To pull my lodger up about commenting on my food?

[Housewoes23]

I've recently moved into a house and I took on a lodger about 3 weeks later.
I knew him before we made this arrangement, acquaintance rather than friend but we get along okay.

Over the last 10 or so days, he has said(amongst others probably, I haven't documented but as far as I remember)

'Ugh making that disgusting smelly stuff again'

'I emptied the bin and it was fully of your smelly food!'

(When I was making hummus) 'Ugh!I hope the top doesn't come off that blender can you imagine that disgusting stuff going all over the kitchen!'

When I hadn't yet washed up (I'd only just finished making my dinner) and he came in the kitchen 'Eewww!! Disgusting saucy stuff all in the washing up bowl!' (I wasn't going to leave it, I just literally hadn't finished clearing up yet, it was seconds after I'd cooked).

Also, he has his own fridge but shares a freezer with me. He won't go in it because 'my disgusting food' is in there.

I got him his own fridge because he wouldnt share one with me-there was plenty of room for two people's foodstuffs in there, but he 'didn't want to touch my disgusting sauces and horrible food' (I'm paraphrasing but something like that).

For context,we're both single people aged 38 and 52.

I LOVE cooking. I love greek food and often make dips and crudites and use garlic and herbs and sauces.

He is a very plain eater (chicken and chips, ready made pies you'd shove in an oven, bread and cheese).

I haven't ever commented on his choice of eating habits, wouldn't even cross my mind.

Anyway tonight I told him it was making me feel self concious and I would make sure I didn't eat near him, but there is one small kitchen so I can't avoid cooking in it. I'll make sure all is cleaned up when I've used it and won't ever leave anything to be washed up, but I didn't see the need to constantly jibe at what I eat.

AIBU?
And also, would this irritate you?

Another context point is, I have a bit of an ED. 95% corrected now, but I've never particularly liked eating in front of people, although I was/am almost over it-this isn't helping so I wonder if I am being over-sensitive.

TIA :)

Sitting ON the toilet

@MerchantOfVenom

He won’t use the loo while you’re in the house?

Again, as I said upthread, other peculiarities are going to come to light. Clearly he’s not a suitable lodger. But you take your time and figure that out yourself.

Yes.

This is all so weird, creepy and alarming. OP, can you really not see that?

@MrsTerryPratchett

Fried chicken has Scottish origins so he's still on point with the forrin food

Really? What is it with Scots and deepfryers😂

I would give him notice to move out. Tell him in writing why it hasn't worked and that you are offended and feel very uncomfortable sharing your house with him.

It sounds like his driver for becoming a lodger was that it would be cheaper than renting a flat on his own (what a surprising insight!). Maybe suggest you have decided to rent out the room instead on air b & b for £100 a night o the days you wish to rent it out as it will give you space to enjoy your house more.

I'd also leave a ramekin of coleslaw on the loo garnished with a bit of pot pourri and some joss sticks sticking out of it in the meanwhile.

Well, Phil Collins has his signature pot of paint by his piano, you can leave a trail of coleslaw pots!

Give him a long notice period, tell him that actually you’re not really cut out for having a lodger and want your own space for a while. Tell him to go in January

I voted yabu because yabu for not telling him to git tae fuck.
How very dare he? Don't put up with this shit

Am I the only one who read ED as erectile dysfunction?

But yes, lodger being very rude, get rid!

Not many men care about using the toilet within earshot of somebody else. In my experience anyway. Quite the opposite usually. How very odd he sounds

I think he needs to remember whose house he is residing in. He is being an utter arsehole and he needs to pack that shit in, or pack his bags and fuck off.

As if the food stuff isn’t bad enough the loo thing is creepy!

cheetasonfajitas sitting IN the toilet Oh lord I didn't think of that! (on, nevermind in).

perveen I am a bit now. I did see it as weird and rude, but I didn't see the creepy part. The loo thing is a tad? I wouldn't share any loo related habits with anyone though, apart from a medical professional maybe or a very close friend/family member if I were worried about a health problem, at a push!

mrsterry I'd heard that too about fried chicken. Never been interested enough to have a proper look though!

Bamechange

I'd also leave a ramekin of coleslaw on the loo garnished with a bit of pot pourri and some joss sticks sticking out of it in the meanwhile.

He doesn't seem afraid of pop pourri. Although he randomly admitted to being afraid of ladybirds, earlier.

no snogging love the 'get tae feck'.

lemonsquashie I've not lived with men since university. Maybe that's a factor-do they not?

Life’s too short for this kind of crap, get a new lodger

"There's the door sweetheart." 😊👉

That's really rude of him. I used to have a colleague like this. She wasn't a meat eater and commented on those who were eating meat. And when I say commented I mean things that would put you off eating it.

I'm certain she was a fussy eater and her comments were a way to deflect from this. Either way, it's rude to comment so negatively on what people are eating. Tell him to get out of your kitchen if he doesn't like it.

I am confident he meant that he didn't mean for me to feel I had to eat somewhere he wasn't. But I think I will do from now on as, as someone upthread said-I know what he is thinking now, whether he voices it or not and it isn't conducive to me feeling comfortable.

Are you considering a scenario where he would occupy the table and you would take your meals to your room?

Where are you going to eat?

Are you seriously going to change something normal that you do in your own house in order to pander to an unspoken thought of a lodger?

If so, you need to throw this man out and not take in anyone until you start to develop some healthy boundaries.

The loo thing-I had got to work for a morning shift and had a message of him to the lines of 'I thought you'd never leave, been dying for the loo!' to which I responded that as long as I could get to work on time and had finished showering he was fine to use the loo with me in the house (obvious so I thought). He said he couldn't use it while I was in, he's too self concious.

And he is trying to get you to use the bathroom on his schedule.

Throw this creepy bully out. He is actively trying to put himself above you in your own house.

Power plays are hardly ever as overt as this. He is a cheeky fucker of the highest degree.

Do you understand at all how power works in relationships?

oh god I've had a similar thing in reverse,,,,, its my landlady who comments on my food! i cant tell if she thinks she's making small talk, or theres something nastier ......
"thats a lot of shopping"
"i couldn't eat this late at night"
"stinks of fish in here" (id had a tuna sandwich)
etcetcetc

she's also on paleo/keto so lots of comments on bread and sugar and how bad it is for you.

I think this man has phobias and control issues and I'm hoping you stand your ground xx

As mathanxiety says this is power play.
Not what you want from your lodger (or anyone in your home for that matter).

she's also on paleo/keto Then she's lost all right to comment, IMO (I mean it was already unacceptably rude anyway, but you take my point)

The loo thing, I found odd purely because not wanting to use the loo where you may be heard is quite common I think-but not then telling the person who may hear, about that? Surely that just draws attention to the plight.

Yes. It does. Can you really not see what's going on here?

This is a creep who likes making you feel uncomfortable.

The tone of your posts is exactly the same as other similar kinds of thread, where the OP basically is afraid to rock the boat - loads of jokey stuff about the issues they've raised, while also saying they're now going to keep an eye on things etc etc... It's so clear, you should get rid of this guy because he is a weirdo, and is successfully making you uncomfortable, but you are daunted at the thought.

Check the bathroom for a camera. Seriously.

And think about, not how to work around this twat, but how nice it would be if you were sharing with someone you enjoyed talking to, could become a friend, who enhanced your life instead of being a permanent bump in the road to think about.

@YoniAndGuy

The loo thing, I found odd purely because not wanting to use the loo where you may be heard is quite common I think-but not then telling the person who may hear, about that? Surely that just draws attention to the plight.

Yes. It does. Can you really not see what's going on here?

This is a creep who likes making you feel uncomfortable.

The tone of your posts is exactly the same as other similar kinds of thread, where the OP basically is afraid to rock the boat - loads of jokey stuff about the issues they've raised, while also saying they're now going to keep an eye on things etc etc... It's so clear, you should get rid of this guy because he is a weirdo, and is successfully making you uncomfortable, but you are daunted at the thought.

Check the bathroom for a camera. Seriously.

And think about, not how to work around this twat, but how nice it would be if you were sharing with someone you enjoyed talking to, could become a friend, who enhanced your life instead of being a permanent bump in the road to think about.

I agree.

Seriously strange. Total power play.

Why would you want this man in your home.

Your boundaries are so weak to allow this man to dominate your home.

I also would be checking for cameras.

Deeply creepy.

Wanda as I don't have a penis I am sure I am not suffering from Erectile Dysfunction maybe he does, but I ain't asking him

It's sort of reassuring but annoying simultaneously, to know others have had expreiences with people similar to this
Maxthanxiety I have just been eating in whichever room he isn't in at the time I've wanted to eat. I work different shifts so although giving him 'his' time to use the kitchen is a good idea in theory, in practice it wouldn't work for this situation as I eat at different times.

I am definitely not going to do anything about his not wanting to use the loo when I am at home! There is only one bathroom and he can use it any time I am not in it.
Do you understand at all how power works in relationships? Maybe I don't? I am not an uneducated or stupid person but I've not had the best experiences in relationshups admittedly. I was in an abusive relationship until 2 years ago and had to live with my ex until I could buy this place.

Icanseewhyichanged that sounds infuriating! It could be 'small talk' but, very similar to what my lodger does, and I'd be upset by it or at least very irritated!

Yoni just odd-because yes I understand people not wanting to be heard on the loo butm that is being discreet-they wouldn't talk about it would they? I don't want you to know I am using the loo so I'll tell you about it

And think about, not how to work around this twat, but how nice it would be if you were sharing with someone you enjoyed talking to, could become a friend, who enhanced your life instead of being a permanent bump in the road to think about. that would be lovely!I am trying to imagine it. I wouldn't want someone who wanted to share my life necessarily. But someone who had their own and whose company I enjoyed would be preferable.

Anyway, I have had further words with him and he has said he is shy and just says things for something to say, to which I said why not say something pleasant or even neutral, or even not anything at all!

He said he has spent too much time with blokey blokes and they're not as sensitive and I snapped then, and said it isn't right to say someone is over sensitive just because they don't like things you do or say, they're standing up for themselves. (This was over messenger while I was working) and when I got home yesterday he was in his room and I spent ages in the kitchen cooking and ate where I wanted to :)

So how are you feeling about things now OP? It sounds like you're having to stand your ground a bit with this guy, which surely isn't what you had in mind when you started this arrangement.

Good for you with that last update! I’ve missed a bit of the thread but will get caught up.

I really hope you’re getting shot of him.