What would you do? Teachers advise 🙏 please

[Whatwouldyoydo]

My 16 yr old dd has just called me in tears.
Currently in 6th form and has been having issues with a male teacher, quite young tries to be funny but often misses the mark.
Several time he’s made wtf comments etc
Today he announced loudly that ‘ Claire wears short skirts to attract the boys” and when no one responded as they were quite shocked he said it again louder.
Dd was so upset she left the room for the toilet and her friend brought her the bag as class was ending.
Dd feels shamed. Fwiw dd dresses totally appropriately. (Dds name is not really Claire)

Dd said she’s complained to another teacher at school about it. Apparently the teacher in question was very anxious when dd didn’t return to class and probably realised he’s overstepped and was asking the girls to txt dd.
What would you do? Leave it for dd to manage the follow up or step up and intervene.

This is a sackable offence. His career could end if you report this.
There is no quiet word option. Whilst obviously your DD should not be subjected to this, in teaching there is no coming back from this sort of thing.

RTFT!!

@Athrawes

So?

Are you seriously suggesting this man should not be reported??

OverTheRainbow88
Then maybe you should have spent a little less time inventing signs that someone is a crap teacher like what time they are on site or whether they happen to have been off sick.

I've worked with poor teachers, some have done well with support and coaching, others less so.

I've also seen countless decent teachers bullied and harassed out of the profession.

Pointing out your caricature of a terrible teacher isn't accurate doesn't deny that there are poor teachers. It's just challenging lazy stereotyping.

@LolaSmiles- this. Absolutely.

Dd got her apology letter this week as did her father and I.
The letter was very thorough and genuine I felt. Dd didn’t like the way in the letter is said ‘I apologise for hurting you’, she felt that indicated a sorry for feelings which lay the onus on her but not an acknowledgment that what he said was wrong.
Dd had a class with him yesterday. Unbeknown to me (Dd told us about it when we got home), Dd requested that she have a chat with the teacher after class, Dd requested that another teacher was present.
Dd sat down across from him and asked him directly what he was sorry for.

Sorry for hurting you Dd”
not good enough why was I hurt?
Because I upset you
not good enough what did you say
I’m sorry Dd, really I am.
sorry for what, I want to hear you say it now in front of me

Dd said at this point the teacher was welling up himself.
Teacher said, I’m sorry that I said anything about your clothes or talked about you in an inappropriate way, it was highly unprofessional.
so, I have a right to be upset then right? Because of what you did? How would you like it if someone made your child feel like I did the other day?
I’ll never say anything like that to anyone ever again Dd.
Dd then went on to explain how she had enjoyed his class and that she looked forward to it and that he broke her trust and disappointed her (at this point Dd started to become emotional) before she asked him
is that how you see me? As a sexual object?
Absolutely not Dd, I respect you 100% I’ve made a terrible mistake...(welling up again).
Dd said, I’m going to go now, thank you for this talk, I hope we can get back to where we were at some point and I can focus on my studies. Thanked them both and left.
There was a bit more obviously but that’s the crux of it.

I shit you not, that actually happened.

Wow you must be very proud of your daughter! I don't think that I would have handled it that well. Good for her!

I’m actually quite shocked tbh.
I almost feel sorry for the teacher at this point, I really do wonder what the accompanying teacher thought.

Wow. What a woman you have brought up. She is amazing. With women like her we can look to a better future.
Well done to the Whatwouldyoydos and their daughter “I knowexactly whattodo”.

wow your dd is amazing.

I would not have understood the difference in th eapology at her age!

Good for your Dd!

Your dd is an absolute warrior.
And well done to you for raising her to be confident in her own skin and to know what not to stand for .

👏👏👏

What an amazing young woman. You should be really proud of her.

I actually think that will have taught him more of a lesson than the HR things.

Wow. She is amazing. You must be so proud of having raised such a strong young woman! Good for her!

WOW, SHE IS AMAZING!!!
And she got it so, so right.
Apologising for upsetting someone is what we say when we cannot see a problem with what we did, but have to apologise, when forced, for the effect it had.

She will go far! 👏

Super strong lady you've raised!

I agree with everyone else, contact the relevant senior leader and make a formal complaint.

@Whatwouldyoydo

Dd got her apology letter this week as did her father and I. The letter was very thorough and genuine I felt. Dd didn’t like the way in the letter is said ‘I apologise for hurting you’, she felt that indicated a sorry for feelings which lay the onus on her but not an acknowledgment that what he said was wrong. Dd had a class with him yesterday. Unbeknown to me (Dd told us about it when we got home), Dd requested that she have a chat with the teacher after class, Dd requested that another teacher was present. Dd sat down across from him and asked him directly what he was sorry for.

Sorry for hurting you Dd”
not good enough why was I hurt?
Because I upset you
not good enough what did you say
I’m sorry Dd, really I am.
sorry for what, I want to hear you say it now in front of me

Dd said at this point the teacher was welling up himself.
Teacher said, I’m sorry that I said anything about your clothes or talked about you in an inappropriate way, it was highly unprofessional.
so, I have a right to be upset then right? Because of what you did? How would you like it if someone made your child feel like I did the other day?
I’ll never say anything like that to anyone ever again Dd.
Dd then went on to explain how she had enjoyed his class and that she looked forward to it and that he broke her trust and disappointed her (at this point Dd started to become emotional) before she asked him
is that how you see me? As a sexual object?
Absolutely not Dd, I respect you 100% I’ve made a terrible mistake...(welling up again).
Dd said, I’m going to go now, thank you for this talk, I hope we can get back to where we were at some point and I can focus on my studies. Thanked them both and left.
There was a bit more obviously but that’s the crux of it.

I shit you not, that actually happened.

Very powerful! Well done to your DD!

She's just amazing, isn't she.

Please write a book on parenting.

@Whatwouldyoydo forgive me her, but this entire exchange reads like a conversation bet een a breaking up couple and not a pupil and teacher. I've honestly never seen or heard anything like it. I think DD isamazing but I just don't feel this exchange is one to be applauded.

@Wheresmykimchi

I agree with you.

I hope all can move forward now and focus on education

@overoptimism

She's just amazing, isn't she.

Please write a book on parenting.

I can assure you - any book in parenting I wrote would not be lauded. I’m just like everyone else- trying my best but inevitably getting it wrong a lot. Sometimes though it feels good to think that maybe you’ve done something right!

@Wheresmykimchi

It is quite weird I agree.
I did write this really happened because I assumed that people would think I’m just making stuff up at this point.

Dh thinks the teachers more frustrated than upset iyswim because dd put him in a corner and that it’s very telling that she had to do that to get him to acknowledge the problem was what he said NOT how she felt.

Dd is quite strong, she’s attended lots of feminist conferences with me (Filia, last year was a particular favourite of hers), and is quite unusual for a 16yr old.

I imagine he has done this before. I also imagine he never received the response he got this time.

I WILL still be following up and making complaints to all the relevant places proposed on this thread.

Dh and I have already written to the head and the board of governors about the poor safeguarding procedures in place.