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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is it selfish for my husband and I to go to Japan with our 1 year old?

223 replies

DisneyBaby · 27/11/2020 09:14

My husband and I have always planned to go to Japan in May 2021 from when I found out I was pregnant last year. It’s somewhere we have always wanted to visit and it’s pretty expensive so we thought it would be good to go before our daughter is 2 as it would be easier to do it whilst we only have 1 child rather than 2 or 3 plus we can save on a separate plane ticket as she’ll be on our laps. We figure that from a couple of years time we will probably only be able to European holidays for a while if we have several kids so want to get one last big one in. Our planned itinerary in Japan is full of loads of things that she’ll enjoy as much as us e.g Tokyo Disney, Universal Studios, going on a bullet train and time on the beach in Okinawa, as well as some sightseeing and museums etc, lots of different sights, smells for her to take in and experience. I know the flight may be a challenge and also the time difference but other than that I can’t see anything wrong with it...
My parents seems to disapprove of us going. I’m not sure whether this is because of the long flight or because they don’t deem this to be a baby/toddler friendly destination or possibly because of covid too. They haven’t said why, but every time I talk about it I can see them shake their head a little bit, see the disapproval on their faces and they change the subject.
Are we crazy or selfish to go to a long haul destination with a toddler? Or am I right in thinking this is a good time to go?? What do you think?

OP posts:
Girlzroolz · 27/11/2020 09:46

Don’t see an issue with long flights at all. Thinking your 1yo is going to have a rich cultural experience and be spellbound by Tokyo Disney though? Grin

Just accept the trip is for the adults, and cross your fingers that baby DD lets you get 50% of the activities you want to get done, done.

Billericaydicky · 27/11/2020 09:47

Ffs, I thought you were intending to live there permanently. It's a holiday just go and don't over think it.

PaperTowels · 27/11/2020 09:49

Sounds like a great idea! I'm sure there are toddlers in Japan Grin

Have you watched Giri/Haji? You'll love it!

Hoppinggreen · 27/11/2020 09:49

It’s fine in principle and certainly not selfish or anyone else’s business
However, the flight will be bloody awful with a small child strapped to you - we did long haul with a 1 year old and DH likened it to having a rabid octopus attached for 9 hours. Also a 1 year old will not care about Disney or Universal so if that bit is just for them then don’t bother.
It will probably be fine but you need to realise it’s not just a holiday but with 1 more person, it’s an entirely different thing, if you are ok with that then go for it
Don’t make any decisions until the baby has arrived though

Mencho · 27/11/2020 09:51

Do it! I live in Japan and I have small children and I’m always travelling around (before COVID, anyway). It’s probably the most convenient country in the world. There are clean changing facilities everywhere, breastfeeding spaces, shopping centres have buggies you can borrow (for free!). I’d suggest bringing a baby carrier for easy travel on the subway because sometimes it’s too crowded on the trains for a pushchair or stroller.

If you have any questions, let me know!

Wales34 · 27/11/2020 09:52

I wouldn't go with a 1 year old , but I am more cautious than most .

TriflePudding · 27/11/2020 09:53

I’m going to disagree with everyone here and say if this is your first baby then I wouldn’t be planning a long haul holiday of a lifetime just yet. It will be very very different to the holiday you were imagining with just the 2 of you.

Babies are amazing, and they are life changing, and you may feel very differently about things post baby’s arrival! I think some posters are looking at things through rose tinted specs - because sure some babies are easy and ‘portable’ and for others it’s a military operation just to go to the post office! It might be worth asking for only posters with babies under 1 right now to answer because I think you would get more realistic replies to be honest.

However - if you are very wealthy and can easily afford to spend thousands of pounds in this kind of holiday and it not be that big a deal if it’s not that great then yeah you probably should go for it.

(And that isn’t me being sarcastic - it’s just a ‘matter of fact kind of statement’ )

AtLeastThreeDrinks · 27/11/2020 09:53

We're hoping to do the same next year, very similarly had our trip cancelled and now a baby on the way! We had a whole two-week itinerary planned out that we'll just resurrect. The rationale being they're going to be little for a while, so if not now, when? Lots of people have said to us about it being easier when they're little.

Ignore your parents, maybe they're envious! Travel is so much more accessible now.

Sorehandsandfeet · 27/11/2020 09:54

I'm all for travelling and if you are happy to travel with a small child it could be absolutely fantastic. However, a word of caution, if this is your first child you don't know how you and the child will be doing or feeling at that time. My children have special needs and, although I travelled with both as babies, it wasn't easy! Both refluxy, screaming babies and on the flight with my daughter (4 hours) I was so stressed, upset and in bits, I swore I wouldn't do it again with a child so small. It was uncomfortable wrestling with them on my knee and nowhere to set them down so I could breathe. Fellow travellers don't enjoy a screaming child either, sympathy wears off after a few hours. Book the holiday surely but make sure you can cancel if you wish

notanothertakeaway · 27/11/2020 09:54

A young child would probably enjoy Hello Kitty Land

en.puroland.jp/

Ginfordinner · 27/11/2020 09:55

I suspect that everyone saying it's fine haven't had a baby that cries all the time. If your baby is a constant cryer I would rethink it because the flight will be awful for you and the other passengers.

Labobo · 27/11/2020 09:57

If you can handle the jetlag and lack of sleep that babies bring with them, why not? Japan is really clean, really safe and absolutely gorgeous. My only issue would be - she won't remember it! We took DC in their mid teens as they loved all the anime stuff, the robots, the crazy fashions.

TheKeatingFive · 27/11/2020 09:57

I’m not sure many babies would be described as ‘constant cryers’ at 1. Issues like reflux and colic and so on have normally settled by then.

NeonIcedcoffee · 27/11/2020 09:58

Enjoy yourself! I suppose the other alternative is going when the kids are 10 or older. But if the second isn't even in existence yet then that's 11 years away and you might be able to go again by then.

If you're confident travelling with the baby do it.

Worriedandabitscared · 27/11/2020 09:58

Just remember there's so many stairs in Japan, it's not really pram friendly so take a sling! X

TheKeatingFive · 27/11/2020 09:59

I agree that jet lag and disruption to sleeping patterns may be more of a issue. I took DSs to New Zealand at 5 months and 4 years. The sleep (or lack of it) was a fucking killer.

RedToothBrush · 27/11/2020 10:01

Japan is amazing. We didn't go for the nightlife even when we were just a couple. I'm trying to think about what we did there and what DS was up for on holiday when he was a toddler.

In all honesty, if you are happy to sling him in a backpack and carry him everywhere (which we did with DS until he was about 3 and a half) then just do it. I think its perfectly doable with the right attitude.

We went everywhere we possibly could with DS before he started school. I almost wish we'd done more now with the benefit of hindsight.

He doesn't remember his earliest holidays but he LOVED them as it was all interesting and amazing to him.

The only thing is the flight. DS had the best habit of falling asleep on the plane the second it got on the runway (literally the second it got on the runway) and then sleeping for the duration of a short haul flight to Europe which was amazing. He was less good after he turned 4 and stopped doing that.

Otherwise go, go, go. We got a lot of people raising eyebrows at us going on city breaks and the things we planned on holiday but honesty he loved every single second and it just added to our experience.

We would love to go back, but we plan to do so when DS is old enough to get more out of it as its such an amazing place and the cost was too high to justify going when he wouldn't remember - BUT we are only ever planning to have one child so the costs of going when he's older are different to your life plan and its much more prohibitive with two kids + anyway, so with your intentions I'd say to just do it now before it ceases to be viable for you.

Fandantastic · 27/11/2020 10:02

Depends on your baby. I pulled out of a long haul trip with one DC as to be honest he cried day and night for 2 years. It broke me. Going would of been a disaster.

If it had been (only) second Dc who was an angel it would of been amazing. Difficult moments/ different, but I could of strapped him in a sling and headed off to do most things.

I wasn’t a better parent, just two very different babies with very different natures that still show now they are older.

If you can get cancellable bookings/ have the money for it to not matter if it’s a disaster that you regret spending the money then go for it.

PlanDeRaccordement · 27/11/2020 10:02

I’d go, but not bother with Disney and universal. They are really for school age children, not 1yr old babies. A baby will enjoy just cuddling in a sling and seeing the sights.

positivelynegative · 27/11/2020 10:03

I thought you were going to say and fly for a week and leave DC behind like we did when we went to Japan It's find. Japan has lovely food, lovely people. You will need to be flexible, but can't see the problem myself.

Osteomancer · 27/11/2020 10:03

My parents seems to disapprove of us going. I’m not sure whether this is because of the long flight or because they don’t deem this to be a baby/toddler friendly destination or possibly because of covid too. They haven’t said why, but every time I talk about it I can see them shake their head a little bit, see the disapproval on their faces and they change the subject.

ask them outright what their fears are?

Original poster
DisneyBaby · 27/11/2020 10:06

I'm not pregnant ladies, our little girl is nearly 10 months, by the time we go she'll be 15 monthsSmile Sorry if that was confusing!

OP posts:
Thehollyandtheirony · 27/11/2020 10:07

I love Japan but it is not toddler friendly at all.
The playgrounds are truly shit, the cities are big and overwhelming. Culture shock is real! Maybe in the countryside people are more welcoming of young children but my experience was in the cities.
It seems parents there don’t take children out to dinner and people stare if children make any noise at all.
If you can handle eating take away in your hotel room every night then go for it!

Wishforanishwishdiash · 27/11/2020 10:07

Go for it, but I always booked my baby a seat on a plane and brought a car seat. It is a very small space to share for so many hours.

mocktail · 27/11/2020 10:08

Do it! I wish we'd done something really adventurous like that when dd was little.

If you wait, it'll be harder and more expensive with 2 or 3 pre-school age children. And if you wait longer, it'll be harder (and even more expensive) trying to plan within school holidays.

We did lots of foreign holidays when ours were tiny, although never more than 4 hours away.