Child wants to be vegetarian

[NobodyKnowsTiddlyPom]

A bit of a tough one. My youngest (9) wants to be vegetarian because he doesn’t want to eat animals as it makes him sad. We’ve raised animals for meat all his life but for some reason, seeing the Christmas turkeys in their field on his way to and from school each day is making him really upset.

My problem is that in order to ensure he gets a decent amount of protein and the vitamins/minerals that he currently gets from meat, I’m going to have to do a lot of extra cooking just for him. I have Crohn’s, and so does my eldest, so we can’t eat most beans/pulses and many other foods that are common in a vegetarian diet. Also, none of us can tolerated Quorn!

I will have to cook two separate meals every day in order to accommodate my DS becoming veggie. He grows like a weed and is always on the go so he’s really quite skinny so can’t afford to lose any weight.
I’m not against vegetarianism in the slightest - we’d have veggie meals more often as a family if my DD and I could stomach them. We try to counteract this by eating meat that is either raised by us or ethically sourced.

DH and I work full time so don’t have time to be cooking two separate meals every night. I also suffer with chronic fatigue due to my Crohn’s so generally use the weekends to try and recover from my working week.

AIBU to try and persuade my DS to hold off being veggie until he’s a bit older?

@underneaththeash

Tell him that you cannot get all the essential amino acids that he needs to promote his growth and the development of his brain through a vegetarian diet. Children think that animals have the same level of consciousness as they do.

When he's fully grown he can choose his own diet.

We're omnivores and need a balanced diet - especially developing children. Please don't let your child choose.

Probably don't tell him this though, considering it's all nonsense...

Good for him. I think it’s everyone’s right to say if they don’t want to eat dead animals, and certainly should not be forced upon a child to do so if they are against it.
Also it’s becoming much more common and I believe this is a positive step for the animals, most peoples health, and the climate too.
Really easy to accommodate these days.
I see you have been given lots of simple swaps. If you need and recipes or ideas just ask. How lovely you have raised a thoughtful and compassionate child who cares about other beings and is able to speak his mind and follow through with the actions at 9 years old. I would be very proud of him OP.

OP,
I would have a tray in the freezer full of substitutes that you can use for regular meals.
You have enough going on.
I wouldn't dream of forcing him to eat meat but I would make it as simple as possible.
Things like one pot of non meat chilli could give you 10-15 portions bagged up that would defrost in no time.

Absolutely YABU, let him be vegetarian. It will take a bit of getting used to but it really isn't hard to maintain a vegetarian diet.

Also it’s becoming much more common and I believe this is a positive step for the animals, most peoples health, and the climate too.

Absolutely. My DD went to uni this year and half of her flat mates are veggie. Such a difference to years ago when I was the only vegetarian I knew, ha.
I'm so impressed by all the young DC spoken about on this thread who are so aware of their environment and the fact they don't want to kill animals. Good for them!

Op I really feel for you here. A crohns diet is low fibre high fat usually, so you're going to have to cook the complete opposite.
DP has crohns and is on a low residue diet, he can't even stomach really soft mashed brocoli or carrots. I nearly killed him off with lentils in a bolognese once, he bled for days.
It will be two separate meals really but try and cook the same dishes just in separate pans and extra veg on the side for your child.

And I totally understand the quorn thing, we tried veganuary once and it ended up in a hospital stay months later due to a chronic flare up. Crohns is a bit misunderstood regarding diet because people can't quite believe what you can't eat, DP isnt allowed fruit and vegetables for example. He has fortisip drinks so he gets the right nutrients but it is difficult.
Not much advice but I think it'll be harder than people are realising because you will definitely have extra cooking to do.

meraas as it in he will not stay a skinny nine year old boy forever, he will grow into an adult and will probably demand some answers as to why it was okay to force him to eat meat. Have you any idea how many children are scarred from being force fed things they can not abide. It is a form of abuse in my opinion.

Given he now knows the lambs and pigs are slaughtered, chopped up and then sold - it is quite irreversible in some ways the knowledge of that barbaric action to a child, particularly one that adores animals. They will find it absolutely appalling and repulsive, to then insist he has to eat it, that is to me, completely and utterly unacceptable on every level, and is form of abuse.

I understand op is ill, and I appreciate this will be harder for her at meal times but with planning and thought it should be okay. I can't even lift a saucepan when I am having a flare, we have to work around things. I personally feel that op could be far more enthusiastic. Being a parent sometimes means our children will cause inconvenience, in my case many years of pain at times trying to watch matches etc, but if we love our children, we respect them and their wishes.

In dd's class over 60% are vegetarian now (they are 15) It is a growing trend a long with a passion for the planet and protecting the environment. We have to get used to it quickly, it is the future.

Okay there are loads of pages and I confess I haven't read them all. I completely understand the additional mental load and work this will make, but I (not a vegetarian) do think you should show willing to accommodate his choices. There are two options I can think of:

1. Explain to him all the extra work it will be, and he will have to help with every meal that needs a veggie alternative. He will also have to accept that his portion of (e.g) Thai green curry, is baked tofu (or other protein) with sauce/veggies from your pot with the chicken picked out! The pecatarian idea could also be raised.

1. Commit to eating more vegetarian meals as a family. If four of you are not eating meat at one meal, that's the same as him not eating meat for four meals! I know this will be tricky with your Crohns, but you can all obviously eat some vegetables (as in the minestrone), and I assume from the kedgeree that eggs are on the table, so there are already lots of options there.

Personally I think I would do a combination of the two - a meat free option when it's easy (e.g. chucking some veggie sausages at the end of the pan when it's Toad in the Hole and he gets that bit/a veggie grill with all the usual roast dinner trimmings) and trying out some new veggie dishes with the limited ingredients the whole family can stomach. When you're doing chilli or similar though, he will just have to have that, or make himself beans on toast.

You have to take in your ds's feelings ,for his mental health alone.
You say you can't stomach quorn but can he?if so you can watch cook vegetarian meals such as cottage pie which is really quick with quorn mince,'meat'balls,chilli.Pies just go in the oven.if you're making mash you can put a couple of meatless sausages in the oven.There are so many options available now that can fit in with the rest of the meals,all you are doing is the same,i.e. Potatoes and vegetables but swapping meat for a non meat option so it's not about cooking two completely different meals.I
Give it a go at the very least.

I wonder what all the people who wouldn't respect their child's ethics would do when their child caught a meat allergy? Just let them die?

@HallieKnight

I wonder what all the people who wouldn't respect their child's ethics would do when their child caught a meat allergy? Just let them die?

Yes, I’m sure that’s exactly what they’d do I’ve never even heard of a single person being allergic to meat. Allergies to certain grains or fruits/veg, gluten, shellfish, nuts...but never beef/pork/lamb/chicken etc. I dare say it could happen but it is much rarer than allergies to other food stuffs.

Do you not watch the news? It's become a lot more prevalent in recent years. It can be so deadly because you catch it from tic bites which you might not even notice. With this allergy you can eat meat and be fine for hours before the anaphylaxis suddenly hits

@HallieKnight

Do you not watch the news? It's become a lot more prevalent in recent years. It can be so deadly because you catch it from tic bites which you might not even notice. With this allergy you can eat meat and be fine for hours before the anaphylaxis suddenly hits

You’re talking about the Lone Star tick. The one that’s indigenous to eastern US and Mexico. I think we can probably be safe in assuming we won’t be bitten by it here in the UK.

Any more propaganda?

You think the news is propaganda?!

No, I think spreading false information about something that is spread from an animal that doesn’t even live anywhere near the UK, in order to try and scare people away from eating meat is propaganda.

This thread has taken a very weird turn.

Eating meat comes with bigger risks than just disease op, the antibiotics that are pumped into animals, and the huge implications of that are just as very serious, and will be the next covid when antibiotics no longer work.

Contamination and mad cow disease BSE and many other things that can humans seriously ill or die in this country. I am not sure why you wouldn't know this already. It is not propaganda very strange reply.

Facts aren't propaganda... I feel like you have some deeper issues with meat that you need to address for the sake of your son

@HallieKnight

I wonder what all the people who wouldn't respect their child's ethics would do when their child caught a meat allergy? Just let them die?

You can't catch an allergy, in isn't contagious.

There's no such thing as a meat allergy. Only allergies to specific meat proteins

The two points above make your question irrelevant

@HallieKnight

Facts aren't propaganda... I feel like you have some deeper issues with meat that you need to address for the sake of your son

Alpha gal syndrome doesn't result in allergies to chicken, fish etc, only red meat.

my son was a little bit older, 12, but I did it for him.

I give him what we have but with variation, eg if I make a pork noodle stir fry, I cook the pork separately and only add it to the meat eater's plates

He eats a variety of lentils, eggs, quorn, soy based meat replacements and pulses instead of meat.

So when it's curry, I made the sauce, then portioned some off to put paneer and check peas in (for him) and the rest gets chicken. We discovered we all prefer the paneer version so now we only eat veggie curries (bombay potatoes, sag aloo, paneer, chickpeas, cauli, so easy to cook vegetarian curry, love it)

Sausages and mash? het gets the Lind McCartney ones

Pasta: easy to do veggie version

A few years in as a family we now all eat less meat (as I cook more veggie dishes and we all like them) and DS is very grateful to allow him not to eat meat as he feels so strongly about it (for eco reasons).

Sometimes I wish I could feed him some nice local lamb, but as he is he's grown like a weed anyway and seems fine

He takes multi vit that include iron as otherwise I'd worry too much

Tough call though. It does require a bit of effort but once you are used to it, it's hardly any work.

I think op has bigger issues too.

Chucking in a veggie sausage into the oven is not really 'work' who can ever describe it as that!

@Friendsoftheearth

There seems to be this huge conspiracy amongst vegetarians that meat animals are pumped full of antibiotics. I’m not sure why you think that. I live in a very rural area, am friends with lots of farmESR, and I know of none who inject any of their animals with antibiotics- UNLESS THE ANIMAL IS SICK! Would you rather a sick animal is left to suffer or die in pain instead of getting some antibiotics? There is also a withdrawal period for all drugs given to animals/products in the food chain.
Organic farmers are even more limited in what medicines their animals can have.

When we’ve raised animals for meat in the past (not for profit, just for own use), they’ve never been given any drugs whatsoever other than a natural wormer.

I don’t have deep seated issues around meat. I eat meat because I want to and because I need to for my own health reasons, as advised by qualified medical doctors. I don’t have an issue with my children being vegetarian if they want to be for ethical reasons but I have limited energy due to ill health, and this thread appears to have become a soap box for those vegetarians and vegans who like to tell others what to do. Not eating meat is a choice - it’s not mandatory - and I’m sick to death of people spreading lies about the farming industry in order to try and force people to give up meat.

I cannot follow a vegetarian or vegan diet and neither can my DD so we will not be doing so. Not because we don’t like animals but because we are already limited in what we can actually eat in order to try and avoid hospital admissions and surgery.

I have already said upthread that I will probably let my son give it a go (as he has done in the past) but with the proviso that he takes on the additional effort that is required because I simply don’t have the physical or mental capacity to deal with it right now. I’m barely managing to cope due to ill health as it is. Much more and I run the risk of landing myself in hospital.

OP, I decided to be a veggie at a similar age for similar reasons (I'm not now). I felt so sad about the animals, I just couldn't eat meat and trying to get me to was quite upsetting. You might have to find some ways to make this work. But that can include him helping cook some things and possibly him having quite monotonous meals (or my mum sometimes put a boiled egg on the side of whatever I had!). And seeing if you can alter/work round some of the family meals.

I think the main issue is OP is not just your usual meat eater, she actually raises the animals they eat. So of course it's going to be a bigger wrench for her to adapt to non meat meals (as well as the added problem of her dietary needs).

But please give it a go OP, you'll find it's not so bad after a while and your DS will definitely thank you for listening to his beliefs even if they are polar opposite to yours.

@JemimaJellyfish

His beliefs aren’t polar opposite to mine. I have said several times that I’d like to have more veggie meals. The issue is that I CAN’T! I am very limited in what I can eat that won’t send me rushing for the loo and losing vast amounts of blood. DD is the same. We can’t eat beans, pulses, most legumes, Quorn and other mushroom based meat substitutes, most fruits, many vegetables, nightshade plants (tomatoes, aubergines) and we can’t stand tofu. Can you see why being veggie just won’t work?
This is why we decided to raise our own animals for the meat we do eat so that we knew it was organic and free range.