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AIBU?

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Original poster

What would you do? Teachers advise 🙏 please

586 replies

Whatwouldyoydo · 26/11/2020 17:20

My 16 yr old dd has just called me in tears.
Currently in 6th form and has been having issues with a male teacher, quite young tries to be funny but often misses the mark.
Several time he’s made wtf comments etc
Today he announced loudly that ‘ Claire wears short skirts to attract the boys” and when no one responded as they were quite shocked he said it again louder.
Dd was so upset she left the room for the toilet and her friend brought her the bag as class was ending.
Dd feels shamed. Fwiw dd dresses totally appropriately. (Dds name is not really Claire)

Dd said she’s complained to another teacher at school about it. Apparently the teacher in question was very anxious when dd didn’t return to class and probably realised he’s overstepped and was asking the girls to txt dd.
What would you do? Leave it for dd to manage the follow up or step up and intervene.

OP posts:
Notthissticky · 05/12/2020 00:26

Hi OP! Sorry that some people have been questioning your decisions. I don't want to add more pressure by suggesting what to do next, but I think it should be pretty clear that the school are not and will not deal with this in a competent, appropriate manner now. I wish you and your DD all the bestFlowers

Riv · 05/12/2020 00:27

@Whatwouldyoydo

I’ve kept my powder dry for 10 days now. I want the investigation report and findings in my hand and then I will proceed.
That’s a really sensible way forward op. Easy to go in guns blazing too soon, but more effective to give them a chance to sort it with just enough fire power, escalating one step at a time as needed. Then you always have another stash of dry powder in hand just in case. (With dignity, and energy left to follow through) You have shown real professionalism in all this and been an outstanding example to your DD of how to handle difficult situations. It’s clear how she has grown up with the maturity and confidence that she has shown. Well done. You are an example to us all. Good luck and strength for the next round. Hope your DD is coping with the stress of it all- thoughts for her next week when she has her “week in”.
OverTheRainbow88 · 05/12/2020 06:19

@Whatwouldyoydo

What outcome are you hoping for?

For the teacher to loose their job?
To not teach your DD?
To be on a disciplinary warning?
For a police investigation?

JellyStrudel · 05/12/2020 07:59

You absolutely need to speak to head of year/safeguarding/pastoral about this. Totally inappropriate

JellyStrudel · 05/12/2020 08:01

Apologies just seen the update

MsTSwift · 05/12/2020 08:13

It’s like they are demonstrating in a video of “how not to deal with inappropriate sexual behaviour from a teacher to a pupil”. Governors.

iMatter · 05/12/2020 08:21

What a shit show.

I wonder if the HoD has realised his/her mistake yet.

It's one appalling failure after another.

donquixotedelamancha · 05/12/2020 08:23

I want the investigation report and findings in my hand and then I will proceed.

I can't see how you will get it, but you'll get a response, probably saying no more than has been said already in the email to him.

Rather than doing everything on the thread, there are really two main groups who can do anything about this: Governors and the Teachers Regulation Authority. Will the other witnesses give statements to you?

Ofsted should know, but they don't act quickly and won't deal with the individual or about a specific case.

donquixotedelamancha · 05/12/2020 08:26

I wonder if the HoD has realised his/her mistake yet.

On that: forward it to your private email. The college can remove things from DDs school account.

Original poster
Whatwouldyoydo · 05/12/2020 08:47

@OverTheRainbow88

Good question. I don’t want Any of those things to happen to anyone. But I do want the situation dealt with properly following the schools procedures.

@iMatter

The head of year does realise his mistake he emailed dd almost immediately and asked her to delete the email.

OP posts:
Original poster
Whatwouldyoydo · 05/12/2020 08:48

It’s like they are demonstrating in a video of “how not to deal with inappropriate sexual behaviour from a teacher to a pupil”

OP posts:
OverTheRainbow88 · 05/12/2020 09:18

Yes, forward the email to yourself as IT can easily access your DD school email and delete.

We had to do that a lot as a kid had the same name as the safeguarding lead- you can imagine what was sent to the kid!!!’

AddisonM · 05/12/2020 09:33

Bloody hell. I have read most of this thread like this: 🤦🏻‍♀️

Quite frankly I wouldn’t want to send her there any more.

jellybe · 05/12/2020 10:25

I would ask for all communications that mention your DD or relates to her ( I think it falls under GDPR) in a letter to the governors and LEA making sure you specifically as for any in deleted folders as well as the investigation report.

I'd escalate it all. Kick off big time.
I've taught for 13 years and never seen a situation like this handled so badly. He should have been suspended from day one of the investigation and shouldn't have ever contacted your DD during this time.

ohwhatamiserableyear · 05/12/2020 11:21

I'm actually shocked at how poorly the school adults have handled this from start to what they think is 'finish' (letter of apology).

Completely inadequate. I sincerely hope you're escalating above to the governing body and possibly the local authority.

Wheresmykimchi · 05/12/2020 11:48

[quote OverTheRainbow88]@Whatwouldyoydo

What outcome are you hoping for?

For the teacher to loose their job?
To not teach your DD?
To be on a disciplinary warning?
For a police investigation?[/quote]
Have you read the full thread ? The teacher is far from the only one at fault

OverTheRainbow88 · 05/12/2020 12:12

@Wheresmykimchi

Yes I’ve read it from the start, and fully supportive of OP and her DD and in agreement that it’s been handled terribly.

I was wondering, going forward, what OPs and get DDs hopes are for this to be resolved.

twoshedsjackson · 05/12/2020 13:39

The only tiny bright spot I can see in this sorry mess is that you now have documentation because of the foul-up.
I would print a hard copy of that letter sent to your daughter in error, as well forwarding a copy to your personal email so that they can't delete it.
I'd do the same with the Head of Year's message; it is evidence that he is colluding in the cover-up.
As well as their incompetence, I can't believe their stupidity in failing to get the measure of you or your daughter.
As I've said before, I've seen teachers suspended for much less, as much for their own protection as anything else.

KodakNancyEurope · 05/12/2020 14:22

[quote Whatwouldyoydo]@OverTheRainbow88

Good question. I don’t want Any of those things to happen to anyone. But I do want the situation dealt with properly following the schools procedures.

@iMatter

The head of year does realise his mistake he emailed dd almost immediately and asked her to delete the email.[/quote]
Oh my god, if I wasn’t so angry on behalf of your DD and yourself I’d be belly laughing.

FML.

lyralalala · 05/12/2020 15:03

Please follow the advise of several folks on the thread about speaking to the LADO for guidance on how to go forward.

This is now much more than one inappropriate comment by a teacher to a pupil.

This is repeated failings by a school to deal with a safeguarding matter appropriately. Multiple members of staff have been negligent in their handling of the situation, which suggests a school with no appropriate leadership in pupil care and safeguarding.

Wheresmykimchi · 05/12/2020 15:06

[quote OverTheRainbow88]@Wheresmykimchi

Yes I’ve read it from the start, and fully supportive of OP and her DD and in agreement that it’s been handled terribly.

I was wondering, going forward, what OPs and get DDs hopes are for this to be resolved.[/quote]
Sorry @OverTheRainbow88 I assumed it wrongly that was flippant.

Wheresmykimchi · 05/12/2020 15:07

[quote Whatwouldyoydo]@OverTheRainbow88

Good question. I don’t want Any of those things to happen to anyone. But I do want the situation dealt with properly following the schools procedures.

@iMatter

The head of year does realise his mistake he emailed dd almost immediately and asked her to delete the email.[/quote]
Oh. My. God .

ILoveYourLittleHat · 05/12/2020 16:47

Sorry if I'm being dim, and I know it's not really relevant, but his comments re "boys don't have a chance with you", was that supposed to mean she's too 'good'/ experienced for them, or that she's a lesbian? Obviously ridiculous whatever but I'm wondering what it was supposed to mean?

Maireas · 05/12/2020 16:52

It means he's practised at sexual harassment.

MarieG10 · 05/12/2020 17:15

@Whatwouldyoydo
"Seriously, you just couldn’t make this shit up.
The level of incompetence is truly breathtaking."

As per my earlier post. Yes teachers outside their specialism of teaching are pretty incompetent at anything else, especially leading and disciplining staff if required. And yes they are really good at sweeping stuff under the carpet as they just don't have a fucking clue how to deal with it and they are are shit scared of the "union"

When I dealt with the headteacher as his chair of governors he was genuinely shocked at being dealt with by someone knowledgable and experienced in HR procedures and battle hardened at employment tribunals. His fucking union rep came in thinking he would run rings around me and clearly didn't expect what he got.

Is the school faith, academy, LA etc which would assist in knowing where you go but in the first instance...complain to the HT when you have the full written decision .

Also submit a SAR (subject access request) from your daughter. You need to request all documents, emails, notes recorded in notebooks and any other medium in respect of your daughter and this incident held by any school staff and also external advisors. This will usually throw up embarrassing exchanges of emails (schools generally don't have a clue about FOI and SAR requests. Point out that destroying or withholding information is an offence. If they are stupid they will destroy the embarrassing stuff but it will often be obvious as there will be gaps.

Good luck