Neighbour told my DS that Father Christmas isn't real

[myneighboursarebellends]

My DS9 is in the same class in school as the DC next door, so me and the neighbour take turns to do the school run in the mornings. We have only lived next door to each other for just over a year and they have been ok aside from a run in over a fence, a tree, and their DC having a stint of being mean to mine in school 🥴 I have been so non-confrontational with all of this stuff because I have to live next door to them and don't want hostile relations with neighbours!

However, today's episode has really crossed a line for me and I need your help to understand if it is reasonable for me to be so fucked off (and to tell me what to do!)

DS has just said to me that on the way to school this morning, dad neighbour told him that Father Christmas isn't real. This is how he says the conversation went:
My DS: will you have elf on the shelf in your house?
Neighbour: no because elf on the shelf is fake. Just like Father Christmas, he doesn't exist.
My DS: yes he does!
Neighbour: no he doesn't. Christmas is about celebrating Jesus' birth, and Father Christmas is just made up.
My DS: well I don't believe in Jesus, so I think he is made up
Neighbour: what do you mean! Jesus created the earth, and all of us.
My DS: well I thought god was supposed to have created the earth

Ok, the whole god and Jesus part isn't so relevant, just relaying what DS said. But aside from telling him Father Christmas isn't real, elf on the shelf isn't real, and telling him he has to believe in Jesus, the man isn't even Catholic/Christian anyway. His wife is though (non practicing) and their family celebrate Christmas with presents and a tree and big fucking flashing Christmas lights on the outside of the house.

How DARE he tell someone else's child that Father Christmas doesn't exist! Who does that? I don't feel like I can let this go without saying something but I feel as if I need to balance my response being mindful that I have to continue to live next door to them! I don't really want to continue with the lift sharing but I am imagining the awkwardness of us bundling the DC into our own cars every morning whilst avoiding eye contact and then again at the other end!!

Father Christmas only visits families who believe in him and matches their belief so some kids get visited on 6 December and others on 6 January (which helps with getting presents to all the believers). He knows who doesn't celebrate Christmas too. I suspect your neighbour doesn't get visited (by her attitude she'd be on the naughty list anyway). Perhaps ask her why she's against a Catholic saint who gave gifts to children? I believe in some very Christian beliefs in Scotland don't have FC visiting either. He's a respectful gentleman so explain this to DS. The magic tends to get lost around age 11 so let your son enjoy his last two magical Christmasses and explain to your neighbour that would prefer her not to indoctrinate your child with her belief system.

My advice (having experienced something similar with my son) is to explain that people believe in different things and that's fine. Maybe the neighbours don't get visited by FC any more because they stopped believing. Don't ruin the relationship with your neighbours over it

Get a grip OP. This is such a storm
In a teacup. Your neighbour sounds like a knob but really, is this the end of the world? And the PP claiming to be " non- confrontational " who would "lose their shit" over this needs to grow up.

A 9 year old believing in fc still is fine another kid maybe telling him is understandable a grown adult is not , a quick no we don't do elf in the shelf in our house was suffice.
It wasn't his child to tell and I would probably say something , when my children found out about fc i made of clear to them not to tell other children as some still beleive even now at 15,17 they pretend for their 8 yr old cousin
Kids grow up quick enough

Op you definitely got a flaming here that you didn’t deserve!

I’d be livid if I were you, it wasn’t his place to say anything the spiteful git

If you, like me are super awkward with confrontations could you maybe say that your DC is going to breakfast club so you won’t be able to car share from now on? And just set off 10mins earlier than them 😂

@oblada

Tbh Ive never encouraged the whole FC thing because I just don't feel comfortable with outright lies like this. Instead I've just kept vague and kept to the line that everyone is free to believe in whatever they want to believe.

That's exactly what I did. Christmas was fun nonetheless.

Most contemporaries didn't believe in Fr Christmas and those that did had outgrown it by six. It wasn't mentioned at school.

I didn't believe by the time I started school and knew my dad put things in my room late on Christmas eve. I can remember little kids at school saying, "It's really your mum and dad who bring presents, not Father Christmas", with which I agreed.

I think children are kept very young for longer nowadays but nobody should be blamed for not going along with a lie. Life can be great without that. We can all do with a bit of escapism/fantasy at times but knowing it is 'pretend' doesn't make it less enjoyable.

Life can be great and full of opportunities (when we aren't in a pandemic), there's a world out there to explore.

When parents start getting cross with other parents or adults or other children over the Santa myth, it really is going too far.

I would be annoyed about him saying FC isn't real. It's not his place. He's also being preaching a lot. I would not bother about the elf because a lot of children don't have the book and doll and it's quite a new thing.

All these parents I don't tell my children a lie etc , its a bit of magic and fun for children
Fact is we all lie at some point maybe only little white lies but a lies a lie
No children have been harmed in the lie about father xmas though we aren't seeking treatment because our parents told us about santa or the tooth fairh
Kids watch make believe all the time

@jessstan1 what world so you live in where children are kept very young ? Kids grow up way to fast
And its a harmless lie , and not his to tell . I bet you have lied many a times on your life most of us had be it to spare someones feelings , but its not for others to tell someone elses child

@AlternativePerspective

Thing is, Father Christmas doesn’t exist.

Jesus is subjective, but adults as well as children believe in God so it’s not quite the same.

And having just read your second post, now you have good reason to get rid of the elf. win win.

There’s as much evidence for Santa as there is for God tho...

So disgusted in some of these comments you have gotten OP!!

Neighbours a wanker. Wether or not you are a Christian or an atheist or from an entirely different religion, if you want to celebrate Christmas and follow these traditions it’s no one else’s bloody business!! Can’t get my head around some of the posters on here with such harsh comments and the shit you have had to try and justify. Hope you and your family have a wonderful Christmas! X

I’ve got to stop reading this thread as I’m getting more wound up! It doesn’t matter what age a child is, if they believe they believe! No, your neighbour had no right to tell someone else’s child that. Even if his family don’t do Santa, he should be mature enough to know that a lot do and you don’t tell another person’s child the truth. That’s for you to decide, or something other children will do for you. Not a grown man, for goodness sake!

My children still believe, they’re 8 and 11. And yes, the 11 year old is now at high school! When he asks me outright I’ll sit and talk to him. I’ve had my suspicions he was working it out but, blow me down, he wrote a letter to Santa last week pleading for an iPhone. I love that they both still believe and proud of myself for making the magic last so long.

@oblada

Tbh Ive never encouraged the whole FC thing because I just don't feel comfortable with outright lies like this. Instead I've just kept vague and kept to the line that everyone is free to believe in whatever they want to believe.

Same here. We have four kids and just never made a huge thing out of Santa. The kids worked it out for themselves quite early on and when they directly asked, we didn't feel comfortable lying so just evaded answers and laughed it off. I couldn't get worked up about someone else not going along with it.

@mubbybeck

I’ve got to stop reading this thread as I’m getting more wound up! It doesn’t matter what age a child is, if they believe they believe! No, your neighbour had no right to tell someone else’s child that. Even if his family don’t do Santa, he should be mature enough to know that a lot do and you don’t tell another person’s child the truth. That’s for you to decide, or something other children will do for you. Not a grown man, for goodness sake!

My children still believe, they’re 8 and 11. And yes, the 11 year old is now at high school! When he asks me outright I’ll sit and talk to him. I’ve had my suspicions he was working it out but, blow me down, he wrote a letter to Santa last week pleading for an iPhone. I love that they both still believe and proud of myself for making the magic last so long.

Clearly he has worked it out but thinks he might not get the iphone otherwise !!

@mubbybeck yes exactly if you choose to not let your children believe ok but does not give you a right to tell others
Like all these I am not comfortable lying to my child etc can they honestly say they have never told their child a lie I very much doubt it.
Its not exactly a horrible lie is it children like make believe , I mean do these same parents point out everything , I mean mermaids aren't real , unicorns etc is there any harm in a child believing they are when little or would they put them right on that as well

@Babyroobs but you wouldn't get worked up as you said yourself you didn't really do fc with your children but the op does
So if one of your dc friends was round and asked you about fc would you tell them he isn't real , you said you never directly answered your own kids and just laughed it off

I'm not a fan of Jesus and I can take or leave Santa but I would never contradict a child who believed in either and I would never impose my views on a kid. I think your neighbour was out of order imposing his views and contradicting your DS and for that reason I don't think it's a good idea for him to be around the neighbours. Neighbour may have strong views on politics, race, gender equality and I wouldn't want someone imposing that on my kid. If a kid's pet dies and they believe it's gone to heaven, that doesn't give atheists (myself included) the right to step in with their opinion.

I have family who hold quite strong religious views and they think they have the right to contradict, it's boring, rude and arrogant.

How you deal with that is difficult given the school lift set up, maybe you just say you're going to be dropping him off yourself from now on, you don't need to explain yourself.

" if you choose to not let your children believe ok but does not give you a right to tell others"

It sounds as though it was an awkward conversation which the adult did not start and one thing led to another. He probably assumed the child didn't believe. I've never been in his position so don't know what I would have said if a child started going on about Santa but I wouldn't lie.

I have a memory of two children I knew asking me if mine believed in Father Christmas and I said, "We've never talked about Father Christmas". They didn't ask anything else though. I suppose that was the nearest I've been to anything like this.

How dare he?! I'd burn his house down. Ok slight overreaction but as someone who had FC ruined taken from her years before my classmates I have committed to keeping FC going for as long as possible for my little girl.

And the debate about Jesus is weird. He is way overstepping boundaries..

@myneighboursarebellends

It would be my first instinct to go round to the neighbour’s and kick his arse.
The damage is already done, however, and you do have to live next door to the bellends.
You could, however, stop being so friendly, stop the to & from school rides (you don’t have to give any reason other than it’s just “inconvenient”), and going forward give them a chilly reception - in particular, Mr. Bellend. Being a bellend, he’ll never figure out what happened but who cares? You’ve got the power going forward: use it.

[quote timeforanewstart]@Babyroobs but you wouldn't get worked up as you said yourself you didn't really do fc with your children but the op does
So if one of your dc friends was round and asked you about fc would you tell them he isn't real , you said you never directly answered your own kids and just laughed it off [/quote]
I definitely wouldn't go round announcing that FC isn't real like this neighbour did. If a child directly asked me and my own kids didn't believe, I'm not sure what I would say to be honest a sit would seem odd in front of my own kids. My own parents really didn't like the whole Santa thing, thought it was all pagan and didn't go along with it all when my kids were young.

@Mummadeeze

I would have been FURIOUS! My DD believed until she was 11 and we all loved every minute of her believing. It was very sad when I told her the truth as she was approaching secondary school and she was gutted. People’s views on here of spoiling a family tradition and a magical experience are really weird in my opinion. Hope your DS believes you and not the nasty, rude, inconsiderate neighbour.

perhaps she was gutted because she had been lied to by people she thought she could trust?

I think it's totally bizarre to lie to children in this way. As a child we joked about father Christmas bringing the present to the good children, etc - but we knew the presents came from our parents and family - they had labels on them for one thing "with love from aunty Mary and uncle George" 😃.

Father Christmas was a nice story, no more true than Snow White and the seven dwarves or Scrooge and Tiny Tim. We enjoyed the story but never ever ever believed it was real - and I don't know a single child in my class who did believe it was real. I'm in my 60's - and I think this whole "real Father Christmas" thing is another American import, like treat or treat.

My DC understood the difference between a story and reality by the time they started school, it doesn't spoil the joy to be had in stories - but it did mean they trusted what I told them.

I'm agog at this thread!!

FFS we all grew up with FC/Santa and it hadn't caused irreversible damage with our parents for lying to us. I find this whole "I can't lie to my child" a farce.

OP, I admire the way you've handled this thread, some of your comebacks are class.

My kids are always told, if you don't believe in the magic of Christmas then there is no point in us celebrating it.

Out of curiosity, has anyone watched Klaus on Netflix, I think that sums up the FC story just nicely.

Year 4 teacher here, and parent to a year 4 child in a different school. All my class believe. They may suspect, but they’re all fully into the magic and into playing along and it really wouldn’t be done at all for someone to tell others he didn’t exist. Same with my daughter. Year 6 is when I find they stop believing generally.
Either way, absolutely NOT the place of an adult to say.

It sounds like your son held his own. Whilst it wasn’t your neighbor’s place to say that, it will increasingly be something your child hears and you don’t want him being the last one who finds out.
I would explain to your child that different people have different views and well done for arguing his case.
Meanwhile I would release your anger at the gym but keep the lift share if it suits you.