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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To make DS eat xmas dinner?

298 replies

Brmmbrmmm · 27/11/2020 10:40

My DS is a fussy eater, he will eat a roast dinner once a week at home but it is very limited, meat, mash and 1 veg.
We have xmas dinner at a family members house each year and he always complains he doesnt want it and eats very little, I have never forced him but I always encourage him to eat it as it's one of the most healthiest meals I can actually get him to eat and I've always thought along the lines if I tell him he doesnt have to eat xmas dinner he will start refusing the normal roasts I do etc.

But I've thought to myself at the end of the day xmas food is one of the things you look forward to most on the day isn't it? IABU for wanting him to eat something he doesnt massively enjoy surely. I should let him choose what he wants to eat for one day?

What do others do if they have similar children? Everyone else in my household loves a roast and he doesn't complain when its just a normal roast!

OP posts:
Fcuk38 · 27/11/2020 12:04

Are you referring to not eating at home and someone else cooking? Some kids don’t like eating other peoples food- my kids like this ever in restaurants it’s a hygiene thing.
You can’t make him eat stuff, he won’t starve, if he’s hungry he will eat. What a load of stress your putting in yourself for 1’dinner .

Ragwort · 27/11/2020 12:05

Agree with others, how old is he? Big difference if he's 2 or 12. He needs to know that it is polite to at least try and eat a little food as a guest without making a fuss. But I wouldn't 'force' him to eat it or offer an alternative, there is surely something from a Roast Turkey meal that he can eat?

ViciousJackdaw · 27/11/2020 12:07

xmas food is one of the things you look forward to most on the day

xmas food is one of the things some people look forward to most on the day. Others simply aren't all that bothered about food, whatever the time of year. Some live to eat, others eat to live.

As PP have said, there's clearly an issue with eating at this family member's house so encourage DS to tell you what it is. Let him know that whatever he says, it's OK - even if it is something uncomplimentary. One person's roast is very different to another person's roast after all.

Nanny0gg · 27/11/2020 12:08

@Moistmolly

We gave our fussy eater dd the option. Either eat the healthy meal we cook or leave it and go hungry that evening and have the meal reheated for breakfast.

After kicking up a fuss about how we were going to be reported for making her eat healthy food and and missing a meal, she's tried the food, discovered that she now likes a lot of the stuff we can cook and is happy to try new things.

My parents did that to me.

Guess what? I still won't eat vegetables or any of the other foods they tried to make me eat.

And I would have gone hungry. If forced to eat it I would have been sick anyway.

So lucky for you it worked. It could have spectacularly backfired.

ivfbeenbusy · 27/11/2020 12:11

Depends of he then expects to tuck into Xmas desserts, the tin of quality street or sweets after?

He either eats the dinner or if he doesn't then he doesn't get any of the good stuff afterwards? 🤷‍♀️

TheStripes · 27/11/2020 12:12

We gave our fussy eater dd the option. Either eat the healthy meal we cook or leave it and go hungry that evening and have the meal reheated for breakfast.

Parenting like this is one of the major causes behind eating disorders in adults today.

AlternativePerspective · 27/11/2020 12:16

I think it depends on your definition of “make him eat.”

I think that if you served him a giant plate of everything and told him he can’t leave the table until it’s gone then that would be wrong.

However I think it’s perfectly fine to tell him that this is the meal on offer, and that he is welcome to pick what parts of that meal he would want to eat, that wining about it isn’t ok, and that if he eats nothing then there won’t be anything else on offer. And that would include pudding and chocolate.

Going to someone else’s house and complaining about the food is incredibly bad manners and I wouldn’t tolerate that. If he didn’t want to eat then fine, but that’s what’s on offer, and let’s face it on a Christmas dinner plate there are plenty of different foods which he can pick from, so if he doesn’t want any of those then he’s made the choice to have nothing.

mummmy2017 · 27/11/2020 12:17

We have always put things in dishes on the table for any roast.
You take your plate with meat, then pick and choose your extras, yourself.
I think life works so much better this way, and if you want more you have it. Mind you I love leftovers.

bluewindows · 27/11/2020 12:17

How old is he?
I just ask everyone what they'd like for Christmas dinner. Then I make a menu that works for all diners. Everyone is happy as they are getting their favourites. It's not that hard to do.
Would you like to eat something you hated, especially on Christmas Day?

AnotherNameForChristmas · 27/11/2020 12:18

You think its ok for a child just to live off unhealthy food like chips and nuggets? If that's how you treat your kids, you sound pretty cruel and abusive tbh.

Of course it'snot "OK" I doubt anybody would claim it is. But if you have a child who won't eat anything else, it's better to get some calories into the than none (while dealing with the root issues). I doubt you've actually had a child with real food avoidance. It's heartbreaking to see them refuse to eat anything, and I completely understand why some parents give in and serve nothing but potato smily faces and nuggets for months or years.

Porcupineinwaiting · 27/11/2020 12:22

@TheStripes evidence please.

AlternativePerspective · 27/11/2020 12:33

But the OP has said that the child eats a roast at home, so this has nothing to do with feeding a child a meal he hates.

If he hates some of the veg, then fine, don’t give them to him.I have a bit of a textural thing with veg so there are plenty I don’t eat so I don’t. But turning down an entire meal which you regularly have at home, and sitting there complaining about the food in someone else’s house is rude and there would be consequences if my child behaved like that.

mumofone2019 · 27/11/2020 12:59

This reply has been withdrawn

This post has been withdrawn at the poster's request due to privacy concerns.

DanielRicciardosSmile · 27/11/2020 13:08

DS has ASD and ARFID and for years would eat a cheese sandwich for Christmas Dinner. He's now 16 and will eat a beefburger, roast potatoes, Yorkshire puddings and carrots, but the thought of eating a full roast dinner would be horrific to him.

Please don't "force" fussy eaters to eat things. Encourage, cheer on, suggest cooking together etc but don't coerce. Imagine being made to eat something you find revolting?

TheSoapyFrog · 27/11/2020 13:16

YABU. Christmas food is one of the things you look forward to the most. Your DS doesn't look forward to it. My son is autistic. I give him larger portions what I know he will eat from the dinner and something else he likes. Don't make him miserable and hungry because you think he should enjoy Christmas dinner.

AlwaysCheddar · 27/11/2020 13:23

Yabu for Serving mash with a roast....

Fande · 27/11/2020 13:27

My 8-year-old only has meat and Yorkshire puddings for her Christmas dinner and followed by Jelly and fruit salad.

Newfornow · 27/11/2020 13:32

Yabu to make him.
Let him select what he wants to eat from what is available, do not fuss. No special things laid on.
You will have a stroppy kid on your hands as well as stress of him not eating if opt to force.

Ilovesausages · 27/11/2020 13:32

I would ensure to have one ‘safe’ food that he likes and will eat and then put on no pressure to try anything else. You may be surprised over time.

There’s a great Instagram account called ‘Kids Eat in Colour’ and she talks a lot about division of labour. So you decide what is to be served and when and your son chooses what and
How much to eat. And she is strict that there must be one food served always that he will eat.

It’s similar to what I have done with my kids and they have both been soooo fussy at times but have both come
Out of it, one
More so than the other!!!

Also, it’s sometimes different eating at someone else’s house - food can taste different.

Christmas Day is not the day to force anyone to eat anything! Are you worried about comments from family?

Newfornow · 27/11/2020 13:33

I love a roast, my ds doesn’t. We are not all the same.

lyralalala · 27/11/2020 13:38

If he eats roast chicken at home then it sounds like he's just not a fan of turkey. They're similar, but they're not the same. Especially when cooked by different people.

Let him eat what he wants. It's Christmas day.

steppemum · 27/11/2020 13:44

Christmas dinner - I woudl simply say - help yourself to what you want, you can choose what you have.
Does it matter if he only has meat and gravy for Christmas? Take the pressure off, and give him the freedom.

I bet it is because it is at someone else's house so it isn't 'the same' as your roast.

relax about it, and do make sure that there is somethign on hte table that he likes, so if he onlyb likes carrots, make sure there are some carrots cooked th eway he likes on the table. Bit unfair otherwise.

steppemum · 27/11/2020 13:45

@AlwaysCheddar

Yabu for Serving mash with a roast....
Grin

I agree but that would start WW3!

But actually in this case, I would make some mash for the child who only eats mash.

LethargicLumpOfLockdownLard · 27/11/2020 13:46

DD hates a roast dinner, I gave up trying to make her enjoy it so she has chicken nuggets instead. More Xmas leftovers for DH's bubble and squeak and DD gets to enjoy her meal.

bendmeoverbackwards · 27/11/2020 13:46

We gave our fussy eater dd the option. Either eat the healthy meal we cook or leave it and go hungry that evening and have the meal reheated for breakfast

That's a truly awful horrible thing to do. Would you do that to an adult who didn't like the food?

I've had fussy eaters, they just grow out of it eventually without any horrible intervention like this.

Food and mealtimes should be enjoyable and pleasurable. Nobody is forced to eat anything here and if I have to adapt meals to suit tastes then so be it. I'd rather that have have miserable mealtimes.