Neighbour told my DS that Father Christmas isn't real

[myneighboursarebellends]

My DS9 is in the same class in school as the DC next door, so me and the neighbour take turns to do the school run in the mornings. We have only lived next door to each other for just over a year and they have been ok aside from a run in over a fence, a tree, and their DC having a stint of being mean to mine in school 🥴 I have been so non-confrontational with all of this stuff because I have to live next door to them and don't want hostile relations with neighbours!

However, today's episode has really crossed a line for me and I need your help to understand if it is reasonable for me to be so fucked off (and to tell me what to do!)

DS has just said to me that on the way to school this morning, dad neighbour told him that Father Christmas isn't real. This is how he says the conversation went:
My DS: will you have elf on the shelf in your house?
Neighbour: no because elf on the shelf is fake. Just like Father Christmas, he doesn't exist.
My DS: yes he does!
Neighbour: no he doesn't. Christmas is about celebrating Jesus' birth, and Father Christmas is just made up.
My DS: well I don't believe in Jesus, so I think he is made up
Neighbour: what do you mean! Jesus created the earth, and all of us.
My DS: well I thought god was supposed to have created the earth

Ok, the whole god and Jesus part isn't so relevant, just relaying what DS said. But aside from telling him Father Christmas isn't real, elf on the shelf isn't real, and telling him he has to believe in Jesus, the man isn't even Catholic/Christian anyway. His wife is though (non practicing) and their family celebrate Christmas with presents and a tree and big fucking flashing Christmas lights on the outside of the house.

How DARE he tell someone else's child that Father Christmas doesn't exist! Who does that? I don't feel like I can let this go without saying something but I feel as if I need to balance my response being mindful that I have to continue to live next door to them! I don't really want to continue with the lift sharing but I am imagining the awkwardness of us bundling the DC into our own cars every morning whilst avoiding eye contact and then again at the other end!!

I would have been FURIOUS! My DD believed until she was 11 and we all loved every minute of her believing. It was very sad when I told her the truth as she was approaching secondary school and she was gutted. People’s views on here of spoiling a family tradition and a magical experience are really weird in my opinion. Hope your DS believes you and not the nasty, rude, inconsiderate neighbour.

9 year olds should not have unsupervised access to bloody google

Ah right, so we're in a fantasy world where 9 year olds have been continuously supervised 100% of the time, when using the internet, are we? And no supervising adult has ever left them for 5 minutes to go to the loo, or been distracted? Are there unicorns here too?

Your neighbour is a twat! Simple as that! And for of you here on MN saying that 9 is too old to believe in Father Christmas shame on you, he’s a child, and children grow up far too quickly. Let him have his innocence for as long as possible.

For what it’s worth, my DC1 (now 13 yr old) still believed he was magic and was going to Hogwarts when he was 11. It broke my heart having to tell him that he wouldn’t be as Hogwarts wasn’t actually real during the summer holidays before he started secondary school, seeing the look on his face, he was truly broken-hearted.

I wouldn't dictate to anyone else what they 'should' celebrate or believe in.

Santa Claus being the exception?

@myneighboursarebellends YANBU and if it was me I would tell him to keep his unwanted comments to himself in future, it's bad enough you've tolerated bullying from his son but you'll be damned if you'll put up with it from him.

This isn't about whether FC is real or whether your child is too old for FC, ultimately this is about adults crossing boundaries they have no business doing: not your child? Keep your gob shut and make sure to tell your own kids too.

Also: if a sizeable portion of you MN making shitty comments believe in religion (which by the way is a man made construct which was originally formed as a form of population control) and lie to yourselves and your kids about make believe deities then you've zero businesses making personal comments about other people's kids.

Take a seat.

religion (which by the way is a man made construct which was originally formed as a form of population control)

Can you please give a source for this! It sounds very interesting and I've never heard about this!

8 year old dgd told us that her teacher is the only one in her class who believes in Father Christmas

My 9 year old twins still believe and quite frankly after this year I’m glad they do, probably will be the last year though.

It's not a case of whether he's old enough to know the truth, it's who gets to discuss it with him. Most people I know were never actually told he doesn't exist, you just figure out at some point but stockings etc continue as everyone enjoys it.
Does anyone recall do a big talk? Are stockings then stopped at 9, 10, 11?

Once again the actual OP being totally over looked for what everyone else believes. No where does it ask anyone’s opinion as to if a 9 year should still believe in FC. It asks if the neighbour was out of order for telling the DS this news. Of course the answer is YES he was being unreasonable. I am sure there are plenty of things he wouldn’t want his child knowing. Would he be happy for you to tell his children, Jesus and God are made up and their mum is cray cray for believing in them? I would hazard a guess at, no! Because we all have different believes and only a narcissist would think it’s ok to tell someone else’s child this and not bat an eyelid. First class idiot!

I doubt you’d get far saying anything to him, but I’d still say something myself, even if just to let him know your DS does tell you what’s being said. What an absolute barrel of laughs he must be! 🙄

(haven’t read whole thread btw - apologies if I’ve repeated anything)

yabu
get a grip.

there is no father christmas. it's a fact.
it's a nice game, that's all it is.
christmas without father christmas or evil elf can just be as magical.

tell him about the 'real' st nicolas.

Keying someone’s car is not a very nice thing to promote?

@flumposie

Hilarious that your son said Jesus doesn't exist when Christmas is to celebrate his birthday. However neighbour overstepped.

Why is that hilarious? Do you think that Athiests shouldn't be able to celebrate Christmas or promote FC? Do you also think that people who are religious but not Christian shouldn't get involved in Christmas either?

There are definitely children of 8, 9 and 10 who still believe at our school. Last year I was privileged to be able to watch the moment when one of our 10 year olds was surprised with a trip to Lapland to meet Father Christmas. He came back to school the following week absolutely raving about FC, the magic, the reindeer and FC’s ‘brother who works at a restaurant in the town’! It was joyous. He’s 11 now, in Y6 and I have no idea if he still believes, but this week he’s been telling the younger children about his adventure last year ❤️

@pinkbalconyrailing

yabu get a grip.

there is no father christmas. it's a fact.
it's a nice game, that's all it is.
christmas without father christmas or evil elf can just be as magical.

tell him about the 'real' st nicolas.

Thanks for letting me know FC doesn't exist. Fact. I hadn't considered that.

I don't think that I do need to get a grip actually. I've expressed minor annoyance, totally proportionately.

And no, thank you, to your suggestion. Perhaps get a grip yourself and understand that different parents make different parenting choices. 'Fact'.

Haven’t rtft. Did you overhear conversation op or did your Ds relay it to you?

I wouldn’t be fuming or annoyed enough to say anything but I do think neighbour shouldn’t have said it.

it's going to happen again and again as he grows up OP - you missed the perfect opportunity to simply say - oh well - some people believe and FC visits them and some people believe he doesn't exist - some people don't celebrate Christmas - etc etc rather than clutching your pearls - it's such a none issue that you really need to just explain and move on from - certainly not worth the drama.

He's a prick. Glad you've decided to distance your dc.

My ds has just turned 11 & I'm sure he still believes, at least mostly. He really wants a PS5 & a couple of other things, but there's no way he would ask for it if not from Santa as he's very money conscious and knows we wouldn't generally spend that much.

Yes, he's innocent, but who really cares? It's still no-one else's business to tell him otherwise. We will tell him before he starts high school though - the last few weeks he's suddenly got curious about parcels arriving and interrogating me about what's in them!

This is horrible to hear. My DS12 only found out last year in yr6 and he wasn’t the only one that didn’t know. The teacher sent a email home to parents explaining the incident that happened and at least 7 year 6 children in the class genuinely didn’t know. One of the girls was heartbroken. DS came home and asked me why he had to put in so much effort being good to get presents if I was the bad one for lying. I pointed out maybe that’s why I don’t get presents and that by being good maybe I would still buy him Christmas presents 😂 anyway I made him promise not to ruin it for his sister who is 8 and still blissfully unaware that Father Christmas isn’t real. She would be heartbroken if someone ruined it for her at this age I think. It’ll happen eventually it always does but adults should probably know better.

Wow! First the fence and now this. It’s all about pushing over your boundaries with this guy isn’t it!

I’d tell Dc that Father Christmas has called you today to say that he heard what your next door neighbour said to you. Say FC said he remembers next door neighbour very well from when said he was a kid and what’s more he was usually on the naughty list! Tell him fc thinks you should drive him to school from now on!
Then I’d message neighbour and say that you were really shocked and disappointed he’d told your son this and it was not his place to do so. You wouldn’t take it on yourself to tell his DC that God and Jesus are not real, you respect the beliefs or traditions of the family and no one tells another persons little kid Santa’s not real.

It sounds to me like this guy is bitter and a bit nasty. Maybe his depressed and angry but you don’t take it out on a kid ffs.
Don’t worry about taking your own child to school. Be upfront and say you’re not comfortable with him taking your DC as you don’t want any more boundaries crossed.

I had to tell my kids before they went to secondary school! My eldest definitely still believed as she was gutted. Think my middle one had an idea already. Youngest is only 3. I would be annoyed too OP.

My DD worked it out for herself that FC didn't exist at least 1year ago (she is 9 now). She has said that to her younger sister who disagrees. I've told both that they are free to believe in whatever they want to believe and both are happy.
Yes maybe the neighbour could have reigned it in but then again you cannot control what others say really. Maybe he assumed that at 9yrs old your son wouldn't believe. Maybe he didn't think. In any event it's best to teach your child that others will be saying things he doesn't agree with and how to handle that rather than being annoyed as people. Just because something is said by an adult doesn't make it automatically more important/true etc than something said by a child and it is a perfect opportunity to discuss that with your son along with freedom of speech, belief and general respect of what others believe in (which, admittedly, the neighbour could have shown a bit more of but again a lesson here - nobody is perfect!).

Mountains out of mole hills. You just tell son that's what neighbour believes but you both know the truth. Bluff it out. Nothing to be furious about. Everyone believes different things

Tbh Ive never encouraged the whole FC thing because I just don't feel comfortable with outright lies like this. Instead I've just kept vague and kept to the line that everyone is free to believe in whatever they want to believe.

I can see your problem, however there is going to be an impasse here. Your NDN believes he is right to tell you DS about Jesus, you think you're right in wanting DS to believe in Santa. Both Santa and Jesus, in my view, are fake - in terms of what is claimed about them. Personally I never told my DS that Santa was real, I just said it was a nice story that some people believed in but he was real but to not spoil it for others.

Before reacting your NDN about this I'd be re-thinking how much time they spend with your DS if they are Jesus nuts. Not something I'd want around my kids, but I'm atheist. I'd keep him away from mixing too much for them, nothing to do with the Santa thing though.