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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is it selfish for my husband and I to go to Japan with our 1 year old?

223 replies

DisneyBaby · 27/11/2020 09:14

My husband and I have always planned to go to Japan in May 2021 from when I found out I was pregnant last year. It’s somewhere we have always wanted to visit and it’s pretty expensive so we thought it would be good to go before our daughter is 2 as it would be easier to do it whilst we only have 1 child rather than 2 or 3 plus we can save on a separate plane ticket as she’ll be on our laps. We figure that from a couple of years time we will probably only be able to European holidays for a while if we have several kids so want to get one last big one in. Our planned itinerary in Japan is full of loads of things that she’ll enjoy as much as us e.g Tokyo Disney, Universal Studios, going on a bullet train and time on the beach in Okinawa, as well as some sightseeing and museums etc, lots of different sights, smells for her to take in and experience. I know the flight may be a challenge and also the time difference but other than that I can’t see anything wrong with it...
My parents seems to disapprove of us going. I’m not sure whether this is because of the long flight or because they don’t deem this to be a baby/toddler friendly destination or possibly because of covid too. They haven’t said why, but every time I talk about it I can see them shake their head a little bit, see the disapproval on their faces and they change the subject.
Are we crazy or selfish to go to a long haul destination with a toddler? Or am I right in thinking this is a good time to go?? What do you think?

OP posts:
Ginfordinner · 27/11/2020 13:40

It's not because we have super-peaceful babies in our family, or because we all forget that something was hard work or that wasn't the same as a standard holiday.

I would worry about the impact of imposing my baby on other passengers on a long-haul flight

Don't get why it's selfish or what the issue is ??

The only selfish aspect would be if the baby disrupted the flight for everyone else. I know people always post that adults behave badly on flight, but I can honestly say that I have never encountered a badly behaved adult on a flight. I probably go to boring places that the type of people who drink pints of lager for breakfast aren’t interested in.

I do feel that this thread is biased because parents with well behaved children will do these sorts of holidays whereas parents with children who will be difficult on a long flight probably avoid long haul holidays.

WankPuffins · 27/11/2020 13:42

I've backpacked around the world with two of mine, including when they were babies. Go for it.

Leaannb · 27/11/2020 13:44

Absolutely go to Japan. Its Amazing.. Howervwr, don't skimp on the extra plane seat

Hell19art · 27/11/2020 13:49

Go for it!! I wouldn't care what other people think. My sister in laws have 6 kids between the two of them and haven't been on holiday for about 7 years... f*ck that! I would plan to take my baby everywhere and get it accustomed to travel and different cultures! Have fun :)

2020iscancelled · 27/11/2020 13:49

Sounds amazing. I would go in a heartbeat!

I’m glad to read from others it’s very child friendly. I’ve put it on my list for when our kids are a little older (so I can ditch the double buggy and they can be occupied by films on the flight)

Do it!

BoJingle · 27/11/2020 13:49

Definitely go.

No experience of Japan but we took (then) 11m old DD to California. We drove 1000 miles over the trip and had a fantastic time. Everyone thought we were crazy and in the run up, there were times we wondered if they were right. We now look back say we're glad we did it under 1 as it would be so much harder to do it with a toddler.

Leaannb · 27/11/2020 13:49

@TicTacTwo

Japan is child friendly- very clean, little Covid etc Havr fun Smile
They have 20,000 active cases right now. Thats not very little.
Lelophants · 27/11/2020 13:50

Not selfish. It might not be how you planned with a 1 year old but im sure she'll have a ball Grin

katakata · 27/11/2020 14:36

I love travelling with DD, but from about one to three years old I wouldn't have gone anywhere long-haul. The flight would've been an ordeal, and the amount of actual enjoyment we'd have got from the trip wouldn't have counterbalanced the effort plus ticket cost.

But that was because DD was an early walker, extremely active, and a bolter: basically we needed somewhere small and childproof, or vast wide open spaces. Fortunately, she's a lot more chilled out now, and we took her to Japan when she was 5 and all had a great time.

I do get what people have said about missing out on the nightlife, though - many urban places like Osaka look a bit grey and uninspiring all day but come into their own at night: red lanterns, neon, giant glowing billboards, thousands of tiny speciality restaurants selling okonomiyaki, gyoza, takoyaki, stand-up ramen stalls, tiny alleyways between blocks of tall buildings absolutely packed with bars and karaoke booths and izakayas. There are always so many people out and about, and it's really atmospheric.

The good thing about coming from the UK is that you're all awake really late, so we did get to wander around much later than we usually would, but there's a limit to how much you can get into that with a small child. Nothing to be done about it, though, unless you want to ask your parents to come along and babysit...

FWIW, I would also avoid ambitious multi-stop tours: Tokyo, Osaka/Kyoto and Okinawa is a lot of travelling, a lot of packing and unpacking, and I don't think you really enjoy the later destinations as much as you might as it turns into a slog. I always want to cram as many places as possible into a long-haul trip, but since DD came along it ends up detracting from the experience rather than adding to it. (Not that I've been anywhere more ambitious than Sainsbury's this year.)

SimonJT · 27/11/2020 17:00

Japan is very child friendly, I went last year with my son (4 at the time), most toilets had specific childrens toilets and the adult toilets had those little fold down seats to strap larger babies and toddlers into when you are using the toilet. I don’t know how many womens toilets have these in the UK, but I have never seen one in the mens. Virtually every toilet had either a very clean baby change or a specific baby change room/family bathroom. I found people were generally friendly towards children, especially in restaurants and cafes.

I’ve travelled with my son since 18 months old, hes been to the Bingham Cup (I was playing), Spain, Japan rugby world cup, various multistop holidays in the UK and Sweden. Yes you have to be more organised, but apart from that it isn’t a huge extra effort.

Princessbanana · 28/11/2020 00:57

If I was going that far with a child, I would be booking them their own seat on the plane so you can put them in a car seat and they would have somewhere to sleep, you will also need a car seat over there i assume, if you are going in cars or whatever.

ReefTeeth · 28/11/2020 01:04

I think it's a bit ridiculous to be planning a trip for summer 2021. What with a pandemic and all, and no vaccine available at this time.

But, we took our DC away from 12 weeks. Dh and I both were not from the UK so to even see family it was a plane trip. Both mine have flown 24 hours several times. It's not easy but it's not impossible.

We also did European holidays as I needed sun!

Toddler meltdowns can happen anywhere. For a pp who mentioned meltdowns, did you not leave the house until your DC were past toddler years, teenagers left home??

Ugzbugz · 28/11/2020 01:38

Bloody hell, dont see why not but my DS couldn't be trusted in Macy d and at 12 I dont think he could name.one Disney film.as he has zero interest 😂 but never not go, nothing to lose!

GlowingOrb · 28/11/2020 01:49

Assuming you won’t book unless Covid is over, my only concern would be traveling as a lap baby. It really isn’t safe, even If it is allowed. The baby needs a ticket and an airplane approved safety seat.

TanteRose · 28/11/2020 02:15

It's certainly safe and child- friendly here but I'm not sure that tourists will be permitted back by May next year...
They have announced some trial sporting events into May when they will very carefully allow entry for international athletes but not spectators from abroad
japantoday.com/category/sports/tokyo-olympic-organizers-plan-to-host-18-test-events

They are hoping to have spectators from overseas for the Olympics in July (if it goes ahead) but would imagine the entry requirements will be very strict (negative Covid tests, proof of vaccination, details of itinerary, maybe even proof/pledges that spectators will only travel from their hotel in Tokyo to the event they are going to see)
It's all very up in the air.

But if it's fine for general tourists to come over by next Spring, then come on over Smile

cbt944 · 28/11/2020 03:07

How lovely for the other passengers!

Imagine the joy of the one stuck in a seat next to you, also, with your toddler on your laps to save airfares, as you say. I can see why your parents might think this poor form.

It's delusional, at this point, to plan such a trip during a pandemic. Perhaps the disapproval is more re the delusional aspect of your 'plans'.

eaglejulesk · 28/11/2020 03:56

Go for it OP - and have a wonderful time.

cbt944 · 28/11/2020 04:44

www.japan.travel/en/coronavirus/

Currently, as a 'foreign national", you are not permitted entry. That may change by mid-2021. It may be (who knows at this point) that vaccine certification is required; you and your family may not be able to access a vaccine by mid-2021.

Furthermore, see the list of mid-2021 and later pubic festivals that have been cancelled. Life will not be back to normal in April, unfortunately.

Alternatively, ask your parents why they pull that face. Maybe they view travel as an unacceptable risk to your toddler, and it is none of the above.

cbt944 · 28/11/2020 04:47

pubic festivals!

lovelemoncurd · 28/11/2020 04:59

We took our 7 month old on a 6 week trip to Samoa, Tonga and Fiji. What's the problem? The world will start opening up in April again but if Qantas is to go by for those with vaccination certificates it seems!

instanthistoryy · 28/11/2020 06:33

We travel lots with ours and if you can I'd go a bit earlier say between 4-8 months before they're moving too much. At one, I have many memories of walking up and down stairs numerous times and hanging out looking at bugs/cracks on the pavement. Still enjoyable but it might be easier for you if they're less mobile and interested in things!

I wouldn't bother with Disneyland unless you want to go, they'll be so young. Also, if you don't want to pay for an extra seat for your under 2 year old it's much easier long haul when they're immobile too. Then once they get to about 4. So personally I'd go before 1 or after 4.

Ignore people saying you shouldn't go though. Travelling with kids is different and yes you won't experience everything that you would without them. But you'll also experience things that you wouldn't without them either and those things can end up being even better. Enjoy your trip!

Flyingfruit · 28/11/2020 07:08

We went to Japan last year when our son was 15 months. We had an amazing time and he had the time of his life. It was the perfect time as he was happy just to be given a bit of freedom and to be allowed to walk about now and again, we didn’t need to to anything specific for him. He ate all kinds of Japanese food, the people are so friendly and love kids. Take a back carrier though, it’s tricky place to negotiate with a Pram.

DuckPancake · 28/11/2020 08:27

I lived in Japan for a number of years, my DS(4) is half Japanese, but I won't be taking him to see the father-land until he's old enough to appreciate it. Slightly different agenda to you but wouldn't you want your baby to enjoy Japan too when they're old enough to know where they are? It's not your usual holiday!

I'd say either wait until all the kids you have are old enough to enjoy it with you as a family, or go as a couple once they've flown the nest in years to come. Otherwise travelling around with a baby I am not convinced you'll enjoy it to its potential..! But that is me, you might have higher tolerance Grin

Maybe try going somewhere cheap in Europe first to see how you get on?

TanteRose · 28/11/2020 08:27

More info

japantoday.com/category/sports/olympics-gov't-mulls-compulsory-private-health-insurance-for-int'l-fans

"The government is mulling lifting the standard 14-day quarantine period for Tokyo Olympics visitors from countries and regions with low infections, while allowing them to use public transport. A decision will be made by next spring whether or not to even accept overseas visitors for the Olympics"

I think it is highly unlikely that general tourists will be allowed into Japan next spring - and even after that, the US and UK won't be first in line, for sure

TheGlitterFairy · 28/11/2020 08:37

Go for it! Japan is an amazing place!

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