To think it isn't always fake? (Facebook question)

[LemonSherbetFancy]

Felt friend was making a dig earlier.
I really enjoy facebook as I feel it helps us as a couple keep in touch with friends all over the country. We share quite a bit. Valentines photos, birthdays, holidays etc. Friend and I were discussing why she was coming off facebook and she said it was fake and a show off opportunity for many and that most of the couples posting photos aren't as happy as they seem.
Aibu to think she is not entirely correct? (DP and I are definitely happy which is why we share).
Sometimes I just wonder why people can't be happy for others and not assume that photos are fake and that everyone posting enjoyable moments is secretly deeply hating each other and life.

@LemonSherbetFancy

Yep. A really depressing thread, god forbid, you have a happy relationship and want to show that on social media.

You've taken both your friends comments and also the sentiments in this thread very personally. If you enjoy posting so much about the detail of your relationship, do it. But it's not depressing that there might be some people on your friends list that roll their eyes at it, or feel injured by it. That's just life.

As PP said, in reality, no one cares about your relationship as much as you do, or that you went to X restaurant together, or that DP bought you such and such. It's lovely that you have a lovely relationship but for some people, they'll either think "god, again, what is she trying to prove?" Or even "is she just rubbing it in now?"

Does that mean you should feel bad about what you post if you enjoy posting it? Of course not! You do you. People can always mute you if they want. But your friends words clearly hurt you and I think you should examine why that is, rather than lashing out at others here who think the same.

I took myself off facebook at a time in my life when I was really struggling and it was just making me feel worse to see pictures of everyone else doing life so much better than me. Perhaps this is how your friend is feeling and she needs support.

I went back on Facebook when I was in a better place but it has made me feel like I don't really want to post about my happy times anymore because I don't want anyone to see my posts and feel the same way I did. I'm now happy when I see nice posts from other people because I know that I am (mostly) having a good time too.

Ultimately it's your choice what you put on your social media and also your choice whether you want to look at what other people post. If you don't then block or come off.

I like looking back over my own sometimes, makes me remember nice times. Like most people, the gushing makes me wince but on the other hand, I hate people playing out their domestic dramas on Facebook too.

Some years ok, my DH and I went through a tough time and he moved out for a while. Obviously all my friends and family knew but it's not something I shared on Facebook. Looking back over that period, I see myself and my DD getting out and about and doing new and different things. And actually it makes me remember some positive experiences. And I don't think that's bad at all.

It's only a shop window at the end of the day.

There also seems to be a strong overlap between people who do the whole "oh, I'm so lucky to have my wonderful DH/DW" and who really like Disney. It is as if people got stuck in their school years and still live by the same social rules.

You all sound like you have lots of fb friends who went to University of life😂
One of these tried to infiltrate my peaceful facebook. She sent request 3 times🙄

I agree with her. I rarely post on any social media, but I've noticed recently Judy how fake so many people are on there. The couples that are posting the lives up statuses and quotes are usually the ones who break up within a matter of months (not the case for everybody, I'm sure some are genuinely happy but probably not the majority)

Oh the gushing is ridiculous, OP you can WhatsApp photos etc.

One from this morning .

Happy birthday to my wonderful man, love you so much

The wonderful man is not on FB, so not sure why it's worth wishing him a happy birthday he can't see.

The wonderful man is also a misery in real life, often talks of separation so not sure if the wonderful man is her husband or someone else. The two don't add up.

Facebook take with a pinch of salt!

I do use Facebook and I don't (generally!) get worked up about what people post but I must admit to doing some massive eye rolling when I see the mother of the school bully posting anti bullying messages and saying 'if any of my kids were bullies I'd die of shame' when every time they've been challenged about the bullying they've denied it or laughed it off as banter. Or my favourite, a relative whose children were removed from her care due to neglect posting about how her kids are her life and once you become a mother, you never think of your own needs again. This from someone who found it too much effort to wash school uniforms or put sheets on the kids beds.

I don’t want to see gushing emotional posts about people’s wonderful partner any more than I want to see tirades about the drama in their life. Both are unnecessary and attention seeking - I don’t begrudge anyone a happy relationship or feel jealous, but rubbing it in people’s faces with posts about how “lucky” you feel is just crass and braggy and will probably make people less happy for you than if you just shut up and got on with being happy quietly. My friends and I talk to each other about how we’re feeling and I love hearing that they’re having a good time, but in the context of private conversations between us! If they were plastering it on Facebook I’d roll my eyes and think it quite immature.

I don’t want to see gushing emotional posts about people’s wonderful partner any more than I want to see tirades about the drama in their life. Both are unnecessary and attention seeking
That's how I feel.

It's the difference in offline conversations between

1. Someone talking about something good their DC has achieved

And

1. Someone who is the playground bore by taking every opportunity to let every other parent know how awesome their precious child is, how the teacher adores their child, their child is oh so talented in every possible way

Something nice you've done with DH? Great, it's nice to hear either in person or on social media.
Endless declarations of love, photos, gushing, why your world is completed by his presence etc? You do you, but it will generate eye rolls and that isn't a sign everyone is jealous of you.

Amusingly in my experience, I don't see many men in the second camp.

So does the same apply for ‘gushing’ posts about your baby/children? Does that mean you must be secretary miserable and that your kids are little brats who you in fact despise in ‘real life’?
Of course SOME people make out their lives are better on social media but maybe, just maybe, some are actually genuinely happy and want to share happy memories with friends and family....that might be a bit too fair fetched for most of MN to understand.

What’s sad it pp on here who seem gleeful about marriages failing after they have posted these ‘gushing’ posts. What a horrible attitude to relish in someone’s misery, so unkind.

Jenstar123
Gushy braggy posts about babies and children equally get an eye roll from me.
I love hearing about people doing nice things but have no time for self-absorbed bragging.

So nice day out with the kids? Great.
Gushy posts about how mummy and daddy are so proud of you for holding a spoon, complete with several photos of holding a spoon just days after another post about how amazing mum life is and #makingmemories and Facebook posts 'to' the baby who is obviously not on social media? Silly gushing that will make most people roll their eyes

The difference is clear.

maybe, just maybe, some are actually genuinely happy and want to share happy memories with friends and family....that might be a bit too fair fetched for most of MN to understand.
You seem to have done the same thing as other on this thread where you get quite defensive about people mocking endless gushing and bragging and decide people mustn't understand that people are happy.

It's not about having an issue with people who are happy. Only folk who are liable to gush and brag all over social media would draw that conclusion.

@Jenstar123 you can always tell the difference between a post that's "aww so and so is sharing this moment, look at her lovely kid, what an adorable, happy family!" and one that's "the only reason she is posting this is for compliments". I love when friends and family share baby pictures, some post daily and I've never gotten bored of them.

But I have some acquaintances who post pictures of their kids with superior captions about the presents they've bought, or how much cleverer than other babies theirs are, etc etc. You can tell there is fishing going on, rather than just simply sharing their joy.

Same with relationship posts. Sometimes it's "aww they've shared this lovely picture/done this lovely thing". But when it's frequent posts that are about nothing except "look how lucky I am", especially ones that are messages to their DP "I am so lucky to have you" etc - it's performance, not sharing. It's weird.

Gushy posts about how mummy and daddy are so proud of you for holding a spoon, complete with several photos of holding a spoon just days after another post about how amazing mum life is and #makingmemories and Facebook posts 'to' the baby who is obviously not on social media?

😂This did make me LOL and I actually can’t stand those sort of posts to a kid who doesn’t even have social media or understand! I don’t know why but I genuinely don’t mind the happy couple posts though and enjoy seeing them (maybe my FB friends aren’t the over the top gushy type and that’s why I can’t see the problem)

I think there's a big difference between couples that share holiday snaps and messages on special occasions e.g. birthday and special occasions to ones who are constantly posting gushing messages and posting kissing photos of themselves (I HATE kissing photos).

Saying people only sharing the good parts of their lives on social media are fake is completely unjustified. Do you go around telling everyone in real life that you had a fight with your husband at 3am last night? In real life you only see the good things too.

Same in real life that all the couples that seemed completely perfect in reality were the ones that have split up usually due to an affair.

I love seeing my friends posting silly photos of them as a couple or photos of their days out etc. Either starts a convo or i think "oh that would be a fun place to go".

I don't like endless gushy messages - they're a bit too much

Oh the worst is the cryptic hospital check in or the "I had the worst day ever" type posts which are just clearly there for attention

Oh the worst is the cryptic hospital check in or the "I had the worst day ever" type posts which are just clearly there for attention

Couldn’t agree more! Nothing worse than attention seeking in a woe is me way. “ Aww PM me hun” 🙄

Jenstar123

Then your position is no different to most people on this thread because you like seeing nice things but can't stand silly gushing.

We all know the difference between 'here is a lovely day out photo with DH' and:

Date night with this one. Time flies when you're in love. 32 months together and hubby still treats me like a princess. So lucky to have my hubbabubs. You're an amazing daddy and our children are blessed to have you. Thank you for my pressie #boydonegood. (insert food pic here and photo of snuggles or kiss or presents here).

Then two days later breakfast in bed. He's such a good egg. Love you to the moon and back

🤮

I don't see any of this 'gushing' people are talking about. I am not friends with anyone who does this (or maybe I have just mentally filtered it out)

@dayslikethese1

You're lucky. The amount of times I see the woman on FB gushing about her partner when it's their anniversary, and then a few hours later the partner is quite obviously forced to post 'happy anniversary' back to her. It's a little bit pathetic. If you actually loved each other that much, spend the day together, off social media and tell each other happy anniversary etc.

@dayslikethese1

I don't see any of this 'gushing' people are talking about. I am not friends with anyone who does this (or maybe I have just mentally filtered it out)

Me neither. I gues birds of the feather flock together and it worked on my fb😂

My facebook isn't fake.

Most of my friends just post normal things. I don't want to read about people's drama or arguments. FB isn't the place for it. I would get annoyed by someone who gushes all the time, but I don't have friends like that. I have the odd young relative who posts nothing but filtered to the max selfies but they are young.

Of course I am selective in what I share. I wouldn't post about a serious argument I had with my husband because it is inappropriate, but I have posted about things that haven't gone so well. I don't want to overshare in either direction. It isn't fake, just appropriate.

@dayslikethese1

I don't see any of this 'gushing' people are talking about. I am not friends with anyone who does this (or maybe I have just mentally filtered it out)

Or you're the gushing one.

Come I don't think so, I don't ever post really except to share the occasional article. There is one photo of my partner and me that a friend posted but that's from about 3 years ago.