URGENT - school gate crisis, ive got an hour!

[SlipperTripper]

This is complicated, I'll try to be brief.

DSD15 is a shit at school, and has been locked in an ongoing fight with a similar twat of a child for months.

Both girls were excluded for a fortnight following a physical fight three weeks ago, and have been back a week.

Other girl has been very vocal towards DSD (who is no angel, I 100% believe she's been giving back as good as she gets) but no more physical incidents.

Today I have been asked to pick her up 10mins early as the other girl has assembled some adult male relatives to meet DSD outside school, and beat her up. Cousins, I believe.

According to DSD, these people actually turned up in the school reception earlier.

Whilst I am disgusted with DSDs behaviour, and that of the other girl on an ongoing basis, I feel that this has crossed a line into something totally different. Moving from a school spat to a planned, well, attack.

What the hell should my next move be?!?

Do I turn up at school prepared to collect and whizz home ignoring the potential issue, do I notify the police, or do I approach them myself and say 'for Christ's sake, what ARE you doing?'

The pissed off side of me wants to just March up and say wtf is wrong with you all, but my sensible head says if they're prepared to walk into a school to smack a child, I'm likely to end up with a thump?!?

Honestly, I have never known of anything so bloody ridiculous in all my life, and must stress how absolutely disgusted I am at everyone involved. But right now, I have an hour to work out how to manage this! HELP!

(I am at the end of my tether with this, it been a long line of issues this year, and I just want some fucking respite. But that's another thread)

I’d call your DP and her mum and let them take it from here.

@VikingVolva

It's very relevant to what happens right now. The parents with PR really need to know ASAP about this level of threat to their DC and be fully involved with the management of it.

Which needs to begin with a call to the school - by OP as she's the one who has been informed so far - to ascertain what they know of events, and if they have already informed the parents and the police. OP's role is to do the actual collection if she is the adult most available, and to make sure that school, police and parents are all communicating with each other this afternoon to form a proper plan

Or you could just accept that as the OP is the one dealing with it there’s likely a reason for that that’s none of your business and not relevant.

There’s nothing to say the parents don’t know. Or aren’t involved in an appropriate way.

There’s absolutely no need for detail digging other than pure nosiness.

You cant get access to a school reception without being buzzed in

The school should have contacted the police. People saying “the police won’t be interested” , police have been involved at my DD’s school several times with things like this.

Why should you have to collect your child early to protect her from being beaten up, school should be protecting her.

I'm assuming it was your daughter who called you - if so I'd take it with a pinch of salt, it's quite likely that it's not as bad as it sounds.

If a bunch of thugs turned up to beat up a pupil, the school probably wouldn't just say "wait outside until she comes out at 3 o'clock".

Is 'pick her up early' all they've said?

I work in a secondary school and I am situation like this I would expect a member of the safeguarding team to meet you when you arrive to collect, and if not have a chat there and then (they will quite possibly be more concerned with getting you out of harms way), then arrange for you to go in for a meeting tomorrow.

We would more than likely have notified the police and had a member of headship team on the gate with a walkie talkie at end of day.

I have to say, I work at an all girls school with a great reputation and this kind of thing isn't that uncommon. Hopefully you'll be able to speak to someone who can reassure what steps they're taking in arrival.

If they haven't contacted the police I would definitely report it on the non emergency number and make the school aware that you are doing so.

Not RTFT sorry. But tell the police to meet you up there at the time this 'attack' is planned. Its a disgrace the school have not already contacted them

I take it, it was DSD who contacted you asking for the early pick up, not the school.?

I'd notify the school immediately that there is imminent physical threat to DSD,. For safety sake today, suggest the school to keep DSD in the building supervised by staff member, until you let them know you've arrived in the car at staff car park. Then would staff please escort her to your car.Tell them you will arrive at your usual pick up time.

In addition  I'd expect  the school to check out what was said between the pupils,  with a view to seeking  police involvement for the threatener  and her cousins, and ( at the very least)  I'd expect that child to be suspended again.  

If DSD has text evidence of the threat make sure it's kept as evidence. If it was verbal in front of wotnesses, get their names.

Definitely report to the police op

Sorry for delayed responses!

I went in immediately and went directly into reception. Nobody who shouldn't have been there was there, and according to school nobody had been INTO reception, but that someone had been present on the grounds. They are investigating. I have said that I am happy to let them do so initially, but will escalate to the police when they have confirmed/denied exactly what has happened. At the moment it's Chinese bloody whispers and I don't quite know what has happened.

DSD was praised by school for walking away from the situation as it escalated today, but she's still had a short shrift from me about how the drama is entirely ridiculous to start with.

For posters asking why I am dealing with it, DH and I have full custody of both DSDs. Their mother has no communication with either, hasn't spoken to this one for two years.

DH is furious at her for bringing this to the door, considering much is of her own doing, I always prefer to manage these situations rather than him as frankly, I'm better at it!

In what world is this behaviour ok? I hope you’ve contacted the police. Please update. I hope your dsd is ok. In the parents place, I would be taking my dd out of school despite her being in an exam year. Her safety is paramount.

I hope you told the police. Any group of adult males who are prepared to beat up a teenage girl over a playground spat need to be reported. Maybe police intervention will put a stop to this feud once and for all

You need to speak to the school and find out what they did when a group of adults entered the school building with the intention of harming a child.

Because, see, I'd have expected a call to the police and a very strong response, not a message to grab her ten minutes earlier cos the blokes are coming back.

That sounds like a story a kid would come up with because they don't understand safeguarding or standard school policies and procedures.

Cross post. Glad she’s ok. Her father may be furious at her. But that’s not helping if she’s got grown men left right and centre (father plus the male cousins) furious at her. She’s only 15.

Police

DSD was praised by school for walking away from the situation as it escalated today, but she's still had a short shrift from me about how the drama is entirely ridiculous to start with.

So the school praised her for today and you gave her short shrift? What with you calling her a 'shit' in your OP, I do feel sorry for DSD.

Why the fuck haven't the school phoned the police??? Phone them immediately. Try and stay calm op

X post.
That's a little clearer for you at least. That's good.
I'm glad the school are behaving appropriately.

Your sdaughter is no innocent party but adults threatening to hurt a child is unacceptable and needs the strongest reaction.

If she getting any counselling/support as a result of the other issues that led up to custody?

100% police and I'd go to my local police station before i go to the school,
If you have a local police station.
If that doesn't work find out where they live and go to their houses in a big group. I fucking hate bullying.

Sorry, I should clarify.

DSD called me and told me about the people in reception. She was however stood with the assistant head (who I speak with on a near weekly basis due to behaviour/her personal issues) who was engaged with the situation.

I sound blasé, I appreciate that, but when there is an episode on an almost daily basis, it is difficult to understand what is truth, and what isn't. The school are actually very good, and I would have no doubt that they would have acted entirely appropriately regarding police etc should a group of individuals rock up in reception making threats.

My concern was more around if there was people Outside waiting. I am so thoroughly sick to the fucking back teeth of it, I just want it dealt with now. It's so unfair on everyone involved, but common sense told me that this isn't something that I should deal with personally.

Appreciate this quite possibly doesn't make much sense - it has been a very testing day/week/year, and every frigging episode seems one push further to breaking point!

I may get my head bitten off for this but I think your dad needs professional support.

If she's hasn't spoken to her mum in 2 years this will have an impact and her behaviour suggest this isn't being effectively managed without professional support.

Apologies, if she does currently have professional support then the above is moot.

Police and Social Services Child Safeguarding emergency line - I have found the police tend to have a bit of a sterner response when another agency is involved.

I hope you DSD is out of lessons and being watched carefully if these men are on or near the school grounds.

The school should have contacted the police and social services already due to safeguarding.

DSD a absolutely needs professional support. She's been offered it from social services, privately, and the GP - but won't engage. She has had a rough time, as has her sister, but unfortunately you can't force someone to engage.

Her younger sister is engaged with a counsellor, I'm now not working so as to be available for both 100%, we really are doing all we can.

Time to step back, take some chill time with DSD and ask her what is really going on here.

I am willing to bet there is something underlying this. It may be 'simple' by adult standards, or it may be more serious (bullying?) but I bet that there is a little more underneath the breakdown of relationship between these 2 girls.

Eg, is there a gang culture going on in school? Is she defending someoen else?
I know that you say she is a shit at school. Since when? Primary? secondary? Is it worth thinking about a school move and a fresh start?

I think it would be helpful to say to DSD, let's approach this from a cmopletely different angle, what would it need for you to settle down and get on at school?

Or is it as fundamental as she is still reacting from Mum's lack of contact?

Kids who kick off are usually doing it for a reason. Top reasons might be
unhappy at home (in this case unresolved stuff from mum - nothign against you OP, but it sounds like it might be there)
unhappy for another reason - fear, bullying, someone close to them is ill, insecurity around home situation etc etc
undiagnosed learning issues which mean they cannot actually get the work done. So they make it look as if the 'won't' rather than they 'can't'