To think it isn't always fake? (Facebook question)

[LemonSherbetFancy]

Felt friend was making a dig earlier.
I really enjoy facebook as I feel it helps us as a couple keep in touch with friends all over the country. We share quite a bit. Valentines photos, birthdays, holidays etc. Friend and I were discussing why she was coming off facebook and she said it was fake and a show off opportunity for many and that most of the couples posting photos aren't as happy as they seem.
Aibu to think she is not entirely correct? (DP and I are definitely happy which is why we share).
Sometimes I just wonder why people can't be happy for others and not assume that photos are fake and that everyone posting enjoyable moments is secretly deeply hating each other and life.

No, we do not have a joint account.

As for the other questions, we post because we want our friends and family to see what we have been up to and hopefully that they would feel happy for us. We love celebrating the events such as valentines and birthdays and do always post a couple selfie. Didn't really see it as annoying or fake until now really. We are genuinely very happy and we know we are fortunate. We have both had rough times before we met so feel very lucky now to have met and have the relationship we do. I wouldn't say we boast about it but until now, I hadn't realised that it may be irritating or hurtful for others to see how happy we are. Its not nice to know people on our friends list may feel not so positive about our posts.

I'm surprised people still use Facebook.

@ShirleyPhallus

You sound a bit miserable, Shirley People can take whatever pictures they like. I don’t personally do selfie’s, but I quite like to see my lovely friends’ faces when they post the, - more than a ‘nice background’ of something I don’t recognise...

I’m not miserable at all. I’m an absolute bloody delight tbh.

I like to see photos of backgrounds of new and exciting things, with my lovely friends alongside them. I’ve never seen a selfie executed particularly well tbh. They’re almost exclusively crap.

I think the main photos of myself I do take are selfies (would only post them if somewhere special, had a hair cut or on holiday etc). My reason for this in any other photo I end up looking like a pastel hippo which is not really what I want when looking at holiday pictures etc.

I'm ignorant to others on Facebook or other social media apps , I genuinely do not care to look at their pictures, their statuses or what's happening in their lives, they could be happy or unhappy I don't give 2 hoots. I spend 12 hours caring for people a day at work and genuinely care and enjoy listening and talking to them, I think it's interacting in real life that keeps my attention, the real time face to face ... I think if you care about offending pixels on a screen because they are your supposed friends then it's weird to me.

The most "social media happy" person I know is actually one of the most unhappy people I know. It's all a veneer for her. It makes me rather uncomfortable.

I think you make facebook as you want. I share all sorts on there, from the dinner that I fucked up and burnt to a cinder, to the fact I am suffering badly with mental health issues.

One of my top photos is the cake I did for DS' birthday. It belonged on a nailed it photo. Friends still take the piss about it, this year I got sent about 6 different messages with a GBBO application form.

I don't have hundreds of friends, but the ones that are on there are all different types, I don't post anything about my relationship, because in my eyes that is no one elses business. I now don't post photos of my son because he doesn't like it. Which leaves my amazing cooking skills to give everyone else a laugh while we have beans on toast

Hmmm.
Depends on the person - sometimes it's definitely fake, so know where she's coming from - as in you don't always show daily life, just what you want to show.
People do share just to share though, don't write her off just as you have different views of social media.

I don't know if I agree that it is all fake but I do find it very odd to want to post your life on SM. I don't get the endless need to be 'checking in' and having all your friends / family / random acquaintances know where you are at all times. If I wanted auntie sue to know where I am, I would call her up and tell her! Social media (especially Facebook) has just removed the need to actually talk to people and is a pit fot raising anxiety levels imo.

I also don't like seeing pictures of children being shared, I would have hated the invasion on my privacy if my parents had done that. I feel sorry for children who have their lives publicised without any choice.

@AlternativePerspective

There’s sharing and then there’s sharing though isn’t there?

Posting a picture of your puppy/a place where you went for a day out/the kids is just sharing IMO.

When you start posting that “x is feeling blessed with the love of my life,” combined with the picture of the meal you went out for and an explanation of how you have now been together for 76 days and 4 hours you need to ask the question.... who are you trying to convince.

My personal view is that gushing on facebook isn’t dissimilar to people who have big weddings. The bigger and more expensive the wedding, the shorter time the marriage lasts IME.

I knew someone who shared every moment of her pregnancy from the day she announced it. Pictures of her bump/talk about how she was having a coffee and “bump is getting really lively/he likes ice cream/he’s a bit sleepy today.” It got to the point that most people actually hid her on facebook because they were so sick of seeing it. And then when the baby was born he was seriously ill and taken to SCBU. She of course put that on facebook, but because so many people had hidden her, they didn’t know for days so she literally didn’t get any supportive responses.

You just come across as nasty tbh, the comment about the woman with the sick baby, maybe she had fertility issues and was overjoyed at being pregnant

FYI I had a ‘big, expensive’ wedding, DH and I couldn’t be happier. Sorry to disappoint you.

You sound bitter.

I agree with your friend tbh. I have one friend in particular who shares far too many photos of her DH and family and writes gushing status updates about how perfect her life is. The truth is her marriage is in a shocking state and she no longer sleeps with her DH who has cheated more than once. They are overcompensating and it's a total embarrassment.

I think people are happy for others, but to have it rammed down their throat all the time with sickly sweet selfies and rambling dedications of love is a bit much. If you're a happy couple who love each other I don't know why anyone would feel the need to overshare that. Just be happy and not show off about it (because that's really what the oversharing on SM is after all).

In my experience the people who constantly post lovey Dovey pictures with their partner with a caption like ' Couldn't live without this man, he's my rock and my soul mate, I'm the luckiest woman in the universe' end up splitting up. Someone I went to school with got a boyfriend, their relationship was all over Facebook. After 4 months together were engaged, after 6 months she was pregnant. On fb and insta their relationship looked perfect, lots of holidays and days away, they bought a lovely home together, bought an expensive car, lavish hotels etc. I was actually jealous to be honest. After 18 months they split up, turns out he'd been cheating and using prostitutes the whole time. Take what you see on social media with a pinch of salt

I think its nice to see posts and pics of a special event, say an engagement or birth of a baby as they are one offs and momentous. What is tedious is constant pics of a similar theme. A friend of mine has met a girl and he seems really happy, but he posts endless selfies of them lying in bed together, in the pub together, on the sofa together. Its so repetitive and all saying how he's met 'the one'. He did this with his last few girlfriends though

My point is, it gets a bit boring to see all the time and you do wonder why people do it. Validation from others I guess to receive lots of likes and congratulation huns! I'm aware as a not entirely happy singleton I might sound bitter here

You just come across as nasty tbh, the comment about the woman with the sick baby, maybe she had fertility issues and was overjoyed at being pregnant the point was that most people had stopped reading her posts because of how much of her pregnancy she had shared. FWIW I wasn’t one of the ones who had blocked her and didn’t know most other people had until I mentioned to someone at school what a shame it was about the baby, and they said they had no idea as they had got so sick of reading about it they’d hidden her posts as had most other people they knew.

Fact is that if you’re over sharing on facebook, doesn’t matter what it is, there will be people who just no longer want to read about it any more so may hide your posts. That’s fine if it’s just some over sharing about how in love you are and how you’ve never been happier. For the most part, no-one cares. But there’s a risk that if it’s something which could end up with differing consequences, if you have shared to the point that people have hidden those posts, when things change your actions mean you may not get the support you thought you might because nobody knows. And because it’s facebook, you don’t know that nobody knows, you just think you’ve shared your news to all your friends and family...

You sound really annoying I’m afraid. Posting couple selfies about how lucky and happy you are to be in your relationship is absolutely bragging and even if it’s genuine I would roll my eyes and unfollow you because I don’t want that kind of smugness rubbed in my face. I’ve gone off people I was previously friends with for this reason, I was sick of their self indulgent unnecessary boasting

I hadn't realised that it may be irritating or hurtful for others to see how happy we are

Im not sure that people find it hurtful so much as irritating. Send photos to your friends on whatsapp if you really want to show off your relationship. But I do find it weird. Do you need justification from friends on FB to know if you're in a happy and loving relationship?

Is she thinks fb is fake she has clearly never been on Instagram!

What I find weird is that people say "send it to your friends on WhatsApp if you eant them to see it then". What the hell is the difference in the end. Post it and friends will see it. Send it on WhatsApp and same friends will see it just with added annoyance of notification and having massive group chat.

I do t know about fake but it’s definitely for show offs which is why I closed my account .
I have one friend in particular who is a lovely lady but she shares EVERYTHING!
Every bottle of wine , every Sunday roast , every time they play a board game .
She even posted pictures of her dinner while it was still in the packets , all displayed nicely and every thing !
I just find it so annoying as even though she’s very sweet I just struggle with attention seekers . Always have

@Sobeyondthehills

I think you make facebook as you want. I share all sorts on there, from the dinner that I fucked up and burnt to a cinder, to the fact I am suffering badly with mental health issues.

One of my top photos is the cake I did for DS' birthday. It belonged on a nailed it photo. Friends still take the piss about it, this year I got sent about 6 different messages with a GBBO application form.

I don't have hundreds of friends, but the ones that are on there are all different types, I don't post anything about my relationship, because in my eyes that is no one elses business. I now don't post photos of my son because he doesn't like it. Which leaves my amazing cooking skills to give everyone else a laugh while we have beans on toast

Now this is how it looks when someone is using it properly and has actual friends in there😁 It's fun and sharing fun with each other. Did you fill the application up?😂

Of course it is up to you what you post etc, and I think we all know our friends and what is real.

But even with best intentions it can give a fake image.

eg I have a friend who at the time had a baby and toddler at home. I went round one day and she cried on my shoulder about how hard it was and how she felt she was letting her toddler down due to the demands of her baby. I gave her a hug (this was pre covid) and reassured her that she was doing a great job etc.

next day she had a better day and she and toddler made Christmas biscuits. She posted the pic of her and toddler and Christmas biscuits, but she didn't ever post anything about the bad day before. While that is fine, to anyone else reading her life only through FB, they only see the shiny moments. I just wonder how one of her mum friends having a bad day felt when they saw the biscuits post and thought that she has it all together while they are struggling.

I love people who post the crap side of life too, as I love honesty and think it really helps us to know that everyone has those days.

I just wonder how one of her mum friends having a bad day felt when they saw the biscuits post and thought that she has it all together while they are struggling.

Sorry but that is that mum's issue.
Everyone knows a snippet, a picture, a post is NOT representative of the whole life. It's simply impossible for it to be. Everyone knows that everyone has ups and downs. If the fact that someone has a good day while you have bad one makes you feel shit and makes you, or the imaginary mum in this case, believe that means they have it all together all the time, than internet simply isn't for them.

People need to take responsibility for their own feelings and use common sense when looking at SM or anything online for that matter. How do people deal with news sites? A snippet of information about x country. Does it mean everything in that country is fucked like in that snippet? No. And no one would think that, would they.

I find FB useful for finding out what's going on locally and light tough keeping in touch with the lives of people I otherwise wouldn't see from one month to the next but when anyone regularly posts about how happy they are, you know the break down or break up won't be long.

I don't mean one off special occasion photos but people who feel the need to do it constantly.

There’s sharing and then there’s sharing though isn’t there?
Absolutely!

Type A: Here's some nice things we have been up to as a family, well done DC for qualifying for county athletics, look at the view on our walk this morning, here is the pet doing something funny or cute = reasonable, friendly sharing that only someone mean spirited would have an issue with

Type B: why their child is the best thing ever, look how amazing their child is, here is a photo of a meal my husband made me, look at all the flowers and valentine's presents and birthday presents from my lovely hubby #lovethisone, here's another gushing post about my love for hubby or why he loves me, here is a photo of us kissing because we are so in love, my child did this fairly basic thing but it requires a post about how proud mummy and daddy are of them etc. = OTT, braggy and does suggest they are compensating for something

I find people who claim not to see the difference or get defensive are more likely to be in the gushy, boasty, fake camp.

@SchrodingersImmigrant

I just wonder how one of her mum friends having a bad day felt when they saw the biscuits post and thought that she has it all together while they are struggling.

Sorry but that is that mum's issue.
Everyone knows a snippet, a picture, a post is NOT representative of the whole life. It's simply impossible for it to be. Everyone knows that everyone has ups and downs. If the fact that someone has a good day while you have bad one makes you feel shit and makes you, or the imaginary mum in this case, believe that means they have it all together all the time, than internet simply isn't for them.

People need to take responsibility for their own feelings and use common sense when looking at SM or anything online for that matter. How do people deal with news sites? A snippet of information about x country. Does it mean everything in that country is fucked like in that snippet? No. And no one would think that, would they.

I see what you are saying, but when most of FB is like this, which it is, then the constant drip, drip is that everyone is doing well and baking bisuits, and I think that is quite isolating if you are struggling. It glosses over the reality of life and just posts the good bits. That's just not healthy for us as a society really. I think it is harsh to say that is the mum's problem. In fact the day my friend cried on my shoulder, one of the very reasons that she felt so useless was because eveyrone else (via FB etc) seems to be coping and she wasn't.

I love the pp who says she posts the burnt dinner as well as the good. that is much healthier way to use it.

Wouldn't it be good if people could post the bad bits as well as the good, wouldn't it help us to have more honest conversations with others?

I am old enough not to care about FB, but as a new mum I loved those moments, whether at a mum and baby group or whatever, when someone said - does anyone else..... and we all breathed a sigh of relief and went YES i thought it was just me.

@LolaSmiles well illustrated differences 😂