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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is it selfish for my husband and I to go to Japan with our 1 year old?

223 replies

DisneyBaby · 27/11/2020 09:14

My husband and I have always planned to go to Japan in May 2021 from when I found out I was pregnant last year. It’s somewhere we have always wanted to visit and it’s pretty expensive so we thought it would be good to go before our daughter is 2 as it would be easier to do it whilst we only have 1 child rather than 2 or 3 plus we can save on a separate plane ticket as she’ll be on our laps. We figure that from a couple of years time we will probably only be able to European holidays for a while if we have several kids so want to get one last big one in. Our planned itinerary in Japan is full of loads of things that she’ll enjoy as much as us e.g Tokyo Disney, Universal Studios, going on a bullet train and time on the beach in Okinawa, as well as some sightseeing and museums etc, lots of different sights, smells for her to take in and experience. I know the flight may be a challenge and also the time difference but other than that I can’t see anything wrong with it...
My parents seems to disapprove of us going. I’m not sure whether this is because of the long flight or because they don’t deem this to be a baby/toddler friendly destination or possibly because of covid too. They haven’t said why, but every time I talk about it I can see them shake their head a little bit, see the disapproval on their faces and they change the subject.
Are we crazy or selfish to go to a long haul destination with a toddler? Or am I right in thinking this is a good time to go?? What do you think?

OP posts:
GoatCheeseTart · 27/11/2020 10:54

I don't think you're selfish, I just think you won't be able to enjoy the country that much. This is a tricky age when they're already mobile but have very little sense, and no she won't care about Disney or bullet trains. As a pp put it, same shit, different location.

Melaniaswig · 27/11/2020 10:54

I remember doing a European city break from uk with our 6 week old baby. He was still feeding every two hours in the night. I look back now and think what the hell were we doing, but at the time it was absolutely fine. We had a great time. Go for it! The younger your baby is, I think the easier it is. Once they start moving around it becomes more difficult as they need more entertaining.

Not sure how much we’ll all be able to travel by next year though.

Kaliorphic · 27/11/2020 10:55

As long as it's ok to travel then I would definitely go.

NoPainNoTartine · 27/11/2020 10:56

I love holidays with my kids! As long as you plan your trip taking them into account, I would absolutely go.

Now it's entirely up to you and your child to see if it's worth it for your own family. We did find it easier with toddlers to rent a suite or a flat, than having a hotel room where you tip toe.

The only issue with a toddler is the size of your hand luggage to be ready for anything and entertain them in the plane. It is tiring but so much better than being stuck at home doing nothing.

KatharinaRosalie · 27/11/2020 10:56

OP has specified that the child will be 15 months old. Very different from a tiny baby. And not easier.

Dopeyduck · 27/11/2020 10:58

DS is 1 and I wouldn’t do it.

He’s a relaxed baby but not a great sleeper still.

It’s hard enough to keep him contained (not crawling off, climbing up everything) for a meal out let alone a long haul flight.

He would probably be woken constantly on plane and it would be a nightmare.

He would enjoy the days out but be an overtired mess as he wouldn’t nap.

Jesus the jet lag saga.

I don’t think you should plan this until you know what your babu is like.

EmNetta · 27/11/2020 10:58

So this is the reason people inflict crying/smelly babies on half-an-aeroplane-full of travellers!
I'm not planning any more air trips, but do feel sorry for the others.

Kissthepastrychef · 27/11/2020 11:00

Japan is an incredible country, I'd go back in a heartbeat. There's no way I'd waste my holiday there having to cart a toddler around.

If you really must then get a sling, I most definitely wouldn't want to negotiate Tokyo with a pushchair.

Oh and go in April/March so you get to see the cherry blossom

Mischance · 27/11/2020 11:01

Erm..........what does this have to do with your parents?

NoPainNoTartine · 27/11/2020 11:01

@EmNetta

So this is the reason people inflict crying/smelly babies on half-an-aeroplane-full of travellers! I'm not planning any more air trips, but do feel sorry for the others.
Hmm

so why do you care? Family holidays are important and totally worth it.
Come back when adults behave on aeroplanes

Kissthepastrychef · 27/11/2020 11:01

Plus 15 hours on a plane with a toddler ? No no no and no unless absolutely unavoidable

CakeRequired · 27/11/2020 11:01

Very amused about the missing out on nightlife comment. If she's already pregnant then I think the 'checking out the nightlife on holiday' ship has sailed.....

She's not currently pregnant I don't think, but she has a small child. Generally your wild nights out every weekend stop once you've had kids. And how do you enjoy a nightlife even when kids are older on holiday? Surely you're looking after them?

A nightlife lifestyle kind of goes once you have kids. You get the odd night out, but it's not a partying lifestyle like when younger.

mindutopia · 27/11/2020 11:05

Selfish no, but I don't think it would be that enjoyable. Travelling with a 1 year old is tricky. The flight is tricky (having them on your lap isn't so much an advantage unless they are a tiny non-mobile baby) and it's a tricky age for doing things you enjoy. I did travel (alone, left dh and older dc at home) when my youngest was 8 months, and I think it was just the cusp of when it was possible to do it without too much disruption. We could do museums, but not in a relaxed way. We could do a half day out sightseeing, but interspersed with playgrounds and returning to the flat to play and rest as it was just too much to do a full day out. It was still nice, because the alternative was staying at home as I was bf and couldn't have left him with dh. But it gets much easier actually when they are closer to 4 and can enjoy things and take it all in. A 1 year old won't care about Disney or the bullet train really, but a 4 year old would love it. Fwiw, I go travelling every year with my older one (now 7) and it's really nice.

timeforawine · 27/11/2020 11:08

We took our 10m old to the US for 3 weeks then at 18m took her to Grenada and St Lucia, we had wonderful holidays and it was lovely to see her taking in her new surroundings.
I'd take a lightweight cheap pushchair for towns, backpack/carrier for exploring.
If she's within the weight limit try and book a bassinet on the plane so you have somewhere to put her.
Go for it OP :-)

mindutopia · 27/11/2020 11:08

Also, the time difference. My eldest was 4 when we went to somewhere an 8 hour time difference away. The first 5 days were a nightmare. Literally, she was awake at 1-2am every day. Like up, for the day, allllll night. We were zombies. We went for 2 weeks, so second week was great, but first 5 days were really rough, so I wouldn't even consider doing it unless you are doing at least 2 weeks and I wouldn't really plan much at all the first few days, because you will need to have daytime naps in shifts to keep your sanity.

apric0t · 27/11/2020 11:09

We took our then 17 month old with us on a two week holiday to Japan in Feb this year, it was amazing best holiday ever! (It was just before lockdown and several people advised us not to go. But we wouldn't have got a refund and in the end so glad we did!)

We did it for the same reason as you before she turns 2 and we are then confined to holidays closer to home. The flight was fine she slept lots and watched peppa on an iPad, wasn't a big deal at all.

Tbh I wouldn't even bother with too many child centred things just do what you want to do, and if you have the budget stay in a ryokan and have traditional kaiseki dinner and visit an onsen.

Tokyo was super cool but the best time was spent in Kyoto.

If you can buy a super lightweight buggy before you go I would as it makes traveling around so much easier.

Cant wait to go again!

DuzzyFuck · 27/11/2020 11:10

What an amazing adventure OP, go for it!!

JanewaysBun · 27/11/2020 11:10

I have a 13 month old, id rather gnaw my own leg off than do a long haul flight with her, she would want to run and explore

Crunchymum · 27/11/2020 11:11

The 15mo will need their own seat.

Don't get caught out thinking you'll manage with them on your laps. You won't. We struggled with our then (very well behaved and placid) 18mo on a flight to Greece.

CheetasOnFajitas · 27/11/2020 11:12

Japan is fabulous and I think it will be relatively easy with a small child. However don’t kid yourself that a child under 2 will love Disney and Universal studios. She will have no concept that it is anything more fun than your local playground and might well be scared by people dressed up as characters. Take her to Disneyland Paris when she is 4 or 5 instead. Unless you really want to go to those places yourselves in Japan, ditch them and just do the normal cultural stuff for adults and she will be fine to tag along. The great thing about under 2 is you can still strap them in the buggy so easy to manoeuvre and often they will be asleep. And you have the buggy to carry your stuff around in!

Kokosrieksts · 27/11/2020 11:14

Go, but don’t set your expectations too high, your baby might be teething or have a growth spurt making them cranky. If your little one sleeps in the pram you could even go out for dinner, that’s what we did.

You will know better next year what your baby is like :)

Bbang · 27/11/2020 11:15

I took my 3 month old to Hong Kong (to see family) he’s since been a further two times and hopefully when the world stops malfunctioning we can go back.

Bubbles90 · 27/11/2020 11:16

I'd go for it. We took our two children and travelled around Japan. They absolutely loved it. The there and back journey is hard but worth it to see Japan. Can't wait to take them again.

mineandyours · 27/11/2020 11:17

Don't see what the issue is. I did plenty of long-haul flights with 2 under 2. Flights were shit but the holidays were great!

Agree with PP that you'll need to get your toddler their own seat for the flights.

Namechange7654321 · 27/11/2020 11:18

Covid permitting, have fun! I don't see a problem with your plan at all. I would love to go to Japan.

I went to New York when my DD was 14 month old and I was also pregnant. It was a very different trip to if we had gone pre-children but we still had a great time.