AIBU to get so mad at needy/manipulative women?

[BarryWhiteIsMyBrother]

In my life to date I have come across so many needy/manipulative women - women who get people to run around after them. Who get people to take on responsibilities for them. Who look at them and think 'but they need my help - how could I say no?'

From women who can't even wash their own car (so their husband does it) or take it to the car wash, to women won't take the bins out on bin day because they are dirty, to women who drop very unsubtle hints about stuff they like sooooo much so their husbands save up and buy them for them (expensive bags or shoes for example), or they get their partner to take on financial responsibility for them and their kids from a previous relationship.

My sister is one of them. A colleague is the same. Someone in my circle of friends.

They drive me nuts. Why can't they be grown ups and do stuff for themselves? Sorry - I am probably being unreasonable but I heard today how one of my sister's friends just got her partner to agree to pay for new boobs for her because she is sooooo unhappy about hers. And so the poor guy is now trying to find additional work hours to pay for the surgery.

And yes, I work so pay my own way and share chores 50/50. The fair way.

I'm sure plenty of men have sat at a table while their wife/partner did all the cooking. People behave like this. Not just women.

@Bourbonbiccy

Is it really that far of a stretch to see that other people wish to live differently to you ?

I don't really see why it would get you mad, it very well may be the exact opposite to the way you wish to live, but by no means somethings that should take up enough of your head space to get you mad.

You're spot on. I wish it didn't make me mad. So I'm mad also because it makes me mad :-/

Ah good aul internal misogyny alive and well! Damn those female manipulators and their gold-digging ways... down with that sort of thing!

When we have guests my husband does all the cooking and serving etc while I socialise and pour the wine. He enjoys going all Gordon Ramsey and letting me relax. I do 90% of the cooking when we don’t have guests. It works for us and I’d hate to think my guests were judging us the way the OP has judged her friends!

You have described my neighbour down to a t.

A bit scary actually..,,

Tbf. I’m sure there are men like that too

Yeah.... nah...

Couldn’t really give a fuck. You sound a tad jealous

I actually think it's about bloody time that I go to a party and sit round the fire with my female friends drinking beer whilst the men run around prepping the salads and clearing up. I'll possibly return my own plate to somewhere near the dishwasher so I've helped before retiring to the lounge for a whisky.

I think it's not just women who are like it but some people in general certainly are.

Exactly, if someone wants to facilitate that, then it's their choice.

now let me think.

Single parent, can turn a hand to anything.

Don't need a man, have not for 10+ years

I know plenty of relationships where the women don't do certain jobs, and the men are quick to have a grumble.
What they aren't so quick to point out is same woman has done the lion's share of child rearing (which is a god send to a man trying to climb the greasy pole at work), cooking, cleaning, nursing, mental admin etc etc.

@vodkaredbullgirl

now let me think.

Single parent, can turn a hand to anything.

Don't need a man, have not for 10+ years

Are you me?

In the interest of fairness I know a women who when she goes to visit her family for a few days & takes the dc with her she leaves meals for her DH. So like batch cooks, portions up, in the fridge/freezer & often pre made sandwiches for lunch too. I don't understand why he can't order a pizza or warm up a tin of soup.

I'd be more inclined to get upset about the men who "babysit" their children, don't know how to work a washing machine and are generally incapable of a number of basic things (but always seem to be very capable at their well-paid, corporate jobs... Go figure)

I agree it’s usually women. I mean..you rarely hear of men expecting women to do all the cooking, cleaning, childcare etc etc do you?

Oh wait....

Start with being mad at a man who manipulated 70,000 people into choosing him as leader of his political party, who lies on an industrial scale, and whose inactions earlier this year have caused more deaths than Nazi bombing of this country did in WW2.

A man who on a personal level picks on vulnerable or emotionally needy woman and left his wife whilst she was being treated for cancer.

Before you criticise any women who might be needy.

I actually envy them and think they are clever!

P.s. Are you maybe a bit bitter because you'd love men to do this sort of thing for you.. they just never seem to offer?

Well a girls got to live.

My husband earns a shit load more money than I do. In an industry that requires him to work away from home - a lot. As he earns more than I do, he buys me things like designer bags. I’ve taken my car to the car wash on the odd occasion I’ve noticed it being filthy. I’ve never washed it - I don’t really care for a gleaming car like he does, so yes, he washes my car too. When he’s away, of course I take the bins out. When he’s home, he’s always on the ball with that. I couldn’t give of a flying fuck if you think this makes me needy or manipulative.

I even once went for Sunday lunch and the poor guy was cooking and serving because she had forgotten to paint her nails until the last minute and they weren't fully dry yet!*

Peaked to early OP

What the hell is wrong with a man cooking and serving lunch to guests?

And if guests were really giving each other the side eye in response I’d assume they were a bunch of misogynistic fools.

@BarryWhiteIsMyBrother

I'm absolutely aware that people may share chores and you don't see the split. But there are women who absolutely do very little or bugger all and get others to do it for them. I'm talking people I know first hand. So I know the split isn't even.

I even once went for Sunday lunch and the poor guy was cooking and serving because she had forgotten to paint her nails until the last minute and they weren't fully dry yet! Where do these women find the guts to behave like this?

The poor guy was cooking 😂😂 you’re winding us up aren’t you? I have been for lunch where the ‘poor’ women was cooking while the man was fluffing around with a carving knife to do the grand finale. Not lifting a finger until that point or after. Actually more than once.

Maybe they don’t manipulate men or are needy, maybe the men want to do it ever thought of that OP? My husband washes my car for me, takes the bins out, buys me nice things and at one point, looked after me financially. I didn’t ask him to. Or manipulate him. He just likes looking after me. Like I do him. You just sound jealous tbh.

You know that saying 'you can't judge a relationship from the outside'? You really can't. You've no idea what she does that makes her H respond to her in the way he does. You probably wouldn't want to know. Either way it's absolutely none of your business unless she tries to get you to do it.

Given that women as a sex do the vast majority of shitty unpaid work in the world, I think the fact you’re getting upset at the tiny minority who are getting other people to do stuff for them is shining a light on your inner misogynist.

My sister is like this. I used to be angry about it - the deliberate helplessness combined with sheer front in assuming everyone would help her annoyed me - and in the last 5 years I have come to be impressed and slightly in awe. She almost always gets what she wants, in a way that leaves other people happy to have helped her out. I'm talking taking her on holidays, never paying for her car fixing, free accounting for her business to the smaller stuff - she has never taken a bin out or cooked a Sunday dinner or put screenwash in her own car in her life. I'm kind of envious that she can go through life so readily accepting of other people's help and always being offered it.

I've experienced the opposite too, though - my best friend's dad, who has spent a lifetime cultivating an air of uselessness to the point he's never bought his wife a Christmas present, he gets his (female) best friend to do it, and doesn't do any of the housework because 'I just don't how how to do it right!'.