To go no contact with my family for not including me in will?

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Will try not to out myself so will change a few bits.

My mum and step dad live in a 4/5 bed house which they were given by a friends several years ago. My mum has 2 dc (me and my older sibling), my step dad has no contact with his dc.

I have 2 disabled dc, my sibling has 2 dc. I am single my sibling is with a partner.

Yesterday I was told that my dm is considering doing a deal with my sibling, in exchange for a few £1000 (which is needed to keep the house up together) from my sibling they will then be left all of the house in the will, leaving me with anything else that is left. My dm has no money to her name, no insurance etc.. so chances are I will be left nothing, my dc will be left nothing, my sibling will get the house which is currently worth around £300,000.

There is a lot of history with step dad and also with my sibling, I thought I was close to my dm and never imagined that my sibling or dm would do this to me and my dc. My youngest dc will need care for the rest of their life due to disability (not life limiting).

I feel so angry and upset to the point I don’t want to be anywhere near my family right now, my life is pretty lonely as it is, I’m a full time carer to my dc and up until now my family have been all I really have in the way of support. My eldest dc was in the room when this bombshell was dropped, they are angry and shocked that they have not been considered or their sibling.

And before anyone says ‘well it’s their house and their decision’, how would you feel if your sibling was being left everything and you nothing? It’s not even about the money, I have never had money so I don’t really care, it’s the fact they think my sibling and their dc’s should have everything and me and my dc nothing.

AIBU to go no contact?

YANBU to be very very hurt.

No contact should be a separate decision, staying away for a while is very understandable!!

So in exchange for a few grand your sibling gets £300k...wtf?!!!!
What kind of interest is that. Certainly your mother could write in that they get paid back before the estate is divided but the whole thing? I’d be livid.
What does your sibling think?

Really it is up to to your mum, however I'm amazed at the amount of times I've heard that people don't think the full situation through when writing a will.

Does your Mother believe your sibling will make a settlement with you later?
Is it possible she doesn't realise she could leave the property in different percentages? Is she desperate for cash now that she isn't thinking of the bigger picture... a few £1000 for a £300k property is an incredible investment.

Maybe there is more going on with this thank you've been told..
In answer to your question, yes I would be extremely upset if this happened to me. Talk to your mum

I’m so sorry to hear this, it’s so hurtful and I can see why you’d want to go nc. However before you do so is it possible to speak with them about it? Could it be that they haven’t really thought it through?

My parents announced that they were giving whatever they had to my brother because I was married and he was divorced and so I had another family to look after me... I find it really hurtful and I went back the next day to explain why it hurt and they all changed their minds to leave things 50/50.

If it’s about needing money now, perhaps the balance of what your sibling gives could be taken from their estate at point of inheritance, and the remainder split between you?

It’s worth thinking it all through though since care home costs could easily eat through everything if w care home is required, in which case your sibling might not receive anything back.

I expect it’s the thought that counts and is hurting you at the moment OP though - big hugs xx

Well should your dm become frail and infirm The Golden One can wipe her arse...
Back away op. Take your precious dc with you. Leave them to it.

You should say why wouldn’t she be left her half plus the extra investment she put in ie 50 percent plus £ 2000 rather than the whole house. Inform your mum that is possible. Ask why you and your kids matter less.

Is this a definite decision or something they're just considering?
How much money is your dsis handing over?
I too would be extremely hurt.
Before you go nc try and talk honestly to your dm and explain how this makes you feel. Tell her you worry about your dc and would like to think they could be helped financially.
Unfortunately some dp's are swayed more by 1 sibling than another.
I'm sorry though. Parents can be so cruel sometimes.

I would write or call your mum to explain your feelings (don't contact sister for now as she's obviously very self-interested). Put your cards on the table, tell her how hurt and unfair you feel the proposition is. Explain you're deeply hurt and don't know if you can continue the relationship if she decides to go ahead as it goes much deeper than money. If she continues, go NC with all of them. They're completely disregarding your needs, I'd let them go.

Yanbu. Yes, it's their money but leaving a child out of your will is a hurtful thing to do. DH's dad intends to leave everything to their already wealthy stepmother, who in turn will leave it to her relatives. It hurts him and his sibling that he cares for them so little that he'd merrily cut them out. It must be even worse when it's one sibling over another

I wouldn’t go no contact without discussing it your Mum first

mum and step dad live in a 4/5 bed house which they were given by a friends several years ago

This doesn't sound right. A friend just "gave" them a house worth £300k?

I wonder if they really own the house at all?

I would be so upset by this too. Before going NC I'd speak to your mum then make your decision based on how that conversation goes.

How much money is your sibling giving your Mum?

Does your Mum need this now?

I think if you're contemplating NV then it's worth honesty.
Tell your Mom that you feel that you and your DC have been completely ignored in the will as it's liable they'll end up with a 300k house and you nothing just because you're of no financial use to them now.

What was said yesterday?
What is DSibking like? Will they be upset it is there a chance they've made it conditional upon the "loan"

a few £1000 for a £300k property is an incredible investment

It would be if there was a meaningful contract. But depending on the age of the DM and Stepfather it could also be the first of a long series of loans/gifts required to protect her "investment", which might never pay off for numerous reasons.

What would happen to the house if your Mum and step dad don’t have access to a few thousand now to ‘keep the house up together’? I don’t know what that means.

Can you talk to your mum, alone, and calmly to understand fully why she would do this?

If she desperately needs the money to keep the house going, she may not fully have thought it through?

As pp said, she may not fully have realised she could leave different shares in the value of the house to you both.

That said, if you have poor history with step dad, is that a factor? (Doesn't stop your mum leaving a bit of her half to you though).

My reasoning for NC would be based on the relationship I had, not the inheritance I might get. How is that?

How much money is it?

Are your Mum and DC retired?

Surely they'd be better looking at other financial options.

Wow - there are some very greedy people out there. What a dreadfully selfish and grasping sister that she would entertain this idea. Your sister is the problem here - mum just needs help to do the house up!

*Step Dad, obviously not DC

Your parents were given a £300k house by a friend?

Your step dad may have no contact with his dc, however, I'm fairly certain if he survives your Mum, the house may go to him, and then when it's his time his issue I.e his dc have entitlement to inherit and you and your DS don't.

I think they are being a bit naive here, and need to seek proper advice on their legal position.

It sounds awful. But like others I am wondering whether things are quite as clear cut as they sound?

Op, I would speak to your mum about this. Then make the decision about whether or not to cut contact with her.

Also agree with other PPs, your sister is being very grabbing here.