I looked :(

[stoplooking555]

Aghhh.

I've just recently divorced. In a nutshell, very messy. He lied about OW although I knew her and her partner and we figured it out between ourselves early on. It was a horrible divorce and finally settled on 55/45 split assets and this way I got to keep the small family home. Ex cried poor the whole time and made provisions for a 2 bed flat in the area and insisted he would be buying alone. He kept all of his pensions (I had none) and the proceeds from a small rental but on his earnings would be a healthy deposit and no probs to get an affordable mortgage.

Kids have come back from their contact weekend and told me all about the new house my ex bought. I was expecting this and knew it would be a big deal for me. It's not a 2 bed flat. It has a leafy drive and 3-4 bedrooms. OW was there when he showed kids around.

They are not on social media which is great. BUT I can see his Pinterest. We rennovated a couple of houses together so knew he'd update that.

Well...I saw luxury bathroom pins, free standing baths..marble...and...she was linked in the board.

Also kids will be getting own rooms, they share here...it's a small house.

I know I should be thankful I have a roof over my head but it's just galling he lied and in my mind he's doing up Buckingham palace.

AIBU - he deserves to move on and none of my business, we've been separated 3 years. Or am I right being so upset. Not sure if it's jealousy or rage he's lied - if he's bought with OW (high earner) then it's really not fair if they have 2 big incomes going forward and a dream house.

I worry the kids will see this house as a poor partner.

As for contesting his lies, the solicitor said I could but if he did end up buying with OW, then unlikely anything would happen as technically my needs were met.

The anxiety and upset is high though :(

YANBU most would feel like this and want to snoop. He probably knows this but won’t be able to keep up the show for long. Always worse when there’s children involved and a persons true colours show. It’ll get easier

OP you are totally normal. 3 years isn’t long I don’t think to ‘ move on’. Children may sense your pain but that is ok too. Learning empathy can be good for children and in my case seeing how my father hurt my mother taught me about resilience. Life will move on and it won’t always hurt so much. Good luck 😊

@WhereYouLeftIt

"I worry the kids will see this house as a poor partner."

No, what they will see is a dad who preferred an ostentatious house for himself and a smaller house for them. A dad who likes his luxuries, but also likes to keep them on a tight leash.

Children have eyes and they see what's happening. They might not grasp the meaning of what they see immediately, but as they get older they work it out.

^^ this

My lovely u feel your pain. However let it go. Once a cheater always a cheater. You have your kids, your dignity and your future. In the future your kids will see what happen

Once a liar ...always a liar. l totally understand why you’re affected and it’s not fair for people to be saying “3 years ..move on “ This man hurt you and feelings are much slower to catch up with logic. Just try to be happy in your cosy home ....That - and not having his deceitful arse around - is it’s own reward. Let them get on with it ...hope she feels safe as he’s capable of repeating his behaviour 😕

pay him no mind. You're free. Sending love.

Quite honestly I don’t believe that most kids give two hoots about what size a house is. Neither do any adults worth their salt. I see some amazing houses which have no personality and feel so sterile. Give me a cosy home filled with love any day. Don’t let this consume you.

Move on... You are divorced!

I was in a similar situation years ago and had all the emotions you are going through too. It’s very difficult but normal to feel angry and jealous. Maybe try for the children’s sake not to get too emotional about it (not in front of them anyway). Do you have a close friend to talk to? As for them thinking your house is inferior, they are your kids and they love you, not the size of the house, so please try and give yourself a pat on the back for supporting them as a single parent all these years.

Let him go - he is a twat

Been there. Wore the T shirt. Except I had absolutely nothing and he was rich with OW.
Hold your head high. Don’t enter into tit for tat. Just get on with your own life.

I know its awful and it happens all to often to the DW but you have simply got to move on. You can't let this take anymore of your time you must think of yourself and simple ways to make your life better who knows where it might lead.

Goodbye to old rubbish

YANBU. You’re only human for gods sake of course you’re going to be upset seeing that. Give yourself time to work through it - it will get better.

He lied about his assets and the other women. He sounds like such a sh1t.

Kids don’t need marble floors (or whatever it was) and a mansion. They need love. Sure they get loads of that from you. And There is maybe even a case to be made for having a bit less and sharing a room being character building?

By the way you can see Who owns a property by doing a land registry search xx

Totally nasty!

That was a reply to the person who said move on your divorced!

Nothing to be said, just a big hug x

I know from experience that kids arent bothered by the bigger house, its how you make them feel when they are there. Also, not many people realise this, because children are physically smaller than us, they actually prefer smaller spaces, it makes them feel safer.

Let it go. Being materialistic is unattractive.

Be upset for a day when the kids are there and then wish him luck and move forward.
Don't store negative thoughts up about it.
Love your kids and remember it's memories of time spent together not tat that they remember.

Best bit of advice I've ever been given "no amount of property or money is worth either your, or your children's mental health".

You just need to move on.

Hi stoplooking55,

I was in a very similar position and mind state to you. My ex is lying about his income to not pay maintenance, jetting off to foreign countries, splashing the cash on himself and leaving me to struggle with our kids.
I was damn right furious when he moved into a 4 bed detached cottage and it was very hard to hear from the kids how great it was although I feigned enthusiasm.
But over time they kept saying they didn’t want to go over there, I’m still encouraging of course, but it did make me realise that just like adults, money and material things are not enough to make a kid happy or prefer that environment.
I can’t take them on fancy holidays or splash out on designer gear like their friends parents but we bake cakes, play games and play Disney songs loudly in the kitchen, and our house is full of laughter. No amount of money or a great big house is worth trading that for.
Let yourself be angry for a while, but then suck it up. You have beautiful children and your freedom from a marriage that didn’t serve you. That’s priceless.

He sounds like an utter sh*t and you are best off without him...

Best revenge, is to be happy. Take care of yourself. Eat well sleep if you can and take care of your children and smarten up your sweet little happy home. And at the end of the day fuk him, fuk him in the ear.

No you are not being unreasonable. You have a right to feel outgunned and deceived. But you should and must let it go and make the best of a bad situation because otherwise your children will suffer. Living your own good life is the best revenge - and making your own great future. When the children are with their father, that's your time to make your own happiness and try to enjoy life. Not easy in lockdown of course, but give it time and with improved conditions; the world will open up for you and good things will happen. Just try to have faith that things will get better. Believe me, they can and will. Wishing you the best.