and is anxious

It doesn’t matter if the OP’s ds eats McDonald’s every day or the finest mung beans grown individually for him.

At someone’s house for a communal feast-day meal you flippin’ show some manners and do not cause a fuss. At 13 I think it’s appalling that anyone or their parents would draw attention to themselves in this very negative manner. If eating Christmas dinner at home, then feel free to eat caviar/bowl of cornflakes instead. It’s a bit unfestive, but it’s your house.

And those saying they want their guests to be “happy”, would you honestly not grind your teeth if every guest asked for something else after you had slaved away for hours in the kitchen?

This young man should be asked how it would look if everyone said they didn’t like the dinner. OP, don’t take any notice of him at the table, and crisply tell him to say, “Lovely, thank you!” and then stuff in a drum of Quality Street afterwards.

Yes but if you look above the majority of the alternative food is heavily processed - very few people rocking up to another person’s house wielding spare broccoli as it’s all their child will eat. (Plus I was agreeing with another poster). Subway bread famously doesn’t even meet the Irish definition of bread as it’s so sweet!

@SewingBeeAddict @LittleBearPad

I fully agree with what you say and its why for years i have always thought that DS's fussiness has just been a result of me giving up over the years and more and more processed food becoming the majority of his food intake.
There was something i read about the fact that especially for those with sensory issues regarding food, that processed food becomes the safe option because it is so consistently the same every time. Frozen chicken nuggets taste the same each time whereas some homemade roast potatoes will to a fussy eater be different in taste and texture each time for example.
Even a punnet of raspberries will taste different each time depending on season/freshness etc.

I know for a fact that when my DS is old enough to choose what he wants to eat all the time that there is no way he will choose fruit/veg in his diet. At the moment i am lucky to get it into him with his limited evening meals and lunchbox when he is at school.

I don't limit his chocolate/sweets intake on xmas because i would hate somebody to do the same to me! But like many of you have said he is old enough to know that complaining is rude and the fact that he will eat meat, potato and broccoli at home means he is perfectly capable of eating it at somebody else's home.

Then i think about it from his point of view, im not fussy at all but there are a couple of things i don't love to eat (but would eat if it was made for me or was the only option etc) and i think how would i feel if thats what i had to eat for xmas day every year.

I think im starting to overthink it wayy to much lol.