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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To make DS eat xmas dinner?

298 replies

Brmmbrmmm · 27/11/2020 10:40

My DS is a fussy eater, he will eat a roast dinner once a week at home but it is very limited, meat, mash and 1 veg.
We have xmas dinner at a family members house each year and he always complains he doesnt want it and eats very little, I have never forced him but I always encourage him to eat it as it's one of the most healthiest meals I can actually get him to eat and I've always thought along the lines if I tell him he doesnt have to eat xmas dinner he will start refusing the normal roasts I do etc.

But I've thought to myself at the end of the day xmas food is one of the things you look forward to most on the day isn't it? IABU for wanting him to eat something he doesnt massively enjoy surely. I should let him choose what he wants to eat for one day?

What do others do if they have similar children? Everyone else in my household loves a roast and he doesn't complain when its just a normal roast!

OP posts:
emilyfrost · 27/11/2020 14:59

YABVU. You shouldn’t try and force him to eat something he doesn’t want to; your reasoning is ridiculous.

Steezy · 27/11/2020 15:08

I don't spend Christmas thinking 'I can't wait for my dinner'
I don't care about Christmas dinner in all honesty and I bloody hate turkey. It's vile.

Just do him his usual roast what he'd have. Don't force him to eat something he doesn't want to.

Steezy · 27/11/2020 15:09

Also he might not like that persons cooking. You say he'll eat it at home but you cooked it. Cook a meal for him at home and take it with you.

HerbErtlinger · 27/11/2020 15:10

My DS3 isn't a fan of roast dinners. He will have a plate of pigs in blankets, roast potatoes and Yorkshire puddings that he likes to pour gravy into and dip the pigs into. I don't care, its Christmas.

ginsparkles · 27/11/2020 15:14

It's Christmas Day, I think everyone should be able to enjoy themselves so when planning Christmas meal I make sure there is something everyone will like. My fussy eater loves cauliflower cheese so I make loads of that, I choose a meal my DM will like because she doesn't eat much meat, and make something separate for fussy DD who is now veggie. I think everyone meal will be miserable if someone is being forced to eat something they don't want to.

Ragwort · 27/11/2020 15:19

Steezy I really wouldn't cook a separate meal and take it with me, that's really adding to the workload! Assuming no allergies there must be something the DS likes.

OP still hasn't come back to say how old her DS is.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 27/11/2020 15:23

You wouldn't make a vegetarian eat meat for the sake of it would you?
Let him have a small plate of the things you know he might eat and plate it up quickly yourself to make it speedy and attention free. Don't let relatives get involved.

Have a chat with him when you have your next roast and mention how you'd like him to have one or two of the same things at Xmas. Ask him what he thinks.
He won't starve. and its supposed to be a celebration.

corythatwas · 27/11/2020 15:28

Don't look at his plate, let him eat as much or as little as he wants to, but come down on him like a ton of bricks if he complains or is rude in a house where he is a guest. Teach him how to say "no thank you" without offending someone: that is a life skill.

HmmSureJan · 27/11/2020 15:31

What do others do if they have similar children?

I gave them what they wanted - pepperoni pizza and chicken, chips and broccoli respectively until they decided they wanted to try Christmas dinner. Both now are teens and will eat roasts but no gravy. I'd never make anyone eat anything, let alone a child.

reluctantbrit · 27/11/2020 15:33

When DD was younger we would often do a roast (not chicken) and give her some sausages. Not everyone likes the same and in my opinion Christmas means everyone should enjoy the food on offer. It also meant DH and I could change the meats otherwise we would always just have chicken.

She outgrew the issue at one point.

I like a roast but not every week, I do one maybe every 6 weeks and never in Summer. Maybe he is just bored of the same kind of food.

WaxOnFeckOff · 27/11/2020 15:35

I've generally just given mine what they want within reason and tried to get them to have some of the christmas fare.

I think one DS started off with macaroni cheese (microwave ready meal) served with pigs in blankets.

Now they both as adults more or less eat the meal (fussiest DS still has fruit on the side instead of veg) and DS2 has corn instead of sprouts but we do okay. Ask him what he'd like and if that's a frozen pizza or spag bol ready meal then let him get on with it. No point stressing at christmas but make it something easy to make.

That said, we always just have ourselves to cater for and don't go anywhere else.

Soubriquet · 27/11/2020 15:39

Honestly? Don’t make life harder for yourself

My dc love their roast dinners, but my little brother doesn’t.

My mum does him a jam sandwich on Christmas Day.

BuggerationFlavouredCrisps · 27/11/2020 15:42

I think it’s unnecessary to make a big deal of Xmas dinner.
Just continue to let him choose what he wants to eat because no child has ever grown up saying ‘I’m really pleased you forced me to eat foodstuffs I don’t like’.

I love a Xmas dinner but both DH and DS don’t like roast dinners so what we eat tends to vary depending on what I feel like cooking. DS usually has chips with whatever and DH, given the choice, prefers a veggie curry.

For our family, the food is not an important part of the day. It’s just food.

PigletJohn · 27/11/2020 15:42

"Make?"

No

But lock up the sweets and biscuits before and after meals.

MrsKoala · 27/11/2020 15:45

My kids don’t eat roasts at all. There is no component of it that they eat. But with all the stuff going on and the oven full I’m not doing something different. So I put out french bread and loads of pigs in blankets and they make up sausage sandwiches out of that. (I wouldn’t normally do pigs in blankets, it’s only for their benefit)

WaxOnFeckOff · 27/11/2020 15:46

@WaxOnFeckOff

I've generally just given mine what they want within reason and tried to get them to have some of the christmas fare.

I think one DS started off with macaroni cheese (microwave ready meal) served with pigs in blankets.

Now they both as adults more or less eat the meal (fussiest DS still has fruit on the side instead of veg) and DS2 has corn instead of sprouts but we do okay. Ask him what he'd like and if that's a frozen pizza or spag bol ready meal then let him get on with it. No point stressing at christmas but make it something easy to make.

That said, we always just have ourselves to cater for and don't go anywhere else.

I should add that they both enjoy it now. DS2 loves my roasties so it is one of his favourite meals, DS1 loves meat so as long as there is plenty of that he's happy but it's maybe not his No1 choice. DH and I look forward to it.
mamawithfive · 27/11/2020 15:49

I cook chicken nuggets for my girls, no point making a big thing over it, it will spoil the day. Th usually have some peas and potatoes, but sometimes not!

IthinkIsawahairbrushbackthere · 27/11/2020 15:51

My son was like this from earliest childhood and had a scarily limited diet but in his later teens he started to consider other foods and now eats normally.

Is he stressed by other family members encouraging him to taste x/y/z? I know it would stress my son if anyone drew attention to what he ate.

MrsKoala · 27/11/2020 15:53

I was thinking this year we may order Wagamama’s on Christmas eve and get extra to reheat for Christmas dinner, as we are going to my mums for the first Christmas ever and it will be easy and the kids will much prefer it.

Calabasa · 27/11/2020 15:59

He likely fusses because it tastes different... something as little as using different brands of potato, butter, different amounts of salt in the water or flavouring in the gravy can make a world of difference.

I'm another one with a child with ASD and ARFID.. he gets sausage and mash for christmas dinner, while the rest of us do the full works.. i also dont insist he crack crackers, wear a hat or stay sat at the table once he's finished.

Its HIS christmas day too, they have a right to enjoy it how they like, not how everyone else expects them too.

I let my son please himself all day, and i'm thankful for the time he chooses to spend in our company when opening presents, or eating dinner.

Notanothernamechanged101 · 27/11/2020 15:59

I always hated going to relatives for Christmas dinner and being told to eat it.
I still (nearly 50) hate turkey.

Calabasa · 27/11/2020 16:00

Oh.. and i wouldn't be visiting relatives that can't be arsed to cater for the tastes of people they supposedly love and care about either.

thelegohooverer · 27/11/2020 16:01

When I cater Christmas I have a vegan, a diabetic, a coeliac and a heart patient on warfarin who can’t eat sprouts, along with a dh who wants the traditional spread and a ds who won’t touch any of it. Funnily enough there’s a lot of judgement directed at me for giving ds something different for dinner Hmm

I don’t think that there’s a right answer here OP. I don’t mind catering for ds. I’ve done a huge amount of work to expand the repertoire of good he will tolerate but it still feels rude to turn up at someone else’s Christmas meal with a dc that won’t eat it. I think there’s value in teaching dc to eat what’s been cooked for them because it’s good manners. But there comes a point where fussy eating is something deeper than just contrariness, and then “not pandering” tips perilously close to child abuse.

Another issue to consider is whether, on Christmas Day, you want to deal with the consequences of whatever you choose to do. If I put a roast in front of ds and he doesn’t eat, there will be sugar low meltdowns later. I’m not going to apologise for choosing the easier route on a day when I’ve put in a huge amount of work and had minimal sleep.

NYCDreaming · 27/11/2020 16:03

I think Christmas dinner is not the time to be strict about food. It's already a very different, exciting day with little sleep, new toys and different family members. It's possibly the worst time to introduce new things to fussy eaters. You don't want a fight over eating at the Christmas table, and it's not like he's going to starve. Just let him have a bit of what he fancies.

SleepingStandingUp · 27/11/2020 16:03

@MrsKoala

I was thinking this year we may order Wagamama’s on Christmas eve and get extra to reheat for Christmas dinner, as we are going to my mums for the first Christmas ever and it will be easy and the kids will much prefer it.
You're going to turn up at your mom's for Christmas Dinner with day old Wagamamas?