To think it isn't always fake? (Facebook question)

[LemonSherbetFancy]

Felt friend was making a dig earlier.
I really enjoy facebook as I feel it helps us as a couple keep in touch with friends all over the country. We share quite a bit. Valentines photos, birthdays, holidays etc. Friend and I were discussing why she was coming off facebook and she said it was fake and a show off opportunity for many and that most of the couples posting photos aren't as happy as they seem.
Aibu to think she is not entirely correct? (DP and I are definitely happy which is why we share).
Sometimes I just wonder why people can't be happy for others and not assume that photos are fake and that everyone posting enjoyable moments is secretly deeply hating each other and life.

Ive deleted facebook as well as find the same as the majority of others that people i know in toxic relationships post all lovey dovey posts about each other when behind the facade they arent nearly as happy. If i want to share photos i send them directly to friends and family via whatsapp.

I find it sad that so many people nowadays live behind the lens of their smartphone rather than living the moment. Im probably old fashioned though but find it sad when a couple in a restaurant or friends in a bar are all glued to their phones but when the social media posts come through they have had an incredible evening.

I have a workmate (of sorts, we do the same job but at different locations so I haven't seen her for a reasonable amount of time) who on Facebook appears to have the perfect life:
Married childhood sweetheart, adorable son who's she's pushed into child modelling, perfectly decorated Mrs Hinch style 4-bed detached house, beautiful clothes. She also does MLM on the side, seeking make-up and is forever putting up "so blessed" and "love this one" style posts. Everything seemed perfectly curated to present the perfect imagine.
But, in a lesson in not everything being as it's seems, she's just announced she's moving house and posted photos of her new boyfriend (stunning of course)... So clearly there is a lot going on in the background that she's not sharing.

@OrigamiOwl true I guess but I do think people also don't like to air their dirty laundry or more painful events on FB. I try to keep mine only positive even though I maybe only post stuff on my wall 2-4 times a year

Why do you need other people to be happy for you though? Surely its enough that you share that happiness together. Its the need for other people to see it and participate in it that I can't relate to. I'm not really interested in anyone else's relationships

@lovepickledlimes but the difference is she plays multiple times a day about how #SoBlessed she is, where as you only only post twice a year... It's logical you'd leave a lot out, where as she lives by her SM accounts.

I dont think you are unreasonable to think that ALL posts are. But most are. Facebook is a breeding ground for FOMO. People always try to one up each other on there. Honestly, FB is just toxic in otherways so I cut it out about 5 years ago. Never looked back.

OrigamiOwl
You're possibly on to something about frequency of posts.

Nobody thinks social media gives you a full view of anyone's life. It's just like you wouldn't talk about your DH's mental health issues or your worry about your mother's dementia over coffee with friends who aren't close friends, but you might talk about the news, something funny DC did, where you and DH went for a meal last week.

But there are some people who post regularly and it's almost always trying to either:

1. Give the impression they have the world's most awesome life to compensate for other issues or to hide the issues

Or

1. Ensure everyone knows that they are living their best life with the best hubby.

Both groups will play dumb and pretend that anyone identifying gushy, braggy posts must hate anyone sharing anything nice. The second group are quite self-absorbed because not only do they think the world cares about the roses DH got them for their 134th month together or the fact that on friday night they kissed in their lounge, they genuinely believe they are so awesome thay everyone must be foaming at the mouth from all-consuming envy.

See I don't think we over share.
As I said, we post couple photos say about 10 times or maybe a bit over that in a year and might say something nice about each other here and there but we ARE genuinely happy. If it's a special day like valentines, one of our birthdays or when we are on holiday or on a day out, of course we like to document it. But generally I wouldn't say that is rubbing it in peoples faces.

Believe me OP no one person is interested in your Valentine's Day photo/post!

Really? I think a lot of my family and friends would disagree. Of course there are a few who will not like them but most of my friends on my list would be happy for me. The ones that are not, do not have to look and soon won't be friends anyway.

I dont really see the point.

One I heard that I liked was “don’t compare someone else’s highlights reel (social media posts) to your bloopers tape (real life bad days)”. I don’t think it’s necessarily fake - the photos I share are certainly real - but yes they’re the days we’re having fun, not the ones where my chronic condition has flared up and I was in too much pain to get out of bed.
Re couples though.. yep the gushiest posts tend to be from those in the rockiest relationships. (And I count myself in that, I cringe at what I posted the last year of my marriage.)

I mean 10 posts a year doesn't sound that many OP, maybe your friend wasn't aiming the comment at you, maybe she has some other very gushy FB friends like previous posts have described.

Why does social media have to be a warts and all record of your life? I have never found it to be about showing off, but about sharing interesting things other people might want to talk about or know about.

I think maybe my perspective on this is a bit different. I went to university in the US donkeys years ago and I had a Facebook account sort of at the “beginning” when it was strictly for universities, and there were only about 10 universities on it. You had to have an email address from a university to sign up. So it was a very different type of social network - there was no sharing about kids, no #blessed, no focus on relationships because the vast majority of people weren’t in one. You could also say what you liked and make whatever groups you wanted as there was no fear your family or your mum or an employer would be on there. As soon as they started “opening” it up, that was the end of that era, and people started joking that as soon as their mum could “friend” them, it was time to get off Facebook, especially if their photo albums were nothing but pictures of drinking parties.

I actually stayed on for quite a while after uni, but I quit Facebook eight years ago while my husband was in Afghanistan. I was admittedly having a very difficult days, it was a hard deployment (nine months, barely any communication except emails once a week, being shot at, the poor man didnt even really get showers, came back and had lost almost 10kg he couldn’t afford to lose) and I posted something about my concern for his safety. Another Forces wife I was just passing acquaintances with and “Facebook friends” messaged and asked me if I could not bring that up because it really upset her and she was just too worried about her own husband. Her husband was also in Afghanistan... but he was a mechanic who never left the large main base, got a shower every night, could call her all the time, eat whatever he wanted, and the biggest danger for him was probably a hangnail. And then she posted about HER worries for how much danger her husband was in, and all these people who didn’t understand he was perfectly safe jumped in to comfort her, and she was, “thanks, luv ”-ing them. I had already seen the signs of how fake Facebook was getting but that was it, THE SIGN, for me. I just know if I’d stayed on, I’d have become one of those bitter people who let all the Facebook grief thieves and drama queens raise their blood pressure.

All three very insecure and unhappy, and rightly or wrongly, I now assume this of any active social media user.

I think I agree, I don't really know anyone who uses FB anymore, it's a bit passé.

It is so sad that people can't be happy for others and if they do feel a sense of envy, that this would drive then aspiring to doing the same or similar rather than feeling sorry for themselves and hard done by.

I'm very happy for all my friends when something good happens in their life. However I find it completely odd when people post tributes to their partners. None of my actual friends did this thankfully but why does criticising it mean I'm envious?

It's just a shame when friends can't be happy for each other.

Why does not being interested in someone's holidays snaps & let's face it a lot of people take rubbish photographs mean someone is not happy for you?

@LolaSmiles has it, narcissism is bad in my book.
I criticise Bojo all the time & Trump is an absolute dick. I'm neither jealous or envious of them.

I suppose it depends on your outlook.

To me, posting photos of you two on Valentine's day seems totally bizarre, because valentines day is something you are celebrating as a couple, so why one earth would you be posting about it in a public place? Surely it's between the two of you? I would feel very uncomfortable if I found out my DH had posted photos and some sort of love declaration about me on the internet. In fact, it would ruin the whole day for me. It would be the same for a holiday. I want to be there in the moment enjoying it, not broadcasting it to all and sundry. My life is private.

However, before anyone jumps down my throat, I'm going to circle back to my original point about it depending on your outlook in life. I am quite a private person and therefor simply cannot understand why people want to post personal things on social media. I do understand that others are different to me, and maybe they get something out of it that I don't see. Maybe their outlook is different, and they see it as sharing the joy of a moment or something.

I dont use fb because it does nothing for me. I leave the people who do get something out of it to use it in peace, however they see fit. There does seem to be a strange sort of hypocrisy in someone using fb, but then berating others for using it "wrong". It is for people who want to share. If you don't want to share then it's probably best to stay away.

It's a photo album and a notice board. Everything people put up is to make themselves feel better. I don't have many FB friends, compared to some, and I have it set up so that not everyone can see everything. I am also quite ruthless about unfollowing or unfriending people if I don't like what they post. So I manage pretty well with it but I think you do have to remember that people are only putting up what they want you to see and that usually isn't going to include an untidy house or a kid who won't do their homework.

Blimey. I must have a weird fb page, and weird fb mates, too! It consists of people having a laugh/.fun. Friends posting insults (of a friendly variety) and general good humour. The friends I have on there are many I went to school with, in the 70s, people I have worked with, similar suffering West Ham supporters (you need a sense of humour!) and those I "met" on fb games. Most of them have been there for years, and very fortunately, share the same warped and twisted sense of humour, which is no doubt why they all seem to get on well.

I'm glad of having fb and the people it has brought me over the years.

I think if it makes you happy, then don't worry what anyone else things. Carry on!

I barely use social media, but admittedly I don't particularly feel impressed or 'im so happy for them' with the majority of posts that I see. You only get such a snippet of information that it isn't really 'real'. I'm incredibly happy on the other friend whose marriage is really working after divorce being on the cards last year. For the friend who moved house after 18 months of being in a chain.

I'm more concerned why it bothers you what she thinks of your social media posts? They are only a snippet of your life. If you are happy, then just be happy! Share it on social media and as with anything in life people will draw their own conclusions. It sounds like your friend wasn't talking about you at all.

I tend to agree thought that couples that tend to be overly effusive on SM aren't always the happiest in real life...

Came back to this as saw a post on FB yesterday. A woman declaring her love for her husband and 2 sons. You do kind of think 'Why don't you just tell him? You live together."
To be honest, when I see loved up posts I automatically think there are problems in the relationship or a separation is on the cards. Happy couples don't need to promote their relationships online. I find it all very narcisstic and it must be exhausting constantly trying to make everything look picture perfect for facebook.