AIBU to get so mad at needy/manipulative women?

[BarryWhiteIsMyBrother]

In my life to date I have come across so many needy/manipulative women - women who get people to run around after them. Who get people to take on responsibilities for them. Who look at them and think 'but they need my help - how could I say no?'

From women who can't even wash their own car (so their husband does it) or take it to the car wash, to women won't take the bins out on bin day because they are dirty, to women who drop very unsubtle hints about stuff they like sooooo much so their husbands save up and buy them for them (expensive bags or shoes for example), or they get their partner to take on financial responsibility for them and their kids from a previous relationship.

My sister is one of them. A colleague is the same. Someone in my circle of friends.

They drive me nuts. Why can't they be grown ups and do stuff for themselves? Sorry - I am probably being unreasonable but I heard today how one of my sister's friends just got her partner to agree to pay for new boobs for her because she is sooooo unhappy about hers. And so the poor guy is now trying to find additional work hours to pay for the surgery.

And yes, I work so pay my own way and share chores 50/50. The fair way.

I actually kinda admire that type of behaviour (especially when they are very competent and efficient themselves) even if I can't relate to it at all.

Me too @ComeOnBabyHauntMyBubble. It feels like an uphill battle to circumvent stereotypes, so I admire any woman who uses it to her advantage.

Good project manager skills?

We tend to split tasks between me and dh, but unfortunately as I am STEM graduate I have to buy my own shite 🤔 would like to experience being a kept woman but I'm too independent and opinionated to attract that kind of man

@GlummyMcGlummerson

I find it hard to believe the "women are so useless" narrative when we live in a world where a man washing the dishes is considered a "keeper" and fathers are constantly described as "babysitting life their own children.

THIS! I have never ever heard a woman described as a "hands on mum". Because the default expectations for women are totally different than those for men. So glad you mentioned the "babysitting" thing, it makes my blood boil!

I cook 98% of the time, on the rare occasion dh does he likes to do it all himself and I enjoy taking a very rare backseat. I rarely take the bins out, I will ask him to do it. It does annoy him sometimes but then I just point out all the chores that I do and he quietens down again. I will put the bins out when he starts to use the hoover until then....We both have set chores and it seems to work for us, I don't keep a tally of who has done what, in general it just needs done. As long as neither of us feels the other us being a lazy shit, if is all good.

Can’t even be arsed reading this
Sucks to be ugly eh

I even once went for Sunday lunch and the poor guy was cooking and serving because she had forgotten to paint her nails until the last minute and they weren't fully dry yet! Where do these women find the guts to behave like this?

Won't do him any harm. I doubt she paints her nails every mealtime.

but I heard today how one of my sister's friends just got her partner to agree to pay for new boobs for he

He could have refused but sounds like he has a vested interest

@CannibalQueen

Drives me nuts too BUT on the one occasion I basically fell apart when my washing machine leak brought the roof of the old lady who lived below me down, everyone was so supportive and amazing that I wished I'd been that way all my life! My (female) boss rushed to my house to calm me down and led me with booze ; my boyfriend fished to me to do the phoning insurance etc while I was taken out for lunch by my boss.

That's lovely 😍

I think the male equivalent is called a 'Cocklodger' isn't he?

I agree with you OP. When my DSS brought his GF to meet us I had the measure of her immediately because my sister is a pass master at this. I flatly refused to play her game and for a long time was vilified for it. Then she overstepped because they all do eventually. Now everyone can see what I saw beck then but they all still fawn all over her and do stuff for her. Not me. I had a guts full of that shit growing up with my ghastly sister. I have nothing to do with either of them now.

I have colleagues that have admitted to using tears to get what they want in the workplace.Years ago I had one woman pull it on me, I actually explained to her that tears won’t make me change my mind over something and I can’t stand people who try to manipulate others by crying to get what they want. She then told me how she had such a awful childhood. FFS prove my point much. The issue was small and none of her business anyway, she had just started in the job and was trying to be a control freak. It was so weird.
I came across her again recently and she hasn’t changed and still pulls that crap around the office.

You might want to look up internalised misogyny OP.

I even once went for Sunday lunch and the poor guy was cooking and serving because she had forgotten to paint her nails until the last minute and they weren't fully dry yet! Where do these women find the guts to behave like this?

😂😂😂😂 brilliant.

I'm lying in bed waiting for dh to get up to feed the dog and bring me a cup of tea.
I'm just too helpless to get up and do it myself!

Ok. So, there are situations where couples choose jobs within a 50/50 relationship; and there are a very minority of women who use their female charms to get what they want, (and as @NaePies correctly pointed out, they are the pretty ones so make sure it's not jealousy talking if it upsets you) BUT, shouldn't that be applauded in a way? If men are stupid enough to fall for it, that's on them.

Dh fed me olives the other night as my nails were wet.He filled my car up the other day too.
He wanted to do these things though and I do loads of things for him for the same reason.Its clear to me that you aren't happy with your situation and you're projecting.

Dh fed me olives the other night as my nails were wet.

Terrible isn't it. How these men find the energy after organising their whole family, cooking, cleaning, running the house, and buying birthday cards for their in laws I do not know.

I think in the real world many people go through stages in their lives. Looking at me right now you may think I’m a kept woman. I’m not working. DH certainly does all the ‘manly’ stuff, a combination of being a perfectionist, better at it and getting some stress relief from physical work. He sometimes does the cooking.
BUT I was a high earner, I own a property outright. I’ll probably work again, and DH can kick back if he wants to as we can afford it. At one point in our lives I earned enough to support him training and financially maintained him for a while. I paid off old debts of his too. No reason, I could and I loved him so I did.
At pointS in our long marriage someone could have labelled him a ‘cock lodger’ or me a ‘kept woman’ if you just saw a snapshot of us at that time,
Right now I’m relaxed the sofa with a magazine painting my nails and he’s gone to work. It doesn’t mean I’ve never worked hard and never will. We’ve certainly both had people round where one of us has done 100% of the work for various reasons over the years.
Those who get bothered by other people probably need to step back from stereotypes and appreciate people are far more complex than the images they create of them.

@stampsurprise and I was also holding a wine glass

I hate some of the replies on this thread. Seems like it’s ok for women to behave like entitled arseholes but not men. ‘Makes a refreshing change’ almost.
YANBU OP. I know exactly the type of woman you’re talking about and they are vile.

I’m sure the Op is long gone. But if you are still reading this @BarryWhiteIsMyBrother, please can you PM me and tell me where to get one of these men who does everyone ? I can pay cash.

TIA

but I'm too independent and opinionated to attract that kind of man

How do you know if they are that type of man before you meet him?

My friends would laugh their arses off at your comment, I’ll deffo tell them. Its nice to be able to have a good giggles in these covid times

(Not at the fact youve made the comment, everyone is entitled to their opinion and thats yours)

I even once went for Sunday lunch and the poor guy was cooking and serving because she had forgotten to paint her nails until the last minute and they weren't fully dry yet! Where do these women find the guts to behave like this?

My ex sat on his xbox or watched telly and complained every single mealtime and refused to lift a finger whilst I cooked and served. All by myself.

I did everything for that man in that relationship including the bins. I even had to wipe his arse to get him to work ffs..couldnt even get up. I had to wake him up repeatedly and spoon feed him to get him out the door.

Who was the needy one in that relationship.

Plenty of useless needy and manipulative men about as well

This goes both ways though and I'm sure something feminists should have an opinion about. Someone who can't take out bins or go in the loft because their might be spiders out there, or uses over half a tank of hot water (which they pay neither the water bill nor the electric) when they shower, doesn't do manual labor because DIY is a man's job and of course so is changing a light bulb on the car. Is surely not doing feminism much good and striving for 50 50 in a relationship. Personally for me there are no men or women jobs to do. Ironing isn't a ladies job and neither is cooking. And if my partner wanter a boob job then she needs to up her hours to pay for it and it should come out of her luxury money. A needy partner who doesn't contribute 50% is one who needs to be moved on.