Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it isn't always fake? (Facebook question)

199 replies

LemonSherbetFancy · 24/11/2020 19:14

Felt friend was making a dig earlier.
I really enjoy facebook as I feel it helps us as a couple keep in touch with friends all over the country. We share quite a bit. Valentines photos, birthdays, holidays etc. Friend and I were discussing why she was coming off facebook and she said it was fake and a show off opportunity for many and that most of the couples posting photos aren't as happy as they seem.
Aibu to think she is not entirely correct? (DP and I are definitely happy which is why we share).
Sometimes I just wonder why people can't be happy for others and not assume that photos are fake and that everyone posting enjoyable moments is secretly deeply hating each other and life. Confused

OP posts:
CounsellorTroi · 25/11/2020 09:59

I hardly post anything on FB. If. I post holiday photos (and I often don’t because it feels like bragging) they will mostly be scenery with at most one or two of DH and me. Certainly do not post selfies. DH and I do not conduct our relationship on FB - not even big wedding anniversaries. I might share the odd thing that has made me think or laugh. I posted when Joe Biden won. And I’m in one or two closed special interest groups. That’s about it really.

Nonamesavail · 25/11/2020 10:02

When I left FB and deleted it I noticed it even more. I think when you remove it you notice how weird and unnecessary it is and how it just takes up so much time.

BrimfulOfBaba · 25/11/2020 10:02

I say this as someone who is in a ridiculously happy long term relationship- it feels like people who over share about their happy relationships are either actually unhappy OR trying to show off. I would cringe so much sharing our special moments. They are for us. Nothing to prove to anyone.

Sobeyondthehills · 25/11/2020 10:04

@SchrodingersImmigrant

Not a flipping chance, but I am sure one of my lovely friends will fill it in for me, with a photo of said cake, just for a giggle.

CounsellorTroi · 25/11/2020 10:08

@BrimfulOfBaba

I say this as someone who is in a ridiculously happy long term relationship- it feels like people who over share about their happy relationships are either actually unhappy OR trying to show off. I would cringe so much sharing our special moments. They are for us. Nothing to prove to anyone.
Exactly.
nokidshere · 25/11/2020 10:09

I don't care what people put on fb. If I don't want to see it then I don't look at it. I don't post much myself but I like seeing what others are up to.

It's no skin off my nose if people are posting for validation. I have a quick look each day, scroll through the posts, click like on most even if I don't read or comment, join in the odd conversation. If it makes someone happy because I liked their picture, or commented a quick 'gorgeous' on a pic of their child that's fine, it makes no difference to my day. The community pages are sometimes useful and Ive found a couple of good bargains on the selling pages

I don't really get all the 'I hate fb' stuff. If you don't like it then don't use it, it really is that simple.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 25/11/2020 10:18

[quote Sobeyondthehills]@SchrodingersImmigrant

Not a flipping chance, but I am sure one of my lovely friends will fill it in for me, with a photo of said cake, just for a giggle.[/quote]
😂 I like your friends!

TellingBone · 25/11/2020 10:25

It's the 21st century equivalent of getting out your holiday snaps when visitors come round isn't it? Only now they don't have to hide their groaning.

Grin
goldenharvest · 25/11/2020 10:29

It depends entirely on your fb co facts and who you choose to have there. I wouldn't in a million years have the sort of person who has fake boobs and duck lips or people I know are all about 'my life is better than yours'. I have good friends and family only, so I know they are genuine posts.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 25/11/2020 10:35

@TellingBone

It's the 21st century equivalent of getting out your holiday snaps when visitors come round isn't it? Only now they don't have to hide their groaning.

Grin

Silver lining😂
SpaceOp · 25/11/2020 11:10

I think some people either have a lot f odd friends or are over sensitive. My facebook feed is filled with a wide variety of things from people posting happy family pics to articles or commentary on news of the day to funny thoughts on what's happening to updates re births/deaths etc.

I can also honestly say that if someone posts a photo of them doing something super cute with their kids, I don't for a second assume that means they never have bad days with their kids. But why would you want to remember them (mostly. Sometimes they're good for a laugh after and DS is very sad I didn't post the "Mammoth-projectile-Poo-in-toilet-at-fancy-restaurant" story from when he was a baby and he thinks is HILARIOUS).

And lots of the posts on my feed, even when "boasting" have a sort of wry amusing knowing undertone of, "I know, this level of happiness and contentment is so unusual I needed to document it."

But i DO agree - the overly gushing posts, made regularly, about how much a couple love and appreciate each other.... are always a bad sign.

dontdisturbmenow · 25/11/2020 11:16

Envy has become one of worse psychological pollutant of our society.

It is so sad that people can't be happy for others and if they do feel a sense of envy, that this would drive then aspiring to doing the same or similar rather than feeling sorry for themselves and hard done by.

Line most, I have contacts on Facebook who have more than I. Good for them. I like to see what they are up to and just feel pleased for them. It's part of their day to day life just like my posts reflect my day to day life too.

Contacts are welcome to block me if they can't cope with me posting about my nice holidays.

cactuscushion · 25/11/2020 11:24

I don't understand the argument saying people only their best moments. That was also the same in the days when we used a camera to take photos then develop them. A lot of people share on Facebook because there's no worries about computers breaking without backup. I don't post, but I can see why people do.

cactuscushion · 25/11/2020 11:24

Only *post their best moments

FrankskinnerscRoc · 25/11/2020 11:32

Facebook’s a braggers paradise. They have such great & interesting lives that they have time to record every boring little detail of it. These are people who really do give a shit about what everyone thinks of them.

Shetoshe · 25/11/2020 11:55

I don't necessarily think it's fake, I just think it's cringe. I've found it a shame that Facebook changes my view on people I would otherwise like. Anyone in their thirties and still over-sharing lacks a certain something I can't put my finger on, but it lessens my respect for them and I'm no longer able to take them as seriously.

Humility perhaps, but I suppose Facebook wasn't designed for the humble! It's a useful site for groups/events but it's had it's day on the social aspect IMO.

MimiDaisy11 · 25/11/2020 12:29

Sure there are people who are not thinking about bragging or caring what people think of them and just posting up pics they want to share but I do generally agree with her assessment of it, which is partly why I left. Mostly though I just found it boring. I joined in my first year of uni and it used to be full of students having fun and random drunken nonsense. Now it's just people's kids and dinners LOL.

MushMonster · 25/11/2020 12:40

Post what you want OP.
And if your friend does not like Facebook, then nobody forces her to look.
To be honest people are just worrying too much about other people way of thought at the moment. You do what is good to you. I would not take any offence at what she said, even if she was thinking of you, it is her issue, and you should not spend even a minute of your tume thinking about it.

HelloMissus · 25/11/2020 12:47

You can post what you like OP but of course people can think what they like too. And often time’s it will be eye rolling disbelief.

The posts that make me laugh the most are the - Me and the love of my life posts, which change every couple of years

Original poster
LemonSherbetFancy · 25/11/2020 13:02

It's just a shame when friends can't be happy for each other.
I will keep posting either way. As some of you have said, she doesn't have to look if it upsets her so much.

OP posts:
lljkk · 25/11/2020 14:02

I'm happy when good things happen to people I like.

I was musing about the round robin type letter I wrote about our family this year. If you don't know me, it would definitely read like horrible stealth boasting underpinned with outright lies & fake humility in places. If you do know me, you'll know I am factual & sincere when I say all of it. I tried to only send it to oldest friends.

yelyah22 · 25/11/2020 14:21

I would mute or unfriend someone who posted a Valentine's day post, so YABU for that. What a weird thing to do.

I am in the same camp as your friend though, I'm afraid - I know far too many couples who are unhappy yet are constantly posting '#datenight' photos and 300 holiday pictures they expect anyone else to be interested in as though they're the picture of happiness. One of the saddest/most disturbing things I see on Facebook is a woman I know who's constantly sharing photos of her and her partner (and he does it too) when I know for a fact he's broken several of her bones - in fact, one of his posts about his 'perfect girl' was her with the cast on her arm that he caused. But they both project a perfect happy family because all their friends do the same on social media - that's not healthy.

I don't use Facebook any more, I think it's generally for people older than me these days. But I don't post much on Instagram either - the odd photo I've taken if we were out somewhere pretty.

Sobeyondthehills · 25/11/2020 15:05

@SchrodingersImmigrant

I only watch extra slice incase it ever comes up.

Original poster
LemonSherbetFancy · 25/11/2020 15:16

You would unmute someone for posting some couple selfies on fb? Also,how is that weird? Confused

OP posts:
LolaSmiles · 25/11/2020 15:20

Envy has become one of worse psychological pollutant of our society.

It is so sad that people can't be happy for others and if they do feel a sense of envy, that this would drive then aspiring to doing the same or similar rather than feeling sorry for themselves and hard done by
Whereas I find people aren't envious but there is a growing hint of narcissism where individuals love to think the world is jealous of them or envious of them.
It's seen a lot on here where people have different opinions on an issue and theres always lots of posters ready to say 'oh ignore them... they're just jealous'. It always strikes me as quite a self-absorbed view.

E.g.
A: I find it a bit silly seeing couples gush over each other on social media, post endless updates about how in love they are
B: Obviously you are jealous of me and envious of my amazing relationship with DH otherwise you wouldn't think such a thing. Isn't it sad that people can't even be happy for other people and instead they feel threatened by other people who are enjoying life. It's so sad.

It's just a shame when friends can't be happy for each other
For me this confirms you are probably in the nauseating boastful group.

People share their views on endless overhearing and regular gushy post.
Your response? Why can't people be happy for each other!

Nobody has an issue with nice happy posts.

This is the social media version of:
A: Isn't it hilarious when you see people boasting about their child and performance parenting.
B: isn't it sad that people think nobody should ever say nice things about their child? How sad that people think parents should never speak to their child in public

🤦‍♀️