To think it isn't always fake? (Facebook question)

[LemonSherbetFancy]

Felt friend was making a dig earlier.
I really enjoy facebook as I feel it helps us as a couple keep in touch with friends all over the country. We share quite a bit. Valentines photos, birthdays, holidays etc. Friend and I were discussing why she was coming off facebook and she said it was fake and a show off opportunity for many and that most of the couples posting photos aren't as happy as they seem.
Aibu to think she is not entirely correct? (DP and I are definitely happy which is why we share).
Sometimes I just wonder why people can't be happy for others and not assume that photos are fake and that everyone posting enjoyable moments is secretly deeply hating each other and life.

Of course it doesn't have to be fake. It says more about the haters than the posters really.

Some people really resent anything positive, apparently it's bragging.
But anything negative, it's being a drama llama

I don't know, I am surrounded by people who are normal. They post things that are not too private and personal, but post just as much about a holiday or a new puppy than they post about being fucked off with xyz.

I also find that the people who are fake on Facebook are also like that in real life so the couple I knew who were always expressing their love for each other on Facebook then split up out of the blue were also equally like that when I’d seen them for dinner a couple of weeks before; papering over the cracks I guess

My personal view is that gushing on facebook isn’t dissimilar to people who have big weddings. The bigger and more expensive the wedding, the shorter time the marriage lasts IME.

that's another of the MN myths. Fortunately it has nothing to do with real life.

Whilst it might be true that some bridezilla are too focused on the wedding day and not the marriage, many people manage a perfectly happy life after a big wedding.

and pretty sure Kate Winslet's wedding with a pub reception didn't last too long

I had what MN think as an expensive wedding, we are not planning on getting divorced any time soon and we are nowhere near the exception

So unless you post about the negative aspects of your life your fake? Really?

So what do people want to see.. people posting statuses about being depressed, contemplating divorce or struggling to conceive a baby?

Seriously, please enlighten me on what is acceptable?

Because in real life you don't tell your colleagues and neighbours that type of stuff in passing? Only close family/friends you'd tell if at all?

You talk to them about holidays, days out, restaurant recommendations, what your doing on the weekend etc.

Or is not telling them your inner most struggles and instead about going to a theme park, you being 'fake?

So if you wouldn't talk about personal struggles to any tom, dick or Harry in real life then why would you on Facebook?

I use Facebook to update our friends/family on DH's cancer and treatment, scan news etc. I get lots of support too

Reading your OP again, it does come across as a bit smug. I am not trying to be nasty here, but, perhaps unintentionally, that's one way it could be interpreted. The fact you said that it helps 'us as a couple stay in touch' makes it sound like you have a joint Facebook account which I always find really cringey to be honest.
It all depends on what you're trying to get across when you're posting your valentine's or birthday pictures, doesn't it? What do you want the people who view the pictures to get from them? You want to show everyone you're friends with that you got lots of gifts/got spoilt/went somewhere nice to eat/boy done good/valentine's with this one/how in love you are 'as a couple'.
If your holiday photos are of some beautiful scenery or interesting activities that you do then they might be interesting but if they're just endless pictures of you and your partner smiling it gazing at eachother in every single cafe, bar and restaurant you visited then it is chronically tedious.
As much as I love my friends and they me I'd never presume to think they want to see photos of me having a valentine's date with my husband or a picture of me at the seaside. Do your friends actually want to see photos of you and your husband on valentine's Day? It's not really keeping in touch, is it? Unless you expect them to comment on all of your photos? I have more of a frequent but low key WhatsApp relationship with lots of my friends - we'll wish each other happy birthday, tell them something funny that happened or the latest episode with the kids but I certainly would never send them endless photos of me and my husband having dinner. How dull.

yes and no some people post utter shite made up shit others post the truth

I think she's spot on actually, I'm suspicious of the constant "Wow we are SO HAPPY with our lives" couples and families. I find that one day you notice the posting stops and suddenly you hear an awful story of a miserable marriage.

There's a documentary on Netflix about a social media couple like this, the "perfect family", and then he killed his wife and children in a horrifically violent way. I can't remember the name but since I've seen it the "happy couple" images give me the shivers!

Op, do you have each own profile? Or is it the couple profile?

Oh x posted. 🤦 I need to learn to refresh more often

Blatantly no one is going to list all the serious imperfections of life, you have to take it for what it is. Anyone with half a brain knows it's not anyone's whole story.

Honestly I enjoy everyone's happiness, I don't bitch about it - I'm happy for them to share it.

I don't know anyone who 'gushes' about their family or partner excessively, but I'll be honest, I'd be a bit suspicious of anyone who does though!

Why do people think that everyone is interested in them

So what do people want to see.. people posting statuses about being depressed, contemplating divorce or struggling to conceive a baby?

"Lovely morning y'all!" with picture of lovely looking breakfast
"Ooopsie. The milk spoilt so I sharted at work. I've been crying in a bathroom for an hour. I might have to quit after I pay for new chair. " picture of trousers being dried under hand dryer
"I love my husband!" picture of nice dinner made by him
"Well... As you know we are now not having sex for pleasure only but we are trying to ttc. Which we tried tonight. But I wasn't the only one affected by the spoilt milk. #neednewsheets #shopppping" no picture included. Luckily

Balance 😁

@EffOrf

Why do people think that everyone is interested in them

If they're not, then why accept/send friend requests?

I thought that couples having a shared profile were seen as being in controlling or non trusting relationships.

I used to post loads as did my friends.... Now its more updates on the house renovation. I think we're just getting old. Snapchat and the like are the place to be apparently.

So what do people want to see.. people posting statuses about being depressed, contemplating divorce or struggling to conceive a baby?

Quite honestly I think Facebook has had its day. Maybe not for advertising, community groups, YouTube type pass the time videos.

But certainly for posting photos / status updates / linking in friends etc. Almost no one I know actually posts anything these days. Maybe every so often someone will put some photos of their kids but that’s about it.

That’s why, to me, three selfies each year sounds like so much. As no one I know actually posts like that any more

This is why I've ditched Facebook.
I hate 47+ baby photos on a single day.
I loathe all the memes.
I don't want to know what people have eaten and I don't like how people have been made to feel anxious and insecure about what they have seen on the site.

@SchrodingersImmigrant

So what do people want to see.. people posting statuses about being depressed, contemplating divorce or struggling to conceive a baby?

"Lovely morning y'all!" with picture of lovely looking breakfast
"Ooopsie. The milk spoilt so I sharted at work. I've been crying in a bathroom for an hour. I might have to quit after I pay for new chair. " picture of trousers being dried under hand dryer
"I love my husband!" picture of nice dinner made by him
"Well... As you know we are now not having sex for pleasure only but we are trying to ttc. Which we tried tonight. But I wasn't the only one affected by the spoilt milk. #neednewsheets #shopppping" no picture included. Luckily

Balance 😁

Hahahaha this made me chuckle!!

@TwoZeroTwoZero

What's wrong with selfies? If I didn't take photos of myself there wouldn't be any of me at all! Not all selfies are of the duck-face variety.

This.

A lot of the time is just me and dd. If I didn't take selfies I'd have barely any pictures of me and her. Even when OH is with us,it rarely crosses his mind to take any. In the same manner without selfies I'd barely have any pics of us two as well.

Do I need to post all of them? Of course not, and I don't always post them, but excuse me for not having a gaggle of friends or family, always on hand to take bloody pictures of us!

I only use it as a way to contact businesses or if I have a complaint, likewise Twitter, certainly not to post photos and stuff or to have friends on it

People do generally paint their lives in either a very positive way or a very negative way (depending on the person), but it can still certainly be used to share things with friends and family.

I think sharing photos of things you've done is really nice. But then there are people who post brag posts (like oh look I've got a new car, new jewellery/clothes/whatever) and statuses just for attention.

I'd say take everything online with a pinch of salt, but then also take a look at yourself and think what the purpose of each post is that you're putting up. Are you doing it so family to keep up with what you're doing (think about do you NEED to tell people these things), are you looking for some kind of attention or to get a reaction from someone? Your motivation behind your posts is key.

Most of it is fake, and nothing says "one of us had an affair" more than a couple with a joint FB profile.

Fake is probably the wrong word, and I’m sure there are exceptions, but in my experience every single couple who posts on Facebook is unhappy in real life. It’s an external validation thing I guess. My rule has always been ‘the less you hear about a couple, the happier they are.’

Its not just couples though; I finally came off Facebook after a weekend in which one friend asked me to tag her on a night out she wasn’t at to piss off her ex, another had me take upwards of 100 photos of her on that same night out, just so that she could post one to impress a guy she had her eye on, and a third friend called to ask me to check a Facebook post she had just put up from travelling abroad ‘so I can see how it looks to people.’ All three very insecure and unhappy, and rightly or wrongly, I now assume this of any active social media user.

You need new friends @LadyFoxtrot😳

You aren’t wrong! I was in my twenties and hanging with a very ‘look at me’ crowd. Only in touch with the second one now. She still takes hundreds of photos of herself though 😅