I looked :(

[stoplooking555]

Aghhh.

I've just recently divorced. In a nutshell, very messy. He lied about OW although I knew her and her partner and we figured it out between ourselves early on. It was a horrible divorce and finally settled on 55/45 split assets and this way I got to keep the small family home. Ex cried poor the whole time and made provisions for a 2 bed flat in the area and insisted he would be buying alone. He kept all of his pensions (I had none) and the proceeds from a small rental but on his earnings would be a healthy deposit and no probs to get an affordable mortgage.

Kids have come back from their contact weekend and told me all about the new house my ex bought. I was expecting this and knew it would be a big deal for me. It's not a 2 bed flat. It has a leafy drive and 3-4 bedrooms. OW was there when he showed kids around.

They are not on social media which is great. BUT I can see his Pinterest. We rennovated a couple of houses together so knew he'd update that.

Well...I saw luxury bathroom pins, free standing baths..marble...and...she was linked in the board.

Also kids will be getting own rooms, they share here...it's a small house.

I know I should be thankful I have a roof over my head but it's just galling he lied and in my mind he's doing up Buckingham palace.

AIBU - he deserves to move on and none of my business, we've been separated 3 years. Or am I right being so upset. Not sure if it's jealousy or rage he's lied - if he's bought with OW (high earner) then it's really not fair if they have 2 big incomes going forward and a dream house.

I worry the kids will see this house as a poor partner.

As for contesting his lies, the solicitor said I could but if he did end up buying with OW, then unlikely anything would happen as technically my needs were met.

The anxiety and upset is high though :(

OP, it is natural to feel as you do, but at some point you need to let go of it.
“Comparison is the thief of joy”, as Roosevelt said. Cliche but true!
And to quote the Bible:
“Better a dinner of herbs where love is, than a fatted ox and hatred therewith”.
Stop comparing up. Compare down. Think how the homeless, the poor, millions in the third world, slum dwellers, sofa surfers, would all envy you your lovely cosy house!
Let me give the final word to the Bible again:
“A tranquil heart gives life to the flesh, but envy makes the bones rot”.
Be happy, OP. Celebrate your escape from your lying, shallow, cheating, materialist ex and start enjoying life with your kids. God bless.

Kids have their own bedrooms ....for now.
What happens when OW starts a family? Whose bedroom now?
And OW of course knows he is very capable of straying....

I think you've got to wait for the saga to pan out to discover the full story.

To everyone defending my husbands Ex, you're all jumping to massive conclusions based on a paragraph or two.

I didn't write the next bit as I was trying to keep my tale relevant to the OP about being on the other side of an ex-wife's jealousy. But in defence of myself, the ex was a cocaine addict, which led to mental health issues, bankruptcy, shoplifting, courts etc. She asked us to have DSS as she couldn't cope.

@SchadenfreudePersonified. "because her ex-H (your DH) was too tight to offer more than the minimum in support for his child? You say "as she knew we could give him more educationally, opportunities etc." You and your DH could have offered that while he was living with his mum - but you didn't" -- err how do you figure that? We did actually, but she wouldn't take the help, just gave DSS to us. DH always gave over and above the monthly child support to her, £500 a month, which she mostly spent on coke. :-(

I tried and tried to be her friend, to treat her with kindness, encourage her to seek help and see her son. Don't forget I had her sad, confused and weeping child to deal with whom i wrote about on here many many times under my usual username.

This is @stoplooking555s thread. I merely wanted to point out what its like to be on the other side of the story. I am not a wicked step-mother rubbing the ex's nose in it or whatever.

Absolutely spot on @Bluntness100 👏🏼

Op you can't put a price on happiness!, your free of him to move on and find your happiness. You can't move forward if you keep looking back 💐

I would also feel rage and want to rant about the unfairness of it all... I would rant about it to trusted friends! But I hope my friends would remind me that the fact I was no longer stuck in a relationship with a lying cheating shit of a man who was all about possessions and looking flash was worth a fucking fortune though. His partner will always know what he is- a cheat who can't be trusted, who lies about money and sex and love. He will always know what she is- someone willing to screw a married man and be the sordid hidden secret in a painful divorce. Imagine that basis for a relationship. Imagine being either of those people. All the money and swish bathrooms in the world can't make up for that.

Do the therapy, I think you'll achieve the peace you deserve.

the ex was a cocaine addict, which led to mental health issues, bankruptcy, shoplifting, courts etc. She asked us to have DSS as she couldn't cope

I feel even more sorry for her now than I did before. So the only thing she had that was worth living for was her child, and you took him away too.

The weeping child was missing his mother series and you may feel you have managed to freeze her out of your lives - but at 19 he is still very young - by the time he reaches 25 he may well see his mother's struggles and her difficulties very differently.

You only know half the story too series you have no idea what drove her to drugs and bad mental health. What their marriage was like, you were not there! The reasons for poor mental health could have been her marriage or an abusive childhood. People don't tend to become addicts if they are happy and well. Poor thing. I hope when her son grows up they will reconnect. What a tragic story.

He is her son at the end of the day, that bond is there whether they are in a good place or not at the moment. You can never replace her, not with swimming pools or opportunities. That is just shallow and meaningless stuff. You can't buy children or their love.

I merely wanted to point out what its like to be on the other side of the story.

What made you think your story was a fair comparison?

Everyone is going on as if the other house is going to be some cold desolate mansion devoid of love, whereas the OPs home is 'where the heart is'. It is possible to have money and love.

@HappyDays10101

Everyone is going on as if the other house is going to be some cold desolate mansion devoid of love, whereas the OPs home is 'where the heart is'. It is possible to have money and love.

I didn't mean that by my post anyway, what I meant was the kids aren't going to decide where they enjoy being solely on the size of the house, I don't think that sort of thing is that important to children

Sorry haven't read the whole thread. Did your ex have to say if he was in a relationship and if he would be buying a house on his own during the financial settlement? My daughter and her ex had to before it was finalised. Fully expect ex to have lied in our case.

God @Friendsoftheearth you really have zero knowledge about it and can't say any of that. We didn't take him away, we begged her to get help, offered rehab etc. She left him on our doorstep with a suitcase.

Yes he was weeping because he missed his mum so much. It was utterly heartbreaking. I haven't frozen her out of her sons life, only out of mine now he's older. We talk about her often, my DSS laughs about funny things they did when he was little etc. I HAVE NEVER SPOKEN ILL OF HER TO HIM OR IN FRONT OF HIM.

And yes i feel desperately sorry for her. We all do. But as with any addict she has to choose to seek help, but she pushes it away. :-(

Anyway, I won;t reply any more as this is not my thread, but i do feel that instead of you all slagging the OPs ex and new partner off and making her feel worse, how about encouraging her to be at peace, co-parent with her ex, start communicating with his partner as she will be in a lot of contact with her children. Surely its better for the children for there to be no bitterness and resentment and for both parents to be civil and move on with their lives with dignity?

I wish thats what could have happened in our lives anyway. :-(

Oh OP. I feel for you my exP did similar. Dumped our child to start his new life with OW and has moved to a luxury ++++ home with her and integrated his 3 older children (from his previous relationship) into their lives.
I wonder how the mother of his older children felt when he took up with you. Probably the same as you feel now.

I feel even more sorry for her now than I did before. So the only thing she had that was worth living for was her child, and you took him away too.

The weeping child was missing his mother series and you may feel you have managed to freeze her out of your lives - but at 19 he is still very young - by the time he reaches 25 he may well see his mother's struggles and her difficulties very differently.

Bloody hell, so this woman is a drug addict and left her husband for another man. He and his new partner then take in his son to give him a decent life, while encouraging his mum to get help and still have contact, yet they are still the villains????

Children need love more than they need marble bathrooms, OP, and I bet there's far more love in your house than in his.

I also wouldn't worry about the children comparing houses. My daughter has two children and has worked her way up from a room in a refuge to a 2 bed terraced house. The children now go back to the family home for contact which is gorgeous with 5 bedrooms and 3 bathrooms. They are always so happy to come home to their much more modest house because it's home to them. It's where their mum is.

Farewell, the point is not whether he lied, it’s that she fought him tooth and nail and has just settled, so what are the odds of her being able to prove it now a couple of months later when she couldn’t a few weeks ago? Because he has bought a house!

Because He has very likely bought with his partner and she is a high earner, it’s been three years, together they can afford it, the solicitor is trying to give her good advice.

More proof has not come to light. His buying a house with his partner is not proof he lied. Even if he bought it himself it’s not proof he lied, he could have received a cash gift, a big promotion, anything., but as his partner was there and showed the kids round, , is involved in thr decor etc, and they have been together years it’s highly likely they have bought together.

I know people who did a similar thing and left the original W and kids in a mess. Many years on that OW is still a grasping, shallow person surrounded by Stuff but no friends, and the man involved, true to form, cheated on her over an extended period. She clings on to avoid losing house, stuff and foreign holidays.

Karma.

We have nothing at all to do with her now. I no longer even have her number. DSS speaks to her once a week

It doesn't sound like you 'talk about her' often series or laugh about the things he did when he was little given what you posted before. Do you honestly expect anyone to believe that.

It is very hard to move on if you feel you have been cheated or lied to, particular if those lies involve money and finances. No one is going to enjoy a fluffy happy relationship with someone that has screwed them over financially and left them and their joint children in dire straits for another woman. Seriously that is for the birds. The best you can hope for is a civilised and cordial transaction at best.

I am happily married, and have not been in this position, however I would urge op to go out and find herself someone wonderful to share her life with, and leave her past firmly where it belongs. She has much to gain from enjoying her own life. It might be worth checking that the settlement has been made correctly, many women successfully win these cases. So definitely worth looking into. In the meantime she should enjoy her beautiful children, her loving home and the chance of real happiness with a man that truly loves her - and who knows where she will find herself this time next year!

I dont understand why what he does, buys, or who he does it with, post divorce is anything to do with you?

He's bought a three-bedroom house with his new partner and put some nice things on Pinterest - hardly an ostentatious MacMansion, or proof of a house deprived of love. Jesus wept...

Some people are so poor all they have is money.

Nice problem to have though.

Once a cheat always a cheat op, you are well rid! A stand alone bath might be useful when you consider all the nights she is likely to spend at home wondering where he is.

@Bibidy Its mad isn't it?!? I will never be seen as a good person in some people's eyes, but some evil nasty bitch somehow. And now i am a liar as well according to some on here.

Almost tempted to post my original threads in my real username and let everyone see the love and support I had on here, whilst never being horrible about the ex, not once. But I actually don't need to justify myself any more to anyone, as its their problem really. 🤷🏼‍♀️ I just don't understand where it comes from.