AIBU to get so mad at needy/manipulative women?

[BarryWhiteIsMyBrother]

In my life to date I have come across so many needy/manipulative women - women who get people to run around after them. Who get people to take on responsibilities for them. Who look at them and think 'but they need my help - how could I say no?'

From women who can't even wash their own car (so their husband does it) or take it to the car wash, to women won't take the bins out on bin day because they are dirty, to women who drop very unsubtle hints about stuff they like sooooo much so their husbands save up and buy them for them (expensive bags or shoes for example), or they get their partner to take on financial responsibility for them and their kids from a previous relationship.

My sister is one of them. A colleague is the same. Someone in my circle of friends.

They drive me nuts. Why can't they be grown ups and do stuff for themselves? Sorry - I am probably being unreasonable but I heard today how one of my sister's friends just got her partner to agree to pay for new boobs for her because she is sooooo unhappy about hers. And so the poor guy is now trying to find additional work hours to pay for the surgery.

And yes, I work so pay my own way and share chores 50/50. The fair way.

Pfft. Women do so much unpaid physical and emotional labour for men that I literally don’t care if some of them have found a way to obtain some benefit in return. I’ll start taking your anger at needy women seriously when the issue of male exploitation and entitlement has been addressed.

This thread is bullshit. If men are so eager to please the women they are with, that's on them.

I'm well jel.
Are they sharing tips.

I get where you're coming from OP although it doesn't make me mad but i just don't understand the 'damsel in distress' act.
In my house growing up boys and girls were treated the same regarding chores, I helped my dad change tyres and plugs along with my brothers and we all helped cook and clean. This just naturally carried on and now there's no job I personally wouldn't give a go so I couldn't imagine getting anyone else to do a job I wouldn't do myself.

Sorry - I am probably being unreasonable but I heard today how one of my sister's friends just got her partner to agree to pay for new boobs for her because she is sooooo unhappy about hers. And so the poor guy is now trying to find additional work hours to pay for the surgery.

Won't somebody think of the poor men, constantly slaving away to buy their girlfriend's bigger boobs?

@NoSquirrels

It’s not just women who manipulate others, claim learned helplessness or take advantage.

Is it?

Have a think about your ingrained assumptions.

This.

OP, do you have a women issue?

I even once went for Sunday lunch and the poor guy was cooking and serving

OMG, a man was cooking ALL ON HIS OWN - OUTRAGEOUS!!!

He should LTB, I hope you told him!

Half the things you’ve said are just preferences. I don’t take the bins out, and DH doesn’t clean the loo. Why am I the needy one there?

I feel the same about men who can’t work the washing machine or remember to buy their mothers a birthday card tbf. This stuff is the pay off.

@Hardbackwriter

Sorry - I am probably being unreasonable but I heard today how one of my sister's friends just got her partner to agree to pay for new boobs for her because she is sooooo unhappy about hers. And so the poor guy is now trying to find additional work hours to pay for the surgery.

Won't somebody think of the poor men, constantly slaving away to buy their girlfriend's bigger boobs?

I know that one's hilarious

I know exactly what you mean, OP. When I was 16, I went on a school field trip to the Pembrokeshire coast with 5 or 6 other girls from my year. We were at Paddington station, walking along the platform, about to board the train to Wales and my friend had a very heavy suitcase, which she had a little difficulty carrying (but no more than the rest of us). She waited until she was outside a carriage with some likely young men in, then dropped her suitcase theatrically and sighed gustily. When I looked round, some poor sap was carrying her case for her. When we returned, a week later, she tried the same thing going down the steps to the underground. A City gent was roped in to help her with the suitcase and then he asked her for a fee when he handed it back (much to my glee). She has, however, gone through life relying on others to do things for her (even though she is intelligent and perfectly capable of doing them herself). To my horror, I was once travelling through Yugoslavia (as it was then) with a staunch Womens' lib supporting friend. One morning, we noticed the car had a flat tyre - her immediate response "Oh no! We need a man!". I was very disappointed in her. Luckily, I had seen the Beatles in Help, when George Harrison changes a wheel, so we did it successfully WITHOUT a man.

Are you my sister? Because I don't put the bins out (DH is a binman. He can do it) And I don't wash my own car (there is the ARC for that). DH also cooks Sunday dinner (because I do the ironing and help the kids in the bath). He also buys me handbags (because that's what I like)

@Sexnotgender

Given that women as a sex do the vast majority of shitty unpaid work in the world, I think the fact you’re getting upset at the tiny minority who are getting other people to do stuff for them is shining a light on your inner misogynist.

This for sure. I and I am sure many others know far more men that opt-out of the daily tasks that come with being an adult/part of a family. You choose to get mad at women who won't add washing the car to their list of chores

As a rule, anyone who brings up 'taking the bins' as the prime example of what they do around the house does fuck all around the house. It takes a few minutes every few days. I normally take out the bins in our house and it comprises about 1% of the overall time I spend on housework.

I even once went for Sunday lunch and the poor guy was cooking and serving

This is the best reason to be outraged in the history of the world. I don't think I know any women like this, but as far as lifeskills go out of DH and I, I would survive much longer on a desert island because I'm practical.

However, his Sunday roasts are spectacular and I see no reason to compete with his excellence.

My husband loves to play host so he would be slaving away in the kitchen and sorting drinks whilst I'm entertaining. AND he sorts meals out during the week too AND takes the bind out AND washes my car!

But then, I do a million other things that woukdnt even occur to him to do and pushed 3 children out my body so he can take out a bin bag for gods sake.

You mean there are actual women who don't do all the cooking, cleaning and hosting?!

Why do you hate women op? When do you think it all started?

Talking of bins, better put mine out tonight.

I even once went for Sunday lunch and the poor guy was cooking and serving because she had forgotten to paint her nails until the last minute and they weren't fully dry yet! Where do these women find the guts to behave like this?

Gosh you are so right, men, never ever expect women to do all the cooking and cleaning, that's like, entirely unheard of!

I don’t know anyone like that. All us women do bloody everything. I think there is an elusive happy medium out there somewhere.

@arethereanyleftatall I didn't mean it that way. But his wife was seated at the table, with the rest of us (about ten people) while he cooked, served and everything else and she didn't lift a finger. A few glances among the guests were exchanged so it wasn't just me thinking it was odd

This was my ex husband every single time we had friends over...Marriage breeds this sort of codependancy a lot...

By codependancy I mean lazy bastarditis

Why is this bothering you?

Yes and the same BF is enjoying those boobs. I have rarely seen any man do anything they don't want, so if the man is doing all these "annoying" things it's because he doesn't mind. Some like mine actually love cooking and do most of the cooking. You are too invested in other people's lives for this to bother you.

Well. As if this doesn't make a refreshing change from the wife work one ... 🍿🍿🍿