AIBU to get so mad at needy/manipulative women?

[BarryWhiteIsMyBrother]

In my life to date I have come across so many needy/manipulative women - women who get people to run around after them. Who get people to take on responsibilities for them. Who look at them and think 'but they need my help - how could I say no?'

From women who can't even wash their own car (so their husband does it) or take it to the car wash, to women won't take the bins out on bin day because they are dirty, to women who drop very unsubtle hints about stuff they like sooooo much so their husbands save up and buy them for them (expensive bags or shoes for example), or they get their partner to take on financial responsibility for them and their kids from a previous relationship.

My sister is one of them. A colleague is the same. Someone in my circle of friends.

They drive me nuts. Why can't they be grown ups and do stuff for themselves? Sorry - I am probably being unreasonable but I heard today how one of my sister's friends just got her partner to agree to pay for new boobs for her because she is sooooo unhappy about hers. And so the poor guy is now trying to find additional work hours to pay for the surgery.

And yes, I work so pay my own way and share chores 50/50. The fair way.

I've been to a house like this and lived in one cakewench and they were always domestic abusers in my experience. Putting on a fake show.

I'm sure there are lazy men too. I just seem to have come across only cared about women like this.

Fixed it for ya.

to women who drop very unsubtle hints about stuff they like sooooo much so their husbands save up and buy them for them (expensive bags or shoes for example),

🤷🏻‍♀️

I meet men like this daily who pretend they are fucking crap so someone else does it.

It’s not that these people don’t exist - it’s that they aren’t exclusively female

Indeed.

I find it hard to have any respect for anyone who claims they can’t do some basic task. Unless there’s some disability obviously.

And you don't know the why of it. My DH had to do a lot when I went through cancer treatment. I might not have told you about it. It also takes time to recover from.

The only reasons to be annoyed by this are
a) if it impacts on you personally
b) if you're jealous they don't have to do the shitwork you do
c) for some notion of "giving women a bad name"

I think c) is dubious.

@BarryWhiteIsMyBrother

My point is about these women not doing their half. Absolutely men should cook and do their fair share. But these are women who do very little. Gym, coffee morning, hairdressers, massages, lunch with friends. At home they do bugger all. That's who I have an issue with. Because they also often complain they have so much on and are so stressed. When there are people who are truly busy and stressed but don't go around complaining. I'm sure there are lazy men too. I just seem to have come across women like this.

Why do you have an issue with it as long as it's not you running around after them?

Bitterness? Jealousy?

I mean if you're so happy and confident in your independence and accomplishments why do other people's relationships and behaviour bother you so much?

Are these women that you despise so much doing you any harm?

No.

Is it any business of yours how they live their lives?

No.

Do you sound bitter and small-minded?

Very.

Well yes any woman who does 1% of the life shit while her husband does 99% is being unfair. I also think it is much rarer to see women doing this than men. A lot of men do it.

One time I went away on business for a week at short notice and several friends suggested they could help out cooking meals and with the children. Two were shocked I didn't do all the laundry, a big shop and loads of batch cooking before I left. They expected domestic helplessness from a man.

@Royalbloo

ComeOnBabyHauntMyBubble I hope you're joking?!!!!!! Oh my god!

Wish I was. Even worse,the only reason she came over is because he's working from home so she and the girls are stuck upstairs for 8 hours and she wanted a change of scenery and be able to let them run round for a bit.

The fucker took two days off, slept until mid day and played videogames.

Do you also get as angry with lazy and manipulative men?

If not, it’s just strong (internalised) misogyny driving that “judgey much” vibe you’re giving off.

If you do judge them as much, but have just chosen only to be vocal about “lazy and manipulative” women, then it’s still (internalised misogyny), just maybe slightly watered down.

And yes, there are lazy snd manipulative people. But there are also people who just structure and live their lives differently than you snd that’s perfectly fine.

We get so caught up in an individualised snd atomised mindset, we’re being strong and independent is the be all and end all.

We forget that a lot of human beings are happier living messy lives, getting and giving help where they can.

Lolling at all the houlier than thous pretending that they've never judged another women a day in their lives.

Why is it an issue for a man (or woman) to buy their partner an expensive gift? Surely that’s the point of a gift; something wanted but that someone might consider too extravagant to buy for themselves. Or should men only buy their partners irons or steam mops and practical things? Sounds a bit shit to me.

I also think there is hidden abuse where some women treat their husbands appallingly but we only see things from one side - worth considering.

I'm sure some men are working hard, doing all the jobs and supporting a useless partner, just as some women are, and I'm sure it's a higher no. than we would ever think of.

I get angry at these women too. I have always done this stuff but I wonder sometimes if I'm a little bit jealous. Just sometimes it might be nice for someone to do these jobs.

I'm being kind as ALL of my partners have been lazy selfish shits but....

Oh and another friend's husband who did a while dramatic song and dance of "I'll just starve now" because she didn't buy the right type of bread rolls for him to have while she was away.

I find it hard to get that bothered about a man doing a Sunday lunch all by himself or whatever else the "poor" penis haver has to deal with.

All these "poor" "poor" men. Awww

hardknocklife123 I wonder if these were women with really good dads and so they expect someone to love them and look after them?

I don't, my dad was a knob but it's certainly a consideration and something I have seen in friends. Apparently when we become adults we transfer the expectations we had of our parents onto our partner, which explains a lot, and might indicate that it's not intentional?

So, none of us are actually being twats, we are just projecting the "love" we got from our parents on to our partner/husband.

Thus, everyone is lovely and we don't need to scorn anyone?! (But anyone can put a bin out, let's be honest)

@BarryWhiteIsMyBrother

My point is about these women not doing their half. Absolutely men should cook and do their fair share. But these are women who do very little. Gym, coffee morning, hairdressers, massages, lunch with friends. At home they do bugger all. That's who I have an issue with. Because they also often complain they have so much on and are so stressed. When there are people who are truly busy and stressed but don't go around complaining. I'm sure there are lazy men too. I just seem to have come across women like this.

I always have to check to make sure posters aren’t talking about me on these threads

But i don’t complain about having so much on and being stressed so it can’t be about me

Or maybe relates to love languages - I want someone who can pay their bills, someone else may want treats or favours? We are all weird so who bloody knows?!

@ComeOnBabyHauntMyBubble

My friend's husband took two days as annual leave when she visited me because she wouldn't be there to wake him up.

Nothing you've said,or you may say can compare to that!

What. The. Fuck.

Ugh how can she stand someone so pathetic?!

Lol that's what I thought!

Ah yes the poor men!

Because men NEVER leave the housework, child rearing tasks, food shopping, cleaning, household chores and all the caring of elderly relatives to women do they? They’re just pure self less little lambs being manipulated by those nasty women!!!

😆😆😆