To think it isn't always fake? (Facebook question)

[LemonSherbetFancy]

Felt friend was making a dig earlier.
I really enjoy facebook as I feel it helps us as a couple keep in touch with friends all over the country. We share quite a bit. Valentines photos, birthdays, holidays etc. Friend and I were discussing why she was coming off facebook and she said it was fake and a show off opportunity for many and that most of the couples posting photos aren't as happy as they seem.
Aibu to think she is not entirely correct? (DP and I are definitely happy which is why we share).
Sometimes I just wonder why people can't be happy for others and not assume that photos are fake and that everyone posting enjoyable moments is secretly deeply hating each other and life.

What are valentines photos?

@QforCucumber

Everyone i know personally who do the gushing declarations on fb are not in happy relationships. It really is just all for show. I stepped away from fb and its the best thing I ever did

None of my friends do gushing declarations. They just post the fun bits of their lives (and occasionally bad bits) - same as you would tell a friend over coffee really.

@RunningFromInsanity

Why do you feel the need to share OP? If you've had a lovely valentines day meal out, had a great family day out or great holiday, why do you have to share it? Why not enjoy it on the face value of what it is? Why does anyone take photos then? You want to share special, good, fun moments of your life with people. Doesn’t mean you aren’t enjoying it yourself. I like to see photos of where my friends/acquaintances have been on holiday, days out etc. It’s nice.

This

Why wouldnt you post? Providing its not constant or gushing then its nice. I love other people's photos. I post photos every few months or so and loads of dog photos and videos ( not my dog) Its my page to do with what I Iike - people can always mute me or unfriend if they wish, but I know plenty of people who enjoy the dogs anyway

@ SchrodingersImmigrant#makingmemories

Yes the baby was ok although spent some weeks in hospital.but if he hadn’t been she could so easily have gone through it on her own. IMO this is why it’s so important not to use facebook or even digital communication as your only source of being in contact with people.

Occasionally there are family photos, maybe three selfies a year.

Three selfies a year is LOADS. What is the purpose of a selfie, why not a nice photo of something with nice background in?

@Blahblahface

She's right. No one is posting pictures of their washing basket overflowing, videos of their arguments or pictures of the dinners that were made up of what's left in the freezer before mum does the big shop tomorrow. Its only the good bits, the nice bits, the fun bits.

Why do you feel the need to share OP? If you've had a lovely valentines day meal out, had a great family day out or great holiday, why do you have to share it? Why not enjoy it on the face value of what it is?

I am only friends on social media with people I know in real life too. ALL of the couples who gush over each other on social media are the ones who are constantly arguing in real life.

Wouldn’t you ever tell a friend over coffee or whatever if you had had a lovely night out/holiday/whatever? Wouldn’t you show them pictures even? It’s pretty miserable to never tell anyone about anything nice that happens to you. I don’t know anyone like that.

@ShirleyPhallus

Occasionally there are family photos, maybe three selfies a year.

Three selfies a year is LOADS. What is the purpose of a selfie, why not a nice photo of something with nice background in?

You sound a bit miserable, Shirley People can take whatever pictures they like. I don’t personally do selfie’s, but I quite like to see my lovely friends’ faces when they post the, - more than a ‘nice background’ of something I don’t recognise...

It's a very one sided view of someone's life, maybe not fake in every case, but definitely a bias view.

"Feeling blessed having dinner with my little snuggle face love bunny" accompanied by a photo of the pair of you, but I bet there's no photo 2 days later with "The utter cuntbastard didn't pick his fucking wet towel up off the floor again, he's getting a tazer to the ballsack if he forgets again".

I fucking hate selfies.

I would rather set myself on fire than write a gushing Valentine’s Day tribute to my partner, so I don’t know if your pal is talking about my kind of posts, but I do put regular photos up of us with big grins in lovely places. That’s all real. We’re actually there, and we are happy!

I think there is a real difference between people who are sharing posts with family and friends because they want to share a happy moment or a cute picture and the people who share to portray a version of their life that is different to the reality for whatever reason.

Some people probably are genuinely happy but there are also people who use Facebook to create the idea of a perfect life, when their reality is far from it. My friend posts about all the lovely little gifts her partner buys her. Just because he loves her. What she doesn’t post is that she self harms because of him, they’re in chronic debt (partly because he buys pointless shit, occasionally for her), that he emotionally abuses her and that she is constantly frustrated because he won’t show any interest in their child let alone actually parent with her.

The thing is, you’re not the only person on your friend’s Facebook. So there probably is someone on her Facebook that is posting that everything is perfect when actually everything is shit. Why did her comment seem like a dig to you? Someone commented once that they thought my relationship with my husband was suffering because neither of us posted anything about each other on Facebook. We don’t even say happy birthday to each other on FB! I just shrugged. I’m secure enough in my relationship that someone making a passing comment based on their perception of something, doesn’t bother me or change what I think about my relationship. I think if you were happy in your relationship, it wouldn’t feel like your friend was making a dig at you and more of a general observation. Unless there’s a backstory?

What's wrong with selfies? If I didn't take photos of myself there wouldn't be any of me at all! Not all selfies are of the duck-face variety.

I hate facebook ! It’s a bit look at me when you post your photos of how great your partner is and all your Holiday snaps and stuff

I’m happy my friends are happy and all - but I can’t be fucked looking at an album of photos or anything gushy to be honest 😂

I left the site 4 years ago and won’t be going back!

No matter how much I love my friend I don’t Particularly care What their boyfriend got them for valentines day or their birthday or whatever

I muted people who made me feel bad about myself (maybe jealous). Their endless luxury holidays etc. It made me more mindful of what I post. I post lots of memes and I forward anything that I think would be informative about events. I don’t post much about the things we get upto as a family because I realise that I have some close friends on fb who can’t afford the days out that we do or the (endless and expensive) activities that my kids do. Who really wants to see another pic of my kid doing something they love, and that their kid would love too if they could afford it (I know that sounds like a boast but I genuinely do not want someone to feel bad because of it)

Yes, I mostly mute people who post lots of pointless selfies.

Ditto profile photos of people posing into a mirror. Cringe.

I’m with you OP. I would much rather see people’s happy couple/family posts than negative moaning posts, duck face selfies and this dramatic hospital ‘check ins’

@Blahblahface

She's right. No one is posting pictures of their washing basket overflowing, videos of their arguments or pictures of the dinners that were made up of what's left in the freezer before mum does the big shop tomorrow. Its only the good bits, the nice bits, the fun bits.

Why do you feel the need to share OP? If you've had a lovely valentines day meal out, had a great family day out or great holiday, why do you have to share it? Why not enjoy it on the face value of what it is?

I am only friends on social media with people I know in real life too. ALL of the couples who gush over each other on social media are the ones who are constantly arguing in real life.

Loads of people share the negative/real stuff. I’m not saying there’s no twee fakeness, and I do agree with ‘doth protest too much’ and overly happy couples are probably putting on a front. But a lot of people are honest about housework, laundry, freezer roulette and being late on the school run, you just have to follow the right people!

Also, I like to see the people I care about happy, and I can’t see everyone I’d like (even before Covid) so my friends happy posts make me smile.

I think it depends on your intentions when you post. I honestly think lots of people use SM to show off. They are not in the least bit interested in portraying a balanced snapshot of their lives. They want people to think they are amazing and exciting and are adored by both friends and family. That in itself is fine. As long as you accept that there are those who will feel ‘less than’ by comparison and wish to move away from it for their own mental health.

You sound a bit miserable, Shirley
People can take whatever pictures they like. I don’t personally do selfie’s, but I quite like to see my lovely friends’ faces when they post the, - more than a ‘nice background’ of something I don’t recognise...

I’m not miserable at all. I’m an absolute bloody delight tbh.

I like to see photos of backgrounds of new and exciting things, with my lovely friends alongside them. I’ve never seen a selfie executed particularly well tbh. They’re almost exclusively crap.

I found that people who want to just show off generally don't communicate except on their posts. I used to do every year that I went through my list and deleted everyone I haven't spoken to in last year. That's how I ended up with just the ones I have now. And we all comment, like etc each other's stuff.

Because we don't post that much anyway so it's easy to keep up😳

If course it's fake. People only post what they want you to see.

I don’t think it’s fake but it’s a one sided view of people’s lives; I posted a picture of a lovely walk we went on with DC where they were playing happily but I didn’t mention in that post the tantrum that happened a bit later.
I do find it odd when people are saying how much they love each other on Facebook all the time though when surely they’re sitting on the sofa next to each other and could just say that nice thing to the person.