URGENT - school gate crisis, ive got an hour!

[SlipperTripper]

This is complicated, I'll try to be brief.

DSD15 is a shit at school, and has been locked in an ongoing fight with a similar twat of a child for months.

Both girls were excluded for a fortnight following a physical fight three weeks ago, and have been back a week.

Other girl has been very vocal towards DSD (who is no angel, I 100% believe she's been giving back as good as she gets) but no more physical incidents.

Today I have been asked to pick her up 10mins early as the other girl has assembled some adult male relatives to meet DSD outside school, and beat her up. Cousins, I believe.

According to DSD, these people actually turned up in the school reception earlier.

Whilst I am disgusted with DSDs behaviour, and that of the other girl on an ongoing basis, I feel that this has crossed a line into something totally different. Moving from a school spat to a planned, well, attack.

What the hell should my next move be?!?

Do I turn up at school prepared to collect and whizz home ignoring the potential issue, do I notify the police, or do I approach them myself and say 'for Christ's sake, what ARE you doing?'

The pissed off side of me wants to just March up and say wtf is wrong with you all, but my sensible head says if they're prepared to walk into a school to smack a child, I'm likely to end up with a thump?!?

Honestly, I have never known of anything so bloody ridiculous in all my life, and must stress how absolutely disgusted I am at everyone involved. But right now, I have an hour to work out how to manage this! HELP!

(I am at the end of my tether with this, it been a long line of issues this year, and I just want some fucking respite. But that's another thread)

Why haven’t the school called the police?

There’s absolutely no need for detail digging other than pure nosiness

??

I didn't ask for any details, just recommended that they should be informed as a matter of some priority (and direct relevancy) and that it was for them to engage over the solution.

Are you confusing me with another poster?

I absolutely wasn't judging you slipper and agree completely, you can't force someone to engage.

Maybe this situation can act as an eye opener for her as to where her current trajectory is leading her.

Take care

sorry, I missed your last update.

really hard for you OP, and as this is mn you will be given a hard time for being stepmum when you are doing all you can.

hang on in there. In the long term she will remember that you were there, that you didn't give up on her, that you cared enough to fight for her. It will make a difference.

It sounds like you're doing an amazing job SlipperTripper.

Your DSD is lucky to have a step mum who cares so much.

I know what dealing with school relentlessly over problems that are out of arms reach is like and how exhausting it is.

Your DSD will be so grateful for your support one day, I hope/am sure.

Whilst i accept you DSD maybe no angel and given as good as she has recieved in the past having both been excluded and this other girl now escalated the situation, i would most definately involve the police. I would also be suprised if the school dont take further action against this other girl if it does transpire she has arrange for this to happen, even to the extent of expelling her from the school!

@contrmary

I'm assuming it was your daughter who called you - if so I'd take it with a pinch of salt, it's quite likely that it's not as bad as it sounds.

If a bunch of thugs turned up to beat up a pupil, the school probably wouldn't just say "wait outside until she comes out at 3 o'clock".

They would if it was like my son's school in east london, so much shit happens and gangs outside the police do nothingx

What happened OP? Hope all is ok x

This happened at a school local to us and because of the perceived threat, the school was advised to lockdown and the police attended.

If a parent enters a school intent on violence towards anyone the school should call the police, too often schools try to avoid police involvement to solve it themselves.

@ClaireP20 Ops posts of 14.20 says what happened

I have only read your posts so sorry if it’s already been covered but would changing her school be an option? Move away from the trouble and hopefully get a fresh start?

so sorry your family is going through this, your dsd might not see this now but she is so incredibly lucky to have you
please do get police and social services involved, plus school leadership and staff, this sounds dangerous and threatening and my first thought is all your safety

i cant believe this is a common occurence as PPs said, i mean i believe PPs, just... sheer horror
what is going on with schools in this country??

@SlipperTripper

Just to say it sounds like you are doing everything you can. Kids can be very difficult at that age even without life traumas. My friends ended up giving their dd an ultimatum, engage with a counsellor or be sent to a residential school for kids with emotional and behaviour difficulties (place was offered fully funded) and from that day she engaged and whilst it took a year to really see a difference, 4 years on she's at university, happy etc. She also took up boxing which sounds counterintuitive but it is good for some kids. Take care,

OP I hope you can come to some kind of resolution with this. Just offering you some support as you sound like a great (step) mum

Sorry for the hysteria, I usually deal with it pretty well, but it's got a bit much today!

We've had a few events collide recently - we lost our daughter at 21 weeks in September, are going through a truly foul police investigation with DSDs mum with all the obvious ongoing ramifications, and younger DSD had a seizure last night, first one, and was doc suggested epilepsy likely to be the cause - caused by heightened emotional stress.

All in all, it's been a rollercoaster, so teenage mutiny today is far from helpful - despite being entirely expected.

I genuinely do do all I can to get the girls through it. None of this is their fault, but it's a real struggle to help someone who won't help themselves, especially when you're going through the mill too and having to put it all aside to keep tackling new battles.

Op, I have no advice but just wanted to say you are not alone. Parenting is bloody tough but you sound like you are doing a great job with your step kids. If only kids game with a manual eh? Hang in there !

Also so sorry for your loss, make sure you take sometime for yourself 💐

if they are prepared to turn up at school then they will probably come to your house. I had this happen with a crowd coming to my house. I wasnt there when they rrived but was walking up the road as they left. They didnt come back, it was just spur of the moment stuff that blew over. Hoipefully the same for you

Make sure in amongst the chaos you (and your husband) both make time to look after yourselves.

You're doing a great job @SlipperTripper

The girls are very lucky to have you.

Hopefully this escalation may be the point that your DSD realises that changes need to be made.

If only kids game with a manual eh?

Also an "off" switch and maybe a "reset" button.

police most certainly. Thats gang behavior, I can't believe the school would just ask you to get DSD 10 minutes early - that a ridiculous response.
No matter how 'naughty' the girls are toward each other this is a serious issue.

DSD must be terrified inside, though I am sure she will say nothing of the sort.

@slippertripper

It sounds as if you've been doing a brilliant job with both your DSD's thank goodness they've got you. I'm guessing they'll come out the other side and be really appreciate of how helpful you've been.

However it doesn't help with the now, I suppose the best thing you can encourage DSD to do is to engage with professional support.

💐💐💐