URGENT - school gate crisis, ive got an hour!

[SlipperTripper]

This is complicated, I'll try to be brief.

DSD15 is a shit at school, and has been locked in an ongoing fight with a similar twat of a child for months.

Both girls were excluded for a fortnight following a physical fight three weeks ago, and have been back a week.

Other girl has been very vocal towards DSD (who is no angel, I 100% believe she's been giving back as good as she gets) but no more physical incidents.

Today I have been asked to pick her up 10mins early as the other girl has assembled some adult male relatives to meet DSD outside school, and beat her up. Cousins, I believe.

According to DSD, these people actually turned up in the school reception earlier.

Whilst I am disgusted with DSDs behaviour, and that of the other girl on an ongoing basis, I feel that this has crossed a line into something totally different. Moving from a school spat to a planned, well, attack.

What the hell should my next move be?!?

Do I turn up at school prepared to collect and whizz home ignoring the potential issue, do I notify the police, or do I approach them myself and say 'for Christ's sake, what ARE you doing?'

The pissed off side of me wants to just March up and say wtf is wrong with you all, but my sensible head says if they're prepared to walk into a school to smack a child, I'm likely to end up with a thump?!?

Honestly, I have never known of anything so bloody ridiculous in all my life, and must stress how absolutely disgusted I am at everyone involved. But right now, I have an hour to work out how to manage this! HELP!

(I am at the end of my tether with this, it been a long line of issues this year, and I just want some fucking respite. But that's another thread)

[Merryweather80]

My goodness! You’ve had a really tough time. I’m in awe at your strength. Please take time for you too so you don’t fall under the weight of all everyone’s and your own emotions. Have you had support for yourself? Counselling? You really are amazing for your family. They are extremely lucky to have such a strong brave Mum and wife. 💐🍷

[autumnboys]

I’m so sorry about the loss of your little one. You sound like amazing and loving mum and your DSDs and your DH are lucky to have you fighting their corner. I hope you have a drama free weekend.

[MiddleClassMother]

The fact they managed to get onto school grounds is pretty worrying, a huge safeguarding issue. I think you should probably bring up the lack of security to the head teacher. At the local secondary school by DB's children go to you have a parent pass and have to be buzzed into the school gate, it is shut after 9:15 and doesn't open again til 3. I'd be concerned that anyone was free to walk onto the schools premises.

[ShinyGreenElephant]

So sorry for your loss

You sound fab and they are very lucky to have you. Hope today was a better day for you all.

[Dobbyismyfavourite]

Your DSD's are very lucky to have you OP. They might not appreciate you now but they will in time. In the meantime be kind to yourself especially after losing your DD.

[rainbowstardrops]

I read your post yesterday and have just checked in with it again today and I agree with pp that those girls and your DH are very lucky to have you.
Also, I'm so, so sorry for your loss

[Loshad]

Bloody hell OP, huge kudos to you for coping with all this. Have another cuppa and keep hanging on in there.
And for the posters saying you can’t get into school receptions, I know of several that you can, most the same, or similar to my school. First door, open to all. Area with bench seating, receptionist on one side ( behind glass) then another secure door actually into the school. We also have an interview room off that first area so really ropey parents never get into the building fully even when we need to have meetings

[buildingbridge]

Is this even real? A gang of men have turned up at school intending to assault a girl at the school and neither the school nor the parents have rung the police?

Sadly. It is. It was very common in my high school and neighbouring schools. Most often, the schools or the parents were not aware- let alone the police.

[WitchesBritchesPumpkinPants]

@SlipperTripper

(((HUG)))

I'm so sorry to hear about you losing baby DD in Sept. it's absolutely dreadful anytime, but COVID must have made it all that more difficult x

I think you're doing incredibly well, amazingly, to be coping with that, Dsd's mum, & the DSD's. Your husband is bloody lucky to have you, as are the girls.

(I see you've given up your job to look after the girls, please be careful not to leave yourself without a career & financially vulnerable!! It's so easy to do when the relationship is going well & leaves you in such a mess if that changes xx)

I know it's hard if DSD won't engage with outside help, but all you can do is keep trying & keep gritting your teeth & remembering teenagers are like overgrown toddlers. Acting out for attention & lacking in the 'language/maturity' to talk about what's upsetting/hurting/angering them. Often they feel embarrassed when they have a non functioning parent, but also guilty for talking about them. It's so bloody complicated!! Then they're vulnerable to bullies & quick to retaliate. It's the perfect storm

Do whatever you can to look after yourself
& tell DH what you need from him! It's easy to think they should know, but many don't, but respond well to clear instructions! Don't let it get to the point you feel resentful

Xx

[UniversalAunt]

Here’s some special MN to go with your .

[WitchesBritchesPumpkinPants]

@katy1213

Where is her father in all of this?

Do feel free to read the OP's posts

She has enough going on without an MN interrogation about her marriage.

[BoggledBudgie]

[BestofLuck]

Absolutely OP - you sound fantastic! I hope you manage to get some head space. You’re doing all that you can for your family. I’ll have my fingers crossed things improve.

[LieOrNoLie]

Can I just say OP, you sound like a wonderful MUM.

[Housewoes23]

So sorry for your loss op. You sound amazing at dealing with everything!

To those saying the police wouldnt turn up to support the Op, the force I worked for would have tried to find an alternative solution in this type of situation, but was there not one, they absolutely would have.

[Camphillgirl]

Go girl. You are awesome. They are all so lucky to have you in their corner. God doesn’t pay his debts with money, one day this will be behind you and you will be smiling. A lot of us are with you on this one. Stay in there.

[ArnoJambonsBike]

@riceuten I'm not exactly sure what calling the school almost three hours after the fact would do. Please advise.

[SignOnTheWindow]

@SlipperTripper you sound like an absolute bloody trooper. Lucky girls and lucky DH to have you. Sorry you've had such a rough time.

[LakieLady]

You are awesome @SlipperTripper, and those girls are lucky to have you in their lives.

[IamBear]

and was doc suggested epilepsy likely to be the cause - caused by heightened emotional stress.

Seizures can be non-epileptic and caused solely by stress - just to forewarn you incase they are advising anti-epileptics from the start. Please ask that she is referred to a mental health team as well as a neurologist for a multi-disciplinary team review before any medication decisions are made if there is any uncertainty.

[FOJN]

SlipperTripper

I'm so sorry for your loss.

You are doing a remarkable job of holding it all together. Make sure you take care of yourself too.

[yeOldeTrout]

Teenagers are such fun.
Ok, maybe not always.
Sounds like you're doing well, OP. Keep it up.

[BloggersBlog]

Am in awe of you, your fortitude and your love for your DSDs and DH. I hope they (especially DH) realise how lucky they are to have someone with such backbone in their corner

[CovidAnni]

@SlipperTripper
You are amazing. Those girls are lucky to have you in their corner.
💪