What would you do? Teachers advise 🙏 please

[Whatwouldyoydo]

My 16 yr old dd has just called me in tears.
Currently in 6th form and has been having issues with a male teacher, quite young tries to be funny but often misses the mark.
Several time he’s made wtf comments etc
Today he announced loudly that ‘ Claire wears short skirts to attract the boys” and when no one responded as they were quite shocked he said it again louder.
Dd was so upset she left the room for the toilet and her friend brought her the bag as class was ending.
Dd feels shamed. Fwiw dd dresses totally appropriately. (Dds name is not really Claire)

Dd said she’s complained to another teacher at school about it. Apparently the teacher in question was very anxious when dd didn’t return to class and probably realised he’s overstepped and was asking the girls to txt dd.
What would you do? Leave it for dd to manage the follow up or step up and intervene.

@ILoveYourLittleHat

Sorry if I'm being dim, and I know it's not really relevant, but his comments re "boys don't have a chance with you", was that supposed to mean she's too 'good'/ experienced for them, or that she's a lesbian? Obviously ridiculous whatever but I'm wondering what it was supposed to mean?

It's supposed to mean that she's too grown up and mature for silly boys. Instead she's at the level of being interested in men. I.E. him

It's grooming flattery

@ILoveYourLittleHat

It’s very weird to me that you e asked the question that you have.
However, full disclosure. Dd is heterosexual. Dd has never had a boyfriend.

Not in a...not my dd kind of way....she’d love to meet someone but she’s very self protective.

Quite rightly it seems.

@MarieG10. Thank you. I’ll use all that info.

@lyralalala. I agree 100%

[quote Whatwouldyoydo]@ILoveYourLittleHat

It’s very weird to me that you e asked the question that you have.
However, full disclosure. Dd is heterosexual. Dd has never had a boyfriend.

Not in a...not my dd kind of way....she’d love to meet someone but she’s very self protective.

Quite rightly it seems.[/quote]
It wasn't meant to be weird! I have trouble interpreting things sometimes that everyone else seems to understand with no problem. The thing he said sounds creepy and 'suggestive' but I couldn't put my finger on exactly what it was supposed to be saying other than completely inappropriately bringing her supposed "love life" into the classroom (boak) for the sake of a weird 'dig' so I wondered if it was what lyra said (thanks btw) or whether it was a 'boys have no chance' because of something else - BUT, re-reading your post, it seems like he said "X [or "the boy"] has no chance with you" rather than boys in general, so I was possibly overthinking.

(I do also find it hard to know when it's even appropriate to ask for clarification on this sort of thing, as often the reply is 'why do you ask' 'it means he's a dickhead' or something as though it was rude to ask.)

Please tell me your DD didn't delete that email, before printing it off.
(I know, I know, GDPR, etc . But...)

@Whatwouldyoydo

We’ve downloaded the appropriate complaint form from the website and are going to send it to the head teacher immediately as per the guidelines.

Thank you everyone for your guidance

👍

That’s a really sensible way forward op. Easy to go in guns blazing too soon, but more effective to give them a chance to sort it with just enough fire power, escalating one step at a time as needed. Then you always have another stash of dry powder in hand just in case. (With dignity, and energy left to follow through)
You have shown real professionalism in all this and been an outstanding example to your DD of how to handle difficult situations. It’s clear how she has grown up with the maturity and confidence that she has shown.
Well done. You are an example to us all
I totally agree.

There are systemic failings that have been made clear and the OP is handling if brilliantly. I wouldn't be surprised if her sensible and assertive handling amounts to giving the relevant people the noise to hang themselves with (pardon the idiom).

[quote Whatwouldyoydo]@ILoveYourLittleHat

It’s very weird to me that you e asked the question that you have.
However, full disclosure. Dd is heterosexual. Dd has never had a boyfriend.

Not in a...not my dd kind of way....she’d love to meet someone but she’s very self protective.

Quite rightly it seems.[/quote]
Op, I'm a proper feisty poster, but I didn't take that to be weird. I think they were genuinely asking.

Oh my goodness. Definitely don't just let her fend for herself with this - it's hugely inappropriate and he could (quite rightly!) get into serious trouble for saying that. I'm a teacher and this sort of behaviour would be shocking in my school. Email the Head of the school and factually explain what has happened. Quote directly where possible (asking your daughter for the exact words obviously). It will get dealt with.

I agree with PP that you’d think the school were making a training video of how not to handle a safeguarding incident! The incompetence and negligence of off the scale-and I do wonder what other stuff has been covered up in the past with pupils and parents who were more easily fobbed off. Please do pursue this externally OP with the LA as well as the governors - you may well prevent even more egregious lapses by shining a light in on the shambolic leadership.

@surreygirl1987 you haven’t read the full thread have you?
Things have moved on quite a bit, with the school digging an even deeper hole for itself.

So tonight dh decided that it was ridiculous that we hadn’t heard yet and emailed the head of year who was dealing with the investigation.

He emailed back almost immediately and said that he had sent a reply on dec 2nd and he was sorry that it went to the wrong email address

So - the upshot is, he is very sorry. The school is very sorry. DD’s complaint has been upheld and found to be factual and was corroborated by witnesses. The teacher in questions behaviour was well below standards expected of staff etc.
The matter has now been referred to HR.

@Whatwouldyoydo

So tonight dh decided that it was ridiculous that we hadn’t heard yet and emailed the head of year who was dealing with the investigation.

He emailed back almost immediately and said that he had sent a reply on dec 2nd and he was sorry that it went to the wrong email address

So - the upshot is, he is very sorry. The school is very sorry. DD’s complaint has been upheld and found to be factual and was corroborated by witnesses. The teacher in questions behaviour was well below standards expected of staff etc.
The matter has now been referred to HR.

Everyone is very sorry aren't they.

So they messed up again by sending your email to someone else?!
Is it not bad enough to have sent one wrong email out? (To DD)
These people could not run a bath!
Their incompetence knows no bounds.
I hope this is dealt with promptly and effectively by HR.

@Riv no I haven't but your post has made me curious so will do so now... Sounds pretty awful!

Just read through whole thread. Oh my God. The level of incompetence is beyond belief. The Head of Year asked your daughter to delete an email?? And send the findings from the investigation to the WRONG EMAIL ADDDRESS!!! Unbelievable.
Not having a robust system to deal with safeguarding concerns is appalling. Have you considered making a complaint about this to Ofsted?

By the way you sound like an amazing mother and your daughter sounds very smart and switched on.

I’m not going to post again after this, but please speak to the LADO

Children are unsafe in this school. And if the head of year can find the time to reply to emails on a Sunday then he could have found the time to go through proper procedures.

This isn’t simply a case of one teacher making a comment. You need proper advice on where to go next for your specific school (there are slight variations between faith school, LEA etc so it’s pointless anyone giving advice as it all depends). The LADO will be able to tell you the best route for this school.

Not a teacher but have loads of friends who are, including Heads/Deputy Heads and I trained as a social worker. This is COMPLETELY inappropriate and I would also be going directly to the head. If he's a new teacher it's even worse - he has just finished training and safeguarding is really emphasised. Whether he's trying to be cool or whatever is utterly irrelevant (and quite frankly pathetic). He has humiliated a teenage girl with comments about her body and clothing and implications about her sexuality / sexual behaviour. There is absolutely no justification for anyone to make such a comment on another person's outfit, never mind a teacher to a child. Him asking her friends to text her when she didn't come back is also an inappropriate response - he should not have been dragging other children into this and expecting them to somehow help him and quite frankly should have raised this with his manager himself. He definitely needs further training, if he's in his NQT year I'd want to know how this would be taken into account about his suitability to teach and I would want evidence of whatever their investigation is and their resulting actions. Definitely ask for the formal complaints procedure as it's only when you've followed it that you'll be able to appeal to the board of governors if you're not happy with the school's response. Your poor daughter may well want to minimise it so as not to cause a fuss but this is a serious breach of standards and a safeguarding issue and ultimately other children need to be protected from similar behaviour. I'd also ask how they intend to support your daughter through this and ensure she is validated in her feelings and that any repercussions for the teacher are not her fault - they're HIS fault because he is an adult who chose (on seemingly several occasions) to be hugely inappropriate and mock students. There is no excuse, and I echo the comment about checking her timetable and telling the school she won't be attending his classes until this is investigated and resolved. I'm really sorry for your daughter and your family that this teacher has made school such an unsafe place for her.

@lyralalala
I will be contacting LADO

@SarahFrances89

The thing is, he’s not a new teacher...at first I thought he MUST be. He has worked at dds school several years ago and has just newly returned here after a few years in Kuwait teaching. This is his first term upon his return.

If they’ve referred it to HR I wonder if they are considering a LADO referral themselves. Is school aware of teacher’s attempts to contact your DD outside of the investigation? There’s definitely an air of a massive cultural issue at the 6th form in terms of how teachers relate to students, everything feels a bit too informal.

Also, if they sent the investigation report to someone else by mistake, it may be worth asking if they have recorded it as a data breach and what action they’ve taken to secure the data now

I had replied before reading the full thread (supposed to be working, woops). I am SO GLAD you are contacting the LADO - please, please stop taking your DD's lead on this. She absolutely sounds incredible but the weight of something like this cannot be taken by someone who is legally a child. Absolutely put in a Subject Access Request for everything referring to your daughter and as others have said I hope you have copies of both the email for the teacher being sent to her (!) AND the follow-up email asking her to delete it, which is almost beyond belief. Students are absolutely not safe in that school and I would bet haven't been for years. The incompetence is disgusting. As others have said, I'd also be querying why the HoY (I also agree too junior to have been investigating full stop) was the one contacting the teacher just with a slap on the wrist response. That smacks of not a proper investigation. And expressing how sorry they are is 100% just an attempt to calm you down and stop you progressing things further. Referring to HR could just be a formal warning and this man should be sacked and struck off from teaching anywhere again. Please also write to the board of governors directly with everything that has happened from start to finish, it is all absolutely appalling. He should have been suspended, should never have spoken to or seen your daughter again and you should never have been expected to go to a parents' evening with him (and I for one certainly wouldn't have attended). I agree with absolutely everything @lyralalala has said, and @GingerAndTheBiscuits are right they should have reported the email with the outcome of the investigation as a serious data breach and I would want to know what the repercussions are for the HoY for that too. This school needs to fail their next OFSTED and should have self-reported to the LADO already, but I can't imagine they have with how utterly and shamefully incompetent they sound. I would not be keeping my child at this school.

And they apparently emailed you on the 2nd and didn't bother to follow up when there was no response from you by the 7th?! Who DID they even email? Absolutely everything needs to be in writing / followed up in writing but it's incredibly insulting that the HT hasn't called you to discuss and apologise and that should have been done as soon as the investigation's (joke that it sounds) outcome was sent to you, at the latest by the 3rd as a basic courtesy. They are not sorry, they are not taking this seriously, and staff at multiple levels of this school are a risk to children in the behaviour they are allowing and encouraging. The behaviour of the school support staff was wildly inappropriate, both calling him a sexist git and expecting her to go and accept an apology from him alone. If she didn't refer to the DSL she also needs a serious investigation - she is the person children will go to for support and who should be MOST trained in these procedures, and she actively put your daughter at greater risk of harm. You're absolutely right to ask for everything to do with the investigation - who was in charge, who was spoken to, what was the outcome, and what are the next steps. The result cannot just be an apology and 'it's with HR'. This teacher needs referring to the LADO, the TRA and I would not trust any school who would want to keep him on staff.

I would go mental. Commenting about her clothes and sexuality is harassment. Even if the teacher felt bad he needs to learn his lesson. Jesus why are some people so unprofessional.