Child wants to be vegetarian

[NobodyKnowsTiddlyPom]

A bit of a tough one. My youngest (9) wants to be vegetarian because he doesn’t want to eat animals as it makes him sad. We’ve raised animals for meat all his life but for some reason, seeing the Christmas turkeys in their field on his way to and from school each day is making him really upset.

My problem is that in order to ensure he gets a decent amount of protein and the vitamins/minerals that he currently gets from meat, I’m going to have to do a lot of extra cooking just for him. I have Crohn’s, and so does my eldest, so we can’t eat most beans/pulses and many other foods that are common in a vegetarian diet. Also, none of us can tolerated Quorn!

I will have to cook two separate meals every day in order to accommodate my DS becoming veggie. He grows like a weed and is always on the go so he’s really quite skinny so can’t afford to lose any weight.
I’m not against vegetarianism in the slightest - we’d have veggie meals more often as a family if my DD and I could stomach them. We try to counteract this by eating meat that is either raised by us or ethically sourced.

DH and I work full time so don’t have time to be cooking two separate meals every night. I also suffer with chronic fatigue due to my Crohn’s so generally use the weekends to try and recover from my working week.

AIBU to try and persuade my DS to hold off being veggie until he’s a bit older?

Allow it. One of mine did this and I happily let him for a good three years until he decided to go back to eating meat.

It’s orrery awful to force feed a child meat if they feel morally opposed.

Correction: mine went pescatarian not vegetarian. It was easier to accommodate.

@JemimaJellyfish

His beliefs aren’t polar opposite to mine.

Looking after animals purely so you can kill them and him not wanting to hurt the poor animals are polar opposites to me, sorry.

Anyway the issue is that your DS wants to be vegetarian - you don't have to be, nor does your DD.
Posters have given you ideas to try and plenty of posters say it's quite easy to cater for meat eaters/veggies with the same meal without too much work. I hope you can find something that works for you.

Out of interest have you read the thread?

Raising your own animals so you can do so humanely is not polarising.

OP also isn't against being vegetarian , bur she has an illness that makes this difficult so your 'without too much work' is irrelevant here.

Hopeful's ideas sound good. Real food! So much, much nicer and healthier than over-processed vegetarian fake meat products.
If all else fails, a baked potato with cheese and veg and batch-cooked tomato sauce, or with scrambled eggs, is very nourishing. Ditto Welsh Rabbit. And baked veg with tofu or feta or yoghurt. And pancakes/fritters - fun to make and lots of protein (egg and milk and in the flour). And mini quiches and/or veg patties...

My nephew was 7 when he saw a dead pig and said he didn’t want to eat anything with a face

Must admit we didn’t take him seriously and it caused trust issues between us for a while

Health concerns for both meat and non meat eaters can be met

How about you try for a month and then evaluate?

Hi op,

Would he compromise a bit for now, if you explain that you aren't well enough to do 100% veggie, but will replace actual pieces of meat? So veggie alternative to the main meat part, but not dealing with cross contamination for now? And at his age, cross contamination may not really be on his radar.

Eg, make your usual big tray of Toad in the whole but put two veggie sausages at one end for him? Make your chicken and rice dish, let him remove the chicken from his portion and add a small tin of chickpeas instead?

It's not full vegetarianism, but it's not asking him to eat Flora the cow either, and it might make you both happy enough for a couple of years, until he can cook more.

I understand the chronic disease spoons idea, and I'm sorry you've been getting a hard time from people who don't.

You are at risk here of sending him a meaaage of “sorry everyone else is more important you will have to make do” which I am very much sure isn’t your intention.

Especially given it is something he has considered when younger it’s obviously something he feels is important to him so you need to work with him to make it work. Him starting to refuse to eat the meals because they contain meat is going to create a much bigger nutritional issue moving forward.

My DDs are both veggie. I think DD1 was year 7 when she first considered it so i suggested she try giving up meat for Lent to see how she got on. She did this for a couple of years, then the 3rd time she decided to stay veggie after Lent. She gave up dairy when she started sixth form.
DD2 went veggie in year 10 and still eats dairy and eggs for now. I hope she continues with this as she doesnt really like beans and lentils.
You could let your DS try it for a limited period ( veggie version of veganuary?) so you he has a get out clause if he doesnt get on with it. Lots of kids try going veggie but dont stick with it longterm.
My DDs are happy to cook for themselves if I fancy cooking meat, but I also sometimes just cook veggie for everyone. Once a week we make our own pizza dough and the DDs do their own veggie/ vegan toppings. Pasta is lovely with veg and tomato sauce, vegan DD tops hers with pine nuts instead of cheese for protein. I sometimes do cauli cheese for 3 of us and spicy roast cauli with fallafel for the vegan. It is a bit more work though.

@Hollyhocksarenotmessy
You’re right - he’s not really bothered about cross contamination and will just pick bits of meat out. But he is worried about gelatin in sweets and keeps double checking with me whether his liquorice all sorts are veggie friendly.
My eldest (12) showed him how to make tomato and mascarpone sauce for pasta last night so he can manage that. He can make puff pastry tarts fairly well too, as well as bread and pizza dough.

I think the way forward for me is to have him be involved in as much of the cooking of his own meals as possible to limit the impact it has on me.

For all of those saying that I should suck it up and let him do what he likes, I also think it’s important for children to understand the impact that their decisions have on other people. He’s made this decision but it’s not just going to involve him, it’s going to involve all of us as a family. My eldest already helps as much as she can when my arthritis is so severe in my hands and wrists that I can’t even do up my trousers after going to the loo or pick up an empty pan, let alone a full one. Asking her to do even more because her little brother has made this decision isn’t really fair, especially because she’s already battling with her own chronic illness.

You could always say something like 'finish your sausages and then we will talk about it'
I don't mean that to sound awful. Or have your child cook his own ( simple) meals without meat.

It sounds like getting into a habit of bulk cooking would help you all then and that would make it much easier to accommodate a vegetarian diet.

I went veggie as a child due to the thought of eating an animal carcass. And of course the cruelty aspect (there is no humane aspect to this at all no matter how the animals are raised!) This was 1991 so there was little alternatives, but I am here....30 plus years later and the whole family is almost vegan and thriving.

Out of interest have you read the thread?

If you'd have read the thread @Wheresmykimchi, you'd have seen I've been commenting all the way through it, so yes of course I've read it

Anyhow seeing OP's update it seems she is finding ways to hopefully accommodate his beliefs without too much sacrifice from the other members of the family, good for her.

Op I really sympathise for your situation and sorry for the hard time some posters have given you. My niece is 7 and cooks the whole family dinner once a week (our whole family are keen cooks tbf!). If he wants to be veggie it's great you've agreed to accommodate this for breakfast and lunch and absolutely not unreasonable to suggest he takes part in cooking dinners if he wants veggie alternatives, especially given your circumstances.

I went veggie around the same age but didn't even like most meats, I must have been a right pain in the arse for my parents! But it was only when encouraged in cooking myself I started to like more and more variety of veg. It's a really good life skill for him anyway and takes the burden off your a bit, especially if he gets involved in meal planning etc.

Oops meant to say I didn't even like most vegetables, not meats!

Hello OP and I'm so sorry you've experienced such an unhelpful pile-on. We have similar issues in our family (but without the health challenges to the extreme you do ), and the only way I can cope with the cooking/feeding load is to have worked out a few basics - sauces of various thicknesses, carbs to be used as the basis of something etc - that we can all enjoy, and then for each particular meal I use those combined with whatever the different family members would choose/tolerate. So one night is pizza when we can all have different toppings (I buy the bases, or make them if I'm in the mood/have time ie rarely) another night is baked spuds/peppers/sweet potatoes (latter is delicious and not nightshade family - I can't eat it because it makes me really ill, but everyone else loves it) again with different fillings, another night the sauce is the same (in our case tomato based but that's no use to you, would a type of pesto work in your house?) with whatever "main" ingredient works - usually two options in our house most nights. I also batch cook and freeze individual portions of stuff when I can be bothered, as then one night a week it's "just" a case of remembering to get it out of the freezer, it's all good healthy food - for everyone - but very little for me to do other than put it in the oven, and minimal washing up.

I hope you manage to find a manageable way to cope with everything that doesn't wear you out/down and feeds everyone in a way that you and they will be happy with.

And please ignore all the tub-thumpers on this thread, most of them have no idea of the food-related challenges in your house, they are just assuming a moral superiority that isn't relevant or helpful.

@Peach1886
Thank you, some helpful ideas. I just don’t have the energy at the weekends to spend ages in the kitchen stood up at the hob batch cooking so I think what I might need to do is book some days off work and try doing some then. In the school holidays the children can help with this.
There have been some unhelpful responses from people, I agree. More interested in getting on their high horses about vegetarianism than any other concerns.

Can you husband not do some batch cooking at weekends too?

Make it into a family activity and get everyone involved - within their ability obviously. Don’t get a situation where everything falls on you or your eldest daughter

“For all of those saying that I should suck it up and let him do what he likes, I also think it’s important for children to understand the impact that their decisions have on other people. He’s made this decision but it’s not just going to involve him, it’s going to involve all of us as a family”

Agree entirely with this. As a mostly veggie family it did not impact us too much but for you it’s different. I know NDNs had a similar discussion with their son and they agreed that they would cook more vegetarian meals as a family but it was not fair for him to become fully veggie until he was old enough to help with making his own food (which he now is Tbf). Overall I would encourage but not to the detriment of everyone else. Some compromises are possible.

Glad I could be helpful @NobodyKnowsTiddlyPomand I should have said that many of our meals are "buffet style" (hot or cold) where I put an acceptable - but not excessive - number of options on the table and everyone chooses what they want/can eat. The smallest member of the household did initially try "I'm not eating X it's touched Y" but was quickly dissuaded (it was a preference not an allergy issue) and most of the time it works ok and means I'm only ever making one or two things more - veg or meat or fish - than I normally would. Finding time/energy to feed the family to a standard you find acceptable when you're working AND not well is a challenge, so all the very best with it

OP I agree with you. Some people some people on this thread have no understanding of Crohn’s disease or chronic fatigue!! My sister has CFS and I know things that I would consider a ‘little extra effort’ can push her into exhaustion resulting in weeks in bed (I know the condition varies and this might be different for you).

I do think children deserve to be listened to and I understand his reasoning. Could you have a chat to him and try a compromise? Maybe a gradual more towards more vegetarian meals? With the view to building up a range that that whole family can eat and a stash of portions frozen for him? Maybe research some meal ideas with him (I think some other posters have given you some ideas as to where to look for inspiration that’s veggie and suitable for your diet). Would he be open to the idea of eating fish? Just a gradual change rather than a sudden stopping eating meat.

That way you are respecting his wishes without a sudden change in routine and effort that could put your health at risk. It means if it is just a phase you haven’t put a lot of effort into nothing and if he wants to stick with it you have helped and respected him. He is not too far off being able to cook for himself.

I make various sauces/toad in the hole and just split between two pans or dishes with a meat added to one and veggie mince/sausage or beans added to the other one. It is easy to do and very quick.

@NobodyKnowsTiddlyPom As a vegetarian with ulcerative colitis, I feel your pain. Thankfully when not flaring, I tend to be able to eat beans, pulses etc but do have to limit amounts. I do eat tofu/meat substitutes which helps and I live alone so only myself to worry about. Just wanted to say I understand how hard it is - when diagnosed, a number of friends and family just didn't understand why vegetables were 'bad'.

I have been reading up about bowel inflammation (I think I have a minor case) and it says to avoid
red meat, sausages, dark meat poultry.
Instead have eggs, fish and soy.

And well cooked vegetables, especially squash, courgette, pumpkins are fine. Mostly need stay away from the cabbage and mushroom family.

Not sure about green beans and peas?

So actually not that contrary to a veg or pescatarian diet really.