Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Neighbour told my DS that Father Christmas isn't real

437 replies

myneighboursarebellends · 26/11/2020 20:00

My DS9 is in the same class in school as the DC next door, so me and the neighbour take turns to do the school run in the mornings. We have only lived next door to each other for just over a year and they have been ok aside from a run in over a fence, a tree, and their DC having a stint of being mean to mine in school 🥴 I have been so non-confrontational with all of this stuff because I have to live next door to them and don't want hostile relations with neighbours!

However, today's episode has really crossed a line for me and I need your help to understand if it is reasonable for me to be so fucked off (and to tell me what to do!)

DS has just said to me that on the way to school this morning, dad neighbour told him that Father Christmas isn't real. This is how he says the conversation went:
My DS: will you have elf on the shelf in your house?
Neighbour: no because elf on the shelf is fake. Just like Father Christmas, he doesn't exist.
My DS: yes he does!
Neighbour: no he doesn't. Christmas is about celebrating Jesus' birth, and Father Christmas is just made up.
My DS: well I don't believe in Jesus, so I think he is made up
Neighbour: what do you mean! Jesus created the earth, and all of us.
My DS: well I thought god was supposed to have created the earth

Ok, the whole god and Jesus part isn't so relevant, just relaying what DS said. But aside from telling him Father Christmas isn't real, elf on the shelf isn't real, and telling him he has to believe in Jesus, the man isn't even Catholic/Christian anyway. His wife is though (non practicing) and their family celebrate Christmas with presents and a tree and big fucking flashing Christmas lights on the outside of the house.

How DARE he tell someone else's child that Father Christmas doesn't exist! Who does that? I don't feel like I can let this go without saying something but I feel as if I need to balance my response being mindful that I have to continue to live next door to them! I don't really want to continue with the lift sharing but I am imagining the awkwardness of us bundling the DC into our own cars every morning whilst avoiding eye contact and then again at the other end!!

OP posts:
cbt944 · 27/11/2020 10:14

The shifty little turd...

Good on you, OP. And good on your son, too.

LoisWilkersonslastnerve · 27/11/2020 10:22

That was nasty of him to be so straight about it, in the same position with a small child a normal person would just say 'oh I don't know if he's real.' I would be annoyed too. People saying tough shit are probably blunt and mean themselves.

Felifox · 27/11/2020 10:33

I can't ever remember believing in FC. I was just 5 when I started school and just before Christmas my teacher was asking what we hoped FC would bring us. Up piped one dc that there was no FC as his dn said FC was your mum and dad.

My dm was furious and went and spoke to the parent making it clear that it wasn't just the child but the pleasure the parents got from seeing their dc's excitement.

DryRoastPeanut · 27/11/2020 10:37

So you’re both arguing over who’s imaginary friend is best?

Take your own child to school op, your arrangements aren’t working.

caringcarer · 27/11/2020 10:39

I did like the response telling FC that neighbour is on naughty list. Gave me a chuckle. I would simply tell neighbour in future keep his miserable little comments to himself. There was no need for him to tell a child this. My D's when he was 9 told his Nan on the phone (Dad's Mum) that Mum had put Dad on naughty list and he would have to be very good indeed to get back on good list in time for Xmas Eve. I think that was last year he believed in Santa. A child at school told him Santa is really your parents. We still hang stockings up in our house, adults too. I tell children no stocking no where to leave presents.

Crystal90567 · 27/11/2020 10:42

My 11yo still believes. Mn are awful to think a 9yo isn't a child

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 27/11/2020 11:12

You dont have to lie to kids to keep enjoying the fun and magic. A cousin asked me (he was about 9) doubtfully how father christmas could deliver so much to so many kids so fast and said "I'm not sure he's real.....". I simply said "well if Amazon prime can manage it I'm sure father Christmas can. Believe what you will."

Don't lie, don't deny. Children can decide for themselves what level of magic and fun they want to buy into, they don't need grownups to bluntly inform them that "father christmas doesnt exist". Define existence? It depends what you think FC is. It can continue to "exist" as an idea, as the embodiment of the spirit of giving.

So many joyless people. Don't spoil the happiness for others.

Original poster
myneighboursarebellends · 27/11/2020 11:48

@DryRoastPeanut

So you’re both arguing over who’s imaginary friend is best?

Take your own child to school op, your arrangements aren’t working.

As I said, I have no interest in debating religion with the neighbour. As an adult, he has no place forcing his opinions about Christmas and religion on my son.

The self righteous 'well you should believe in Jesus if you want to celebrate Christmas' spiel from him is irritating. I wouldn't dictate to anyone else what they 'should' celebrate or believe in.

OP posts:
TheNoodlesIncident · 27/11/2020 15:20

To my mind it's irrelevant what beliefs your NDN was trashing, it's not his place to comment on another family's beliefs, whatever he thinks about them.

We are friends with a Christian family, I have no idea whether DS's friend believes it all or not, as we have not and will never ask him, nor will we say what we think of it. Their beliefs are none of our business and it would be rude to comment negatively. I don't care how old OP's son is, if he was 16 I wouldn't say anything if he mentioned Santa. Not my place!

HomeTheatreSystem · 27/11/2020 17:15

Your NDN looking shifty when you confronted him at least tells you he knows he was out of order in saying what he did to your DS. Such a twat Angry

flumposie · 27/11/2020 17:32

Hilarious that your son said Jesus doesn't exist when Christmas is to celebrate his birthday. However neighbour overstepped.

Edda09 · 27/11/2020 17:45

Tell your DS that that’s why the man is on Santa’s naughty list as he tries to spoil Christmas for others; very Grinch like.

busymomtoone · 27/11/2020 17:46

Absolutely agree with BeTheHokeyMan - why on earth are joy stealers deciding an age at which children’s magical beliefs should be stopped?! Ffs - I get it if you want to bring up your own child without all that - but condoning an adult for basically being savage when they just could have kept their mouth shut is appalling!! It’s absolutely NOT the same as adults having “ different beliefs” - it’s an adult deliberately stealing a part of precious childhood just to cover them not being bothered / interested in elf on the shelf!! Not much you can do about it now - but would be giving the neighbours as wide a berth as possible!! However, I’m sure as others have said, your son probably already had doubts.

lankymoose · 27/11/2020 17:49

I’m pretty sure there is an exclusion under the free speech act, you can say whatever you want as long as you don’t admit left in the shelf is a fantasy!!

lankymoose · 27/11/2020 17:50

*Elf on the shelf

MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 27/11/2020 17:56

@DrCoconut

I've never met a NT 9 year old who believes literally in Father Christmas so for me it's the total opposite of a previous comment. I can't see how you can get to the middle of junior school without figuring out that it's not possible as your critical thinking grows. I reckon a lot of kids are playing along if they are claiming to still think it's real. No child should be ridiculed though. You can still have the fun of putting out stockings or whatever.
Agree with this. I think there are a lot of canny Y5/6/7 children out there, humouring their parents so that they keep getting the goodies. Do you really think there are many 9 year olds who haven't Googled Father Christmas?

But that's not really the point. The point is that the neighbour was being shitty to a 9 year old.

poohsticks30 · 27/11/2020 18:12

Totally out of order! It is nothing to do about the age of your child- no adult trigger that realisation unless it is the child's parent! Getythat you are cross! I would be furious!!!

Shona52 · 27/11/2020 18:13

@myneighboursarebellends

My DS9 is in the same class in school as the DC next door, so me and the neighbour take turns to do the school run in the mornings. We have only lived next door to each other for just over a year and they have been ok aside from a run in over a fence, a tree, and their DC having a stint of being mean to mine in school 🥴 I have been so non-confrontational with all of this stuff because I have to live next door to them and don't want hostile relations with neighbours!

However, today's episode has really crossed a line for me and I need your help to understand if it is reasonable for me to be so fucked off (and to tell me what to do!)

DS has just said to me that on the way to school this morning, dad neighbour told him that Father Christmas isn't real. This is how he says the conversation went:
My DS: will you have elf on the shelf in your house?
Neighbour: no because elf on the shelf is fake. Just like Father Christmas, he doesn't exist.
My DS: yes he does!
Neighbour: no he doesn't. Christmas is about celebrating Jesus' birth, and Father Christmas is just made up.
My DS: well I don't believe in Jesus, so I think he is made up
Neighbour: what do you mean! Jesus created the earth, and all of us.
My DS: well I thought god was supposed to have created the earth

Ok, the whole god and Jesus part isn't so relevant, just relaying what DS said. But aside from telling him Father Christmas isn't real, elf on the shelf isn't real, and telling him he has to believe in Jesus, the man isn't even Catholic/Christian anyway. His wife is though (non practicing) and their family celebrate Christmas with presents and a tree and big fucking flashing Christmas lights on the outside of the house.

How DARE he tell someone else's child that Father Christmas doesn't exist! Who does that? I don't feel like I can let this go without saying something but I feel as if I need to balance my response being mindful that I have to continue to live next door to them! I don't really want to continue with the lift sharing but I am imagining the awkwardness of us bundling the DC into our own cars every morning whilst avoiding eye contact and then again at the other end!!

Tell your son he must have been a bad boy and Santa never gave him presents which is why he doesn't believe.

I would be saying to your neighbours how bang out of order he was for saying such a thing just before Christmas

IMNOTSHOUTING · 27/11/2020 18:14

@MaskingForIt

If your 9 year old still really believed in Father Christmas then I’d say you have bigger problems than what the neighbouring child said.
What a stupid, nasty comment. About 1 in 3 kids still believe in FC at age 9 so your comment is daft. I've also found the kids who keep believing aresimply the ones who want to because they love the magic. They're not naive or stupid.
papaelf · 27/11/2020 18:15

Do you really think there are many 9 year olds who haven't Googled Father Christmas?

9 year olds should not have unsupervised access to bloody google!

PeachyPeachTrees · 27/11/2020 18:20

My 10 year old still believes in Father Christmas. I think it will be the last year. Why not keep it all magical for as long as possible?

SummerHouse · 27/11/2020 18:22

Your neighbour basically got wrecked* by your nine year old.

I would just feel sorry for him, miserable, slow witted man. We tell our boys not everyone believes.

*Wrecked = child speak for when one gets the better of another in a verbal debate.

staceyflack · 27/11/2020 18:23

Neighbour is an arse. Tell your son your neighbour is an arse... and continue your merry business. Unless you want the children to not be friends any more... keep on with the lifts and don't bother confronting the arse, or it'll be mighty awkward. Sad that his kid is so old so young.. brutal in my opinion. Life is routinely shit... with horrible news everywhere ffs. I continue to insist that Father Christmas is real to my kids... and they are 13 and 15.. of course they don't believe, but it makes them and me laugh. And let's face it we all need a laugh. 🙂 Xxx

MrsJThornton · 27/11/2020 18:25

Completely agree. My 9 year old still believes. My older son figured it out at 10 but now goes along with it because he loves the magic and doesn’t want to spoil it for his brother. This is the similar case for everyone I know in real life. If he was at secondary school I might be hoping he figured it out but still believing in magic through as much of primary as possible is lovely if you ask me.

jennie0412 · 27/11/2020 18:26

@papaelf

Do you really think there are many 9 year olds who haven't Googled Father Christmas?

9 year olds should not have unsupervised access to bloody google!

How exactly would you 'supervise' a child to make sure they didn't google about Santa? Unless there's blockers for that as there are for porn?
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread